Ask PoopReport: Paper Seat Covers?

j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Dear Poopreport,

One subject I don't ever recall seeing on PoopReport is usage of and/or any
comments on paper toilet seat covers.

I have never used one. We have them where I work, but I never knew of anyone
using them... until today.

Here it is, 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. The office is dead, and my Shameful
ass needs to shit. Normally I would wait it out for the next 60 to 90
minutes to take my dump at home, but since most everyone in the office is
getting a head start on happy hour, I figured I'd treat my sphincter to an
early shit.

I head to my favorite stall, the handicrapper. What do I see? The toilet
seat lined with a paper toilet seat cover!! Whoever put this seat cover
down took their shit and walked away without disposing of it -- runing my mission!

This arrogant jerk was so paranoid about sitting on a
dirty toilet seat, but didn't give a rat's ass that the next user had to
touch his used ass paper.

What is the proper protocol with paper seat covers? Who uses them?
Do they work? Don't they slip all over the place -- completely defeating the purpose?

(Needless to say, I am currently holding my
loaf until quitting time -- I hate those other two normal-sized stalls.
Bastard... I hate the people I work with sometimes.)

89 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Paper Seat Covers?"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

Well, let's see... if there's any moisture at all on the seat, it'll soak right through the seat cover -- rendering it useless. If you shift your ass even slightly, you'll move the seat cover and touch bare seat -- rendering it useless.

I think seat covers are placebo's -- they don't really do anything, except make the paranoid feel slightly better about using a public toilet. Unless you pile like eight of them on...

Derwood's picture

Yeah, I too think ass gaskets are placebos (no apostrophe, since this placebo is not POSSESSING anything, although Quayle might have inserted an 'e', but I digress). The only reason I would use one is if I needed to protect an open wound on the back of my leg, which theoretically if it were that bad, would be bandaged anyway. I don't know what the big deal is about sharing toilets anyway. I mean if somebody's ass is so nasty that it leaves pestilent residue on the smooth seat, a piece of waxy tissue won't help. Plus you'd know about it beforehand if you worked with the guy. True pestilence reeks. I've sometimes wiped dots of piss (more likely mostly water backsplash) off the seat with TP before planting my white hiney if my rectum was putting the urge in urgent. No biggie. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Besides, I thought seat slickers were self-disposing with that little turd catching flap that dangles down into the water. It's just another item that exists to feed paranoia. Like toothbrushes (j/k).

To the original poster...Stud up. Grab a bit of paper, push the butt bushing into the bowl, deposit your load on top, wash up and go home. And what's with the handicapped stall? Are you indeed handicapped? It's a crapper, not your private little restroom. I think people should wear stickers to use handicapped stalls or face fines, just like parking.


G Ras's picture
l 100+ points

Doniker... when are you gonna petition the forum to reinstate you...? I miss you for one, and I'm sure if it went to a vote you would get back on

Perhaps I am an asshole and so much time has pass you probably won't even read this .... but in my defense.... this site is all about funny stuff that happens to us about shit in the course of everyday living.... and may I say in my story I too got shit

Derwood's picture

I should actually add some more to this. First, I did not realize I was potentially berating the esteemed Doniker, and not some random posting punk. I apologize if I seemed flippant. Second, I'm not shameless sitting down, but for some reason I get stage fright at the urinal something fierce. I one time actually involuntarily pinched off the Euphrates in mid-stream when some stranger sought to occupy the adjacent urinal. Couldn't start again until he finished and left. Go figure. We all have our hang-ups, I guess.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

No harm done Derwood, I am not as "esteemed" as you may think.

I have more enemies than allies on PoopReport.

Snapper's picture
l 100+ points

I've not used one before. I rarely see them. I've seen them in probably 5 bathrooms in my life. Maybe it's not a Canadian thing. I'd imagine that a paper lining would slow the toilet seat-to-ass transmission of microorganisms.

Ass Phlegm's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardl 100+ points

Toilet seat covers are friggin' useless! I say, screw it. Sit down, take a shit and go home to wash your ass. I'm sick and tired of this paranoid, germ-free, sterile search for existence. Do you forget you have microscopic organisms living on our skin?

Stop all the worry and live freely.

corncob's picture

Maybe it *is* a Canadian thing. Here across the border they're practically ubiquitous in public restrooms. I usually use them, just because I feel I'm somehow hygenically obligated to. I think I read somewhere that they don't really protect you that much from germs--not that germs on the toilet seat are likely to harm you anyway--and are indeed kind of a placebo. As Dave mentioned, any moisture on the seat and they're useless. Sometimes I'll wipe moisture off and then put the ass gasket down. Sometimes it slips, at which point I say "fuck it" and just sit down anyway.

corncob's picture

oh yeah, my poop has corn in it

Scat Woman's picture

Toilet seat covers are completely useless. They are too thin and too slippery. When I've tried using them (my *Canadian* workplace has them)they waft off the toilet seat when I turn to sit down after fidgeting for a few seconds with the useless slippery thing and trying to position it securely on the seat. After one occasion when I turned to sit and, to my horror, made contact with the cold uncovered surface of the plastic seat (and leaped off it as if scorched) I have stopped trying to use them. A friend of mine uses several as one is too thin. I have become adept at building "nests" with toilet paper and can make one much more quickly than try to get the stupid seat cover to stay on the toilet. Besides, that middle piece that dangles down becomes waterlogged and then drags the seat cover off the seat before one can sit down. I just cover the seat with several layers of toilet paper, it stays on much better. I know we have bacteria on our skin but I don't wish to share ass germs with total strangers anymore than I like to touch the hands of strangers because I don't know what they've been doing with their hands prior to touching mine (nose mining for one example).

And for the record....I'm a Doniker fan. :o)

Pooperscooper's picture

If you're that worried about ass hygeine the best thing to do is carry a bottle Purell alcohol gel handwash disinfectant, spritz some on your hand and rub your buns with it after using the toilet.

I dont worry about toilet seats as long as they are clean. I learned about the Purell trick because I am a bicyclist and a Zen student and found out I got ass zits from sitting too long in one place. the Purell is a perfect cure for Dalmatian Ass

What I hate are people who leave piss all over toilet seats. I dont know much about men's bathrooms, but am sorry to report that women can trash public restrooms like a pack of wild pigs--the state of the johns at my local city college is unbelievable. Our janitor really tries her best, but as soon as she whips the ladies' loo into shape its trashed again an hour or two later.

Snapper's picture
l 100+ points

corn- really? It's a rare occasion that I find them public cans. Oh well, all the power to ya.

crottels's picture

perhaps germs do

not living long enuf to infect..


i use the booty-guards

for that reason


i just don't like the idea

ov my bare arse

rubbing up against

a surface

where other bare arses

have so intimately come in contact

which conjures up

unsavory images in my head

about the various surfaces, textures, terrains..

and at that,

the crinkly piece ov translucent paper product

serves more as a mental aid..


tho the real paranoia should stem

from the up-splash ov toilet

water in a public restroom...

onto bare skin

----no doubt

the cootie count may be enormous..

--in the event ov such misfortune

all i can say is... be prepared..


the name says it all..

.........if nothing more

it'll make you feel better...

and a little fresher.......

damn's picture

I think people use them because they are afraid of catching some sort of sexually transmitted disease. I

personally don't use them, I tried one once, but didnt

like it, they don't stay on the seat. I figure it this

way....If you put the seat cover on,you would be touching the seat to put it on, and the germs from their ass would be on your hands, so either way, there

is no way of getting away from germs.

sven's picture

You end up touching the container that the "ass gaskets" come from. There is usually a button that is most assuradley plastered with shit from the last person. Positioning the gasket over the center of the throne usually involves contact with the piss stained seat. You end up with more shit on you hands than on your ass using these things.

The motorized ones at the airport are unique. My guess is that the plastic just keeps going around in a circle anyway.

The best approach is to levitate over the ring, and never touch it in the first place.

Happy shitting friends.

anonymous's picture

do u put the flap in the front of the back? i put it in the back 'cuz i figure that's what it's there for... kinda like a slip 'n slide for your poop. but i know pps who swear by puttin it in the front. they're all guys, tho... so i suspect they're doin that to protect their pissers.

wonderin, tho... the toilet seat cover manufacturers had to have one or the other in mind. funny how they don't show any pictures. i mean, i wonder about shiny-side down or shiny-side up too!

mr. poop's picture

i have used those damned things before and if you don't poke the center out before you poo, it causes problems. the poopie will stay untill you add more poo then the weight is too much and "bombs away!"

ALittleFreaky's picture

Well urin is stairle, so i piss on the seat, wipe w/tp, and sit.

this one guy...'s picture

wow...i think u ppl are all a little wierd...but it does make for good reading material..thanx for entertaining me for 20 min.!

toni's picture

i use toilet seat covers every time.i think they are very usefull.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Forget the toilet seat covers. I just hover over a public toilet when I dump. But there are these great wipes on the market for sterilizing a toilet seat. I think the Scrubbing Bubbles people make them. These are what I use for my dad's assmarks on the toilet seat at home.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous's picture

My interesting paper toilet cover. I buying these goods and sold. are there these special goods.
per 100 pcs. paper
per 150 pcs paper
per 250 pcs paper
and dispenser.
All these, what price ?
I waiting replay from you.
Best Regards

Poopster's picture

Try wiping down the seat with a Final Wipe!

Ass-gasket miester's picture

Paper ass-gaskets haha is your ass a so stfu and do you buisness and be done, its just poo.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Recently I have developed some sort of arthritic condition in my hips that prevents me from hovering too much. I tried using an ass gasket the other day. The stupid toilet was an automatic and it kept flushing the thing before I could sit on it.

Fuck those automatic toilets!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

CLEANSEAT UK's picture

Paper toilet seat covers are available in the UK and worldwide at

Brian's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I think toilet seat covers are dumb at work during my break time i go in the bathroom and rip them up
and i also rub my fingers on them when there inside the dispencer and tear them up a little

diane's picture

People seem to be missing the point with these toilet seat covers....what about the people with colitis, ulcerative colitis,crohns disease, irritable bowel etc all the above make going to the loo a nightmare when it is going through a flare up ....with ulcerative colitis the bleeding can be very bad and when going to the loo the bottom seems to explode and can cover the whole toilet area in blood (not nice)so seat covers in these instances are an absolute must. People with no bowel problems have a hard enough time trying to get it into the actual toilet so feel very sorry for the people with any of the above bowel problems where they have no control whatsoever over their bowel movements its instant....

mio's picture

toilet seat covers is such a great invention.I use them every time ,when I can.

Mike M's picture

Skip the provided wax paper ass gaskets and make your own. I use at least three plies of TP in a public restroom (like at the mall). But only one ply at work (I work with all women and they're pretty clean). As for the prevention of ass splashing, drop about 5 or 6 sheets of TP into the water before dropping off the kids and the TP will suppress the splashing.

Howard's picture

Who needs paper covers in the UK anymore? Self-cleaning and disinfecting toilet seats have been in central Europe and the rest of the civilised world since 1993 but not in the hygiene lethargic UK. We've got them now. Bye bye to 99% of toilet seat bacteria in 15 seconds - automatically, leaving the seat clean, dry, disinfected and ready for the next user. Simple, isn't it.
Have a look at and winge at your bosses until they get them.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Shit before you leave home. That renders all this moot.

Howard's picture

Bit sexist Dumpster. Our ladies sit (or squat) for all toilet use. Your remedy may not assist them. Good job the Cleanseat will.

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

How is it sexist to suggest that you dump at home? Both sexes can dump in their own toilets! Of course, one cannot always shit at home, but that is another argument entirely.

And since you like to promote your product, Howard, maybe you should take out some ad space with Dave. PR does get a lot of UK visitors.

King's picture

Hey, all that discussion has something true: there ARE bacteria sitting on the toilet cover seat (but also just below the cover!).

Whether they came from water splashed out after the contact with fecal dirt, or whether they are drops of urine, or even pubic hair… all that has germs and bacteria, some of which are quite dangerous as per my research.

Of course, you should always wash hands, especially after you touched the stall handle (which is really very dirty!! - I never saw cleaning ladies clean the handles… did you??)

So the best alternative I found is on this site:
Click here

It is an automatic cover with a hygienic plastic sleeve all around it. Before sitting down, you activate the machine and it spins a completely new portion over the cover.

This way, you are sure that there is no single germ nor on the cover, nor under it…

Beware some similar seats do not destroy the used sleeve, which is a total none-sense! But this one destroys it, so the restaurant owner (for example) cannot re-use it a second time! Rather wise….

I already asked some restaurants to get that seat, as I was disgusted at the hygiene in their toilet stalls. They seem open to such suggestions… so try to convince them too!

Better hygiene for all of us is a necessity!

Garathe's picture

germs don't survive long on a toilet seat, not a good envirement for them.

urine is sterile.

the ass is relitivly cleaner tahn the hands, and face especially the mouth.

they are bs.... might be a market for disposible door handle covers though hmmmm

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

When I clicked on the site King posted, it came up all in Spanish. I was cracking up, for some reason. I clicked on English, but it JUST wasn't as amusing. The Spanish version was WAY funnier! :)

King's picture

In response to GottaGoGirl, the site I mentionned (See the automatic toilet seat here if you haven't seen it yet) is in Portuguese, not Spanish, and yes, you are right, the English version is less fun.... maybe Americans or English people prefer it when the text is more serious??? I don't know, it's just a supposition. I might be completely wrong...

Anyway, I posted it to illustrate the automatic seat that company has, and I tried it several times, it's really good.

The hygienic plastic sleeve turns from one side to the other, and you've got a new fresh portion to sit on each time.

No bacteria, no urine drops, no pubic hair... a clean fresh hygienic new portion to sit on with confidence! I must say it is the best product mankind ever invented. Sitting on it makes you feel almost as at home (though at home, you don't need the plastic sleeve ;-)

It's simply fantastic how this works, I'd like to see it in every restaurant I go, or at any place I could work or be.

It's not even noisy, and definitely the best solution in my opinion against bacteria proliferation and cross-contamination risks....

Anonymous Coward's picture

The reason why they use Toilet seat covers is because if they didnt have any people who are afraid to sit on the seat would put strips of toilet paper around the seat instead and too much toilet paper is messy and can cause plumbing problems.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Whoa! I never thought of that! That's a good, plausible insight. You may be right.

I have an acquaintance who always hovers over the seat and pees all over everything because she's afraid to sit down. Everyone who knows her has learned to make her go LAST so they don't have to clean up her piss.

She also won't sit down on public transportation, but that's another topic.

Santa Caca!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I just wipe it off with TP before I sit, do my business, and go. Ass gaskets are really useless to me.

Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

GGG, she doesn't clean up her OWN piss?!? Gross! I hate it when I go into a bathroom after someone's seat hovered and discover that she's not only peed all over the seat but left her urine there for me to find. These are the same girls who usually fuss when a guy doesn't lift the seat to pee. She should do the same.

Don't question authority. It doesn't know either.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Good to hear I'm not the only one from the UK! Don't seem to get many paper covers or auto cleaners over here. Seen them a lot in Europe but the paper is more trouble than it's worth and never liked the idea of the automatic cleaners cos I don't trust them. Seems like they're just smearing someone elses germs around the toilet seat. Anyone seen/used the plastic automatic covers? Are they any better than the paper?

Poonanza's picture
l 100+ points

Ive seen that little box tacked to the wall in one place only, and I think it was in Indiana somewhere. Some fast food place.

Has anyone seen Penn and Tellers Bullshit? Awesome show, where they debunk popular ways of doing things. They got a few people to a clinic, to have thier cheeks and thighs swabbed for germs. Also the hands, nuts, and mouth. The ass was the cleanest part. They swabbed toilet seats, also, and they came out clean. Even a wet piss-smelling one.

I've never used a gasket, and never will. The only time I saw anyone use one, was in the Breakfast Club and Gallagher's standup routine.

werewolf pooping on trees's picture
l 100+ points

Omg, those paper seat covers are not practical at all. I remember when I was about 7 or so I tried to use one and as soon as I sat down it slipped and I fell!

...and they all lived crappily ever after!

...and they all lived crappily ever after!

Scaredycat's picture

Whether they are called ass gaskets, paper seat covers or the same concept is met by putting toilet paper over the seat of a public toilet, my formulative years were centered around FEAR of using public restrooms. The main thing I was indoctrinated to do was to cover a public toilet seat before I sat on it.

I remember in my early elementary school years Mom would take me into the big bathrooms at downtown department stores and malls, and check out several stalls before finding one for me to use. She would always have me watch as she took a seat cover from the holder, put it down, made sure it was positioned ever so correctly, and sometimes even held it on the seat until I sat down. I remember a couple of times she was furious because I would sit too close to the front of the seat and slide myself back--in doing so I would get the front of my thighs off the paper.

At about eight or nine I remember us being at Six Flags and all the restrooms had was toilet paper that she insisted I carefully put down. Nomatter how hard I tried (with her standing in the stall doorway watching and bossing me) I roll only allowed me to get one of two peices of toilet paper before it would rip and I must have had a dozen pieces that I needed to put down and keep down before I could sit down. It pissed me off when my friends would be with me and they would just go into a stall and use the toilet just as they would if they were at home. I would point it out to mom that many of the women of all ages as well were not putting paper down (I don't think she knew my hearing and other senses were good enough to hear no use of a seat cover dispenser or revolutions of a toilet paper dispenser. She would always insist that NO girl or women would sit on a bare public toilet seat. NEVER!

When I had just started middle school I was at the circus with Tonya, my best friend, and I was embarrassed that my Mom was still taking me into the stall and reminding me to cover the seat. Also, there were times when I had to pee really bad and taking the time to cover the seat only added to my agony. That day at the circus, Tonya got done pretty fast but then found there was no toilet paper in her stall. My mom, who didn't go but was just waiting for us got some toilet paper from another stall and handed it to Tonya through the door that Tonya opened. I remember later that night at home I mentioned to mom that I was CERTAIN that Tonya was sitting (actually had to be sitting on the uncovered seat) but mom insisted she saw Tonya straddling the toilet.

Why my mother was so reluctant to admit that anybody would sit on a public toilet I will probably never know. I even remember once when we were at a public park for a summer concert put on by our local radio station and we walked past a couple of open stalls and even then she would insist that the occupants had toilet paper under them.

I was a freshman in high school when mom caught me readhandedly defying her. She had to go to work early one morning and dropped me off at the main entrance. Upon turning around in the parking lot, she noticed that I had left my art project (which was too big and fragile for my bookbag) on the backseat. She took it into school and a friend directed her to the restroom where I had just sat down to take a shit. Without thinking, I made the mistake of opening the door for her and she could see that I was not covering the seat.

When she questioned me about it that evening I lied and insisted that I had toilet paper under me. She had nothing else to say about it and never brought to subject up again!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

" Shit Volcano (2973) -- 11.03.2004
Recently I have developed some sort of arthritic condition in my hips that prevents me from hovering too much. I tried using an ass gasket the other day. The stupid toilet was an automatic and it kept flushing the thing before I could sit on it."

I have a soultion TSV. At my job, we have automatic flushing toilets as well. To stop them from prematurely flushing, or flushing the ass gasket before I can sit down, I always stick something over the eye. I usually scotch tape a big piece of toilet paper over it, to prevent it from picking up motion and flushing prematurely.

I guess I could inspire a new poop band with this method, "Turd Eye Blinded".
"If December be changeable and mild, the whole winter will remain a child."

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

I hate ass gaskets if you have to use one that toilet aint clean.


Ashleigh's picture

Scaredycat's story is interesting to me because it is just the opposite of the way I was brought up! I was like her friend, Tonya. Mom had me using a public bathroom on my own by the time I was 5. My dad was an advertising manager and we got lots of free tickets each summer to see the Cubs play. The rule was that each time he took us I could take one or two of my friends.

When I was about nine my best friend Victoria's mother took us to one of the games. Her mother would get so mean if Victoria was to defy her. At one game on a very humid summer day I had to poop real bad and Victoria had to pee. I don't knew why (except there's more privacy) I had always chosen the first stall. I was on the stool and going when I heard her mother "check out" the adjacent stall and finally OK it for Victoria to use.

Her Mom went into the next stall down and almost immediately I could hear some very heavy peeing hit the water. In about 30 or 40 seconds she was done, flushing and knocking on Victoria's door. They got into a fight because Victoria was having a hard time putting toilet paper over the seat because it was falling off before she could sit down. She was called "stupid" and told she couldn't go to public events unless she learned how to use the bathroom properly. While I had a complete bowel movement, her mom kept putting her down and finally pushed her out of the way, grabbed toilet paper from the roll, and with some cussing showed Victoria how to keep the paper on the seat by attaching it between the seat and bowl and how to sit without moving, and in doing so, touching the seat. She stood in their while Victoria cried out of embarrassment and slapped her when Victoria reached back to flush. Her mom made her get up off the seat and flush with her foot. I felt so sorry for Victoria to be belittled like that. Finally, when Victoria went to use the toilet paper to wipe, there was none left and her mom asked me to hand them some under the stall panel, which I did.

As Victoria left the stall her mother asked her why she couldn't be as independent as Ashleigh. When I got home I asked my mother about what Victoria had been taught and the way she was belittled. My mom said, and I will never forget it, that "you have to trust your own judgment and not overreact."

Even now, 20 years later, Victoria and I live in the same city and regularly shop and attend sporting events and concerts. She's still scared to sit on a public toilet but for me, it's still bottoms down. I used the ass gaskets only once when I was traveling in Mexico City and I still got Montezumas!

Kimmi's picture

Yes, I was taught to put paper over public toilet seats before sitting down. Sorry, Mom, but in the high school I went to few of my friends did, and when I got to college, NONE of my friends did. And if you bathe or shower every day...or so I rationalized I guess. My question is that in recent days after I use the toilet (yesterday morning at McDonalds, then at a Shell station, and last evening when I was with my seven-year-old at the mall food court, when I stood up to wipe, the seat momentarily comes up an inch or so before letting go of my butt. I sure don't remember this happening before. What might be the cause? Last night, my daughter who was on the stool in the adjacent stall, heard the seat fall and thought I had dropped it. Ideas anyone?

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