Ask PoopReport: Why Do Men Stink?

// // 108 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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Dear Poopreport,

Thank you. I had no idea what a Shameful Shitter I truly was. I feel
free -- released from one of the last vestiges of societal bondage. I look
forward to spreading the good news, especially to my best friend, who is still
a slave to her cranky bowels.

My question:
Why do men, in general, spend a longer time on the crapper than women? Why do
men's poops, in general, smell so much worse than women's?

I know all about dietary and emotional effects on the bowels, but what
phenomenon accounts for the gender difference?

108 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Why Do Men Stink?"

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points
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I go there to hide from my girlfriend... she doesn't bother me in there. No cuddling, no listening to her babble about work... I can actually read in peace.

The actual pooping takes maybe 3 minutes.

Tom Turdriffic's picture
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Pooping is good for you (holding it in makes you cranky and more susceptible to colon cancer). It also makes you feel better, and, best of all, it's free! Why not make it last?

I have no idea about the smell. I can't speak from personal experience, even though I've been married almost 18 years. My wife is the ultimate shameful shitter, even in her own home. I rarely know when she's in there - I just see skidmarks in the toilet once in a while. My guess is she only goes once or twice a week, when I'm at work, and god only knows how hard the exhaust fan works that day.

Oh, and Ty has a good point. Since women seem to want attention and/or conversation 24/7, it's a good place to escape from my wife and daughter.

Pooh Bear's picture
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Generally, when partially digested material pass thru the colon of a man, a different hormone is excreted into the bowels to aid in digestion. This particualr Hormone, Stynchosterone, has a foul odor. This causes male droppings to be far more odorous than female.

Justa Girl's picture
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I dunno... maybe I'm not a normal chick (well, ok, i KNOW for a fact that I'm not normal... I hang out here, don't i?) but I have had some really stinky shits that would totally rival the smell of a dump any guy could take. As for the whole "why do men take longer"... my husband craps like 4 or 5 times a day and is in and out so quickly that i can't believe he had time to finish his business. When I visit the little girls room, it is a procedure that involves reading material, scented candles and at least 20 minutes of privacy. I'm not familiar with the scat-habits of any other men (or women for that matter) so I can't really comment except to say that the whole gender difference in pooping is a generalization. I believe a study is in order!

El Cagador's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Sorry Folks......my wife's shit stinks for than mine and she is not shameless. She leaves to door open for all to see and smell......

Mastercrapper's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardl 100+ points
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Dear NMS,

We stink more because we try harder. It's worth the extra time.

sara's picture
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I'm a vegetarian, and my shit stinks a LOT less than my carnivorous junk food eating counterpart. I may like my fair share of nachos, but nothing beats the rotten smell of partially digested AMPM hot dogs. In summation, my theory is that men in general it way more crap than women, since we're so obsessed with our asses and thighs etc. Thusly, all the cheetos and hamburgers and various garbage compared to say, vegetables and fruit make a rankness far surpassing that of any veggies-ass.

lo's picture
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lol

Ieatpoo's picture
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A poo is a very important event for a man. they take all the time the can and read etc and because they eat more and weirder food.. while a woman (mostly) wants to be in and out quick and fast so no one notices and they eat less and more normal food.

poopie head's picture
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our shit stinks more because we dont get enough fiber and soy protein.my shit makes the bathroom stink for hours and after i crap, people are scared to go in there.

Teri's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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One time i took a poop my husband came in the bathroom and he was like "why the hell does your poop smell so bad? and i was like, "i dont know, why dont you go ask your dad? I heard he knows."

mrs. butz's picture
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Teri is so right about poop! mine totally smells! Like garbage! actually worse than garbage, ya know, because it's poop and all. i mean you would think that poop would smell nice, like flowers or something, but it never does. really makes you think. about poop. or at least it makes me think about poop. actually i always think about poop. even when im making love to my sheep dog. i mean husband. good night. man i love poop.

Dave J.'s picture
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Here is the definitive answer (on the stink): There aren't any differences between the male and the female digestive tract; physiologicaly, anatomically...all the same. A few people already hit on this, but it's all in what you eat. Meat has a lot of compounds your body simply cannot use (many, many amino acids); way more than what your system needs. As a result, meat eaters have stinkier poo (the bacteria in the lower GI tract metabolize the protiens, and since they're anaerobic, produce foul smelling compounds (sulfur dioxide is a big culprit)). Point of fact here: I have an iguana (5' long, strict herbivore) and a snake (6.5' long, strict carnivore). The snake poop stinks my whole appartment up, even though she only poops about 1/4 cup. The iguana has pooped in my bed, and I didn't even know it (until I rolled over in my sleep and my hand hit it. Before you think I'm sick, my iguana lives freely in my room, and I'm a clean guy. She must've dropped it there after I fell asleep.). Even after I woke up, it didn't smell too bad.

poopungus's picture
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Men smell worse then wimmens because we like to eat big burgers and steaks and all that meat stays in our colon for days/weeks. EAT VEGETARIAN!

adude's picture
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I'm curious to know if women experince the "butt mud" syndrome. As a 24 year old male I've had my fair share of number 3 poops in my life where there was liquid exiting my o ring. I mean hot molten enzyme laced matter that seared the muscle tissue it came into contact with. Oddly enough I found a nearly sexual pleasure in having to take a number 3 in a restroom that was not at home. What I mean is I had no option to jump in the shower pronto for a soap and water cleaning. Anyway, I'd wipe up and be numb as hell. It would feel inflamated and painful. I'd get home and get in a cold shower and as soon as that cool water hit that swollen tissue it was heaven. Ahhhhhhhh. =)

Anyway in my 20's I've had like 5 cases of butt mud come out when I had eaten a poor diet of junk food in the past few days. I'm talking about a consistency where it is literally mud.

Any females on this borad had such a poop?

I wonder if this is more gender or age related. If you've mudded what was you age when you started making mud?

sara's picture
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I admit it. Though I've been veggie for about 10 years, I broke down a couple nights ago, and got some KFC (as in - chicken). I didnt eat one peice, like I did last week, I ate 8 peices! Needless to say, I was having a late night snack attack, and had to follow it up with some creme puffs. Soon nighty night followed. I woke up at 4:30am with the urge to fart, but when that foul wind passed through my sphincter it carried a dash o' mud. Thusly, I jumped outta bed and SHAT that mudslide shit out for a good ten minutes. I shit you not. Thats why I dont eat meat. My ass cant tolerate it. But yes, I'm a girl and I admit i get that muddy shit every here and there when I compromise my superior diet ethics. that is all. ANd yes, my ass felt kinda tingly and sore.

Vatfryer's picture
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I don't know, good question. I do know, though, that I'm a woman, and I take a LONG time in the bathroom when I poop. I usually take a magazine or the newspaper in, and spend maybe half an hour to 45 minutes in there. I do it because poop time is peace time, it is time to yourself, away from the cares of the world. You just sit and think about shit and the news for the duration of the time.

Herbertomoculouse Buenaventura's picture
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i love to poop

ashly's picture
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sometimes i have to poop soo bad... it feels good.. i lik my privacy sum times well i go but sumtimes i shit in piblic thoiugh i gunk of it as my private poopie time lol

yomama's picture
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My theory about why men take so log is that *some* (notice i said some) like to masturbrate. As for the stnk men tsnd to eat more drink beer, eat meat ect...

I dont know just a theory.

stinky's picture
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I'm a girl and a vegetarian and my poop is about the stinkiest around

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I'm a girl and I enjoy stinking up the bathroom for the next user.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Poopsicle's picture
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My wife gives me grief because I poop 3 or 4 times a day. I explain to her that it's healthy to poop that often. i just say this. i'm not really sure if it's healthy to poop this often.
i have a healthy diet of near vegetarianism (seafood only), but I drink lots and lots of beer.
Does anyone else poop that often?

RoMaNoL's picture
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poop smell bad because people don't get all the water that there body needs.

A's picture
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Yep,
Girls experience "butt mud" my guy friends call it "peeing out of your butt"

Whoever says girls dont poop is full of poo themselves.. which is probably true bc tehy are probably a girl, who is, indeed, holding it in. Where does it all go if they dont poop?!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Use the cat box.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

needacrap's picture
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i live in a residence and i tend to hold it in a little longer than it should be held... because it is really REALLY bad and guys come out from their rooms asking whats died? is there any normal way to stop my poo stink that badly?

Colon Blow's picture
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When I drop a freshly baked loaf the odor is invariably so mind bogglingly foul that it can be smelt from the floor below me. It seems as if the very porcelain upon which I sit will be stained and the paint on the walls cracked by the hideous gases released. Children cry, women scream and men want to punch me (but they dare not get too close to the source of the stench).
Odor, however, is not the worst of my problems. No, my REAL problem is the fact that every mud skipper I let slip is the size of a well fertilized, fully ripened zucchini and has a consistency somewhere between that of a chunk of pumice and a fossil. This tends to stretch the little brown ring to proportions far beyond those it was designed for and frequently results in a bloody butt rupture. Very painful, let me tell you.
The final insult is that these titanic ass stallions cannot be flushed down the toilet. Until someone invents a crapper that has a hole the size of a 3 month old baby in it, my turdzillas ain't going nowhere.
FYI, I have destroyed toilets, with these mud bombs in public restrooms throughout the world. If you ever come across a restroom that is "Closed for Cleaning"... you'll know I was there.

me's picture
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how often should a guy poop a day???Is it normal to need one like 30mins after eating???

monkey terd's picture
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a monkey came out of my ass literly.

???'s picture
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taking big loads and longs times makes you feel beter

Loraine's picture
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Sara, Sara..you are so wrong. My husband and I are both vegan and I can tell you that vegan poop (and farts!) is the WORST! We frequent a rock climbing gym where several of us are vegan, and the other people swear vegans need a bathroom all their own. The smell of rotted meat is indeed foul...but so is the gas of an all-vegetable diet!

BIG LOAD's picture
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Ok, PoopReport.com readers BIG LOAD is in the house and let me tell you something on why shit stinks.

Well first off...it really depends on who you ask...I mean some people / cultures actually love the smell of shit - just to let you know I am not one of those people.

I really think that shit just stinks...alot of it really does depend on the food you eat, as well as any medications your on...and after all people we are talking about shit...shit just stinks...it's our bodies waste.

Let me ask everyone - what was your biggest load?
I once pinched a loaf that was 20" long, and on the same dumped pinched a second loaf that was 24" long. This same load weighed in at a total of 20lbs!!

Now ya know why I'm called BIG LOAD!

So let's here everyone...what was your biggest load!!

PS - AND BOY DID THIS LOAD STINK...My wife and I had to stay in a Hotel room for the night! Very serious about this folks.

Matt's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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20" and 24"????? ... come on get serious

BIG LOAD's picture
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Matt

I am serious!! But hey believe what you want to. So...what's your biggest load?

BIG LOAD's picture
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Oh, SHIT...my loaf today was a whopping 30" long...but only 10lbs though :(

Well I guess nobody cares to comment on the topic of "load size" or do you people even measure and weigh? I guess not...oh, well some day you will.

-BIG LOADS TO ALL!!!

PS... I hate small loads...I hate small loads...repeat after me...I HATE SMALL LOADS!!!!

Remember when you smell it...it's already happened.

-Peace to all shiters
BL

bob's picture
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your a fag.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Shit a Lysol can sized turd sometime. You won't find it so fun, Big Load.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

taber's picture
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it is cool

Pat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I'm a guy and i always have very smelly shit. my diet can vary depending on how fat i'm feeling, but i was on a self imposed diet a little over a year ago. nothing but fruit, salads, cottage cheese, diet meals, turkey or PBJ sandwiches for a whole spring and a whole summer. my shit smelled worse than ever before so that tended to cancle the healthy diet/healthy smelling shit theory, for me at least. i don't know, i think it is gender related!

stankass's picture
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this one time my turd was so big that when i tried to flush the toilet, the turd got stuck and bent in half and wouldn't go down. so i had to stick the plunger in to break it in half so it would flush right.~ happy poopin'

aBIGshitionceShITTedThaTTaLks's picture
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if you really want to know the truth about all this madman stuff, I'll tell you. Slater, this self involved fellow I used to room with at this completely phony school, took a crap in a sandwich and fooled me into eating it. So as you can see men make stinky hiney loaves.

FD's picture
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I guess it's official..hot chicks do shit, but what does it smell like? I mean i cant possibly think of a hot chick stinking up the bathroom

femalecrapper's picture
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Women can have stinky shit. I have cleared the house out after a nasty one. We are especially stinky when we are pregnant.

DanTheMan's picture
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I think its becaue its the one time where guys get to sit down on the toilet... We dont usually do such things and you guys find this activity to be an every day thing. When we sit... its a momentus ocation and we like to enjoy it... as for stink... we are boys

crapper zapper's picture
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you know when zap the crapper with big loaves of steel and when it don't go down you have to put your hand in there and mash it up like potatoes and then you think you washed your hands enough and find your fingers still stink...what about skid marks in your shorts?

Arse Nugget's picture
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Well, I once dropped a mammoth load that smelth so bad I passed out and fell off the bowl. While I was passed out, the sentient super-turd leap out of its porcelain pool, and went on a crime spree, mugging old ladies and stealing their pension cheques.

It was only stopped in the end by driving a stick of celery through its heart...

Oh wait, sorry, I forgot, I am just insane... but I do sometimes float some very spicy air biscuits.... does that count?

Toblerone Tone's picture
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Why is it guys 'dump' stinks so much? And occasionally my 'dumps' are so large that they jam up the toilet when I flush it!!. I have to use a bit of wire to chop up the 'Captains Log' into small 'byte size' pieces'

Whenever I go to a strange house, I refrain from having to 'dump' in a strange toilet, as I don't want to embarrass myself with the stench!! Any ideas in how to reduce this, whould I eat some nice scented cheese or something? However, I and quite 'free' with the 'botty burps!'

Vegeman's picture
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I,m a strict vegetarian bordering vegan and I can tell you that my poop has very little smell. If it does smell at all it smells pleasantly of the farmyard. Today it smelt slightly spicy and in fact quite pleasant. My theory is that it is meat consumption that is the cause of the stink.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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I just want to sign this portion of the program as LOUD PROUD AND STINKY. Those who think its gross well now thats just too bad now isnt it? Get used to it!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Vegeman (not verified) -- 05.24.2007
"I,m a strict vegetarian bordering vegan and I can tell you that my poop has very little smell. "

Oh. So THAT'S why the vegans I know act like their shit don't stink! Now I get it.

Michael Carnivore's picture
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Vegan Pegan. I recently went on a vean diet to try to reduce cholesterol and lose weight. Not only is my shit totally foul but I issue enormous farts every ten minutes due to the chickpeas, lentils, cauliflower, onions etc. back to the lamb chops thank God.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I don't know about you guys, but sometimes when I take shit it smells like what I ate. Example; Macdonald's beef patties smell the same going in as they are coming out. Has anybody experience pure methane coming out of there ass. When you fart it feels cold and it stinks purely like methane. It's amazing how apple and beet juice is the same color going in as it's coming out. Has anybody ever shitted black shit before or even shit that almost comes out in a wettish powder form.

Sticky Buns's picture
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Has anybody ever had sticky buns before? If don't know what I am talking about this what it is.
Sticky buns is what you get after a poorly wiped ass. Your buns stick together with the help of that shit that was not quite cleaned up. It can happen as well during wet farts.

James Dean's picture
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I'm a guy and i eat like a guy....and sometimes my poop doesn't smell....and even more crazy when i wipe nothing is there....women have broken up with me because they can't come to grips with the idea that they are stinky but thier boyfriend is a ghost shitter?? am i god? shit is supposed to smell but mine doesn't? im not complaining but what the fuck is up has anyone ever heard of this?

The_real_stinkfinger's picture
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Personally, I think shit is among the most disgusting of substances in the world, right up there with rotting corpse, vomit, and dead things on the beach. I disgust myself with the fetid fecal matter that comes out of me, and I try very hard to get it over with as quickly as possible, and get out of there. Definitely can't relate to these folks who take a "shit break," i.e., a disturbing variant on "aromatherapy."

Anonymous Asshole's picture
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If you have black shit that means there is blood in it.

proud of it's picture
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My poop smells baaad. and the farts? even worse. I have had to ull over and get out of my own car before after farting. I almost gagged myself (that should get an award...) Once, I went into a bathroom at the grocery store, my wife was waiting outside for me. A guy walked in, yelled "JEEEZUUUUSS!" and ran out coughing. My friends, I am a pro. I have gut rot in the worst way. I think I may need help...cuz I absolutely love it!

fartqueen's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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body cheistry,intake content,horemones maybe? I tell ya what though....i've walked into some women's bathrooms before and I SWEAR they're just as bad if not worse! SERIOUSLY! and i'm a female so I should no!

Raider24's picture
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Personally, it depends on different factors. If mens shit stinks more it's because we eat a lot of meat and other junky stuff. I think it mostly depends on diet. However women have more body fat than men do, therefore their armpits stink more than mens.

pooppooppoopgirl's picture
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Im a girl and I like to poop. I don't know if I have an unusually small colon or something but I can literally feel the poop leaving it as I'm on the toilet. I feel like I've lost about 10lbs when I do. But I'm pretty quick when I do it.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
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Ok. Men probably enjoy taking a dump more than women. I don't agree on the fact that women don't smell as bad as men because my shit stinks.

_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture
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This is a CRAP website! tee hee!

amy's picture
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When one of my piles bursts the toilet looks like a bloodbath mixed with shit. And it smells gross too. My boyfriend walked in on me wiping once, and he saw the shit mixed with blood on the paper and he puked there and then. We split up after that.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Men's shit stinks more? Ridiculous, I receive many compliments on my barbecued possum scented offerings!!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Male animals mark their territory by pooping/urinating on the corners. The stronger the odor, the more "manly" the animal, so to speak.

Women, mark their territory by clinging to said man, then divorcing him.

Mudd Turtle Sniffing Cotton's picture
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A Fun Fact about TURDS...The healthier your diet is the more stinky your turds. If you eat alot of fast food with minimal nutrients and a lot of mass the more you poop...See its the science of crapping. We are just like internal combustion engines, if you put bogus gas in your car the engine gets clogged up with deposits well the cylinder head.Your butt is the same . Wow how interesting?

Greens's picture
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After a good joint or 4, topped off with sweeties, a touch of booze and a take away binge (fake kfc from round the corner, (loads in London) a big kebab and an over ordering of chinese), so as to enable the hefty load. The bombing run several hours later is bliss!

Chief's picture
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The idea that a man stays in the bathroom longer than a woman don't fit me. I get in and out in 5 minutes or less..I had rather do it in the woods than inside a house. Women stink just as bad as I do..It's all about the food you eat. Crayfish is one of the worst. I am 62 and I have NO hermorrids because sitting on a pot to long is not good for you. I don't read in the bathroom either. Who wants to touch a magazine after YOU touch it on the potty. Keep it clean..After each poop. Take a bath.. Paper does NOT get it clean.. If that were true you would just wipe the dishes.. Sometimes mine is bad other times it's not..depends upon what and how much I eat.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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So we have two chiefs now. One rtegistered and one not and with no lastname. Huh.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17