You should have finished shitting while you were in the lake. The fish would have eaten your offering, and the fishing would have been better, not worse than when you jumped in.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

Yeah SamDamnit that would be great if you like to swim in your own shit! I prefer soft paper and a seat.

the problem with shitting in the water is that it follows you around, at least the solid ones do- im not sure about liquid poo....

Paradise Pooper I agree thats why I don't like to let the brown trout loose in the water.

El Fartismo the Methane Powered Flamingo (sic) Dancer. (Your full name, by itself, is a story.) I'm not quite sure why you associate the food you consumed with the "elderly" or why you think your kick-ass Dad and his friends are on their death beds, given that they are still running circles around you. I'd guess they have another 25 years of high-octane performance before they start blowing oil out their tailpipes as you did. But I assume you really know that and are enjoying him (and them) while you can. Nice story. Oh, and what have the old boys done to date to remind you of the episode?

Logjam oh yes the full name is something of a site. But so is log jam! Oh they are far from their death beds. They arent running circles anymore more like using the scooters to do it. Many of them have blown oil out the tail pipe (note one boat had toilet paper) lol Yes, I enjoy team CRS and my farter I mean father. I would tell his fart story but this is a poop page but his story is one I can only bow too. My dad reminds me of it everytime I spray air freshner from my lil brown hole and we get a good ole laugh about it.

I can believe it's not butter. Everytime I've had that stuff my ass stages a "poo d'etat." I'm not sure why. Is it possible that my GI tract is snobby and knows that it's being short changed? Nobody knows but Jesus.

Poo d'etat,beautiful imagery.

El Fartismo, please, come share your fart story on the forums (there is a very small link on the left side of the page.)

Ah, yes, the classic shart. I would say this one was about a category 3. Here is the sharting scale for future reference:

1- A little goo seeps out around the anus. It covers very little area in your crack but is enough to make it itch and feel slippery.

2- Goo covers your crack. Some minor damage to underwear but (unless you are wearing thin panties) nothing seeps through the cotton.

3- Underwear is completely trashed. Some staining on the interior of your pants is possible.

4- Underwear completely destroyed by your foul gravy. Pants are also stained, some stain reaching the exterior of your pants. This is getting into the realm of really embarassing.

5- Both underwear and pants are destroyed. Major stains on the exterior of pants. A 5 may also result in damage to shirts, socks, and shoes.

Many people would classify 4 or 5 as official shitting of pants. To tell the difference between a pants shitting and an actual shart, a shart is a mess created by a single fart. There are no other pushes or farts involved in this and no chunks exit the anus. If the above does happen, it is a regular shit-yer-pants event.

TSV, it sounds like you've had considerable experience in this area. This is a very useful scale, but only if one is wearing both underwear and pants when one sharts. Suppose I'm sitting bare-assed on the sofa eating buttered poopcorn? How do I know if I just let loose a category 4 shart?

Well, how far into the sofa did your shit soak?

If it soaks through the cushions and flows through the cracks onto the couch base, congratulations, you have a four.

If there is only minimal damage to the couch base then it is only a three. A two might smear a little on the top of the cushion. A one never exits your buttcheeks. If you look under the couch and find shit dripping on the floor, you have yourself a bonafide five.

This scale still needs work.

Experience? I read too much Poop Report.

Damn you guys "crack" me up! It's a good start for a scale

FOR SALE: I light grey couch...good condition, only 1-year old. Medium-sized brown stain on center cushion. Does not effect the comfort or functionality. $100 OBO. Or will trade for nice throw rug.

El Fartisimo, Fart stories are very much welcomed! You should share your dad's story. :)

i shit myself last week in a meeting that lasted 3 hours! i was too embarassed to ask to go to the toilet so i just shit myself
A good story.

And was it the shitting of yourself that finally brought the marathon meeting to an end? But I certainly understand your decision, fukingfarts -- it's much more embarrassing to ask to be excused that it is to simply take matters into your own pants and live with the fallout.

TSV, your scale needs to go on the front page, it's priceless.

Dumbass why did't you just shit in the water.

I need to ask a personal question.. Does any one know where I can find pics of hemmoroids..I think I have a baby coming out of my ass, or at least a small pineapple. It hurts my ass..what can I do b/c the cream only works for awhile.

It amazes me how parents, no matter how old, will always try to tell their children what to do.

Hey, if he's over the hill, you can take him! Turn that boat around and go back to land. hehehe.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Hey "Anonymous c" speaking of dumb ass you must not have reading comprehension skills! I said I farted and it came out as shit. Then I went too the can. If you can read you will see I do not like to swim in my own shit! But hey to each his own. I guess you like to swim with the brown trout.

LOL Daphne true that but then he may shit!

Ahh, the elusive Boneless Brown Trout has returned! I am sorry to say it, El Fartismo (no, I'm not), but it wasn't the geriatric foods to blame; it was I, lurking under your boat. You see, I followed you from your cabin. I have a small little cove near the bank where I hang out and exert my power. I use my tele-poo-netic gift to do my evil wrong-doings. You were just another victim, another pawn in my twisted little game. By the way, I love giving you humans the sharts!

I am the elusive Boneless Brown Trout.....you'll never take me alive!

If i ever blow ass in a boat ill be sure to remembor this story.

The moral of this story is: never consume "I Can't Believe it's not Butter!"
Thanks for the tip--and the laugh!
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

I'm bumping this back into the rotation, there are comments in this thread that deserve mention, out of all the comments I've ever read TSV's shart scale is still one of the funniest ever.

Bunga, are you psychic? I was about to bump this story up because the comments are hilarious.

Bunga, I voted for it, too. As if TSV needs the points.

And just how, may I ask, does ParadisePooper KNOW that "...it follows you around, at least the solid ones do..."? HOW does one acquire that information? It sounds like a STORY! :)

This is easily one of the funniest stories I have read.

I can only imagine what was going through dear old dad's mind when your load got away from you.

I guess that I am damn lucy that I have never had the sharts in my whole 29 years.
_______
Born to clog your bog, with a giant log.

Healthy 1 thanks for the comment. I am so honored that this is still getting comments. But I must agree the scale must be put up for all to see and admire.

_______
No one is the same after I release my Methane!

I'm guessing they will be able to remember shit after this.