Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

833 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous,

I tried the baby powder cure with terrible results. I went for a walk after liberally sprinkling my ass with Johnson & Johnson's finest and was chased by a mob of slavering pedophiles with raging erections. I was lucky to escape unviolated.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

USE BABY POWDER ON YOUR ASS IT WORKS!

Anonymous's picture

Homes,get yo ass to da 99 cent sto' and get yo ass a can of ass don't smell/cause it do.

Anonymous's picture

I have a theory.. and this comes from 11 years of having Irritable Bowel Syndrome and fixing it.

Ok, first off, anal leakage and stinky ass is in many cases Irritable Bowel Syndrome or IBS. It happens when you're stressed or when you have an intolerance to certain foods. It's an undiagnosed problem (I had like 20 tests done all come out negative.. Therefore, by "exclusion" the doctors determined IBS).

Alright well, the doctors and websites alike all say there's no "cure", but that's because it's not an ailment. IBS is an instinct..

Like.. when you live in a bad neighborhood or you had some bad people/trauma in your early life. Your instincts kick in when you're in the hood or w/ people related to your trauma, and you stink yourself up to get them to go away. Obviously this isn't the case with everyone. Why not just walk away right? Well, this natural stinky instinct the case with a lot of "nice" or "kind" people. These people, myself included, are too nice to fend off these bad people by themselves, so their animal instinct kicks in. OR, it's work related where you don't want to be there but you have to for money, and if it's too unbearable you get IBS, stomach aches, and of course stinky ass leakage.

Your human-side prevents you from leaving the bad situation, so your animal-side takes over. Your human side makes it seem like you don't have a choice but to stink up to escape.

It's the same with skunks; it's self defense to escape a predator. But really similar is the female Hoopoe bird (known in the UK, Israel, etc). The female bird, and its baby birds as well, leak liquid poo when a predator is about to attack/devour. With the smell, the predator is too disgusted to even stay in the premises anymore. Skunks and female Hoopoe birds need these gross defenses because they can't escape the predator- the skunk has short stubby legs and would easily be caught otherwise, and in the Hoopoe's case, she has to stay to protect her chicks (Discover Wildlife call them chicks instead of baby birds). Gazelles don't stink themselves up because they don't have to. They just run. When we don't run, we feel like pooping. If we still stay, we have anal leakage and it smells like ass to everyone around (except to you, because your body is producing your personal odor to ward away other douchebags).

So find out what's causing you to have these instincts come out wildly, and make a move with your human instincts :) I personally had a bad work environment but I stayed because the economy sucked. One day IBS made my ass stink and I ended up quitting. When I found a job that I actually wanted to do (not just for money), my IBS went away :)

And that's my theory. It only took 11 years of suffering IBS to think of it lol. What do you guys think?

Anonymous's picture

Ok, clean your ass by soaping up you hand in the shower. Run a finger in and out your asshole to clean. Rinse off with warm water -- all clean!

Anonymous's picture

Errr[sic] fucking wierdo[sic] wtf[sic] All you americans[sic] yanki[sic] fuks[sic] needa[sic] grow up! Bet your breath stinks coz[sic] you chat shit! How the fuck would you know people use scrapy[sic] toilet paper on there[sic] asses. Bet you actually use sand paper to get all the nitty gritty dried up flakes a[sic] shit off. Dirty shit mouth freak!! Shut ur[sic] dirt box yanki[sic] dried up holes an shut da[sic] fuk[sic] up !! It ain't that hard to keep ya[sic] dirt box clean!! Just clean it with dove soap and clean water!! Stop yankin[sic] on ! Oh n[sic] if the yanki[sic] bathroom ain't got an ass washer then just get ur[sic] batty boi[sic] luver[sic] t[sic] lick your ass

Moderators comment

I didn't edit your extremely poorly written comment so people could see what an uneducated buffoon you are.

I don't know what country you are from but if your writing is an example of the lingua franca that is spoken there it is a country that uses a very marginal form of English.

"Sic in square brackets is an editing term used with quotations or excerpts. It means “that’s really how it appears in the original.” I have used it here in place of editing so all may see how truly ignorant you are.

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

I'm fifteen and my ass stinks. Yes, everyone's ass does! But mine stinks fresh,like strawberries! I'm a girl, and I know this stuff.

I'm from Sweden. Eat peaches and coconut three times a week, two peaches and 3 coconuts, and your ass will smell fruity.

I'm eating Cherry and Avocado plus Banana to make my pussy and my ass smell and taste good. Take a shower 4 times a week.
_________________________________
Moderator's comment.

If you don't shower 4 time per week your ass and pussy will smell like Surströmming!

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

It might be your dick causing the odor. Try giving that a good cleaning.

Anonymous's picture

I have a stinky crack too. Even after I shower really good I can run my finger in my crack and it smells like someone let off a ass grenade. I've noticed I've got a big hole too like a mangina. My bum has never been tampered with, just a big hole. I started eating more veggies and cut out some meats in my diet and after a couple months, not only do I feel better but the ass grenade smell has gone from a 9 to a 2.

Moderators comment, I think you need to check urban dictionary and find out what a mangina is, they have no hole.

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

From somebody who suffers from this myself I am more than happy to share my recent find. I have been suffering from this since about 8th grade and now I'm 20. I went through all the stages, from wiping my but in the bathroom to see if it was clean (always was),to scrubbing my anus vigorously, changing body washes. I developed depression, anxiety and anti social behavior.

I noticed something was wrong when people would always cough and say it smells like shit. People held their nose around me. It hurt so bad!

I have been on these forums for years looking for a cure but never found one. Basically, to get to the point, I tried a product called "Now Candida Clear", along with a diet change. I began noticing dramatic changes. The people I was around that used to cough and sniffle and such, didn't do it nearly as much, even at a close distance. They even seemed a little confused, Anyway I have been using this product for about 4 days now, along with another product "garlic pills."

I take 2 with a healthy breakfast, usually a healthy kashi cereal with silk unsweetened original almond milk but just eat foods low in sugars or with none at all. And 2 at dinner, usually a salad of some sort with a lean protein like chicken. Same as the garlic pills.

I Also been drinking prune juice and low sodium V8 and plenty of water. I also have been regularly exercising. I hope this isn't to long or boring, and if you're like me you probably read longer hoping to find a cure in one sentence. haha but I will update my progress later. hope you guys learn something from this and begin fixing your problem.

Anonymous's picture

My ass hole is always itchy, I enjoy smelling my fingers after scratching it.

Anonymous's picture

Okay guys, If this is for anal sex the person who is gonna do you should know that an anus is for shitting! So if he's gonna take that risk, well that his problem not yours.

Anonymous's picture

Dogs love the taste of shit. Just get a dog. The good old boy will clean you up and give you a thrill all at once!

Anonymous's picture

If I wiffed this, I'd be bringing something up!!

Anonymous's picture

I tried to buy this so-called Aphincterine product and couldn't find it online. On the website they only mentioned their number which I called and the number didn't work. Is it a real product and did anyone have any success with it?

Anonymous's picture

Sounds like the habits of dogs.

Anonymous's picture

Also you can just put vinegar and baking soda up you butt crack, and then you get the area cleaned up. If you have a hairy butt hole, the poo is getting stuck in there and when you wipe you leave dingle-berries dangling from your ass like Christmas tree balls, so make sure none are stuck in there.

Anonymous's picture

Lord have mercy.

Anonymous's picture

That's not just the best answer; it's the bestest answer!

Anonymous's picture

I have the perfect solution from Japan...the unisex bidet, Neorest 550....washed and cleans your ass no hands....about $4K...

Anonymous's picture

This is the only method that has worked for me!

Anonymous's picture

Amazing lack of punctuation had me in stitches plus I don't believe him about priest because they have really clean butts.

Anonymous's picture

Wash each time after poop and pee, fools. Nothing more cleaner than that. Great for spontaneous sex, as well!

Anonymous's picture

This is a truly beautiful discussion ~:-) I laughed. Alot.

Anonymous's picture

Dude wipe your ass with toilet paper. Then wipe with a baby wipe get a second baby wiped with hand soap on it and re wipe it with a regular baby wipe until the stains the toilet paper couldn't get go away. Then take a shower scrub your ass cheeks crotch and dick no full body shower is needed. No joke I do it every time I after I shit but if I have to go in a public place I do that when I come home. Its weird how people think this is weird whenever they're the ones that stink like ass.

Anonymous's picture

Sounds like a classic case of swamp ass. To rectify this situation you will need to start using baby wipes instead of regular toilet paper. I started using flushable baby wipes a few years ago when my dad started buying them due to his hemorrhoids, you will never use dry TP alone again man. They work very well in preventing that swamp ass smell that everyone hates. Next time you have to take a big dumpa, get some wipes and you will be rid of the swamp ass!!!

Anonymous's picture

Drink senna or use huggies baby wipes

Anonymous's picture

Liquid chlorophyll, in my experience, is like an internal deodorant. Warning, it cleans you out so if you have a sensitive system you may want to start with a little less than recommended. Also in my experience it takes around 2 or 3 weeks to be effective for people with serious body odor issues.

Taken from the top comment on a liquid chlorophyll review...
"is a great way to alkalize your digestive tract and body which can help boost up your immune system and prevent diseases. It also does a good job reducing the odor of your bowel movements."

Good luck to you folks here trying to find a way to make the world a less stinky place :)

Anonymous's picture

Put a dryer sheet in your underwear.

Anonymous's picture

You need to shave that dirty ass hairy before you get started with anything. SHAVED THAT NASTY BUNG HOLE HAIR!

Anonymous's picture

I just crap in the shower then stomp the shit down the drain. Wash my ass and foot right after. No fuss, no muss.

Anonymous's picture

fucking hilarious

Anonymous's picture

Wash with water. Use a pitcher, you get plastic ones in IKEA. That is the only way. Tissue does nothing.

Anonymous's picture

call me weird but i like the smell of a womens anus, if your so worried tell the girl their ass smells before they smell yours first :D for me its a winwin

Anonymous's picture

dude just cut your anal hairs and that should reduce the problem. If everybody notices when you wipe your ass after a sticky crap, it'll go through your anal hairs and make it stinkier after it sweats. hmmm interesting forum

Anonymous's picture

You gotta wash your ass'

Anonymous's picture

This is why Muslims are the cleanest people we wash 5 times a day for prayer and if we use the bathroom even if its urine we must still wash thats your solution Bud!Wash your Behind

Anonymous's picture

hey girl,what kind of deodorant,spray u mean???
send the answer in my ym glebdemira@yahoo.com if you dont mind..thanks :)

Anonymous's picture

Step 1: rinse ass with water front to back.
step 2: soapy a wash cloth
step 3: stick wash cloth covered hand into crack and swirl, move to different section of towel and wash ENTIRE crack up and down.
step 4:rinse from front to back
step 5:soapy HAND (not the towel)and do a general ass wash
step 6:rinse from front to back
step 7:get out the shower and DRY YOUR ASS! (Very important)
step 8:(optional) spray deodorant or use powder

tip 1:you do NOT need to wash the inside of your anus, all you're doing is pulling out more fecal matter making the area harder to clean.
tip 2: The ass should be one of the last parts of body washed. The last thing should be your feet.
tip 3: use a hand towel ONCE, then it needs to be washed
tip 4:WASH TOWELS SEPARATELY and always USE BLEACH (i use white towels so they dont get ruined) DRY on HIGH HEAT.
tip 5: tips 3 and 4 are the MOST important. This is the KEY.
tip 6: males also need to give special attention to the balls, and the area between the balls and anus/ass.

People have said that all asses stink. This simply is NOT true. getting out of the shower, your ass should smell like soap or nothing at all! Please follow these instructions.

Anonymous's picture

Look at the positive side of this. You will always have space on a bus or train around you. Flies buzzing around your arse will warn others that its not safe to get too close to you.
And.........

A sigh it is a gust of wind which rises from the heart,
but when it takes the downward path, is most often called a fart!
A fart it is a great relief, it gives you belly ease,
it warms the bed in winter and suffocates the fleas!

Anonymous's picture

I think we can all come to the conclusion that, although cleaning your butt on a regular basis can reduce the smell, buttholes are buttholes and their gonna smell like what they are..... Buttholes so don't stress.

Anonymous's picture

Plain and simple. Wash yo ass

Anonymous's picture

when u shit, do like i do, i sit on the sink and put the water running down my ass and wash for about 30 seconds, wipe with any towel, i never stink, my ex muslim gf used to do it and i learned with her and she did the same with her vagina after pee.. i wash my penis too.
hope it helps.

Anonymous's picture

I have been doing one thing all my life since teenage years.
I wipe ass with toiletpaper slightly watered, multiple times. Although time-consuming, beign a vegetarian my extrements smell much, so I developed this technique to - trust me, very clean, no odor.
Simply use slightly watered toilet paper, conitnue wiping glissados until brown color (fecal debris) is bleak enough to stop.

Anonymous's picture

just wash ur ass dude..like muslims does..

Anonymous's picture

Try an aloe wipe or baby wipe. DO NOT use the wet wipes that other places put out, those wipes can have alcohols, fragrances, and other things in them that irritate your back door.

Anonymous's picture

One day my ass was stinking so bad i had peoples heads and noses turning at my job, so during lunch break i jumped in my car and went to an auto detail shop, i told them i wanted it buffed and deoderized then, i dropped my pants to my ankles,spreaded my butt cheeks and showed them the STINK NUGGET!!! Needless to say the guy with the buffing wheel threw up and the manager called the cops, so here i am in jail with a rotten smelling ass!!!

Anonymous's picture

hang a stick up deodorant on your ass

Anonymous's picture

You went to poopreport. This place is either filled with people laughing at you or depressed people wanting to kill themselves. what kind of attitude do you think you're going to get coming here?

Anonymous's picture

"Ass gnome" lol.

Anonymous's picture

Hey, there's many reaons to kill yourself, but the trick is staying alive despite all that. Trust me, if it's not smelling like shit, then other people are going to make you feel like there's something else wrong with you. It's just some people that everyone like's to pick on. I'd say as long as you haven't done anything bad, what's the reason to die?

Anonymous's picture

Change your diet. Do you eat a lot of eggs? What about dairy products? Things like broccoli and brussel sprouts also add stink to your crap. Don't quit eating these things, just cut back a bit.

Anonymous's picture

Homes,get yo ass down to the 99 cent store and get yo ass a can of ass don't smell.'cause it do.

Anonymous's picture

I try everything and i have the same problem i used underarm deodarant all up my ass but it never lasts and i always smell like ass.

Anonymous's picture

i have the same problem,i scrub good when i shower,i make sure to clean good down there, but for some reason after i take a dump and wipe good,i begin to start smelling a little funky, i think i need an ass washing toilet ...

Anonymous's picture

This was way too funny. I don't know how I came across this page but I'm glad I did. DUde just wash your butt better.

Anonymous's picture

Put deodorant in your ass, that will keep it fresh all day. Preferably Secret

Anonymous's picture

Nice way to refrence woman hope you enjoyed your fromunda cheese

Anonymous's picture

Oh my God ... seriously? You think your shit should smell like dinner or something? In America, we can't get over our dry wipe fetish. Yum yum. Let me squeeze out some gooey rotting half digested food ... and try scraping it off my ass using dry scratchy paper. Then I'll just smell like shit all day long!

Noooo noooo noooo. Wash it, man! Each time! But where? In the sink? Can you imagine? So, your ass is hanging over the sink, and sixteen other dudes are like ... whaaaaat? Butt! You'd have a clean, sweet smelling ass! And she'd love you for it!

So what? Why are American bathrooms these weird fetish rooms with no way to wash up? Give it up, man! This sort of thing has been solved years ago in less uptight cultures. French, Japanese, Chinese, all have "ass wash" toilets. You just soap the damn thing off after a juicy gooey sticky stinky slimy brown green orange experience and ahhhhhhh ... I'm clean and fresh again. No smelling like a fresh turd any more.

Yes! So how do we change the world? Become a poop hippie? An ass washing flower child? A bidet evangelist? An ass sniffing wierdo? A "porta-ass-wash" carrying preacher?

The possibilities are endless!

Anonymous's picture

This is very strange indeed.
This entire forum.....
Very....
Odd.

Anonymous's picture

Many people are not taught proper hygiene skills. Wiping your butt after a #2 using only toilet paper will only get you by temporarily and will cause bacteria to build up. In order to have a really clean butthole you need to wash it well with water (and soap if possible). There are two times you can do this. The first is when you take a shower. Take a "shower glove" and lather it up with soap. Gently wash your butthole region with your fingers. You need to be gentle but thorough. Then rinse it clean with just water. Then wipe it dry with toilet paper. When you take a dump away from home, after you wipe with regular toilet paper, use moist towelettes like "Cottonelle Flushable Wipes" for that extra clean feeling. If you don't have moist towelettes, use a wet paper towel and then wipe it dry with another paper towel (don't flush the paper towels). This system is pretty good IMO.

Anonymous's picture

Omg! i would hate to be your girlfriend, u nasty piece of shit. how can you do something like that? i wish i could see u cause ill cut your dick off and stick it up your ass so the next time you fart u can taste in out your mouth!

Anonymous's picture

Do you think all the deodorants are good for the skin in that area specially around the anus .. its sensitive..Hair removing cream manufacturers also recommend not to use cream in that area...Or i think a deo made from natural ingredients would be better...

Anonymous's picture

use water. tissue paper alone is not enough.

Anonymous's picture

Some many comedians on this board. You should seriously go to the Doctor, you may have an anal fistula. If this is the case no type of hygiene will help you. Your rectum is very sensitive and deodorants, soaps and especially baby wipes can irritate that area. Also be gentle when cleaning, do not scurb your rectum. It can make it worse. Spray warm water direcly on the area until all fecal matter is gone, then blot dry. Also take fiber (citracel), drink lots of water and perform about 200 sphincter exercises a day. The exercises will strengthen up your rectum, which hopefully will keep everything inside.

Anonymous's picture

All this for nothing? Poor guy no one ever gave him a solution for his stinky ass? EASY!... Dude, western people ass wiping-after-poop system its FLAWED. You are actually smearing the poop all over your ass... also it stays buried around your anus. Use water and a towel like Muslims do, I learned that from them.. they have the cleanest ass in the worlddddd. Ok After that, Just buy and extra deodorant and use it in your butt crack, it will keep it from smelling and sweating and It will keep your girl happy :) Trust me Im a girl and I have my extra deodorant I have never had my ass stinking yayyyy!

Anonymous's picture

Never laughed so much in my life!!!!!its called soap and water(bathe guys!!!!)

Anonymous's picture

if your breathe smells a little like poo too it could be caused by an infection on your tonsil area. the infection will smell/taste like poo and since youre swallowing it your body will dispose of it in the only way i can, sweating it out. this is only my theory however... i am having those current symptoms as we speak.

i just found the infection today when the dentist said "nice tonsils", during my cleaning. i have had the bad breathe for about a month. im going to start on an antibiotic and probotic as soon as possible to see if it helps.

i just currently had blood work and fecal tests done at a lab. **HIGHLY RECOMMENDED** they can find out whats going on in there and tell you if you have an infection inside as well. and remember; excuses are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink :)

Anonymous's picture

Crap stinks

Anonymous's picture

This shit is funny as hell I'm dieing from laughing my ass don't stink cause I wipe after a 2 foot shit it happens all the time its so long it curls around the toilet all the way up to the rim looks like a snake trying to bite my two apples when I flush well ever try to blend food with the top off yes you guessed it shit flys everywhere so I don't flush it no more when I'm in ploblic bathrooms just today I saw a priest go into my stall and heard him say jesus christ I started to laugh so hard as he ran out with shit on his cleen robe well that's my story keep ya ass clean

Anonymous's picture

what's that smell?

Anonymous's picture

What I find works is if I need to fart really bad I find a place that I can pull my clothes off and just fart away. The fecal matter gets stuck in your clothes if you fart in there. Also when the GF is sleeping rub your hole and put the finger to her nose. If she wakes up you are stinky. If not you're just over exagerating about the smell.

I hope this advice helps.

Anonymous's picture

make sure to wipe with baby wipes or something after pooping.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear stink ass, You need to trim your nasal hairs before you stick your nose up my ass. They tickle too much.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

My stink ass's picture

I smell ass crack.

ass boff's picture

What's happening everyone, I too have the same problem but my lifestyle is fucked up. I go to bed at about 6 in the morning till 6 at night. I get up and sit in I have done this for 3 years now, I'm only 19, I'm suffering from depression and I'm going to kill myself if I don't find a solution to the problem.

It's got to be the worse thing that can happen to you, no body likes a stink. People just tend to think of you as a tramp because you stink. People don't understand that us people have something physically wrong with us.

If anyone who has had this problem has a real solution for it could you comment back because am fed up with all the gobshites saying retarded things like put tampons up your arse. I don't want a fucking temporary gay solution, I want a permanent one so I can live a normal life like everybody else.

We don't deserve to be depressed and ashamed of this shit it needs to end today ! Someone get on me with some good news about getting rid of the stank ass, it's doing me nut in and I haven't fucked a girl for a year and I'm literally fucking pig sick over it. We all need a good beet now an again so stank ass's clean my arse with a real solution.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Okay AC, No pun taken.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

thats real crappy
no pun intended

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Excuse me Ma'm. We're trying to determine what your bf ate last night. Is that a bean sprout hanging from your lip?

Columbo

grrrl's picture

my boyfriend's ass smells like nothing at all and tastes like nothing too,and his shit doesn't stink. the word is VEGAN.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

the ass gnome said;
"seriously u guys just try it and see for urself"
Two problems with that. First,that was a well written/typed post until the end.Secondly,If you can see the stink disappear, how bad did you stink?
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Whenever I take a dumb, I feel so stupid.

the ass gnome's picture

i have had this problem for about 2 years so far, and i think i have managed to find out what causes this :
- whenever i eat onions/garlic my ass would reek the next morning.
- whenever i poop and wipe my ass with toilet paper without water i reek.
- and finally whenever hair starts building up in my ass, i reek.

so i started eating less onions (used to eat it daily) , and shave my butthole often and ALWAYS wash my ass after taking a dumb, and it WORKS LIKE A CHARM! i never smell anymore, seriously u guys just try it and see for urself

Anonymous Coward's picture

Help, 30 minutes after a shower I can wipe with tp and there's a sweaty ass smell. Can't shake it.

Anonymous Coward's picture

What about anti monkey butt powder? Is this the technological miracle break through all of our pungent incompetent sphincter gates have been puckering for? I want to live damn it

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Maybe she shouldn't let her asshole go unrefridgerated for that long.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

Delicate Nostrils 's picture

Butt of the Joke, I was doing a 69 with my girl friend and her asshole smelled funny but it didn't make me laugh. Her asshole smelled like a chicken salad sandwich that had been unrefrigerated for a week or two.

Should I have laughed? Is there something wrong with me? Should she have opted for egg salad instead?

I need help!!!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

AC,that is the point. This is a poop HUMOR site,not meant to be taken too seriously. And if you read through the comments and pages,you might notice that simply showering again doesn't always cut it. Please return with helpful advice or something reasonably funny.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

Anonymous Coward's picture

This site is a joke, to remove the stank just shower again, it's that simple.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Good advice BOJ. If this doesn't help assfacee, try pulling a corner of the carpet back and run your ass along one of those tackless strips. Have some peroxide handy.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

assfacee, have you ever watched a dog slide it's ass across the carpet? Do you think they do that just for fun? Give it a whirl.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

assfacee's picture

Hello my name is shwanza and i have a ass problem...
sometimes my anus is really itchy but i dont know if i should scratch because not only is my finger gonna smell bad but i might get internal bleeding.
what should i do?
pleaseeeee help.

Anonymous Coward's picture

my butthole smells like the best parmesan cheese-- i mean like the highest quality expensive stuff. its a small world when it comes to bacteria.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Somebody certainly gets around.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Depressed, were you born in Tokyo, Saigon, Manila, Taipei, or perhaps Reykjavik?

Just curious!


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Depressed, you're only 13 and your ass already smells?? You may be related to someone here at PR then. In fact, you may be his child.

CHIEF!! You got some 'splaining to do.

Princessa's picture

Well I'm Asian. When I'm home we use those small milk jugs and fill it with water, wash yourself and add soap when washing yourself. We wipe then we wash. Wash yourself twice to be extra clean. You can find those small milk jugs or even those small gardening water jugs from the dollar store. If you are out in public always bring a bottle of water with you when you have to do number 2 and they have those take-a-long paper soaps too at some places. I've seen them at Pier 1 Imports even. Deodorant will just cover the smell up, you gotta wash yourself after that, I mean imagine trying to have an intimate moment with your significant other when there is not such a pleasant smell coming from your ass. Also it depends on what you eat too and your digestive tract. I know zinc is supposed to help with body odor as far as underarm odor goes. I'm assuming it would help with this problem too.

i am depressed plaese help me's picture

Hi I am 13 years old. I have had this weird smell coming from my butt, it's like a fart smell even though I haven't farted. Sometimes it's the sweaty bum smell, sometimes it's a shit smell. Sometimes it's just fart smell.

I shower twice a day. How can I make it go away? Any answers or advice will be fantastic!!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Bunny ranch girls? Moving their cans? I am reconsidering!!


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Sorry I didn't hear that. The bucket brigade that the girls from the bunny ranch started is quite noisy. They're having a hell of a time with all those cans moving around. Enjoy your possum my friend.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

George Dickel No. 12 would have piqued my curiosity!


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

What are the odds. Good luck. I guess I'll have to attend to the horrific crash involving a truck carrying George Dickel #8. It seems to be a one vehicle crash on an overpass, and there is something pouring out of it onto the vacant lot below across from the local bunny ranch.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Sorry PD, Home front patriotism must take top priority. A local truck carrying fried possums has just been T-boned by a barbecue sauce truck. This tragedy has occurred within a mile of my home and I am a first responder in accident such as this.

Let's see, T-bone, possum, barbecue sauce, I'll get back with you soon.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

AC, we here at PR cannot take such a claim as truth unless it is independently corroborated. I will have an esteemed member of our staff travel to your residence and verify both the shit and the ass claims. You'd better be telling the truth, or he'll be pissed.

Oh Chiefy. We need someone to travel to verify a uh report of uh truck loaded with uh pork rinds that collided with a truck carrying uh hot sauce. It sounds like a uh a real mess. Yeah real mess. We're counting on you buddy. I'd go but uh I'm on the uh no fly list.

Anonymous Coward's picture

You people all need serious psychological help. My shit don't stink either does my ass. HA!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Is that because soon you'll be being made fun of in 9th grade?

kidstankscool's picture

im made fun of in the 8th grade it sucks. but soon that'll stop thx guys

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear AC, I corrected a few of your grammatical errors but left just enough to show that you are not the brightest candle on the cake.

I truly feel sorry for you and earnestly suggest that you get a pet lion. They are much more thorough than dogs.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I to used to have a rancid rectum but I bought a dog. To cut a long story short I used to smear jam in the anal passage get down on all fours and get the dog to lick it off. Not only did it clean up very nicely, it also had a raspy tongue. 'sigh' Then the dog died so I still have a smelly anus. Ain't life a bitch?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I'm curious Paul, If you're in the bush why does it matter what your arse smells like?


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Paul's picture

The best way to clear any trace of a smelly arse you need to wash the whole area with metho (this is an old Australian bush trick)failing that use surgical spirits or alcohol wipes, this will kill all bacteria and fungus that cause the smell in the first place. If this doesnt work then go for something stronger such as benzine or sodium metacloride. I once washed my dogs bollocks with petrol to good effect.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Why does my sack smell like a foot no matter how much I scrub it

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

And AC, No fair getting your assfucking from a soapy or cologne drenched dick, KY jelly only will be approved as a lube.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

AC, that is interesting, useful information, but we here at PR need to corroborate all our posts to ensure accurate journalism. Can you take an assfucking and get back to us with the results? It will be greatly appreciated.

Anonymous Coward's picture

My girlfriend's of Arab descent. She taught me how to make sure your ass is completely clean.

Here's how : every morning (but especially after taking a dump) jump in the shower, soap up your fingers and stick 'em up your ass until you're in the actual inner as cavity. Keep reinserting your fingers, ensuring that any excess shit is removed. Bonus points if you have a detachable shower head.
Dry off, get some antiperspirant liquid and rub it into the crack and hole of your ass until it's dry to the touch. That's it. You could take an assfucking and it'll still smell like roses.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Has anybody ever tried Tussy deodorant cream cause I tried that and it works to get rid of all the smell unless I eat foods like curry- in which case my clothes might have a slight aftersmell of curry- and I do have tmau.

Anonymous Coward's picture

wow. this site is... wow. okay, first of all, not everyone's ass stinks. i shit & shower every morning in that order and my ass doesn't stink. my boyfriend sits around and festers for two and three days at a time, and his ass doesn't stink. yet his pits could knock you over dead. we are all individuals and reek at our own rate.

but here's a little tidbit that may help. especially all you fat people. because fat people start smelling much quicker, it's just a fact. i discovered this 10 years ago when i was pregnant and it helped me out a lot. my hormones were all over the place and i went through this 3 week period during my first trimester where i was constantly sweating. profusely. i stank. it was horrible. my pits were sweating, my ass was sweating, my chest and back were sweating, it was CRAZY. i actually grossed my own self out and i showered three times a day.

but!! the lifesaver?? FDS!!! all you fat and/ or smelly people need to go to the drug store and buy a big can of FDS. it stands for feminine deodorant spray BUT it's not just for sprayin your cooch. (which by the way is nasty and if it's that bad go to the doc...). it's an all over MILD (note-no ass burning) deodorant spray that works anywhere on your body - feet, back, chest AND YOUR ASS!!!! so all you dumbasses that are shoving sticks of deodorant up your ass and wondering why your ass is on fire need to stop that shit and buy some FDS!!! it smells good and it works. and for god sakes use a wet wipe after you shit if you can't just take a shower.

Wella's picture

you should consider getting a Brazilian Bikini maybe your pubic hairs are smelling. some particles from your poop got stuck to those hair thus making your whole ass smell! XD

Anonymous Coward's picture

I tried the wet toilet paper thing...
Now Ive just got lots of little wet dingleberries... On to next tip...

ASS SNIFFER's picture

First of all, this site is HILARIOUS. Can you guys grow the fuck up? Every single ass / asshole smells because that's where turds come out from. Hello? I'm a certified ass sniffer and I love smelling all types of sweaty, greasy, hairy, FEMALE ass cracks. What I do to keep my asshole extra smelly is the following:
- When I take a shower, I NEVER wash it. NEVER touch your asshole. That can lead to an increase in the homosexual population.
- eat 2 buckets of fried chicken from KFC (daily)
- 5 baby ruth candy bars for dessert
Now comes the secret: 12 BOILED eggs! Eat those babies every day and the stench will have your neighbors clapping.
Take care hookahs.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Now my finger stinks too

MethuselahTurd's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Why is it so shocking that a dark, warm, moist oriface that turds come passing through atleast once a day might smell a little bad?

DeFloweredBooty's picture

HAHAHA why thank you!!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

De (may I call you De?) It sounds like you may be in danger of creating the perfect ass. Most guys will be intimidated by this. I think it best to leave a few dingleberries or some toilet paper dandruff back there so guys don't suddenly think you are a blow up doll or something. Just a suggestion.

DeFloweredBooty's picture

=] this is frikken hilarious. but helpful. DONT use deodorant or alcohol lmao! I am so glad to know I am not alone! I am freshly single and I had sex the other night and was sooo insecure about me maybe smelling like ASS.

From what I read I guess Ill be taking a mini bath before my shower and SCRUB the shit off my ass. Then use baby powder... cant be that bad right?
Also I have been using flushable wipes for over a year now I'm totally addicted! regular toilet paper SUCKs.
And.... I noticed that my shit always smells better when i eat yogurt daily :) gotta stay regular!!!

HAHAHA's picture

OMG. This is the funniest thing I have ever read.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Okay Jay, The next support group meeting will be in your dining room while you are having breakfast in the morning.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Jay from Your Mom's House's picture

I can't say I personally understand the plight some of you are facing, but I am nonetheless sympathetic.
However PLEASE, stop having your support group meetings on public transit. Now you know.

LMFAO's picture

This forum kills me. lol. I think all our asses smell. No matter who you are, what you eat or who sniffs your crack.

My ass stinks right now and I like it. I don't care what anyone thinks and the wife can go to hell. He He.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have IBS, that's irritable bowel syndrome. Ive pooped 3 times today already. Oooozy Poop too. I do have a hairy crack, so its hard not to accumulate poop on the hairs. My ass stinks!

Dr Will Reach F.R.A.C.G.P.'s picture

Dear Stinkers,

After extensive research on 134 people with Rectal Stench Syndrome (R.S.S.) i have come to the conclussion nothing more than wiping and washing your anus thoroughly will resolve 100% of your problems.

Drinking plenty of water and spending a little more time on the toilet will make certain you have emptied your bowels completely and wiping should be a reasonably clean process. Wash your anus gently atleast 3 times with a mild soap. Your troubles should be solved.

Regards
Dr W. Reach

Anonymous Coward's picture

i am a gay man here to help you sick hetaro's. this is what we do (shhh...its a secret) ok, wip your ass lik you normaly do, but the second time you wipe; go in deeper with the middle finger. do it for about 4times, then wipe frontwards, ok now it gets tricky. when wiping with middle finger lean forward with your back slightly curved, then right at that moment shove your finer up your ass and clean almost in a finger bang motion as you would do to a female partner (yes i said it cuntlicker - PARTNERS) curve your finger sligtly and wipe out, do this until toilet paper comes out clean. top it off by wetting toilet paper jus a bit and squeeze excess water and final wipe. after a week it becomes second nature. it may sound like alot; what i just wrote, but trust me its not, im just here to help you smelly asses.... oh dont think that wiping like this makes you gay (lol as if it could)...what makes you gay is liking penis you fucking putas.

An Indian's picture

- This is for anybody that can not stop his/her bottom smelling.
- I am strict vegetarian.
- I have been suffering from same symptoms for about 20 years. My social life was zero. Afraid of the meetings at work and was so tired of it I was planning to go back to India for good.
- Recently friend of mine at work recommended I see Dr. Janine Romaner (You can Google her name or Naturally Healthy, LLC).
- She has turned my life around. Though I am on a strict diet, it is worth going through this pain than smelling all the time.
- Her phone number is 770-640-6690
- Don't give up.

Intergalactic Poop Explosion's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Oh god, What the hell did I post that crap for.

I guess this is what happens when you wake up at 4:00 AM and hot box your self in a room with a 45 minute fart barrage.

Is it possible that a simple fart may also contain additional side effects other then disorientation and scrunched face?

Intergalactic Poop Explosion's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I don't know Doctor AC. I am going to have to disagree with you, despite my elementary knowledge(lack of all knowledge beyond my own experience)of ass odor.

I think you based your argument on the assumption that all turds are not equal because of what they are derived from. You are like the Adolf Hitler of poop!

But I know, because I'm a vegetarian, that all poop makes an asshole stink. So don't pretend that you would prefer my turd over Chuck Norris's turd sitting on your front porch because you think it might stink less. Please Doctor, prove to me why your opinion is not biased when your sniffing butt holes.

Lastly, I think poop has been ridiculed for far to long, because unlike man, we know for a fact that poop was created by higher beings. And I know I can walk out my front door with the pride of knowing that, I make poop at least equal to all others.

Dr. Anonymous Coward's picture

Sounds to me that you might need to review your dietary intake. Apparently you're eating some stuff that makes it all reek back there.

Smells like booty!'s picture

I suffer from this too...UGH it's so embarrassing. It seems like in the last month it's gotten significantly worse and I don't know wth I'm doing wrong! I will def try to change my diet though, I keep farting lately and that might be cuz I'm eating horribly. I need to buy some wipes too. Here's to a new me and a new smell free butt. Cheers!

super duper pooper's picture

I like to stuff rose petals up my bum, that way when I fart the gas is filtered thru the roses and leaves a nice smell. They're also great for wiping with, just make sure to avoid the thorns.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

I'm still trying to figure out why AC 10/24 is fisting himself in the shower, under the guise of "washing"...

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

MP from Birmingham's picture

I soy, enough frum rogues an' riff raff loike oliver twist an' that barbarian wallis. we gentleman in the owse of lords wull be chuffed ter help thrash the yanks into submission.

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