Doniker, you are a freak -- you just don't have the insight to realize it. You like to pretend that you're superior to everyone else at PR and that you're just dropping in to honor us with your presence when you get a free minute in your busy schedule. The truth is that you're as obsessed with poop as everyone else here, but the rest of us are honest enough to admit it.

Let's kiss mastercrapper's ass some more, why don't we?

Don't fret Doniker, I don't think I am obsessed or weird or a poop freak, I just think that it is good humor to tell those funny stories. I understand there are those who are obsessed with, use, abuse and I have even heard chewz da poo, BUTT, my interest in the Poop Report is purely for the "gutbustin" laugh a lot stories of radical, painful, embarrassing moments. There, do you feel better (normal) now? So go out there and SHIT your pants man and come back with a funny story about!

Although you have said you are sick and tired of my comments on this website, doniker, I'll give you my two cents anyway. It's a Catch-22 in my book. I think people who come to PR and stick around as we have already have in place an unusual interest in the subject. People who don't--leave and don't return. Becoming a regular participant in PR does heightens one's awareness, and I really don't care if anyone thinks it's a fetish or not. I personally think it's healthy to be upfront and shameless about bathroom habits. Who gives a damn if it's normal, whatever that is? If nothing noteworthy happens to you, enjoy reading about what happened to others. Recently, I've had a blast reading about gutbuster's Alaskan stories and seriously empathized with Epitaph's monster of a boss. For what they're worth to you--my regards.

Oops! Meant to say--I seriously emphathized with Epitaph REGARDING his monster of a boss.

Over the past 2 years this has also become one of my favorite sites. I have many stories but have never taken the time to put them in prose.

One thing that has disappointed me however is the infiltration of the immature children who have discovered the site and really have nothing witty or intelligent to add to the discourse. Just some banal immature one sentence comments such as, "my dookie stinks". Oh please. Just go away and log on to AOL so you can IM your other 8th grade friends.

Whew. Got that out of my system.

I am a long time reader of Poop Report and I am with you two: Big Wiper and Jeff. First of all, Big Wiper, I agree with you when you say it is healthy to be comfortable or "shamless" about your bathroom habits. It shows comfort within yourself, and that you are willing to laugh at yourself. That is very helthy: to be able to lagh at yourself, and shrug something off. Jeff, I agree with you when you say about the number of immature, and irreliavent respeonces on this site there are. I am actually appaled at how many swear words, and arguments there have been, many that have caused poor Dave grief. I say that if you don't have any interesting poop stories (I am one that does't) just enjoy the stories there are here, and keep your mouth quiet if you have nothing to say.

That is what I have to say.

Sorry, didn't answer Doinker's question. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just be glad that you have provided many of us with entertainment about poo.

When I firs stumbled upon poopreport, I was both delighted and suprised that others share my poop related sense of humor. I've frequented the site since and have even set the homepage of the computers at my school to poopreport. I've also been moved frm my cashier postition at Wal-Mart to the prestigious postition of maintnence... *read: janitor* Poop is a way of life for me and others like me I'm sure... what I'm trying to say is, Power to the Poop obsessed!!!

I've been on PR now for a little more than a year and I have the same feeling, Doniker. Every time I squat I start wondering: is this my next post? But you describe a harmless level of freakery. Everybody's got have a hobby. Some people collect miniature snow globes. I think it's really fucked up to talk to a guy who's a successful thirtysomething businessman and for him to rave about snow globes. I'd rather talk poop.

MC--you gave me my laugh over lunchtime. Imagine if we were all addicted to that twisted site--SnowGlobes 'R Us. Can you imagine some of the conversations among the junkies?

Junkie No. 1: "Hey, dude, my shook-up snow doesn't settle down for twenty-eight.point.two seconds. I timed it."

Junkie No. 2: "Oh, yeah? Well, my snow may settle faster than yours, but I got a blizzard goin' in there.

You just got a few flakes."

Talk about your flakes, huh?

I'll take straight poop talk any day.

I believe there is a difference between obcession & a healthy interest in something. Doniker, I don't know you well enough to make that distinction; however, if you have doubts, don't participate. It's much more noble and fulfilling to sit back and enjoy the sight rather than fretting over the fact that you are out of stories. Sounds like you might be afraid of not being in the spotlight. If that's the case, you're here for the wrong reason. No offense, just my opinion.

AP

my dookie stinks

My Dookie Stinx!!

Yeah, AP you're right. Doniker certainly enjoys being in the spotlight by having his stories published. In fact, it's an essential requirement to help bolster his low self-esteem. Doniker asks whether PR turned him into a freak. I think he was a freak long before he ever saw the site. PR just gave him an opportunity to express his obsession with poop, as it's done for the rest of us. There were times when he was posting on PR morning, noon and night. So instead of assuming airs of superiority over everyone else, he should just admit he's one of us. Doniker likes to attach the Big Wiper for his reports. I know a lot of folks don't care much for the Big Wiper's stories but at least TBW is honest with us unlike Doniker who is an out and out phony.

I dont have any glorious bizarre tales to tell at my own expense--at least not yet. I've been checking Poopreport for almost a year and I dont feel it has made me any more poop obsessed than I already was. What PR.com did was give me access to a tribe of soulmates. When I found out my stepmom had been diagnosed with a surprise case of non smoker's lung cancer (so far, she's stable), I wrote to Dave and said that I was so grateful for PR.com because no matter how depressed or scared I felt, I could always count on laughing my head off.

And, when the war began and someone (was it Big Wiper?) posted on the forum and asked what we thought of the war, a marvellous thing happened: a diversity of opinions were expressed, but within a context of comraderie. People here became human, shared concern, talked of veterans we had known. We wondered how Mastercrapper and his brother Adam were doing. Yes, we get earthy, and yes we get ribald, but that thread in particular revealed that whether we are Finnish, Canadian, English, Texan, California, New Yorkers or from the Deep South, in a crisis, we can become a deeply soulful and supportive group. Thats rare and something to celebrate. And I think it is precisely because we all share something in common: we not only have accepted that we are earth creatures and squirt out 'dirt snakes'; we can celebrate it.

Humans shit. We all shit. Only difference is, do we pretend we do not--or do we admit it? People who are interested in poop are not fetishists. We are earthy.

I adore telling other people about this site. Can always tell I've connected with a recruit when the person's eyes light up with a kind of unbelieving joy.

On the craigslist.org forum, a guy described a massive fart attack that befell him after he'd had a colonoscopy. He'd had air injected into his colon and it was still there after the evil equipment had been withdrawn. He left the doctor's office, felt that ominous rumble--and fled to the nearest bathroom, which happened to be the men's room in the public library--a major hangout for the homeless.

Our hapless hero barely made it into the john. He slammed the door and then, for an unbelievable 10 to 15 minutes let out a series of loud, monster farts as the gas exited his system. Meanwhile he heard appalled comments from outside his stall:

'Damn! What's happenin' here?'

'Motherfucker, that sounds like the devil' etc.

So I sent him info about Poopreport.com and also added the URL to the story of My Anal Fissure Bob.

My correspondant gave the perfect response:

'Disgusting. Sick. Pathetic.'

THANK YOU!!!!

Things like this make my day.

Last but not least, people have received helpful medical information here.

to Big Dumper (who I am sure is a regular on this site that I have pissed off in the past) I would still be on the forums morning noon and night but I was banned.

Yes I enjoy the spotlight. I don't feel superior to others on this site but I do believe that this site wouldn't be the same without my input over the past 2 years. How many stories on this site contain the phrase "Shameless Shitting" that I coined?

Hey, Pooperscooper, nice post, my friend! For the record, though, I can't take credit for the War discussion. That was Snapper that put that up originally. I did participate in the discussion, though, and maintained my concern for mastercrapper's bro until he said everything was copasetic again.

The thing I like best about PR is the liveliness of the discussions. Plus I've just made a slew of good friends behind the scenes. I'm not sure I would have believed I would enjoy the intellectual discourse as much as I have. And then there's the humor. Some of this stuff is Saturday Night Live and Monty Python and The Kids In The Hall, etc. all rolled into one. gutbuster's stuff is just great for a laugh--which, BTW, is also great for the digestive system, which, in turn leads to some good poops. Is this great or what?

Hey, Big Dumper, I appreciate your take on me. I am nothing if not honest. We're a pretty diverse group, huh? Later.

Soiled briefs in hand

He walked down the hallway

Normal Asian kid

Haiku's syllable arrangement is 5-7-5. Good try.

Yeah, I thought Mike evoked some interesting images there. Wonder if PR should start a Haiku section?

we already had a haiku contest, go to poop contests, #4.

come on sparky, i thought you were the new master of the site. your slipping.

hey seventh graders can make stupid comments to! like the always popular my poop stinks

Hey doniker why were you banned on the forums?

large and gas propelled

my puckered ass burns and swells

pity I must flush

In other words, YES, LETS HAVE A HAIKU SECTION!

And Doniker, poop awareness like that stage of psycho-social development when we all become self aware... Its not wrong or right, its just evolution. Poo folks are up the evolutionary totem pole along with the kids with no wisdom teeth and the lactose intolerant. As in WE ARE SUPERIOR. Embrace your fecalfelia my friend. You too, can be free from the bondage of self. YAY!

What the fuck is this? A So-and-So's-Better-Than-You competition on PR?

Doniker- you are a fucking freak. You always have been a freak. You're not a cool freak either. That's why you got banned. You personally attack numerous people... your latest victim is The Big Wiper. The Big Wiper contributes a shit load of good stories and ideas to this site. I guess that makes sense why you don't like him.... like someone said.. it's about the spotlight for you.

Let's see what kind of personal attack you'll throw at me now...

well I could easily launch a personal attack on you Snapper but I never would. Why? Even though you hate my guts, I have grown to really like you and your personality and I regret all I did to you in the past. I think you are one of the coolest and down to earth females I have ever had the priviledge to be associated with. The world would be a better place if more women were like you.

I still don't understand what I said that was so offense to you on your mother's site, I was trying to apologize.

Hey Doniker, stop grovelling. That won't fool a bright person like Snapper. She's right. You are a freak and an asshole. You say that PR would never have been so good without you. Well excuse me! Next you'll be telling us that the sun shines out of your asshole. Most of your stories have been shitty in more ways than one. The above is your worst by far because it's so hypocritical. You're not good enough to wipe TBW's ass. Snapper is right. TBW has some honest posts and is a real contributor without just attacking other folks like you do. He would never have caused havoc on Snapper's Mom's site like you did. So don't play innocent with us. Also, try using Spell Check next time you post!

Hey Kids.

It's been ages since I posted here, and I have no excuses for that. Just thought I'd drop in and say hi again, and reassure Doniker that he is not a freak. I know plenty of people like Doniker, all seeking the spotlight in their own different way. He just expresses his need for attention through this website. And I would imagine it is sated. Some people never learn the difference between positive attention and negative attention.

Probably due to my extended absence from the forums (which unfortunately will continue due to my studies and my inability to compile anything half decent to contribute) I also missed why Doniker was banned from the forums. Would anybody care to enlighten me?

Hey guys, I found this site a few months ago. I come back as often as I remember. I don't know about any of the fueds going on between Doniker and Mastercrapper or whoever. But I do really enjoy the talent of the writers and the storys they tell.

I work in a commercial building, and once while searching for an open bathroom (yes I'm a shameful shitter, if I'm in the stall when someone else comes in I won't wipe, or do anything else,I'll just sit there and endure whatever they dish out) I walked into the restroom on the 7th floor. Normally I don't ever have an encounter in this restroom. The seventh floor is the floor all the hot shots of the corporation work i.e. Commisioners, Chairman, etc. On this occasion I open the door and get hit by this god awful stench. Before I could think I said "AWW, DAMN!" I looked to the right and saw feet under the stall door. I turned around and ran out the bathroom. I really didn't want to see the face of the man that made THAT smell.

Thanks for you time,

Lurch

dribbling down my leg

revolting brown words written

anonymous poop

Well,,,all I can say is that it is a shame that in American culture (if one can dare to insinuate that Americans have a 'culture, but thats another point) stemming from very puritanical roots has some phobia in regard to this subject matter. I do believe that term is called 'Coprophobia' or scatophobia'. There are unfortunately a high percentage of scatophobes out there! And, what a shame. There was a website that since closed (www.scheiss.purespace.de) that started out so cool with a 'Fako Gallery', with actual pics of various excremental stories, and at present another site: 'www.ratemypoo.com' that is virtually exclusively devoted to pics of excrement from around this planet, i.e. from all cultures.
When one travels outside of the narrow mental confines of US 'culture' one would discover that coprophilic stories are actually very commonplace. Why the taboo upon American society is beyond me. Perhaps it is some ageist phenomenon, that the younger crowd (i.e. those under thirty) wish to hide from their older counterparts, so perhaps it is an AGE issue, as to why the usual reticence among the American public. I am by far not old (as I have only made just under three decades of free annual trips around the sun) but I had just recently returned two DVDs back to MTV as it was not the subject matter, but the EXCESSIVE amount of censorship thatthese DVDs had. According to those censors, it is perfectly acceptable to show in graphic detail a COW defecating but at the same time to totally block out the actual excrement residue of one of the HUMAN actors farting along with some unanticipated fecal residue before his folks. Further, it is perfecctly acceptable to quite literally show blood and guts of horrible accidents and crime scenes, but at the same time not to show any signs of fecal matter! What a violent society Americans live in! No sex -- or excrement, but plenty of bloody body parts to go around! THAT to me is sick! NOT delving into the topic of coprophilia! I am so glad that I have stumbled onto Dave's website here myself, and just hope it will not be abused by those who hold on to coprophobia, really! So let's cut the crap, and allow for those of us to freely express ourselves, no matter just how 'shitty' the stories or personal accounts may be.
Keep up the good work Dave! Pay no mind to the coprophobes!
The other David

Doniker, to answer your question, YES!!!! We're all becoming freaks of this site! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

I heard that everytime you fart - poop flakes come out. Does anyone know if that's true or not?

I don't think that's true, otherwise my frequent farts would leave skids in my underwear.

This derailment brought to you by Amy.

"...Amy (not verified) -- 10.20.2004 -- 'I heard that everytime you fart - poop flakes come out. Does anyone know if that's true or not?'..."

I'm pretty sure there aren't any flakes (at least not normally), but there ARE particles that blast through your clothing, because THAT'S what you SMELL! Pooticulates.

And doniker, I don't think you're any more a freak than some people around here.

In the 7th grade, my friends and I would come up with different names for different farts. We would sometimes have to make up a whole back story for the more imaginative names. "Shrapnel Fart" was one of these. The idea was that an individual would take a sloppy dump right before bed, and not wipe very well. Said individual would then retire for the night. As he sleeps, the wet poo on his crack would solidify. When he awoke and sounded the crusty butt trumpet, the shrapnel would fly and besmear everything in the area.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Doniker,
Freakishness is all a matter of perspective. If you went into a public restroom and saw a person scooping turds out of a crapper and mowing down on them, you would say (correctly so), "Methinks thou art a freak!" This is a fairly well established level of freakiness, but some people measure how freaky something is by there own scope of experience. For instance, if one had never heard of dining on escargot, he might be tempted to think it a tad bit bizarre to eat snails. One man's weirdness in this case is another man's culinary sophistication. (This example still doesn't work with the looney in the can eating shit - that's still freaky.)
I suspect that nearly everyone is thought to be an asshole by someone. That in itself means nothing. But by being here at PR, well... I think we all might be just a touch demented.

Every person is a freak in their own way. Just be glad you have a good enough sense of humour to laugh about something it actually makes sense to laugh about.

_______
...and they all lived crappily ever after!

No you are not a freak
_______
Russell the shitting queen