Are you sure that you didn't have this problem before, and that you just weren't so aware of it?

And also -- how about a high-fiber diet, to get your poops nice and solid?

this happened to a patient of mine once, and there is light at the end of your colon...er tunnel. my advice to you is this: everytime you feel a bowel movement is approaching, get a clean shot glass and some vaseline. insert the shot glass open end first into your freshly lubed anal opening. once the feces fills the glass inside of you, it forms a nice rounded and somewhat pointy tip, allowing the rest of your log to choo choo its way on down the tracks and get flushed at the station. also, to clean the shot glass for the nest usage, you may either use a normal dishwasher, or, like my other patient (Billious), just get a bar of soap, tape it to the soiled shot glass, and wrap it in a heat compress. stick this wrapped up glass in your armpit for an hour, and it will come out like mr. clean.

As a treatment, but not cure, stop using the wetted toilet paper and switch to 'wet ones' or one of those other products for changing babies' diapers. Embarrassing, yes. But you have clearly left pride 'behind' long ago. Head for the diaper aisle and stop chafing yourself.

And do you really *have* to wipe up all the way inside, or are you just in the habit? Most of us have 'piles' which are essentially a seal around the edge of the muscle ring of our bungholes to keep the 2 worlds apart. What happens if don't wipe up inside? If it's just a matter of knowing that its dirty in there, then the problem is all in your mind and you should talk to a shrink about 'mania.' If stuff is migrating into your boxers, then maybe you kind of stretched things out over the years and lost your muscle tone. You might want to talk to a proctologist if that's the case.

My suggestion is that you switch to baby-wipes for the outer area and stop picking at the rest of it.

Like you, I use to have "Swamp Ass." This was caused by not going deep into the rear to clean. After 28 years of shitting, I finally found a solution. If you squat down like a linebacker and wipe, you actually get in there real good. Don't forget to hold the one ass cheek open with the free hand.

About the wet toilet paper, this is a bad idea. I use to use it all the time but after taking a dump, you will notice a lot of "shit crumbs" on the floor around you. Sometimes, these crumbs fall into your pants and later in the day, they fall out of a leg while walking. Could be real embarrassing. I say you should use those new Cottonells. They are the greatest ass accessory out on the market. Just recently, Cottonelle has come out with Rollwipes http://www.cottonelle.com/products/rollwipes.asp . This will revolutionize wiping as we know it today. Too bad I am in Philly and they are not available here yet.

I hope this helps,

Deuce out

Crappercritic, where the hell did you come from? Do you have any relevence at all? Do yourself a favor and join AOL, you might find likeminded individuals.

What is your diet like? A number of people on this site have reported that consuming lots of dairy products generates pasty, hard to remove stool.

Adding psyllium to your diet might help. Psyllium absorbs water and forms a slippery goo. It might help lubricate your downloads better and diminish the Klingon Effect.

There was article on here not to long ago about suppositories. Look that information up. Suppositories might help you. I think the guy used them in the morning and 1 hour after each poop or something. Your ass becomes a place for zero friction that turd will shoot out like a patriot missle.

Dr. Feelgood, you post made me feel warm and fuzzy, yet a little bit bitter that you dont remember me....

i am the doctor that took that roast out of your oven a few years ago...... after i treated you, you never came back. i hope you are not a shameful patient... they are in the same league as the shameful shitter. can you walk in a straight line now that i removed the roast from your oven?

OK, been drinking steadily so I hope this is coherent. Study finds that girls are more easily addicted than boys. Also this: Jaffi, you went home and deliberately smelled your boxers? And crapper critic -- you actually treat the chute? Where do you practice? You could probably get patients just from this site.

Man, I've got stinky ass sweat sometimes too. Losing weight helps. Eliminates all the rubbing of the chunky, sweaty, blobulous surfaces and lets your poo goo drain.

Roast? Oven? Tell me more, metaphor God. I'm almost frightened to know what you mean!

My suggestion is to slather vaseline around anus and even a little inside,Vaseline will protect the skin from chafing and also alow the stooliesto slide down

DRINK MORE WATER!Sounds like you have a dried up ass...but treat the problem from the inside.Drink a shitload of water and eat some spinach or something.

Wow, that's so sad. I don't really know what to tell you except there's an old saying my dear gramma lived by- when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Maybe when life hands you sticky poop you should... hmmm i don't know if anyone would be willing to drink THAT lemonade!

I used to have that problem. Usually garbage in/garbage out. I changed my eating habits and no longer have to deal with crap patee. I used to call these dark moments in my life the unwipeables. Hang in there (no pun intended), and eat your greens...

In my opinion I'd just go in the kitchen and find a bottle brush and shove it up there.. it's like a little toilet brush used to clean kitchen glasses. It might hurt a lot, but when I did it it worked wonders. Just be gentle. You might even find your lost sock up there.

You didn't say, but my guess is that you are overweight... fat ass smells worse than skinny ass. You must be frightened to have a woman go down on you... your rank crack must ruin many a romantic interlude. Along w/ the dietary recommendations above, I suggest some weight loss. The only time my nose gets near ass is during sex... so clean fresh ass is a must. Oral sex is a major part of my sexual curriculum and nothing could be worse than a woman with a sweaty, bacteria inflamed ass crease.

"slather vaseline" "roast and oven" love it lmao

belly laugh, this site is a trip

I wonder if the roast in the oven is something to do either with gerbils or meat or wieners...hmmm

Please allow me to ass-ist you my swampy ass friend.

I ass-ume you have never heard of Sphincterine, Ass-tringent. This is exactly what you need. Check out the Ass-timonials at www.mintyass.com and you'll see what the kids are saying. Botom line, the shit works!

Sounds to me like you need more fiber in yer diet. Try metamucil twice a day should help the problem.

HELLO! I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. AFTER I POOP AND WIPE VERY WELL AND EVEN USE PRE MOISTENED WIPES I MAKE SURE IM ALL CLEAN BEFORE I PULL UP MY UNDERWEAR. THEN ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO LATER MY BUTT CRACK DEEP INSIDE STARTS TO ITCH. I GO AND WIPE IT AND THERE IS GOOEY CRAP THERE

I THINK I MAY KNOW WHY, I ONCE ATE A WHOLE BAG OF SUNFLOWER SEEDS WITH SHELLS ON, AND WHEN I WENT TO POOP NEXT DAY THE SHELLS RIPPED MY RECTUM APART EVEYTIME I WENT TO PUSH A STOOL OUT, THERE WAS BLOOD, AND SHELLS AND CRAP. I DIDNT CRAP FOR ALMOST A WEEK. I STUCK MY FINGER IN MY BUTT TO SCRAPE SOME OUT. I WORE A CAREFREE PANTY LINER FOR MY BUTT CAUSE IT BLED. I THOUGHT ID HAVE TO GO TO ER, THEN I ATE SOME LIFE CEREAL AND AFTER THAT IT PUSHED IT ALL OUT. EVER SINCE THAT I HAVE HAD THE WIPY PROBLEM, IT REALLY SUCKS

to keep ur ass clean do what i do... WASH YOUR ASS... after every BM wash.. extra soap and a finger... it might no be plesant but you wont have anal leakage and if you have hemorroids they will tend to dissapear

why do the french use bidets ??

exactly

joe

MAYBE YOU SHOULD DOUSH YOUR ASS. TRY DEPENDS OR ANOTHER BRAND OF ADULT DIAPER AND WIPE YOUR ASS WITH TUX.

Mad Props to all the shiters anonymous!! i'd advise you to stop eating meat and your pore sweat will not smell bad!!! its the shit you eat or drink that comes out of your pores dude!! it smells like a big stank a$$!!!

Truth is everyone has this problem, some are bothered by it and some arn't but most are and yet pretend not to be.

As a kid I was always fearful of not being clean and others noticing, and then I was yelled at for using too much TP, and then I was fearfull of being the only one not clean and others noticeing.

About the 8th grade I developed the scheme of using at first wet TP and then TP with creme and then both. I developed an allergy to some cremes and found that others clean better. I too thought about dry skin - which I naturally have anyway. I also have some food allergies that make it worse or noticible - If I eat the wrong things I itch whether or not I am clean shortly after going. I think allergies brought on the awarness but none-the-less everyone stays dirty down there unless extreme measures are used.

Whenever I have been with a girl sooner or later I find evidence of them being diry. Goodness, hasn't anyone done it doggy style with their eye's open. There will be a thin layer sooner or later.

I have seen the underware of girls with the smoothest of skin and yes skidmarks and yes it was from shit.

I am absolutely positive that most people have trouble staying clean down there. There are those who don't ever sweat and so don't care, there are those who don't care. Some don't itch from their own shit and so don't care. There are those who just don't care. Most are bothered by it though, - hence the phobias about being naked and such.

I really could go on and on about this. The main point is that others are also dirty at times if not constantly it just if you get rid of most of it its not that noticable.

I welcome any serious emails.

If you smell like ass Big Time, soak it in a hot tub of water and epsom salt. If that doesnt work try some strong ass dishwashing liquid. Alot of times I find myself smelling like ass, and when iI go to wipe it I find a streak of mess and lint. I dont quite understand why lint is mixed with mess but it is. So I think no matter how often you wash your ass, the smell of butt will always be there. Its like a mouth that has been closed for hours!!! Catch my drift??

you know what... i was just wondering if this really does happen to everyone or just the ones with hairy butts. you see i have an extremly hairy bumhole and i found the best way to stay the cleanest is too... well shave the damn hair and get over the god awful smell.

We have to keep in mind that, our rectum is used for one purpose, and that is to pass the God-awful crap (literaly) that our bodies can't use, or is waste. So, on one hand our ass is supposed to be dirty. I'd type more, but I gotta go pinch my daily loaf.

See ya!

Here's what ya do before your next big date. Go buy a enema bag thing, (its a hot water bottle with a tube), and some strawberry extract from your local head shop. Put some warm soapy water in the enema bag, lube yer butt and shove the nozzle in and let the water fill ya up, then sit down and push real hard like ya were takin a big dump. The water will shoot out of ya blasting all the crap outta yer colon. Then repeat using the strawberry extract/warm water mix. Then have a shower and wash yer butt. Guaranteed to leave ya smellin strawberry fresh for the evening and git rid of that case of stank ass. Just don't wear like real big open shorts while outdoors, cause bees and shit will follow ya around, like I used this shampoo once that smelled like apples and all these bees were trying to land on my head and I ended up gettin stung in the lip and then my lips looked my Mick Jaggers.

Good luck!

I get this problem even if I dont take a poo. Usually by the end of the day my ass will start to hurt, and by the time I get done working out it stinks too. Usually around this time it starts to really hurt. Ill take a shower and take a peak in the mirror and notice the skin is all red, like its chafed really badly. I go to sleep and wake up in the morning feeling fine again, ready to start the daily process all over. Why is this happening?! I drink a ton of water each day so I doubt its not enough hydration, and I am a very fit individual. Help!!

Ok for starters, you shouldnt stuff soap or a shot glass up your rectum! It is going to come out one way are another. If you are going to wash in side your rectum use colon and rectum safe soap. "its out there". And yes you should try to change you diet but that doesnt mean completely! Just equal everything out, it called moderation. And sure as hell dont eat shells sunflower seeds. That tear all the tissues you have in your rectum and just like out side your ass it forms a sore just like a cut on your arm would. Then you have to realize that it wont heal very well cause its in a moist and dark place. I believe that I can say that you guys are probably just making it worse, puting all these things in your ass. If you would just go to the store and buy a colon cleanser and use it the one time and then change your diet that you will probably get rid of this problem faster then sticking everything in your ass possible! Until its all taking care of I feel very sorry.. Just let let nature take its course cause you are ruining your rectum... And your not going to like it when you make it as bad it can get. Then its always going to smell and cause discomfort...

as ever, Anita

Other then that I am glad yall guys have some where to go!

I took the Biggest Dump today. The doo doo Log was a Foot long. Ugh. i felt so relieved but I had to flush 3 times to get rid of Shit. damn.

This phenomenon is called a "million wiper" and I, too, suffer from this problem. I wipe until my ass is red and raw. Try using mineral oil in an eyedropper. It will make your asshole feel weird but it might get rid of the problem.

These problems are especially apparent with over weight people. Try losing some weight. Also if you have a lot of hair in the crack of your butt, you should shave once a month. (this will help more than anything else) Try using a beard trimmer. Wiping with baby wipes would be great, but how many guys want to carry around baby wipes, especially when they're at work, etc... I would avoid sticking the toilet paper inside your ass if possible. One of the most important things would be good hygeine. I would recommend taking baths instead of showers. You should soak in a hot bath at least once a day. I would be willing to bet that there is a suppository available that would help with irritation, itching, dryness, and most importantly smell. If anyone knows of such a suppository I would be interested in it myself. Good luck, I will be monitoring this site for any additional feedback to my comments. (Ass Solution)

I just had a million wiper myself. Wiped myself raw and almost sat in the sink to wash. Fortunately it all came out alright.

I am also a million wiper. I've tried fiber supplements and baby wipes, but neither seems to help.
I'm going to add the text "wipe like 50 times" to this text so the search engines index this page with that phrase. i hope this forum continues and i can solve my wiping problem. it's terrible.

Let me know if you find anything, Million Wiper.

Really. I'm having a problem with it right now. It's like there's this turd up my ass that only comes out one swipe at a time!

In my professional opinion you should seek out a friend to give you a eye witness second opinion after wiping. I've often observed that for many people, most of them under 4 years old but not all, it takes time to build up confidence with wiping. After having your sticky poop just yell out, "MOMMMMMy, I had a poop, come wipe my bottom!" and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Thanks for all the suggestions and laughs.

There's an easier solution. Just accept that your ass stinks, and force others to deal with it. Take my butt, for instance. It smells like a goddam cesspool. I actually rather enjoy the smell now.

My advice is to arrange your poop schedule so you poop first thing in the morning and then you take a shower.

I have this problem, too, occasionally (poop that smells like liver and has the consistency of cray pas (basically greasy crayons), and can thorougly coat an entire roll of toilet paper and still feel dirty). Million Wiper indeed. For me it is diet, I think. Try eating less or more greasy foods, less or more meat, etc., and maybe you will find some combination of foods that makes everything less horrible.

I think you've got what Dave Chapelle once referred to as "mud-butt". Seriously, though, I think this is very common, and is mostly the result of (i.e. sedentary) LIFESTYLE, LIFESTYLE, LIFESTYLE. When I go back-packing (hot weather, hard work, fresh air), my defecations become something much more healthy, compared to these super-compressed, clay-y, death-clods. I say get more exercise, and cut down on the meat and dairy. More raw fruits and vegetables. Lots of fluids. Some fasting probably would be very helpful. And I had great de-constipation (among others) results from amitripyline (now taken in much smaller, maintenance doses), though it has been reported to cause constipation in others.

I found one thing that helps is eat a small bowl of cheerios between meals and I take an enzyme supplement with acidopholous. The Cheerios will come out within 12 to 24 hours no matter what ever else you eat, usually pushing everything else with it like a ramrod in your colon. It will keep you regular too. If I get a dumpling stuck in the chute. I just use an enema bag after pooping to get the rest of it out if I have to. putting anything on your ass is bad and If your ass is wet, you will develop "gig_butt" exessive wiping is bad also because it chafes. I think lack of fibre and enzymes to break stuff down is the leading culprit fo this condition.

Eat lots and lots of dairy products. Ice cream, milk, sour cream, cheeses, youghurt, you name it. This will help you alot. Also I find what works for me is to carry a toothbrush and use that to clean the area after a B.M. At first, you get irritated from the toothbrush rubbing, but after awhile, scabs develop and eventually large callouses which will make your a-hole numb to the brushing. That's where I'm at now. On occaison I've used Pine-Sol to wash my bung (like before a heavy date) to make 100% sure there's no offending odor, etc. Strong but it works. Callouses help.

1 out of every 5 times i take a dump it's a 1-wipe-shit:]
i wish i could feel sorry for you but your story cracks me up
haaaa haa haaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

I have the same problem. I found that if I keep the area around my asshole shaved, it is easier to wipe. This is itchy at first but if you maintain it, it becomes less so.

I used the wet toilet paper too. I found that Charmin holds together the best when wet. Most other toilet paper breaks up and leaves little toilet paper balls clinging to my crinkly sphincter.

AW FUCK Y'ALL.
THEYS A DISORDER CALLD OBSEVSIVE KEMPULSIVE DISORDER... ONE OF THE SIMTUMS IS EXCESSIVE WASHING... WHY ARE YOU WASHING OUT THE INSIDE OF YOUR asshole yo thats retarded. Why dont you go see a shrink and get some xanax to tone down that moderate to severe mental illness? And while you're at it go get a goddamn aloe plant. that will fix up the abrasion and shit in your ass, just break open a stem and rub on the goo. good shit.
They say anal retentive for a reason folks. it means neurotic, anxious people. wait until you really have to go to poop, that will make it all come out fast, leaving a nice clean bung.
Eatin more fiber ain't a bad idea either fer shure.
so to restate my points:
get prescribed xanax or some other anxiety medicine.
use some fucking aloe on that bunghole
wait till you actually need to go
eat more damn fiber

4 5t3p p|20gr4m 70 fr33d0m y0.

have you seen a doctor ever? a couple of these replies seem indicative of a yeast infection. (yes, an anal yeast infection). There are creams available, some over the counter..just do a google search and get some info..or better yet see your family doctor...

woot

Try using a cork.

Or even better, try cleaning your ass sometime.

I also have problems with my ass-hole. 1 of every 2 shits won't ever come clean and i've wiped until my ass is sore and bloody. I found sticking a shower head on full power up on ur undercarriage , legs open, clears the way for a freash shite and it makes me really horny.

YA MUM!

1. take a shat
2. wipe yo ass
3. douche yo ass when nessacary and take showers

im serious bout this shit.

Douching everytime after u take a crap is the best.. install one of those Hand Bidets they sell now.. stop using TP for wiping ur shit, use it after u have washed off for drying purpose only..
only then ur ass will be sparkling clean.. ALSO good if u r practising ANAL SEX.. this method is perfect!! cheers :D Yahoo Msgr me if u wanna chatmore..

I must agree that a good diet high in fiber with lots of raw fruits and veg's is the best way to go. Lots of water and fruit juices. You have to start with the inside at the start of the problem...your mouth. There are also lots of herbal rememdies out there that can clean your bowels. You will be amazed at how good you feel after you complete one of the programs. Yes, Ass Doucher I have to agree with you, a hand bidet, and regular douching can keep an ass fresh. It does come in handy for some good, clean, fresh, anal fucking. Plus your shit will smell like flowers. No lie. I said good bye to skids when I learn to use baby wipes with a good soft(charmin!) paper to dry afterwards. It is an art, but with practice ya'll too can be fresh. Thanx for the laughs, good luck. Oh and please find a solution, cuz, I do not want to be a victim of being around a smelly ass.

Don't argue, just get some macrobiotic diet books and do them. I had the same problem and it HURT.
I went macrobiotic, and it STOPPED HURTING AND GOT REGULATED. GO! NOW!
The sooner the better and the best is NOW!

Sounds like your poop is too dry. You need to change your diet high veg/fiber. Use small amounts of OTC lube. That should work

Some of these suggestions sound a bit sarcastic. I for one can appreciate the need for serious advice about dealing with sticky matters such as this. I have heard of this before! If you have ever been to South America, and drank the water, you might have a condition called schitzatonitis which is a swelling of the spinkter caused by a parasite that loves living in the lower colon. The locals scoot on carpets soaked in sheep urine, but the same effect can be achieved by swabbing a gererous amount of Franks hot sauce on a dry corn cob and giving it a twisting reaming action in and out for about 10 minutes to kill the parasites. If it doesn't kill the parasites, you will at least have an interesting diner story to share, and you will feel like a new man,... or perhaps like the new man in the cell block. Make sure and wear sanitary napkins for a few days to avoid infection.

i have the same prob butt ive tried everything

where do you guys get off? stop sticking stuff up your ass and go to a real doctor!! get off the toilet and get some help

i think you should stop worring how dry your butt is and clean it good.and smelling your boxers that is weird............did you get a brown nose?

Have you travelled to Asia? There, people have watersprays, sort of like a shower, next to their toliets. It gets you very clean. Google it. If you don't want to have one fitted next to your toilet, just use your normal shower. Also, you could have your butt waxed. It's not that insane, we women do it all the time, along with the waxing of other regions. That would stop stuff from getting stuck in there, and seriously reduce the sweat.

I hate to lump everyone into one group, but you are a bunch of sick fucks. Shoving shot glasses up your ass? Jamming your fingers into your butt? I knew guys in prison who worried less about their assholes than you folks here Talking about a good shit is cool, discussing self-sodomy with glassware is wrong.. _______
Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin', about to give birth to another Texan.

Hugh, I have to agree that talking about shoving shot glasses in ones anus is crass to say the least. This is a much classier web site. We need more stories from people who are cramming pilsner glasses and brandy snifters up there.

I prefer a thin-lipped cordial.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The dainty lady that you are Daphne.

Who mentioned penis colada?

I think this guy has nothing more than a simple case of butt orientated OCD, fuelled by the teen angst of the knowledge of his own sweat spot's existance.

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I am a colon therapist. I would try a colonic. Also drink lots of water. Everybody should.

Michele, unfortunately if everybody started drinking more water, we would run out. I would recommend beer instead.

(or bourbon)

Seriously just about every time I've had to take a shit lately I have had to use vaseline and my fingers in order to get it started!
Sometimes I end up having to practically dig the entire shit-pile out by hand!
And recently I have also been experiencing some anal leakage of sorts that looks to me like it consist of mixtures of shit with the possibly of blood or pus substances.
Then, when I'm just going to piss, I wipe and there it is again, and again, pretty much all day.
What's up with this, I don't want to die!!!!!!!!!