Everyone knows that dingleberries are little balls that appear on your bung after you wipe. The real question is, are they little balls of toilet paper, or little balls of shit? If they're toilet paper, than dingleberries occur when the toilet paper shreds, and the wiping motion rolls the shreds into little balls which cling onto your leather cheerio. But if they're shit, then dingleberries must be the result of little hunks of crap being rolled into balls and stuck to your butt. Or maybe they're little pieces of toilet paper covered in crap. Good structural integrity in your toilet paper is essential to preventing dingleberries... as is good structural integrity in your log. A shredding log is just as dangerous as shredding TP.

Don't be such a cheap bastard and buy some real toilet paper. That thick soft expensive Charmin with the lotion on it is like wiping your ass with a gauze bandage...that stuff will never leave dingleberries.

The worst is going down to eat a chicks pussy and finding TP dingleberries in her "holiest of holes".
Nothing like a little urine soaked dingleberry on your tongue.

Dingleberries come from cheap toilet paper. I don't know quite how to stop them, but I know how to create them --- when you wipe with wet TP. (Sometimes, it gets a little sensitive, and a do-it-yourself wet nap sure helps) Wet TP invariably breaks apart, leaving a collection of dingleberries you'll be cleaning out for a week.

I got my PHD from MIT where I studied Rectal Phenominology and Gluttial Follicular Remnants. According to many scientists, including the great Dr. Uilopula Czechnoyota, the leading cause of dangleberries (Dingleberries to the lay-person)is in fact the interatcion between rectal hair and moistended fecal residue. What happens is, as the feces exits the rectum, it passes through a field of rectal hair. The rectal hair catches and hold bits of such feces. Wiping only imbeds the fecal matter deeper into the hair. Wiping also adds a concreting element to the feca as the toilet paper flakes off and mixes with the feces. When an individual feels that they have appropriately wiped themselves, they get up and leave the lavatory. This is where the formation of the actual dangleberry begins. The cheeks of the buttocks rub together, rolling the feces into little balls that are trapped and bound to the rectal hairs. As the subject remains idle at his desk or wherever he may be, the concretions, dangleberries, harden and fester immobile on the hair. Prevention is simple. First, one may literally wax, shave, or Neet the hairs from the area surrounding the anus. There will be nothing to grab fecal remnants. Also, invest in better, stronger toilet paper. If you are afraid to shave or have the hair removed, get Cottonelle moist wipes and thoroughly clean the anus and the surrounding hairs. Follow that with a nice, dry wipe with normal toilet paper.

I think a bidet would be a great investment...

Er, you mean a Butt Sink.

This is interesting. According to Merriam-Webster online, a dingleberry is "a piece of dried fecal matter clinging to the hair around the anus" --- so our theory of dingleberries being little balls of toilet paper may be wrong!

I CAN'T BELEIVE I EVEN GOT ON HTIS WEB SITE....EWW!

I like eating dingleberries they are a tasty treat. I lick my roomates asshole all the time she has them because her asshole is so hairy.

mmmmm I love hairy assholes on chicks...got any pictures of this bitch's ass ??

I take this all a step further. I hang my dingles on the Christmas tree every year. Then sing dingle balls, batmans smell, dingles all the way.

"Dingleberries, hairy stalagtitic anus popsicles."

Dingleberries are sometimes called dangleberries, although this is not an effective description as it implies a faecal ball (nugget) or nuggetty-paper build up on your sphincter that is under the effects of motion. (hence the dangle-ing. However accurate the definition, the motion implied by "dangle" is clearly not accurate when dealing with dingleberries.

For any experienced 'dingle-ee' the concept of freely moving, dangle-ing bung-berries is total nonsense due to the fact that dingleberries are deeply rooted within the hair surrounding one's anus and rarely, if ever, are capable of dangle-ing. Ironically, if they were able to dangle, then I assure you that the problem of dingleberries would be greatly diminished, after all, if it can dangle, it must be possible to shake loose with minimal difficulty.. a characteristic void of the common dingleberry which is fashioned into a variety of shapes which is determined by the host's

style of walk and surrounding anus-shape, much like a

popsicle which will shape itself to its container.

Dingleberries, by definition, involve remnants of anal origin sticking to your hairy sphincter. However, the endurance and tenacity of this sticking is determined by 3 key factors:

*hairyness of one's anal area...

length and thickness are of concern, in severely

hairy individuals, anal dreadlocks have been known to

form.

http://naked-elebs.com.ru/naked/Whoopie_Goldberg.html

Although in the most part a secret and relatively

uncommon, anus dreadlocks have been hailed as the

dreadlocks of highest quality and similar methods

have been used to generate the desired effect on

one's head (one's diet should also be considered if

this is your aim). Dingleberry dreads are removable

ONLY by clipping away, whereas enduring dingles

(explained in detail later in this text) still

have hope of being UNdone through freezing and the

subsequent shattering of a dingle using a neighbour's

meat-tenderiser.

*constitution of one's nugget and it's reaction to the

toilet paper in use...

depending on one's diet, the toilet-paper being used

and how the two interact, dingleberries can be of

varying smell, texture and endurance. Examples are as

follows.. a high-sugar diet will leave dingleberries

smelling slightly sweet, whereas a seafood diet shall

produce dingles that smell fishy, even corny by some

strange metaphysical characterisic of omega3 oils.

The texture of a given dingle is dependant on the same

factors as those which determine the texture of a

regular non-stalagtitic nugget.. however if one has

curly sphincter-hair, the dingleberry will be more

bouncy and of fuller body. Such expanse of a given

dingle occurs also if the toilet paper in use breaks

easily to combine with the nugget, thus contributing

to it's mass and chewyness. Also, it should be noted

that people who have unforced, natural afros will be

prime candidates of the enduring dingle, despite being

quite fluffy. Enduring dingles are the pupae form of

the dingle-dread and are dingles which have passed the

time where they could be untangled by human methods.

*One's wipe technique...

circular motions crate dingles, as does the use of

moist or wet toilet paper.

>>Read on for information concerning the ways to go >>about managing dingles.

For those who dislike dingles on their anuses-

to inhibit the production of dingles, wiping in one

direction is adviseable. Also, one should never use

wet toilet paper and should limit the consumption of

dairy goods and toffee.

Contrastingly, to aquire dingles, it is a good idea to

wipe alternatingly clockwise and counter-clockwise

using wet toilet paper. Eating cheese and toffe is

a good idea, however if you dislike toffee (like me)

you can always manually add toffee to your dingle at

any stage in it's growth.

So, there are the facts.. I'm working on my best dingle-dread at the moment via taking up jogging,

eating a lot of dairy products and my recent purchase of an electric buffer.

Dingles are great, and I hope the spirit of unity that dingles fill us with never dies down..

..peace

---copyright 2001, by Maaark.. all rights reserved---

One time I took a poop and it looked like my friend Ric....and I said "hello Ric how are you?"....but he didn't answer me back....guess he was mad at me

I took a poop once, actually, I've taken many poops...but this one time, my poop looked like Jesus. Not my cousin, Jesus Rodriguez...the real Jesus. Once the word got out, I had the whole damn neighborhood waiting on line to see my holy shit.

One time, I play baseball with oriental friend, I pitch to him.....I hit him in head with ball....he crap his pants....he play softball now....on da Bangers.....first base

I love Whammy

last year I played softball, after a night game, I went back to my teammates house for a little late night BBQ. I had 5 burgers, 3 dogs and 4 beers in about 15 minutes. I was really thirsty and hungry.

Well about a hour and half later, I had to go real bad, so I excused myself to his bathroom. First of all, I am about 6 feet 6 and weight about 275 lbs. I saw down on his bowl and proceeded to dump this biggest piece of POOP, it kept flowing and flowing, it was a mixture of solids and liquids.

To say the least after I was finished, this of course after using half his roll to wipe my hiney, I flushed, and much to my amazement, nothin' was going down, I clogged the !@#$ bowl.

I looked around for a plunger, no dice, what the heck should I do. After further deliberation, I had a choice, put my hand in and clear it out OR get the heck out of the house. Me being the good teammate, stuck my hand in and cleared the problem.

When I got back down the party my buds, Jerry and Mike showed up, the shook my hand, then they proceeded to grab something to eat.

I felt so bad, if they only knew that the hand they were holding there burgers with was indirectly a few minutes ago squeezing poop.

I cannot believe you people didn't know that dingleberries were shit stuck to your asshair!! the answer is simple, although not comfortable a few days after... Shave your ass!!

While I tend to agree with some of the earlier psotings regarding the use of the lotion enhanced TP, I do have one point which I would like to stress. The point being that while I prefer the lotion type Tp to avoid the dingleberries, I do not mind at all encountering an occasional dingleberry on others. In fact, I find them to be delicious.

Is dinkleberry/dinkleberries an accepted alternate spelling of dingleberry???

I have a problem with "brabernax" (spelling uncertain) which I think means dingleberries in Hungarian. Can anybody clear this up for me?

I took a dump in a urinal trough at Reillys Daughter Saloon in Oak Lawn IL. It was a riot watching the bar tender trying to fish that bad boy with a coat hanger

I have a few questions:

1. how does fecal color help establish the status of my health?

2. Is it normal to shit cubes? If so, is it normal to freeze them and serve them in guests drinks?

3. Any shiteaters out there?

4. What is proper dingleberry removal protocol on the ol' leather cheerio?

5. Sometimes I shit for hours upon hours, just for the fun of it. It's like going to the beach. My last question is, how much shit must be consumed to perpetuate an all shit diet?

One time I was on the phone with erin taking a shit and she was like taking a shit too and like we were both taking a shit at the same time...so it was WICKED cool......and i was like how many pieces came out an she was like eleven so i was like me too cause i did shit out eleven SHITZ (hehe)......so then i was like what color did ur SHITZ come out and erin was l;ike orange.....but mine was like this brite blue color so then like i dont know but she was like I DONT EVEN KNOW!!.......AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...OH....and i was just like GURL YOU BE TRIPPIN...and she was like HOW I BE TRIPPIN WHEN YOU SHITTED OUT FUCKING BLUE SHITZ ........and i was like well YA GOT ANY DINLGEBERRIES.....and shes like HELL YES!!!!.....and well she had dingleberries and thats why this story is on here.....PEACE!!!!!!!

10 Great Uses for Used Dingleberries:

10. Draw a couple of circles on your ass cheeks and play a game of mini-marbles.

9. Add a few to the cat's food. You've been wanting to get back at that S.O.B. for ignoring you anyway.

8. If strung with a thin thread, dingleberries make fine Christmas ornaments or luxurious poop-a shell necklaces.

7. Slip a few into the bosses' coffee. Suddenly all that overtime doesn't seem quite as irritating.

6. Keep a few round-and-crusties in your pocket. Drop them into the Raisinette box at the movies before you pass them to that guy who boinked your sister.

5. Start a collection. Trade with friends.

4. Send a few to your congressman and/or senators, for all the crap they have been giving you all these years.

3. Save up several thousand over the course of a lifetime. When you are retired, use them for padding in a throw pillow...that really smells like ass.

2. Throw a few into the fresh-air intake at your place of employment and ask everyone, "where were you when the sh** hit the fan?".

10. Buy a box of Sure-Jell® and make Dingleberry Jelly!

Or... shave your ass and forget the whole damned mess. :-)

They are called BUNGTATERS if they are pooh and dingelberries when they are toilet paper!

I have enjoyed Bungtaters or Dingleberries for many years. I'd be very interested in sharing some ideas regarding them. Please drop me an email. Thanks.

angel- you are a sick nasty shit for saying that about

JESUS.

how can you even think about comparing JESUS to that

I bet the turd looked like you.

I like to collect my dingleberries and keep them in a jar. A clear jar that way I can pick out the good ones.

what should i do i have a strange habit of collecting my dingleberries! what is wrong! and my wife likes to mange them!!

The best way to prevent dingleberries and/or any poo left on your butt or any smell is to wipe as much off as you can with dry toliet paper, then use Charmins wet toliet paper at least 2 sheets or 3 if your real messey ... and I use it till i see nothing left on it then I wipe with dry toliet paper again just to feel dry .... yes you say that is a lot of paper.... and it usually is but I don't care if I flush twice every time i poo... Just as long as i am clean and comfortable afterwards...

haha...Bungtaters...never heard that one before...

I have never been more proud of america then I am at this moment. I can feel the love for dingleberries in this room. From wetpoo,hair and paper comes such joy. Personal commitment to shaping logs like jesus shows us that there isnt anything that we cant do if we put our hearts and minds to it. My hope is that all my brothers in sisters that read these words will vist www.celebritydingleberries.com and contribute to our gallery of dingleberrie art and fashion.

I hate dingleberries. I call them shibiblits, and to get rid of them i put on rubber gloves and pluck em out. It hurts, but it works. If you spread your ass cheeks far apart when you shit, it leaves less dingleberries.

cool

I take shit at least 4 times daily..i hate having dingles..they hurt when i move side to side..they pull on my hairs..and sometimes they get stuck in my whitey-tighteys..and my wife bought a cat-comb and helps me brush them out daily..b/c i dont have long arms. and we even buy "Kleenex-Cottonel" but it seems to never help my dingle berries..please email me and give me some helpful care information for my twisted dingles..

with love

allata dingle

Haha, I can't believe there are "scientists" that actually specialize in...poop. Who would want to goto college and take poop courses

i cant believe there is a web site dedicated to crap lol

I am the king of all fecal knowledge. Please email or IM me (jthomas413) with any of your questions regarding excrement. I am an authority on the matter.

In case anyone is curious, there is actually a Dingleberry Lake. I'm serious! Look on a map of the eastern Sierras!!! Some shepherd in the 1800s named the lake after the dingleberries he saw on his sheep's asses while he was hanging out in the mountains. So, if anyone happens to be venturing up the Bishop Creek Canyon in California you might want to take a hike to this lake. Get a picture for the guys back at Poop Report. (Maybe I'll get one this spring.)

Is it posible to get dingleberries on you back hair cause every now and then I find these little brown balls that smell like poop please help am I wiping to far up I need to know cause I really love my back hair and I don't want to shave it off

Real or not, Mr. Hanky reminds me of a story. When I was a teenager I used to take walks three times a day just to get out some of my pent-up energy. One day I saw this big brown dog sniffing a hedge in someone's driveway. I went over to pet it and the guy stood up. It turns out it wasn't a dog at all. It was some old dude with a really hairy back. Oh, man that was sick!

Ok so I'm sitting on the toilet a few days ago, just STRAINING and I mean PUSHING LIKE HELL to get this huge ass turd out. Which took about a minute or two, causing my face to turn bright ass red. Finally I blew the most disgustingly stinky fart I've ever smelt and this turd SHOOTS out of my ass into the toilet. The turd itself being about an inch and a half wide, about 9 inches long. So I get up, wipe my ass and waddle out of the bathroom in utter pain. About halfway to my room I caught an itch on my ass, so of course I had to scratch it. Little did I know, OH GOD LITTLE DID I KNOW, I stick my hand down my pants and SHAZAM! Thousands of Dingleberries! EVERYWHERE! A FUCKING MESS! So I grab a handful, and yank them out as a tear comes to my eye. Then I enter my room, where my Fiance is laying on the bed. I subtly place the mess upon her face and begin to laugh uncontrollably as she EATS THEM ALL MUHAHA!

I love Shit!

is anyone up for dingleberry king and queen?

i nominate my cat for dingleberry queen.

Whoever said charmin does no tleave berries is full of shit. Charmin is just rolls of berries in plastic.

And I nominate my dad for dingleberry king! The man can't wipe his fucking ass!!! I'm tired of his ass prints on my toilet seat.

Dude, i love dingle berrys, i walk around with mine showing, and i wear a hat on my ass, and all my friends think im kewl because of it. Ive lost 30 lbs and 6 inches of my waist by doing this. Also my colesterol has droped by 100 points! so in conclusion dingleberrys are NOT bad...... they are our friends, they help us lose weight and lose colesterol.... so next time you get a assnugget, dont mine it, let it grow, nurture it.... it will pay you back 10 fold!

Eeeeeewwwww!!!! Ha ha ha!!! That's sick, man!

Anyway, this summer I will be in the Mammoth Lakes area doing a few hikes. Anyone want me to do a report on Dingleberry Lake when I hike to it? Let me know!

Hows it going EH,
Dingleberries, never heard of them......

Here are some Canadian terms -

Klingons, I'm not talking Star Trek. A klingon is a chunk of paper that refuses to let go.

Will Not - again a piece of T.P. that will not let go.

My question is what direction are you supposed to wipe in? From bottom to top or vice versa?? Or is there even a "correct" direction at all?

what do we need pubes for anyway?

i am strongly against genetic manipulation on principle, but i would be willing to make an exception for changing genes that would rid all pubic hair for humanity.

however, i guess this only applies for generations to come, meaning it won't do any of the forum's users any good... so i guess we are doomed to a life in hell!!

Without pubes, what else would get stuck in your underwear elastic and pull like fucking hell?

how do you remove a ball of shit and hair from between your cheeks without too much pain?

Call the dog and ask him to eat it. It tickles a little, but it doesn't hurt.

I'm not reading this whole thread, but I have a hairy arse and I've always known this phenomenon as "bum spiders" because when you finally tear them away, they have 8 spindly black hairs attached to a furry body. And yes they are made of poop, not paper.

how fun would a job be if you just studied poop all day?

Maybe. But who'd want to be a political analyst?

me friend and his mom call me a dingelberry and he's the vice president of the DINGELBERRY CLUB and his grandmother is he president and he is a DINGELBERRY his self!!!!

dangle berrys suck and it hurts to pick them from your ass when there stuck to a hair in your bum hole

You all seriously need a life and so do I for even taking the time to read this, butt thanks for the knowledge!!!!!

Ahold Buttfart, does your mommy know you're looking at a poo-poo site?

Hello fellow students and patrons of the arts. I'm a Poopologist. What is the only food that is clearly visible in turds? Corn! I am a talking, hairy, shit-encrusted asshole. I like corn in my crap. Would you like my recipe for Corny Shit Soup? It's makes for mighty good eatin' and it's quick to make. Toss in a side of dingleberries and you've got yourself a par-TAY. I love eating dingleberries, but the hairs get stuck in my teeth.

shave yo ass

What about Gruffnuts? They are much like dangle/dingleberries but slightly larger with a rock solid centre

what

Do you people seriosly eat dangle berries?Oh,I haven't had dangle berries, but i had this,like 30 cm hair In my asshole.It must have been from my hair wash,and i kept pulling,and pulling.It came outta ma hole eventually,and i was scared to pull it out.

God, I hope they don't eat their dingleberries. *shudders*

what's the fascination with dangleberries anyway?! i pebble-dashed my mum's toilet bowl today... very fetching i thought

SHIBIBLITS thats totally AWESOME!!!!!

Why do we always have to look in the toilet AFTER we take a crap? I know I do.

U are fucking shitheads!

Easiest way to deal with dingleberries? Easy, just take more showers and clean your butt properly.

I never knew you could have that much fun with dingle berries, because I shave my peri-anal hair. But I do have a story from a few years ago when I took a dump and inspected it there-after (I am always so fascinated with it) I gave birth to a baby. It clearly was a poopy-baby since I'm a male, but I really had a connection with him. He was full-sized and looked perfect, so I didn't want to flush my own child. I had it all planned out. Thinking of how I would have given little balls of poop for dinner, but since my bowels were empty I came up with the thought that I probably shouldeat something and have a glass of milk. But upon returning to the toilet I saw that my mother flushed him. You could even see the marks he left when tryin to cling on to the slippery bowl for his life. I was heartbroken. Poopy-baby...........You will always be remembered

my butthole leaks. whats the deal?

amreicans and british have dingle beeries bcause da fact is they dont use a BEDET or a HOSE! and also not only that.. your shower heads dont retract!

Muslims wash their rectum after excretion and their rectum is clean. I have been washing mine after pooping since the age of 11.It feels good and clean.It is way better than using tissues. There is nothing left once it is washed.Good solution to dingleberries I think!

alycia, you might have eaten chips containing olestra. This causes oil to leak out of your bum

Id have to admit that this site made my dad reading about other peoples shit. Why is is so funny when we describe about ourselves taking a shit......... FINE ILL TELL U A STORY STOP BEGGINE ME .......So the one day when i was about 12 years old i always tried shitting out the longest piece of crap ever so it wouldnt break. Well i finally acomplished my goal and i shit a fuckin circle of shit in the toilet * it was brown * and all in one piece i was happy i showed my mom she passed out from the smell and i accomplished 2 goals in 1 day .....

My ass was itching and on fire from poor and sorry wiping because I dont care and I went and got a hand held mirror and squatted over it to find the source of my misery.My asshole looked like an overloaded blueberry bush it was so full of assberries hanging to the fetid hairs of my asshole.My doctor told me all my health problems were because of my filthy lifestyle and lack of hygiene and my dentist said my rotting unbrushed teeth added to the mix and I better clean up or face a sad future.I dont care,management is always wrong and your just jealous!!!!

Prevention of Dingleberries:

There are several causes of dingles berryitis. First take a look at the toilet paper that you are using.

Brands like Kleenex Cottonelle, are known dingleberry causers. Other factors like poor wiping habits, and the type of clothing being worn should be looked at as well.

This has been a public service message from the Dingleberry Fighter's Association.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

ok....My cat had a dingle berry.....and i tryed to pull it off with my hands...and it screamed.....so i cut it off with scissors.

Next time make sure to put your hand inbetween the cat's skin and the scissors.

Do you bathe your cat? Is it long haired?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

_get the sissors and start triming your bung hairs______
fartqueen

Nobody has mentioned the meaning of "dingle," the first half of "dingleberry." A dingle is a valley or cleft, usually in the woods; our dingle is our butt-crack, and the woods is any hair we have back there. The berry is the little piece of poop that hangs there after we defecate.

I have a herd of pinworms that graze on the dingles in my bum. Which is nice since yanking those berries out aggravates my hemorrhoids.

I kept thinking I was spilling my cocoa krispies in my underwear and today I realized it was a massive attack of dingleberries.I have never wiped well and I bought some new toilet paper that was on sale and it doesn't work very good.So I went and took one of my rare bath's and suddenly found my self bathing in dingleberry stew.Now I know why I have no love life.

I was told by several coworkers that if I would use Nair on my nether regions and remove all dingleberry clinging hairs I would find my hygiene much improved and I might have a shot at a love life.I applied the Nair liberally and now I am galled,burnt,chafed,raw,and damn unhappy.I slathered vaseline on myself and I find I still stink right through the goo.Because I do not have the best of hygiene it looks like it is getting infected and flies are dive bombing me.I woke up this morning and found fly eggs all over my underwear.Management is always wrong and your just jealous.

I finally healed and the pain is gone but I am coming to the conclusion I may need to wipe with pine bark or something else very rough to grind and scrape the dingleberries away.I guess I will never care enough to concern myself with good hygiene.I recently moved into some upscale condominiums and sadly my hideous lack of hygiene has left me remaining lonely.Women rush past my door and gag.I show up poolside in my green and black speedo cigar slid between my teeth in an empty spot where a rotten tooth fell out and they flee the area.I give up and my bosses are always wrong.

WOW!! hey mon,pine bark?? Fly eggs?/ where do you live mon?? I want to make sure I don't move there.A green and black speedo too.Is there anyway to post a picture what you look like Feto mon??

I recently went to the doc and my hemmorhoids are back.I must have surgery again and the doc told me between my horrid hemms and my cigars I am unapproachable due to the odor.I feel certain I have overheard coworkers talking about my stench even though they hush up when I draw near.Your just jealous and management is always wrong!

I think you should heed the advise of your co-workers, FDW. I can smell you all the way from here.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Has anyone heard the phrase clegnuts or buttnuggets?

-----------------------------------------
Dingleberry Farms 100% organic since 1979
-----------------------------------------

A family oriented business, our motto is:

"Sometimes bumper crops are inevitable"

Whew! It's been a while since this thread was moderated!

_______
Born right the first time.

I will be celebrating my Dingleberry Blossom Festival shortly. This will be followed by a short "pick your own" season and then full commercial production will commence around May 1st.

Don't pick too soon. Nothing ruins a good Dingleberry pie like not-quite-yet ripe Dingleberries.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I hate dingleberries. So hard to get rid of. Best to keep a pair of scissors by the toilet, just in case.

You would allow scissors even remotely close to your nut sack?!

Just tear them dingles out by their rootstalks.

Can't do that HB. You'll get a bad case of dingleberry-rootstalk-stubble. Very itchy.

Didn't Elton John have a song about dingleberry wine?

If you favor a carefull and selective harvest it takes two baby.

How can I ever get it together
Without a wife in line
To pick the crop and get me hot
On dingleberry wine

Dingleberry wine= syrah. Tastes just the same.

_______
Born right the first time.

If you have no butt thatch you will have no dingleberries.
If you have a problem
you must mow the lawn.
Japanese women have no perianal hair thus their darling little anuses are dingleberry free. _______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Yo, think 'bout that dingleberry haven, i.e., somewhere in the Mid East, where falks don't have luxury of having TP?
For those having the dilemma of getting rid off dingleberries, simply stick you ass in the freezer for two minutes and then crush those sweet little bastards with your fingerstips.

wet wipes!

I was informed by an equally foul as myself arabic associate that in the middle east when they suffer dinglebrryitis.The either drag a turban through their asses and burn it or the skid down a sand dune like a dog.Either way the dingleberries go!I sadly often find my old fetid rectum is a fertile dingleberry farm that seems to have them hanging like stalagtites in a cave.My ragged underwear will attest to that.

Feto!!!!! How goes the Presidential Campaign? I'm totally convinced you can bury that fossil McCain, and that uppity minority fella, or that worthless hermaphrodite...
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Does anybody remember the old Andy Griffith shows, when Aunt Bea would put one of her own steaming dingleberry pies on the windowsill. Goober and Gomer used to come by, attracted by the sweet aroma.

Also, Ernest T. Bass would throw a rock through the window, then come steal that pie.

Deputy Fife would have allowed no pie stealing on his watch. Dingleberry pies are a rare treat and were well guarded in Mayberry.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I thought I remembered the word "dingle" from a Dylan Thomas poem as having meant something like a pasture. I checked the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language and found that a dingle is
(a small wooded valley; a dell).

In that context anyone who has eaten a berry that grows in such a location has eaten "dingleberries". This would include many different berries types that I have eaten. My favorite desert as a child was blackberry cobbler or if you prefer "dingleberry cobbler".

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Getting back to the Andy Griffith theme, did Otis the town drunk ever get arrested for drinking too much dingleberry wine?

Otis provided the raw material, and as a good business man, never touched his own product. Its how he got his money to drink the good stuff every day...Thunderbird or Boone's Farm.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Use Charmin Asshole !

Chief, I think Aunt Bea had a rather large "wooded valley" where she harvested the berries.

In the past I've had some bitter encounters with these.. little crusts of pain. I would have to agree with other posters; shaving your starfish works although a little itchy when the hair starts growing back. Also, walmart sells baby wipes dirt cheap.. they are moist and make your bung clean enough to eat off of. I am NOT shitting you!

I like this thread. Made me giggle..... Shave yo asses tho, seriously:)

I have found that a generous dollup of Vaseline or similar lubricating saave applied to the anus before deficating can prevent the formation of dingleberries, as well as serve as a barrier to prevent feces from clinging to the starfish shaped hole, thus drastically reducing the need for a "multiple wipe session" (MWS). This method is so effective, I have been dingleberry free since October of 1979 (when I perfected this method) and have made a good living on the lecture circuit passing on this valuable information to the dingleberry challenged. Additionally, I find that I require an average of only one roll of toilet paper for every 135.5 fecal evacuations.

Maybe so, but its still got to suck when you realize you are at the 135.5 mark (ie:half way through 136) and you are out of TP.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Well that's just great. A Vaseline shortage and a glut of toilet paper in the market. Isn't this economy fucked up enough?

That would kill my septic system!

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I use a small dab of Noxzema on the last pat of toilet paper when wiping; it cleans the anus and feels good. It certainly did not clog the septic system, which we had cleaned this past summer. I've never tried Vaseline.

my arse hurts, sooooooooo many dingles

bananaberrys, you might want to check the
info-mercials for the "weed-aug". It seems to make quick work of pesky, deep-rooted weeds, which is basically what you got back there. Just be sure to have some after shave handy to splash on afterward.

Best way to get rid of dingleberries is to sit in a tub of hot water and soak. Soon the dingleberries will soften up and fall off, and then float to the surface of the water. They can then be scooped off, and molded into little balls. Set them off to the side to dry, where you can then attach hooks to them and spray paint them festive colors.

There you have it, conversation starting Christmas ornaments for your tree.

Postman, I'm getting a disturbing visual that somewhat involves the Ocean Spray cranberry farmers.

I can't take credit for the idea. I'm pretty sure I first saw it on an episode of Martha Stewart.

Isn't that Martha Stewart wonderful? I wonder what uses Rachael Ray could come up with?

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Home made dingleberry sauce for Thanksgiving to serve beside that EVOO deep fried turkey.

Rachael Ray would also toast them, then use them as a crunchy topping for her award winning macaroni and cheese.

Why can't she just bend over directly in front of the camera to open the oven. There's bigger asses out there. Julia Child wouldn't hesitate.

Anybody else starting to get tired of those Charmin commercials with the Dingleberry Bears?

They're not only tiresome, they're also slightly disturbing and creepy.

Charmin should just market this stuff as "The Anti-Dingleberry Tissue"

Dingleberries suck ass literally they suck asses

my dingles are blue? how come?

Evidently, wiener, your ass was hanging in very close proximity to the Tidy Bowl Man, who no doubt took the opportunity to graffiti your dingles. He's incorrigible, and dangerously insane...consider yourself fortunate that you managed to escape with a blue spotted ass...
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Who the fuck knows Papa Smurf.

Bilge, you stepped on my 3000th post. How dare you!

You were a week later than I had predicted...and you tell me I fucked up? Excuse me?

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Who knows what shibiblits is?

Dear AC....Everyone who read the entire thread knows what shibiblits are, go back and do some reading and you also will know.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!