Ask PoopReport: Pain, No Gain?

m 1+ points - Newb

I guess I'm just now starting to view this site and all you fine people as a valuable resource, as opposed to just a "bathroom humor" site. So here goes:

It's not uncommon for people to keep quiet about strange and/or freaky behaviors they observe with respect to their bodies. They might be embarrassed about it, or they might think that they're the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who's doing that and nobody else would understand, so why bother. With me, I just didn't know who to ask and now that I've found you people: problem solved!

I have this annoying problem that is happening a little more frequently the older I get (I'll be 32 in December). Every now and then, I wake up in the middle of the night (anywhere from 2 to 5 am) with an intense pain in my ass. Since I like my sleep, this is about the only thing that can drive me out of bed that early and with such a sense of urgency.

So I go into the bathroom, my dog following right behind me, and we go through the routine that's becoming all too familiar: sit on the crapper for 20 to 30 minutes and, if I'm lucky, drop one or two walnut-sized turds. What's up with that??

I think I've narrowed it down a little so I know when to expect it. It's usually when I eat a whole lot of pasta or other starchy food. And the "intense pain" probably needs some describing -- it's the kind of pain you get when trying to pass a softball-sized turd out your ass. It's not gas or indigestion.

But the most annoying part of the whole deal is the payoff: one or two nugs. After 20 minutes of interrupted sleep, sitting on the crapper, straining and pushing... one or two measly nugs.

Usually I won't even try to go back to bed until I've unleashed one or two farts to relieve the pressure. And very rarely have I been able to completely evacuate myself during one of these Midnight Runs... "Runs" being used very "loosely", as they are anything but. Anybody else have this happen to them? Do you have any information about it? Maybe a medical term for it -- or even better A CURE?!

26 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Pain, No Gain?"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

This is a very difficult problem. I'm searching hard for an answer, but having no luck. What do you search for? "pain small poop"? "twenty minutes constipation nuggets"? I'm having no luck...

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

I first read this on the forums and I am glad it is now on the front page so I can respond.

I too have this problem. I don't have it as often as I used to, now that I am eating better. But when I eat too much, mainly pork or beef for dinner, I wake up in the middle of the night with intense gas. Sometimes I wake up in a sort of "panic attack" type mode, it's hard to describe the feeling. Anyway, 7 out of 10 times I stay in bed and "ride it out", but sometimes I get out of bed, sit there on the can in a daze, push and push till a marble or nothing comes out.

You are not alone!!

Tim D.'s picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I fear you might have a nasty case of 'roids. I suffered a nasty bout of them last year (age 32); they were 'interior' roids, so I didn't know at first why shitting was so painful. I ended up using suppositories and enemas along with soaking in the tub. They went away in about a week. I can tell you one thing that helped get things moving smoothly- try to choke down a couple of glasses of orange Metamucil every day- it did the trick (and it will also bulk up your turds to legendary size). Nothing like having ass problems to give you a little humility. By the way, my wife was kind enough to actually go to the drugstore and buy me suppositories and a 4 pack of fleet enemas- what a girl.

Jeff C's picture

Try more fiber.. I've been crapping like a champ since I started eating a breakfast with lots of fiber. I have a bowl of Bran Buds (Kellogs, I think??) and a bit of sugar in the morning.. that is WAY more than any sane person would need for fiber.. 1/3 cup is 30% of your RDA of fiber :) I gotta go knock one out right now, in fact :) Oh.. if you want something that tastes a little better, the Apricot Squares (or something like that) are the way to go.. slightly less fiber but taste a bit better.

Che's picture

wow. thanks for posting my question to the masses, dave. and thanks for responding, masses.

i think Jeff hit the nail on the head when he suggested eating more fibre. at least then i'd be able to have a nice payload for my troubles.

i'm with doniker: it's hard to describe. it feels like my ass-sphincter/lower GI is in spasms and i'm about to crap myself. sometimes i can "ride it out" like he said, but there's always that chance i'll shit myself and i've got a LONG record to uphold. (haven't shit myself since i was about 10.)

anyway, i'll try to monitor the situation more carefully and update if need be.

thanks again.

Trashcanman's picture
l 100+ points

Shit, Che, you have a great view of human phycology. Many, if almost EVERYone thinks they are the ONLY one suffering from a problem, but even the rarest of illnesses has at least 10 sufferers or so. From spinal cord scratches that prevent them from moving anything but their eyelids to shameful shitters who can sometimes be paralysed by FEAR alone. Shameful shitters need to be informed, I have a plan, we'll discuss it in depth later on... all of us, on the forums.

Dr. Scat's picture

Che, maybe you have an intolence to wheat, wheat gluten? Sometimes food intolerances can really mess with your G.I. tract. If you're producing little walnut sized turds you're probably not having enough fiber and maybe not drinking enough water - maybe constipated? Eating "white foods" ie starchy stuff, white flour etc could be your problem, try more whole grains, and drink lots of water. Good luck...

anonymous's picture

well, i never thought i would see the day when i would find a website dedicated to people with constipation problems. but now that i found one, here's my problem...

when i go to the bathroom, i usually wait until I cant hold it anymore and it's literally poking out, and i end up with an extremely full bowl. then, i will have to flush the toilet maybe 3 or more times AT ONE SITTING!!! HELP!!! what can i do about my extraordinarily embarrassing problem?

Pushing & Straining's picture

Why do people push so damn hard????????????

CrapWeasel's picture

I have this problem sometimes too! Wow, it is so nice to know somebody else is plagued with the same pain as I!!! Thanks! Ok, and by the way, I am a very healthy eater, and still occasionally get this problem. The exact same situation happens, well, except for the dog following me...I don't really have a dog that goes in there. But yeah, it is so horrible, and I feel so nasty having not gotten rid of the problem before getting back in bed. Why would such a small amount of poop cause so much pain? I just wish I had the answers, ya know?

callan lakeman's picture

it was great i really understand why i still shit the bed

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I hate it when I push and push and all I get out is one turd nugget!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

turd nugget's picture

He he he!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Oh, you turd nugget gnomes. You have struck me again! Blast you!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

LogDoc's picture

Sounds like u may have irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
Go to the nearest proctologist and have him drain your rectum with a large pool pump.

Psgama's picture

I had this problem for a while as well, Be certain that you are eating enough fibre and drinking your 1.5L of water a day, and most importantly if you feel like you've got a shit comming on during the day don't hold it in. Doing this will store a small piece of the feces in your recum and cause it to dry out,This can result in a very painful tiny turd.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

Old thread, but here's my two cents. I've always been told that pushing hard will actually cause difficulties and that pooping should be easy. As mentioned before, try changing your diet a bit. I've noticed that when I eat different foods, the end result is different as well.

Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have had this problem too. I looked it up, and also asked my doctor. Occassionally, the rectum will spasm for no apparent reason, that's what causes the pain. Passing gas or having a bm usually helps the situation.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

The pain in your rear end, sound like ass cramps to me. The constipation sounds like it could be IBS.

Try a product called Digestrol, that should stop the constipation. Be ware that doctors often look at IBS as an imaginary condition.
I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Anonymous Coward's picture

Has any also experienced this intense ass pain, onset of sweating and even a faint type feeling, conmpletey resoveing once gas has passed of a small amout of poop? This is also not a consistent thing-every so often.

pwarwick's picture

I have felt the sweating faintness, I call it passout gas. Sometimes something small (poo or gas) comes out, but not always. usually I just need to wait it out. I've been reading tonight that it may be Proctalgia Fugax.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Fiber is the answer to many anal problems. I eat a diet high in fiber and high in chilies. I"m not really sure but the peppers seem to help keep me very regular.

My normal breakfast, which many of my friends think is weird, consists of a bowl of oatmeal with two chopped jalapenos and a chopped piece of analog meat (fake meat that is high in fiber and protein). You can set your watch by my morning dump which is seldom painful.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

whatwhatindabutt's picture

i was all smiles reading this because its so wonderful to find others suffering from my problem exactly. im pretty sure i have chronic constipation. its very very easy for me to get constipated and so i bought all this poo inducing stuff like prune juice leafy vegetables etc. i think the metamucil idea is a good one. i should try that. my poo is small and stinky!!!!!!!

Becky 14's picture

I'm only 14 and I'm so glad someone else has my problem.
It's so painful I feel like I'm going to be sick
small prices of poop , with a lot of pain.
So I should start eating breakfast? I've never really ate it , but I've been eating loads of pizza....

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello, Becky 14! You ask if you should start eating breakfast. The answer, I believe, is yes. You need to get both liquid and fiber in your body early in the day, to help get your intestines in gear. A good breakfast should include some protein (meat or egg, or milk on cereal), some Vitamin D (orange or grapefruit juice, with apple or grape as another choice), and above all some dietary fiber: whole wheat toast, whole fruits (apple, grapefruit sections), high-fiber cereal. Don't go all out right away; start with a smallish breakfast at first, but build up to a good one within a few days or a week.

Next, drink water--lots of it!--throughout the day. Water will soften up your poop, making it easier to get out (less pain from hard projections on the pieces). It will also expand your poop, making you feel the need to defecate oftener, and making it more worthwhile when you do go. Believe me, a nice, big, hefty bowel movement is a much more pleasant experience than those little hard sharp nuggets--better for you, too. Good luck!

If none of this helps, see your doctor.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Its probally a colon attack, my dad has them

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