I’ve been in a lot of airplane restrooms, and while I don’t find them pleasant, I have had only one unnerving experience. On a United flight from Hartford to Denver I sat down on a toilet in which the metal plate at the bottom was not properly seated. The gap allowed a significant updraft, producing a strange sensation, I would guess something akin to mooning out the window of a car going 30. The worst part, however, was not the odd sensation, but this thought: If everyone else’s waste goes the same direction as mine, and the wind comes the other way, aren’t they bound to interact? A down draft would have produced another set of fears, but I would have preferred them.

Personally I think the airlines are throwing us a bone in upgrading the restrooms. They’ve cancelled most meal service (though I consider this a blessing), and gnawed away our leg room. Compared to what they’re saving with these cuts, the $30,000 per loo is peanuts.

With somewhere around a million miles logged over the years, I consider aircraft restrooms to be a necessary evil. On short-haul flights, I prefer the far more sanitary and comfortable sanctuary of the restrooms in an airline clubroom. On a long-haul flight, they simply cannot be avoided. Rather than redecorate, I would prefer to see these places cleaned during the flight. There is nothing worse than an airplane bathroom during the last hour of a transatlantic or transpacific flight and the effects of jet travel on the human bowels makes their use all but unavoidable. Frankly, I don't see how redoing the bathrooms will solve the sanitary problems involved in having a bathroom used hundreds of times over the course of a flight without a cleaning. While the economy class bathrooms can often approach Calcutta's slums for aesthetic appeal, I've seen some restrooms in the forward cabins that were none too pretty either.

Everything else about flying sucks shit. Why are they giving better bathrooms, to prevent terrorists?

I have been sqeezing my puffy white ass together on flights my whole life, just so I would never have to go to the airplane shitter. I hadn't pooped or peed on a plane since 1987. But alas, as I approach 35 years of age, my bladder slackens and my ringpiece has lost some of its tension.

Two weeks ago, I was on a cross country flight and had to go potty. I was flying an airline not famous for its passenger comfort and convenience. It was late in the flight 'cuz I had been trying to hang on. I went to the back of the plane and braced myself for the "Calcutta Slum" experience.

I went in, and found the toilet to be not only April-fresh, but comfortable and ergonomic. There was more maneuvering room than I remember, it was nice. I commented to the stewardess and she told me they count and clean the lavatory after ever 15 uses. Not bad. It was a new plane (hence the improved layout) and it appears that some steps are being taken to make dooking in the stratosphere a better experience.

COMMENT I: I had some kind of severe intestinal distress on a flight from Mexico. I hurried back to the bathroom as soon as we boarded but...because they were fueling (or some tripe like that) I was stuck until after take off. I don't know how I survived the effort to hold it in.

COMMENT 2: I used to do a lot of transatlantic flying. I would often use the bathroom to shave just before arrival (I had my toiletry bag in carry on in case my main luggage was lost). It was kind of grody and kind of tricky to shave in that cramped environment but it did work and I always came out feeling and looking better. Cleaning up those tiny sinks was a bit of a hassle, too.

I joined the Mile High Poop Club in 2002, somwhere over New Mexican Airspace. After that, I decided pooping on an airplane was easy, especially if I got to the bathroom room first. Let it be known that since I travel so much, I get upgraded to Fist Class more often than not.

One time, while flying to Houston, I got up as soon as we reached cruising altitude to rid myself of some excess baggage so to speak.

The load I dropped ended up clogging that little trap door of a thingy in the airplanes commode. I flushed, but nothing was happening. This was clearly going to be a bad scene. I could not go back to my seat, leaving poo stuck in this toilet. I then did the unimaginable. I wrapped my hand in paper towls, and punched the offending turds into pieces, forcing them down the trap door. The potty was clean for the next pasenger.

merkin

I was at cleveland hopkins airport waiting for my flight and decided to eat at the place called Cheers, you know, like the tv show? They even at one time had a Norm figure sitting at the bar for anyone who knows the guy on the show. Anyways I got their loaded nachos with chili. I chowed down and had me a sam adams to wash it all down. An hour later I was boarding my plane and found my seat. 15 min into cruising altitude I felt the the meltdown of 3 mile island coming from the seat of my pants. I calmly got up and sauntered to the rear of the plane near my seat and luckily and amazingly found 2 open toilet closets.
I was so amazed and happy at the lack of wait I decided to relish this and check out both for the cleanest one, I found it and proceeded to unload the used food. Someone mentioned updraft about the toilet so I know, and smelled exactly what you were talking about. I couldnt believe what was coming out of me, like I was giving birth to a sunbaked dead animal along the highway.
Between desperate gasps of breath I hurried the best I could and finished up and got out of there. As I was going out I seen a rather old lady patiently waiting nearby to go to the bathroom. I thought to myself , oh she must not have seen the other open commode closer to her, she will go there. No she did not. I walked passed her briskly hoping she wouldnt notice or remember my face and got to my seat and whipped out a magazine.
A moment later I noticed alot of commotion going on in the back of the plane. One of the stewards was holding the old lady up by the armpits and another was giving her a glass of water. The old lady then asked for her purse, which she must have dropped since her pills were in there. Im thinking oh no, I gave the old lady a heart attack by the plumes I left in the commode. They finally got her to stand on her own and I heard them asking what was wrong and if she was ok. She was mumbling something and all I could make out was some man came out of there and she thinks I did something to the bathroom.
Flashes of sitting in a tiny room being questioned on where I was going and what I did to the airplane lavatory started popping in my head, thoughts of being accused of terrorism making headlines across the nation flashed as well. I sunk down in my seat, pulled my sunglasses out of my carry on, faced the window and prayed the entire flight the old lady wouldnt remember or recognize my face.
We finally landed and I made it a point to locate the old lady and get in front of her somehow to beat her off the plane. I did so and got the hell out of there, by some miracle my stowed bag was one of the first ones on the coveyer so I grabbed it and got the first taxi I seen.

I am all for improving airline restrooms! I would even pay extra for one with a little elbow room. Here's why: as a mother of a potty training child, those dinky little loos are completely worthless. She had to go, and when potty training kids tell you they need to go, it's on its way! Since she's a she, she couldn't just whip it out and take care of business like a little boy. Disrobing was required, since I foolishly dressed her in overalls that day. We managed to get her there in time, but she locked herself in. She started to cry, of course, being the typical two-year-old she was at the time, and I had to get a flight attendant to unlock the door so I could help her. She was standing there in that tiny closet, shirt's neckhole somehow yanked down around her waist, one overall strap undone and one stubbornly refusing to budge. I wanted to close the door and restore some of my daughter's privacy (and my dignity), but her howling protests made the entire plane turn to see what was up, but there was no way I could fit in there to help her and close the door behind me. I unlatched the offending strap, but she wanted me to stay--so my daughter took care of her personal business right there with the door open and the whole plane listening with amusement.

And how about adding a diaper deck, if you're going to revamp? Mother's travelling with small children have absolutely no place to place a child when nature calls, and my kids never had the foresight to go before the plane took off. I once had to change a diaper while my 9 month old(who was fortunately already walking, so she could stand) stood, vertical on the counter, while I had to look over her shoulder and wipe her from behind. Not such an easy feat, and almost impossible with no elbow room. Even if they just made it big enough for two, my travelling life would be so much better.

And no, just so you know, I really don't mind laying cable in an airplane toilet. I've gone in less clean, more disturbing places than that.

ok those bathrooms are sick there so small and they need some work!

Comment 1: British Airways used to have a sign under the mirror which said "As a courtsey to other passengers, please clean the bowl after use." I could never work out whether they meant the bowl for washing your hands or the one that was contaminated with poop, pubes and wee dots. Clarification would help BA passengers understand what was expected of them.

Comment 2: The "flush" is inevitably a waterless vacuum that goes off with a bang. I have a serious fear that if the "flush" button was accidentally pressed while the occupant remained seated, it could result in the vacuum removal of dangling things, or bowel contents or bowels themselves. At the very worst the passenger could be sucked through the tiny hole just like the ever sofat man who went out of a tiny airliner window on some airliner disaster movie I once saw. To remove this fear, please make the flush less violent. If the fear is genuine and there have been incidents of passengers flushing themselves or their parts down the loo, put a safety interlock between the seat and the flush button.

Comment 3: Install safety belts in the toilets. Take-off and landing can be the most stressful part of a flight for many passengers, and serious stress means involuntary bowel evacuation. I was on a fully loaded 747 taking off from Narita, and just as the pilot hit the throttles, the guy in front of my shat himself. The stink was unbelievable and everyone was looking around the cabin to see who it was. It wasn't until about 5 minutes later when the seatbelt sign went off that he stood up and implicitly announced his guilt, rushing to the toilet to clean up. So the solution would be seat belts in the loos, or an under-seat chamber pot to go with the life preserver.

Comment 4: Put a map in a pocket next to the loo. window in the floor so you can see what you're flying over. Connect the exit pipe directly to the outside of the aircraft. Then passengers can select and bomb targets just to break up the monotony of long haul flights. Reroute suitably equipped aircraft on civilian flights, to pass over hostile countries. etcetera.

Harry

I haven't been in an airline bathroom since 1999 so I can't help you. Everytime I go on a plane my asscheeks slam shut and I don't shit (or even piss) until I get to the airport.

I understand that the layout of the bathroom is based on a very limited amount of space but it is difficult for oversized adults to fit comfortably. The U.S. has a very high percentage of overweight individuals making this an inconvenience for many. Not to mention we as humans are getting bigger in general. My suggestion is to add some room. And have em include a box of Final Wipes on each flight as well.

Yar! Once while flying I sat on a toilet and the metal seat pinched me ass. When I got back on ship there was still a black and blue mark on me bum. Toilet seats should be soft! Not hard as barnicles!

Ar!

On a flight from Rome to Toronto in 1998 the carpeted floors around the bathroom slowly became wetter and wetter as the flight went on. It being a ten hour flight, I was wearing only the little socks they give you, which got soaked when I visited the bathroom.

A little apprehensively, I asked one of the flight attendants what was going on. They explained matter of factly that something was wrong with the bathrooms and that wetness was indeed the blue stuff that the crap goes into leaking out into the cabin.

It was so gross, I still shudder to think about it. Please fix it so that this never happens!

Also, please create airplane toilets that contain water. Those air sucking ones with the loud "pop!" at the end seem so unsanitary as there's no water for the shit to land in. The only way to not leave skid marks in the bowl is to pee first. And for a girl, this is hard because we cannot aim the way guys can!

I was going to suggest ventilation, but then I realized that in the recirculated air environment of the airplane that would only result in the smells being carried out into the cabin. So, no ventilation, please. Let the smells fester in the potties.

I don't fly very often as I don't like and suffer from anxiety which can often lead to me needing a crap in flight. Actually I haven't had any problems with airplane toilets, apart from the cramped conditions and the time I was taking a piss and the plane dropped with turbulance and I washed the wall.

The noise that the avaition shitters makes absolutely scares me to death. It always makes me feel like the aircrapper will explode.

The way I avoid it is by flushing the toilet when I am already halfway out the door.

Ive been flying for years, and never sat on a toilet in midair, but ive peeing into them a few times. The stories here are really interesting.

But have you ever had to puke in one? Waaaaaaay worse. I'd poop any day. Not sure if I was hung over or just air sick - but looking that blue water in the face, on your knees midway from London to Atlanta. Horrific. Makes a poop trip a walk in the freakin park.

As a pilot for a major airline based out west, I am all too familiar with aircraft lavatories, and the idiosyncrasies they possess. After fifteen years of flying I am convinced that, on Boeing 737s at least, that Boeing uses the most junior-and least experienced-designers for the design of their lavatories. Judging by the quality of these lavatories, it is a damn good thing too. Can you imagine what would happen if the wings were designed by these aeronautical buffoons?

The design flaws are so basic it makes it hard to imagine conscious thought went into the design at all. The lavatories lack any evidence of common sense during their creation, and seem more like an afterthought. I can just picture the lead designer: "O.k. boys, she's all done! Wait-the lavatories-get junior in here pronto!" I have only used the lavatory to defecate on two occasions, both of which I consider emergency actions taken in desperate situations. (See one of them on poopreport.com “The Air up There; what women don’t want”). I refuse to discuss the lack of ventilation. What follows is my routine, with observations and design critique, of using the lavatory to urinate.

What kind of idiot designs a lavatory to be so poorly lit as to make even basic functions difficult? I think maybe the kind of person that partied their way through college, and burned out a few too many brain cells. I can picture Tommy Boy as an aeronautical engineer. I don't know about the rest of you, but I need a little light to operate. It is like going into a dark, dank, smelly cave. It is not an environment that encourages my best work.

Tommy Boy’s poorly designed seat is one of my most hated features. There never is enough friction on the lid and seat to stay in the up position. For me, a person of the male persuasion, to have a successful urination requires careful planning, excellent hand-eye coordination and flawless execution. I feel like the circus people that spin plates on sticks when using the lav.

This brings me to the lack of headroom. Our man Tommy Boy shoved the lavatories out to the rounded sides of the aircraft limiting the amount of headroom, and if you are over 5' 2" tall then you are in trouble. I have to thrust my hips forward in a contorted back-pain inducing position in order not to undershoot the target. All the while, my head is up against the ceiling, making the reach to hold the seat up more difficult. It is a contortionist’s nightmare.

None of this adds any stability to my stance, which in an environment that is hurling though the atmosphere at eighty five percent of the speed of sound, is (to borrow from Martha’s vernacular) a good thing. It takes a stable platform to accurately deliver the stream on target, especially if the aircraft starts doing an Elvis Presley dance routine.

I have developed a three point stance that works pretty well that enables me to hold the seat up, thrust my hips forward and be able to move with the aircraft instead of it moving around me while I hose down the entire area like a fireman suffering from epilepsy.

First, I unzip and take out my buddy preparing him for action. Then, after getting a handful of paper towels, I grasp the lid and hold it up. Now, I flex my knees into an athletic stance, like a football lineman, and lock them into the left and right corners of the bench. Next, I thrust in my hips, and lean forward wedging my head into the sloping ceiling. I am now stabilized by my two knees, and my head, making me a part of the machine. With my free hand, I can aim and shoot. I have found that with this crouch I am able to stay on target through very energetic aircraft shakes.

The cleanup process is the next hurdle. Personally, being a shameful pooper (and urinator) I wipe off the bowl if there were any dribbles. I have noticed that, at forty years old, this is now a normal part of my routine even at home. After flushing the cleanup towel, I turn to the sink. Ah, yes, that devious device that can ruin a perfectly good bladder evacuation.

What I hate is that I never know what kind of reaction I will get from the water fixture. Many times, I have hit the lever to dispense water and instead I get an air-pocket filled splatter that sprays out like an elephant’s sneeze. What little water makes it to the sink promptly ricochets onto my trousers in the crotch area making it look like I have really poor bladder control. Now I have to blot, and hope it dries before I exit.

These design flaws are how I reach the conclusion that Boeing uses the least experienced, or the least talented, designers to build the lavatories. I cannot bear to consider the alternative theory: That the designers are playing a cruel joke on the traveling public.

A powerful internal carbon air filter could be beneficial. I once had the pleasure of extruding a large movement out after flying from Prague to London after a five day real ale festivle. My diet had unfortunately also consisted of blood-borne sausages, pickled cabbage and boiled eggs of various sorts. Although to movement bolted out with ease like a greased torpedo, the nose on it was like the water in a jar of rotten crysanthynyms. Even just opening the toilet door to return to my seat renderd the atmosphere in aircraft cabin almost unbreathable. A most embarrasing incident.

My first Transatlantic flight? No Problem. Couple o' leaks but no Bow Mo. Trip back - another story. Layed long cabe - took about a roll to clean up. Other passengers were impatiently knocking as the puckerfish was cleaned and dressed. I thought I'd read somewhere that you couldn't flush the papes on a plane so I stuffed it in the garbage sack - skidded to the sidewalls no doubt. I pity the poor stewardesses who emptied that sack...

Yeah yeah yeah people- you are on a plane for crying out loud, you're lucky they engineered a way for us to go at all! It is like being in a pub- which I consider to be worse- reserved for only dire emergencies.

You are forgetting what makes airplane bathrooms great- the lock that lets everyone know you are in there- I am searching for one for my home and that's how I found this weirdness.

Poop on!