Ask PoopReport: How Much Paper Per Poop?

m 1+ points - Newb

Editor's note: Click here to download the final report.

Dear PoopReport,

I am in the middle of a two-year sponsored research project -- "Waste Transport in Pipe Systems Served by Ultra-Low Flush Water Closets" -- and one of our project deliverables is the development and testing of a solid waste substitute. We have a test rig at our lab with four different pipes (cast iron and PVC) that can be set at different slopes and are 100 feet long. We are mounting tank-type water closets to these pipes and will be flushing "waste substitutes."

So that the tests are consistent and repeatable, we are not using anything that can easily break apart or degrade. This means none of the "real poop." Our sponsor had a chemist develop some silicon samples, but they had such a tacky surface that they stuck to the walls of the pipe so securely that we had to take the pipes apart to retrieve the samples.

It quickly became apparent that to model the real stuff, we needed to know something about volume and mass. This is proving to be much more difficult than we ever thought. My grad student has been over in our med school library for over two weeks, and we can tell you all kinds of stuff about healthy poo, chemical analysis of poo, what health poo should look like, etc.

We have just recently (last week) come across some European work that says the "average" poop is 125 grams and about 500 ml in volume. That is the kind of data that we can use to develop our lab poop. We can make some assumptions about number of pieces, and the density, volume, mass data tell us how 'heavy" the pieces need to be.

It also occurred to us that, for modern, developed countries, it is normal to have paper going down the WC with the poop. That is the reason I was looking for some kind of reference out there for paper data.

So now, any help/ideas from Dave at PoopReport? I am still trying to verify, within a range, the 125-gram and 0.5-liter poop. And I have just started on the hunt for paper use data. There are some humor sites out there, but I am in need of some good data and not made up. Thought I would give you a try!!

Thanks for any help,

John B.

Construction Science Department

Texas A&M

PoopReporters, we are being called upon in the name of science. The question: how many squares per wipes, and how many wipes per poop?

113 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: How Much Paper Per Poop?"

honey_monster's picture

Now thats a question and a half.

I guess its all down to whether you're a "folder" or a "scruncher".

As a "folder" I use two squares in one wipe. On average three wipes per poop. Making a total of six sheets in one visit.

I'll be interested to see how everyone else does :o)

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Use squares of nine,

You'll be fine.

Wipe times three

Clean you'll be.

PoopIsMyFriend's picture

I always wipe three times out of habit. How many squares do I hard to determine. I'm a scruncher, I roll the toilet paper until i get a good chunk in my hand to wipe with. If I had to guess, maybe 5-6 squares per anywhere between maybe 15-20 squares per wipe.

GeorgeCastanza's picture

Scrunching does make it hard to estimate the number of sqares. Of course the quality of the paper is also a factor in this. As a broad average over low-quality 1-ply and plush 2-py, I'd say 4-5 squares with 2-3 wipes. So probably about 12 squares per flush for "average" TP.

Bluespoo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorm 1+ points - Newb

I'm folder/re-folder...

So six squares per two passes, average crap is accompanied by 12-18 squares, depending on consistency.

Send lawyers, guns and money, the shit has hit the fan.

Mad Shittah's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Make that a 635 gram 2.8 liter poop with some squeels of agony and sighs of relief.

No paper here, strictly corncobs.

Milk Chocolate's picture

I'm a scruncher and really I haven't a clue. On 1 ply I just grab what I can, 2 ply, the norm, I use about a foot of TP, and in a recently discovered 2 ply that seems like it should be called 3 ply, I used about 5 sheets.

toilet fish's picture

Folder here. I would say I 5 to 6 squares per wipe. 2 to 3 wipes per occurance.

Adrian's picture

I'm a scruncher and I use as many as it takes to get clean. Sometimes that's only a few sheets but if it's been a sticky job it can be up to a dozen.

larfus's picture

I scrunch and wipe probably 6-7 sqaures. I wipe til I am clean as a whislte. No exact number there.

Turdmatic 6000's picture

I'm a scruncher--the average scrunch for me is about 1 foot to 18 inches of paper (regardless of thickness). How many times this gets repeated depends on consistency & sticking power.

5_18fan's picture

At my college, they use the cheapo TP that's only .000000001" thick, plus there's no perforations. This makes it hard for me to estimate how many "squares" I have to use, but I estimate that I have to use at least a few feet worth per duker. But that's a skewed figure, due to the ungodly thin-ness of our TP. Wish I could help more, but that's all for now.

turdgurl's picture

Well its good to see our tax dollars at work up there at A&M...3 sheets for me.

ral's picture

I'm a "scruncher", although try to keep the volume of the TP as low as I can in order to avoid clogging the toilet. I don't buy that thick quilted TP even though it feels nice -- it's too thick to use in our wussy toilet. I wipe until I'm clean, which is usually three times, and I estimate I use about 5-7 squares of TP per wipe, so 15-21 total.

It really does depend on the brand of TP, however. Cheap stuff is thinner. The "double-ply" quilted stuff, like Charmin, is impossible to flush if you use even a modest amount, and I prefer to not get poo on my hands when I wipe!

The toilets at my workplace, however, could suck a golf ball through a straw, so I'm somewhat more liberal with my TP use there.

ThreePly's picture

I don't know how many sheets are in a roll, but I can say this. I usually go through a roll of toilet paper after four hearty shits. So if you have 100 sheets on each roll, then I use an average of 25 sheets per dump. There's no way I could just wipe with two or three sheets. My fingers would poke through way too easily, and I'm there to clean my ass, not penetrate it. If I'm going to shit like a man, I'm going to wipe like one too. I deserve the comfort of wiping with a bedsheet, that's why I need a fistfull of TP after going to war with the toilet.

Stork's picture

c~ 16 squares per wipe, 4 wipes per flush.

alex's picture

i grab like eight squares, and wipe as many times as i can realistically fold.

WOW's picture

Three-ply?! That's some high-class shit!

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points

I use 10-20 squares every time, depending on how messy it is back there. It'll be 10 if its a nice, clean two-swiper. But if its nasty, I use two sets of 10 squares, flush, repeat as needed.

Bryan's picture

I have IBS so It is always liquid. I use 2 flushes I for poop and wipes 1 and 2. And a second flush for wipes 3-5

Bryan's picture


Total Squares 30-50 per poop

poopmagick's picture

I'm a scruncher, I'd say about 4-6 sheets of Cottenelle (God's own toilet paper) for normal heathly poos, and for the messy ones (after hard drinking) I have to go through 3-5 rounds of wiping, which will usually include a courtesy flush after two or three rounds of wiping.

Please develop a toilet that can be flushed repeatedly with minimum wait time! Nothing worse then having to loiter in the can so you can flush the rest of your shit paper down the loo.

And let us know the results! I want to hear how your tests go.

slopslider's picture

3-4 squares per wipe and wipe till clean, usually about 4 or 5 passes. If it's been a beer and pizza night make it about 3-4 squares per and about 12 wipes. And if tis a true FAWNEW double that to 24..

Ass Phlegm's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardl 100+ points

Well, I'm a scrunch/folder/refolder. I like to save money. I grab about 7-8 squares, wad it up, wipe, fold it in half and wipe again, then I repeat. So, 14-16 squares per shit trip.

The exception is when I have a rock solid turd with little to no residue left behind. That's a two wipe with 7 squares: 1 wipe to realize the situation, 1 for safety measures.

Hey, TP is cheaper than replacing painted undies! Hope this helps.


Oh-Poop's picture

im a wasteful pooper buti have a system i wrap the tp roll around my hand 3 times take it off whipe fold whipe. usually about 11-13 sheets if its messy i dont know.

Mad Shittah's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

To quote Dave Mordal from Last Comic Standing...

Sometimes you drop and wipe and there is no residue on the paper. I call this a 'white glover'. A white glover signifies good luck for the day.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

I wipe an average of 3 times.

I would say the first wipe would use at least 10 squares.

The last 2 maybe 8 each.

Paul Looter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I try to always shit at work, even though the government agency that I work for buys the CHEAPEST toilet paper. A better use for it would be tracing paper, as one can look right through it. It takes about a quarter of a roll for one of those dumps where the consistency is somewhere between liquid and solid-- a dump where most of the pudding remains between your cheeks. Since I started on my Metamucil kick, to my delight that type of shit is quite rare. Now the logs just seem to hurl THEMSELVES out. Usually, I just wrap a bunch of paper around my hand and go for it. The toilets are so powerful they could probably handle an entire roll. Make mine about 25 squares, and a couple of damp paper towels on my 'off days'.

Poopedem's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm in agreement with the 'depending on what tissue' it is. I'm a scruncher. If I'm in no hurry I acutally pull apart the plies and double scrunch giving me more tissue to surface to work with. I'm an average of 5 squares per wipe. So about 15 in all. More if I have the muds.

Carlos's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I wipe a lot, since I dread having an unclean and itchy asshole. I wipe until there is no trace of shit on the paper, and then I root around a bit to get all remaining poo. So, in my estimation, probably close to 30 squares per shit session. More if I have the squirts.

Sickly's picture

5 to 6 squares per wipe. Usually 2 to 4 wipes per dump. So, between 10 and 24 squares, depending on poo consistency and butt adhesion.

crappercritic's picture

a refined answer by doniker. bravo you giggly turkey necker pervatron!

Jimmy TP's picture

Since my dumps tend to be really sloopy and painful, I've come to the conclusion that I use approx. 10-15% of a role of standard Super Absorbant Northern Quilted per wipe. General rule of thumb is to continue wiping till there is only a slight light-brown tint on the paper.

anonymous's picture

Generally 3 wipes, folded, 6-8 sheets per, two-ply paper, plus a pre-moistened Cottonelle wipe.

Sarah's picture
l 100+ points

Definitely a scruncher. I also recently encountered the "ultra," should-be-called-3-ply variety. I didn't need as much of it. Plus I had to use less because it clogged my toilet.

On the average, using reasonably cushy paper, about 5-6 squares per wipe. I also wipe till it's clean, somewhere between 3 and 7 times depending.

Ineedashit's picture

3 sheets. 1 up 1 down 1 to polish.

Randy's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

25-30 squares per wipe? You're joking, right? I'm a scruncher, but only 6-8 squares and one wipe is all it usually takes, regardless of what Skid Marky Mark says. I did say "usually", but yeah, there are exceptions.

Thunderturds Are Go!'s picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Depends on how bad the poop is. For a small poop I only use to 2 squares per wipe, 2 squares folded in half, 3 ply, and wipe from 10-20 times. However a massive poop is a different story. 9 sheets roughly folded over is for the first wipe, then going steadily down in number until I hit the 10th wipe, then for another 15 wipes its back to the normal system (or cistern,if you like)

Dumpaholic's picture

For a normal dump I use about 3 meters. For a long visit after a curry and lager evening upto 9 meters. Sometimes I need to read the daily paper after a curry and lager night because the visit to the toilet can take upto 1 hour. I have been known to have 4 visits to the toilet for a dump after a curry night out. Andrex toilet paper with aloe vera is appreciated after a curry and lager night because it is kind to your bum.

Skid Marky Mark's picture

Damn! What's up with you 3-5 square wipers? You know, I've got news for you: Your friends are too embarrassed to tell you, but...YO ASS IS STANK!!!!

Cripes, I use probably something like 20 squares per wipe (I'm a scruncher), and depending on the poop do anywhere from 1 (rarely) to 5 wipes. I don't know about you, but I like my crack to be clean, fresh, and most importantly POOP FREE. I can tell you, 4 squares at a time is not doing the trick.

I mean, the point isn't just to swish some paper through and flush it. You're supposed to WIPE dammit. Remove all those fickle feces. Be the Starship Enterprise (i.e., circle Uranus and wipe up Klingons).

Some of you folks are just plain nasty.

Rectum? Darn near killed-um's picture

Well... I prefer to wipe until clean (or bleeding) so I would have to say on average of 5-7 squares per swipe with an average of 3-4 swipes per poo(sometimes as many as 8-9 swipes the morning after chili nite). Leaving us with an average per-poo usage of 21 sheets.

Grebuloner's picture

My shits come out anywhere from extra tiny to ass-blasters. As for the TP...well, I use a hell of a whole lot. Usually 7-8 per scrunch..I don't want my hand anywhere near my stinky bum after it's made a statement. If it's a high and dry floater, I make one wipe, other times I gotta pause and flush between wipes because it just won't come clean and I don't want my crap hanging around until it breaks down enough to hear that pleasant sucking sound of the toilet after a big one.

Fecal Bandit's picture

Paper? I use a scrub brush and a brillo pad...Don't stop till ya bleed is what I say

Sir Wipes-a-Lot's picture

I feel like a jerk after reading all of these comments, but I can use up to half a roll at a sitting, when the poo is tenacious enough (I drink a lot of soda, and the poo is a lot like roofing tar, ew).

Sir Wipes-a-Lot's picture

Damn my overactive enter key. Anyway, I'm a buncher, and probably use 10 squares a wipe. I probably wipe 10 times on average, and end up having to flush about 3-4 times to avoid cloggage; one for the turds, and a few for the paper.

Sarah's picture
l 100+ points

Okay, I forgot one important fact which might be of interest to Mr. Scientist (or is that Dr. Scientist?). After taking my morning poo, I just realized that because I have an aging 1970s toilet, if I don't flush after 3-4 passes it clogs almost without fail.

eisengrim's picture

The average here seems to be about 3 wipes, with about 6-7 squares per. I fit right in there.

Make it so Number Two's picture

Let's see. I'm a scruncher. 8 squares of two ply. 3 wipes. 24 sheets per shit.

anonymous's picture

125 grams for 500ml volume would mean that the average poop is a "floater". I cant speak for anyone else but in my case floaters are a minority, not a majority.

thisissickbutanythingforscience's picture

about 5 wipes with as much TP my little hand can hold. i don't wanna be any closer to what came out than i have to be. and the crack must be clean. not even a hint of what just occured can be left. i'd say 25-35 sheets per poo. and that's 2 ply.

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.