Ask PoopReport: Dirty Laundry?

k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Dear Poopreport,

If there's one thing I've learned from reading poop stories, it's that people crap themselves.
That's OK... accidents happen.

My question is this: what do you do with your crap-covered clothes? Yes, they're disgusting...
but they can be cleaned -- right?

55 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Dirty Laundry?"

Mad Shittah's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I am married so I here is my two step technique:

1) Hide the pride in the hamper.

2) Deny

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

I think that would depend on the item of clothing. I wouldn't throw out a brand new pair of expensive pants for example.

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

In my abode, crappy clothes go STRAIGHT to the washer on HOT!!!! I have a "pinch" method where I'll hold the clothes in a clean spot with two fingers all the way to the washer. I've never thrown out kids undies with poop on them. But I HAVE thrown out clothes with dogshit on them.....that's just too grody. Gag, Gag...ukhhh

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

yeah but what if your situation is like the dude who shat himself (or fell in the toilet, i can't remember) in the abandoned florida gas station in the story earlier this week. He threw his soiled underwear into the corner of the bathroom and bare-assed it back to his car. So at what point are clothes no longer salvageable? When do you say, "no, sir, that's TOO much poop for me to wash off."

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

I wear them into the shower and pre-wash them there. Then I take them to the laundry. Unfortunately, effectiveness varies greatly. Sometimes this risky step is pointless.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

a little shit never hurt anyone.

All underwear has some fecal matter on it. Some more than others. I usually wash underwear, socks and towel together in hot water. All other clothes separate.

Your once poop covered undies will come out good as new and ready for your next pooping!!!

Justa Girl's picture

Most of my poopy-pants experience comes from the exasperating experience of trying to potty train my toddler. In her case, I throw the poopiest stuff out and go buy more cheap underwear for her at Wal-Mart. I figure it's not worth my time and effort to scrub crap out of tiny undies, just to have them crapped in again. I must admit I've thrown out a few little pairs of pants, too. I just can't be bothered. Every time I look at the clothes I'd be thinking how intimate I had to get with the shit in order to get the clothes clean. UGHHHHH! I've got enough to do without adding that to the list.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

On the rare occasions when I have put too much faith in a fart and stained my jockies, I have soaked them in cold water, then rubbed a little Shout on the spot, then tossed them in with the other stuff. No reason to give up so easily on otherwise good underwear.

I do recall an incident in grad school when I went into the dorm bathroom and spotted/smelled a pair of poopy briefs discarded on the floor of one of the open stalls. I guess the guy just stepped out of them and left. But I think the least he could have done would have been to throw them in the nearby trash can. Hey, it was shit on his shorts, not plutonium!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Alex's picture

i never shat myself except as a little kid but if i did say tommorow i would probably put them in the wash. oh yeah madshittah that was funny. your poor wife!

Shawn St James's picture


1. DONT wear white underwear. Get navy.

2. Use extra detergent

3. Its better to use a SPINNING washer like they have at laundrymats. This tumbles the skudz out.

4. Use hot water

corncob's picture

Dude. I don't crap my pants on a regular-enough basis to have formed any sort of strategy whatsoever.

It amuses me to think that some people, post-toddlerhood, and presumably without serious medical conditions, *do* crap their pants on a regular basis.

Big Dumper's picture

I guess I haven't shat my pants since I was a toddler. I get the occasional skid mark but nothing more. I agree with corncob that it's really astounding that adults crap themselves on a regular basis. Is this some kind of fetish or what?

Mr. Poopypants's picture

I recommend wearing dark flannel plaid boxers. Noone will ever see skid marks on those things.

Frequent Flyer's picture

I've been on some antibiotics lately, and they've done a number on my system! Needless to say, I've got little dribbles of caca on my briefs (all white cotton). I've tried using Shout, and Oxy Clean, and extra bleach, but the shit just wont come out. Any ideas for making my tighy whities white again before I toss them and buy all black?

Peter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

It depends where the victim is when the accident occurs, what they are wearing, the solidity or liquidity of the BM, the gender of the person too.

If it was a solid formed jobbie then as long as the person was wearing briefs rather than boxers it should be held in and not stain the outer clothing too much, so it may be possible to get home and change out of the soiled underwear and after cleaning themselves in the bath or shower to empty the squashed up mass of poo out of the panties then rise them and wash with an extra rise or heavy soil program in the washing machine. On light coloured or white knickers there may be slight residual yellowish brown staining in the seat but staining in the seat or gusset of a pair of briefs that have been worn and washed a few times is not that unusual. If unfortunately the motion was loose or diarrhea or the person was wearing boxers then the mess is likely to be worse and will involve the outer clothes. The underwear will be soaked in liquid poo.

A woman is luckier if she is wearing a skirt especially a loose fitting or pleated one. If her poo was solid she may get away with very little soiling to her skirt etc, all the mess being retained in her panties, even a loose stool may only soil her legs. A man is less fortunate as even a solid motion if done in his underpants may seep through and soil the seat of his trousers.

If you are on your way home or can go there when the accident occurs its best to make it home then get cleaned and changed but if it happens at school or work or elsewhere then it will probably be necessary to go to a toilet and carefully slip off the dirty panties and then thrown them away in the trash can or the container for used sanitary towels and tampons. It isnt usually practical to take a pair of shitty underpants back home in one's bag or attache case and rinsing them out in a handbasin at work, school or a public toilet isnt usually possible.

Underwear if saved in such circumstances is quite easy to clean. If the motion was solid then empty the squashed mass of poo down the toilet pan then rinse the knickers under a running tap then leave to soak in cool bnot hot water with some detergent for a few hours then put them in the soil prewash cycle of your washing machine. This will normally restore them to a wearable state, though dark colours will fare better than light.

Out clothing is more difficult especilly if it needs to be dry cleaned and is not washable in a machine or ny hand wash. It can be very embarrassing to take a pair of trousers, jeans, a skirt smelling of and soiled by shit into a Dry Cleaning shop. Try to remove and sponge out as much as possible before taking them in but lighter coloured fabrics will sometimes hold a stain where natural fibes such as cotton will wash out.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Just leave your shitty clothes on the kitchen table. Someone will probably toss them later but they are worth a mean practical joke like this.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

acid_fairy's picture

I have to be completely honest here.. but this is most indefinitely, without a doubt, what I'd do.

Take them to the drycleaners. Hand them inside out, shitstain up to the poor man, then hold your head up high, because you're just too damn good to scrub your own shat. (If you should be embarrassed, lean close to the clerk and whisper, "my sister".)

Raw-Hide's picture

Step out of the undies,
Scrape out the shit witha plastic MikiDz knife
Wash it!

the pants pooper's picture

if you saw my name its obvious that I shit myself alot I take them off turn them insde out took some TP wet it scrape of the crap and throw them in the regular laundry

miss tighty-brownies's picture

I must say, I about died laughing when I read this, even though I have been in this situation before. Girls have an advantage if someone else does their laundry(or if they do the dry-clean trick) because they can always say it's a certain time(ladies, you know what I mean) if they need to explain the stain.

dgdavid22's picture

hey peter my g/f had that experience once with a skirt it was a short denim. she was walking through the store and felt a sharp pain she asked a worker if they had a rest room no public was the reply.she went back to the car got the nearest gas station to find a line she waited then about 2 min later it hit her 2 little logs she wasnt ashaimed she just went home and changed so see woman dont feel bad some times you aint got no choice

werewolf pooping on trees's picture

I know what you mean, sometimes you dont have a choice. I just think its kind of stupid how there are actually guys that are thick enough to think that girls dont poop or something. I have a book of embarassing stories and a lot of them involve guys who think girls dont poop

mommy nugz's picture

i used to hang my kids shitty clothes over a achain link fence and hose em off!

eli's picture

cleanem' and wear'em til they have holes in them!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Works for me. I've worn the same few pairs of underwear for six years. They all have holes in them and I still wear them.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Towel Crapper's picture

My strategy is simply this, when the gurgling starts and there ain't no can to be had, find a ziplock bag, towel, anything that'll hold the crap so you can discreetly trash it. I agree with holding on to those holey undies - ain't no point in depleting your undergarmet waredrobe! Those holey undies might be all you have pretty soon. Also, in the event that nature calls while during a shopping excursion - try - try - try to get back to the car!!! If you absolutely must use a public can #1 do the courtesy flush for other patrons and #2 get the hell out there asap!

Josh's picture

Always wash them...Ive a few pair with some pretty mean stains even after washing. But, I'm the only one who sees them so what is the difference?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Yeah, but when you walk, you get that "hwushh wushhh wushhh" noise. I hate cordourroy ass noises.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Neatpo's picture

Been married for almost 40 yrs. Most of my husbands white jockys go into the wash with brown stains. You cannot bleach feces it is like trying to turn white white. Won't happen. In my mind I think not nice thoughts about all mothers who do not spend the time when potty training boys, to teach them that many times one wipe doesn't cover it. Get more tissue and keep wiping unitl you see clean tissue. (Yes, it does have to be checked) Women do it all the time. It is only reconstituted food! My sisters hubby pulls the same trick. I wash what is there and put them in the drawer however the machine returns them. I did buy navys and blacks for xmas last year and at least I don't have to see it any more. I have never never never had that problem. Try keeping a roll of paper towels in your car trunk for the unstopable accidents. They are useful for dirty headlights and a number of guy or gal things.

Caroline's picture

I have had many accidents like this in the past, i just take my dirty panties, throw them in the sink, pre clean em by hand, and throw them in the wash. Quite simple really.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

I don't have any accidents, but I will try to give some educated advice.

I would say, scrub the involved clothes out with some laundry soap and a good laundry brush. Next, soak the soiled clothes in the washing machine, in bleach overnight.
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Anonymous Coward's picture

this never happens with me. there's never been any kind of fecal stains on my underwear EVER. And adult having fecal stains on his underwear is SICK.

DropADeuce's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

In my opinion it absolutely depends on the situation. If it happens at home then off to the washer the panties go.Only 3 days ago I was using a public bathroom in a gas station while two people were waiting outside to go. I pulled down my panties and realized I hadn't wiped so well after my previous poo. I had about 3 seconds to decide what to do. Spend a nine hour road trip with dirty panties, or trash them. If they were new and cute I might have saved them, but I sacrificed them for a clean tush. (BTW, I had no pockets or other places to conceal them.)

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

This one is a no brainer.

Minor stains: Simply pre scrub the stain and throw the soiled clothes in the wash.

Major stains: Wrap the soiled clothes in a trashbag, and givce them the heave ho.
"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Tori's picture

This is crap, no pun intented, as the rage in thongs, g-strings and going 'commando; - no panties, leaves us young ladies at a real disadvantage. When will the gorgous nylon-full back panties Vitoira Secret used to make in the early to mid nineties come back. It's enough already with wearing thongs/g-strings or nothing at all. It's like shaving one's pubic areas - especially for womean. Are we letting the porn industry and the likes of Howard Stern dictate our cultural norms. How sad :{

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

My kilts are 100% wool, and therefore must be hand washed, or dry cleaned. If they get too nasty, I drop them off!

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Good day Tori! Not all of us have our fashion dictated to us! I'm still stuck in the '60s (the 1460s)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I wear a full plate mail cod piece.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Plate mail is a great choice, that is, if you are wanting to remove poop. Turn on a hose. Borrow someone's toothbrush for the crevices. The codpiece may be troublesome however.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

I have often wondered if you Scotch Guard your undies when you first get them if that would make the poo stains come out when you wash them. Has anyone ever tried that?
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!


ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I think that all of you who claim never to have soiled your undies are liars.
If you fart (perfectly normal function),
take antibiotics
on ocassion, or eat a lot of fiber you have at least stained your drawers a few times. Come on, fess up.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Tori, I agree that the fashion scene is fucking annoying. My most recent hatred in today's fashions are those baby-doll trapeze shirts that all the girls are wearing. You know, the ones that make even the skinniest girl look nine months pregnant? They are disgusting, and I don't think the girls realize the social commentary that these ugly pieces of cloth make. That women should either be pregnant all the time, or look like little girls. It's kind of disturbing to me. And I have never met a woman who looks good in one of those shirts. I wish they would go out of style.

Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Ski Dmark All the Way From the Poop Chute's picture

Well i don't crap my pants and i'm a teen.but i do get marks in my underwear.I must say that the best thing to do is wash the spot in the sink or shower while you are supposed to be in the shower.if someone else is in the house just throw the underwear on the floor,step on it(make sure your feet are wet).You do this so it doesn't seem as if your were washing your underwear but as if you just got out of the shower and your underwear was on the floor (from when you got undressed)and you steppped on it.Remember to leave the underwear on the floor with the other clothes you took off,especially if your married.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

I have sharted on occasion, and if it's just a small amount, I'll wash them and use them again.

But if it's more than an area about the size of a half dollar, I'll toss them.

After all, new underwear isn't that expensive.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Postman, that is a very good idea. As soon as the bank opens up tomorrow I'm going to get some half-dollars and go to work on the laundry hamper.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Where is the equality? Underwear sharted in by an old dude gets sold at Goodwill for 50 cents. Stained panties worn by cute 18 year old Asian chick, $25 and up!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Well, let me ask you. Which would you rather own, old man sharted underwear or cute chick sharted underwear?

poop'n in my briefs's picture

I love my poopin my hanes briefs. the poop is so comfy and smelly.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

poop'n in my briefs.....You should try wearing a surgical mask with poop in it, it will feel warm and cozy on your upper lip and the smell can get to your nostrils full strength. Give me your address and I will send you a sample of a moldy cabbage and onion poop that you will thoroughly enjoy.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Pesky Poo Problems's picture

As a newly-emancipated, stressed-out 14-year-old kid, traveling alone on a bus, I had suffered severe abdominal cramps, and an excruciating, involuntary, "dishonorable discharge", shall we say. The small "mudflow" was unstoppable. The bus restroom was occupied for another ten to fifteen minutes before I could use it. The old lady next to me kept cackling and clucking about stinky "sh!tty diapers" on one of the three babies on the bus that day. When I got back to the restroom, I quickly ditched the skid-marked, mud-stained, poo-painted skivvies out the small triangular vent wing in the bus rear bathroom. The poo-soiled skivvies caught on the antenna of some poor female who was following the bus. As she passed the bus a few minutes later, after I'd ditched the stained shorts, cleaned up and returned to my (fortunately NOT soiled) seat, going "commando" incognito, no less, several people commented on the "odd" brown and white "flag" flailing wildly in the breeze, (unbeknownst to her), on her car antenna! The vacuum behind the big bus sucked the poo-stained undershorts inward just enough to allow them to snag by the 'fly flap' on her antenna. The old lady seated next to me saw the passing car, and commented on it as well...never realizing what had happened. The top end of the car antenna snagged the underwear, and held them at least until the car had passed the bus. Who knows how long those poo-soiled skivvies stayed on that car's antenna? -R

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