reading puts your mind in a trance like state and allows the stubborn floodgates to open. If you REALLY have to take a dump, reading is not necessary, its only when the brown kids need a little coaxing is reading beneficial.

Poonurse is like Pavlov's dog. She has conditioned herself to associate new book smell with the act of commiting murder of the little brown people that live in her butt, via drowning

Yo, whatup? The Markster don't usually read when he's all up on the pot. I likes to thow down the poops, and then flush it, 'fo the bathroom get all stanky. Readin' on the pot just makes it take longer, and then I gots to be smellin' my bidness longer than necessary.

But dig, y'all, sometimes when the Markster's in a creative mood, and the poops be slow to drop, I do some writing to help get things flowing. Some of my best songs have been written while I dump. Fo' example, on my new album "Skidsterstyle" I wrote these songs when I was on the can:

Ain't No Fart (That One Had Lumps)
Poopy Poop
Chunks and Juice
Serial Poopa
That Shiznit
Bathtub Floater

So next time, consider 'ritin or 'rithmateic, instead of readin, when you is on the can.

'Til next time, I be running paper through my crack, bouncin' on 4-gallon flushers. Skidster out!

I only read the shampoo bottles when I'm really bored because of constipation or something. Sometimes I'm just plain tired and want to relax so I don't even worry about shitting and I just sit there.
Nice song Skid Marky.

I'm really not a reader on the pot. I know I don't have to have something in hand to sit and shit. Once in a great while, I'll bring a sports section in with me, but that's not the norm.

On the road in hotel rooms, I almost never read while doing the deed. I am fairly certain that the reason I choose not to resort to reading while dumping is because I like to savor the sensations of a good dump.

Reading, for me, would be a distraction from the task at hand. I'd say I'm a sitter/thinker/shitter/stinker--but not a reader.

I've also run around my apartment in desparation, poop knocking at the door as I look for a magazine or catalog or brochure or SOMETHING to keep me company for the five minutes I'll be in there. Yesterday I resorted to reading a piece of junk mail from the cable company... which actually turned out well, because I found a coupon for a free pay-per-view movie. Hooray!

I've never shitted myself while searching for reading material. Oh, but I've come close. Oh, yes.

I remember discussing this a long time ago here on PR and it is a fascinating subject. I, too, will scramble for something to read and if I am away from home I have actually resorted to reading anything in my wallet; business cards, receipts, phone numbers on scraps of paper and I've even been known to study paper currency (when I actually have some), which is kinda cool if you try it. There's actually a movie coming out now about money having clues to a hidden treasure!

Anyways, I've noticed that if I have something to read on the pot, the longer I stay. I will stay until the chapter is done, or at least the next paragraph which in turn makes me push more, causing 'roids and eventually leading to dropping off next week's shit.

Lately I have swayed away, but I think the reason is that some of us don't know what to do while shitting. Reading, playing video games or whatever does distract us and allows our asses to work on their own.

There's also the point that... where does the shit end? When have you been in the pot long enough? Sometimes I feel as if there's more so I stay, or I'll linger to let my starfish relax a bit after a tough fight and voila, more shit comes!

It's a damn good thing I don't have a laptop. I'd be on the pot until my automobile size 'roids would explode and my intestines would just hang out my ass!

Oh yeah, sorry this is so long!

Skidster, I will be the first in line at your autograph session when that album gets released.

I almost always grab something to read whether I'm at work or home. It ranges from Electronic Gaming Monthly, to books about financial investments. Sometimes my wife leaves a Cosmopolitan laying around in the bathroom and I read all the gritty sex stories and "how-to" articles on achieving a better orgasm. That way I double my productivity: I'm taking a shit, and learning how to please my woman at the same time.
Although pooping with wood can sometimes cause problems...

I look at it this way, your body is more relaxed when you're reading something, so things go more naturally. If you feel the sudden sensation to poop, your body does all sorts of muscle constrictions to keep that poop inside until you reach the toilet. Reading something allows those muscles to relax again and allow things to go more smoothly.

Yo, ThreePly, the album's gonna drop (huh huh) next month. 'Til then, check out "Fear of a Brown Planet," available from BM Records.

And since it ain't cool to take this space for advertising without commentin', let me just add this: Whatup with the dawgs that have Playboy n' shit like that in the bathroom? The Markster sees literature like that, he tends to get all hard, and then he can't pee no more. That's messed up, puttin' porno by the potty. Keep yo' dirty magazines in the bedroom, where you can whack to them, 'stead of in the bathroom.

I HAVE to have my easy crosswords. If my book is full, I immediately go and buy a new one. Sometimes, if I have an extraordinary poop, I'll write it in the sidebar of the particular puzzle I'm working on. "Holy Hotsauce!" or "Pissed from my ass!" - stuff like that.
Without my book, like at my sis-in-law's, I'll do the mad dash for her Archie comix. My mom and dad have a "Home remedy" book beside their toilet. I just browse through that when I'm there.

I read constantly but no while on the pot.

I never spend much time on the pot to read. (Except for a story I posted in the forums a few days ago.) The most I ever get to read are the backs of shampoo and toothpaste bottles.

Hell, I HAVE to read while on the pot (in fact, I just got back from doing so). People always ask me why I know so much useless trivia. They think I'm smart but it's really just the three old almanacs I have stashed above the commode as a last resort. . .

This leads me to a common problem I have. It crops up when fighting off a particularly stout one and I need both hands to brace myself. This often leads to me losing my place in the book. Reading also gives you something to do when you're battling the gurgles and need to remain seated while determining if you're playing a double (or triple) header.

Hey Di, I have done the book of crosswords thing, but I always end up with a half done book. I can only do the crosswords while there are enough pages to give me enough support to write. I guess I'm not man enough to head in the pooper at work with a clipboard. . .

I always play the games on my cell phone when taking a dump. It is the only time that I manage to find the time to play these games. It certainly makes taking a dump that little bit more entertaining

My daughter's Hamtaro Gameboy Advance is really fun while dumping, and I like the music. I also take all my animal rights magazines and aquarium catalogs in there, where I have a brown wicker basket right at eye level, for a quick fix, should I be caught loafing without something to look over.

Why do we do it? Who knows.

Maybe it is the trance theory, allowing us to let our bodies do what they want while we wait. Maybe it's because we live in such a "don't waste time" society that we can't imagine being stuck on the shitter for, gasp!, 10 to 15 minutes with nothing to do.

I wonder if people with ADHD have more trouble sitting on the pot that long or actually reading the material they bring in..............

yea, I play my cell phone games while sittin-n-shittin. Ur sometimes I'll sneak a peak at the ole ladies cosmo.
I agree w/ SMM, wood on the bowl is not cool.
SOX rule!

Click poota poota poota pwah pwick.
Plllllllllllll. Plut!
Weeeeee. Fffffffffttttt!!!

If the toilet had anything at all to say about it, none of us would stick around very long with our dirty asses directly in it's face. Being a toilet must be very humiliating, especially when a guy goes in and sits, shits, and read for 10 or 15 minutes. Would you want to hold someone's crap in your mouth that long?

futa futa futa futa...

Translation: That's the toilet's problem.

I never read while I'm on the toilet. Instead I braid my enormously long pubic hair.

Looking at the reasons posted so far, it seem that the most popular theory for why some folks read (or do crosswords, etc.) on the pot is to relax, either to fight boredom or possibly to facilitate shitting. Reading a little between the lines of some of the responses, it might be that those who want to read are the same folks who tend to spend longer in there. However, it also seems clear that some people may be spending longer in there precisely because they have sometime to read (or accomplish), and want to finish it.

As to my own reasons, it often takes a while to work the shit out, so reading (or playing electronic Yahtzee) gives me something to do while waiting. I also like the feeling of sitting there with sphincter relaxed. Perhaps it takes me back to the infant stage – basically to the time when anytime I wanted to shit, I could. During this time on john (which can extend for up to an hour) I’m in a free-as-a-bird zone druing which no one can make demands on me (I enforce the no-talk through-the-door rule). It’s the closest to Eden I get.

Skid Marky Mark,
You're not fooling anyone. You can't read.

I know, I know, I'm always saying things like this that make it sound like my beloved is uptight, but I used to read on the pot, but he makes fun of that practice so I stopped. And as to why I did it - it was a time when I could read undisturbed and no one could complain that I should be doing something else. Of course, then I'd end up with a big red ring around my cheeks. But there is more to it, because now I read shampoo bottles. I'm too embarassed to face the mocking when I take a book in there, and it is a bit unnecessary, since I'm only in there for a minute anyway.

i just thank god i have a laptop. man, i could spend hours on the shitter playing nes roms on my laptop.

I too have found myself reaching desperately for the nearest labeled product whilst producing the poop.
However, in a preemptive strike against mind numbing fine print I have equipped my bathroom with a dictionary, a small microscope and some knitting supplies....
You would be surprised at the ease with which one can successfully execute a mid-shit
Multi-task.
When one can poop. Knit. Examine a loved ones pubic hair. and discover the meaning of the word “ischemic” all in one good sit down… well my friends’… life is good.

"Life is good" -- How to make your toilet your workshop. This was a wonderfully rich description, Lady G. Would never thought of bring a small microscope in there, but what an addition it would make. Can you suggest a brand and model?

Thank you Logjam for your encouragement!
As for brand/model endorsements… I personally use a
Baytronix professional compound biological microscope with halogen lighting
System and a wide field 10x eyepiece set…. But I happen to be a very disturbed individual who enjoys bathroom biology and creeping out my roommates.
I suppose the type of scope you equip yourself with should correspond with your level of curiosity…. But if you’re just looking for a distraction, binoculars do make for a good time.
Happy hunting!
As ever … creativity and curiosity need not stop at the bathroom door.

Logjam is cool. I've been wondering the same thing!

I just always keep a copy of Super Street on the back of the pot. From time to time when I get really into a computer game, the laptop makes a trip with me. Hehe..I've even bought a 50foot ethernet cord so I can check my email and chat while I'm shitting. I do it, but I think it's messed up.

Freakazoid: you've made my week.
Lady Gastro: What do you do with binoculars in the head? Read the shampoo bottles from a distance? You can't focus on anything very close, can you?

Lady G. Oh, I got your joke. Sorry I was so slow.

Yesterday I found myself planning my move on the toilet. I was sitting there looking around the bathroom at the things I needed to move. I always know when I'm getting stressed out because I spend more time on the toilet like this.

As I've discovered with many poo issues I want to pursue, there is usually an existing article or thread on the topic somewhere in the PoopReport repository. On this question, see Chip Brown's "The Tiled Library."

Where is Poo Nurse? She is the best part of this site!

Like Ass Phlegm, I would risk arriving too late rather than arrive without reading material. However, this causes a problem those rare times I deign to give a poop at work: walking down the hall w/ a newspaper folded under your arm is a dead giveaway. I've seen colleagues approaching from the other direction turn on their heel to detour to another floor as I come into view. (Why I do not want to be identified as a, or the, pooper is, I'm sure, covered elsewhere on the Poop Report.) So I often forego reading at work, which sometimes results in the boy who cried wolf having to make a return trip later the same afternoon. At home, however, I have read many years of investment publications subscriptions, catalogs & other junk mail, as well as the entire Iliad and Divine Comedy in the john. I think that just as I try to remain anonymous to my colleagues at work, I pretend at home not to be paying attention to my body so it can sneak one over on, or rather, under, me.

Ahh!! I love reading poop report in the morning! Gets my day started just right.Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that there are more people just like me!Never have time to read on the pooper, I'm fast like a cat-burgler...in and out.If I was a cat-burgler my calling card would be leaving a huge turd in their toilet.Then the papers would call me the "TURD BURGLER"!!! (When I was little Grandad always called me "turd bird")