Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

832 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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Some people just naturally stink.

I had a friend named George. He was a big hairy Greek. He always had some funky odor coming off him. He could be fresh out of the shower and he still stunk.

The odor is probably coming from your pores. Change your diet or the soap you use. Don't try to cover it up with cologne, that's the worst.. odor mixed with cologne; a very toxic blend!!!

steve fartin's picture
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do you think that instead of an anus, you were born with smaller, yet fully functional vulva?

coochie coochie cooo!

Brown Seymour's picture
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It's probably your diet. A lot of things in your diet affect the smell of your shit. But the simplest thing that I can point to is meat. In the animal world, a Carnivore's shit stinks worse than an herbivore's. Thus it is that a vegetarian's shit (and farts) does not smell quite so bad as a meat-eater. So you could try going vegetarian for a few weeks and see what happens.

IMA POOPIN's picture
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MAYBE YOU ARE ONE OF THE FAT ASSES LIKE IN THE OTHER ARTICLES.... "THE SHITTER"!

Pooperscooper's picture
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First, the gang is right--it probably isnt your rear end that's the problem. So dont brutally scrub at your poor, innocent asshole. In fact vigorously punishing your starfish might irritate it and leave you vulnerable to an anal fissure.

Check your diet. If you're eating lots of beans and especially high fat foods, that might be doing it. Onions and especially garlic can really stink up your shit. And from what Ive read on this site, beer is notorious.

Justa Girl's picture
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Wash your ass with a bit of soap and warm water right after you wipe and flush. GENTLY! Maybe if you wash right after you do your icky business it will cut down on the smell? Or try some baby wipes. You can buy small packets of them to keep in your... well, wherever guys keep stuff. Personally, I think man-purses would be a great idea but even just stuff a few baby butt wipes in a sandwich bag and carry them in your pocket. It's worth a shot. Nothing like smelling ass on your man to kill the mood. Good luck!

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper
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What if contemporary wiping technique is flawed??? What if, when we wipe, we are just smearing shit all over our asses -- just spreading the smell around??

Scat Woman's picture
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That's exactly it Dave, when you wipe you are basically smearing a thin layer of shit on the skin surrounding your a-hole, so no matter how much you wipe with just TP, unless you wash the skin thoroughly with soap and water, you're still going to have traces of shit there. I guess the smell would result from the bacteria going to town on the cling-ons...also, sweat collects there in your crack, and bacteria thrive in moist warm environments. That's probably the reason for the funk. I think the baby wipes idea might help...good luck.

adude's picture
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Do you shave your ass?

I had to ask because I read an article on the net about ass shaving and advice about not to do it. The guy that experimented was happy cause his ass was ivory smooth. However, he went about his day and sweat started collecting in his crack and eventully it ran down into his drawers and he mistook it for a liquid escaping his O-ring. He went home and got in front of a fan after getting bottomless cause he felt a hot sensation in his crack. He faced the fan and spread his butt to cool his crack when a most rancid smell hit him and he gagged.

He evetually let the ass hair grow back but it itched like crazy and he said he was sorry to have messed with nature in the first place. I think the ass hair kinda works to hold the mositure and funk and keep it contained until you can get some soap and water to the area. If your ass is hairy as a coconut leave it be. Don't ass shave for some woman.....if she really loves you she will love your hairy ass too.

Just my 2 cents

damn's picture
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When I was a youngin, I tryed shaving my ass hairs off.

3 words..............don't do it.

Go get a brizilian bikini wax.

damn's picture
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My women gets that, I don't know if they offer the same

type of thing to men........They seem to have everything eles, I wouldn't be suprised.

Trouser Chili's picture
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I whole-buttedly agree that shaving your bung-hairs is not a good idea. Those short-and-curlies are there for a reason. I once was lighting farts back in the day and burnt off most of the hairs in my ass crevice, and experienced many of the problems mentioned above. All of the sweat just ran down my crack and loosened the loaf particles in my ass, then dripped straight down my balls and into my boxers leaving a greasy, brown stench-stain. My girlfriend wouldn't even think about sucking on my root because she said my balls smelled like turd.

I think those ass hairs are just like the hairs in your nose. They are meant to catch the drip. We have boogers in our nose and we have dingleberrys in our ass. It's just the way nature intended things to be.

PJbrownstuff's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I agree that diet is probably a big cause of it. Are you sure it is your ass? It could be your taint or the bottom or your ballsack.

fromunda cheese's picture
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i agree with PJ - a taint can smell worse than a starfish if you don't clean up the fromunda cheese that collects down there. give your entire undercarriage a little soap-and-water.

btw - Trouser Chili - "root" is a great word for cock.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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fromunda cheese....haven't heard that one in awhile.

I never knew a dude could get that, we always used that term when referring to going down on a woman orally and discovering her crotch was nasty and stinky with white stuff in it. The white stuff is the "fromunda cheese".

mmmmmmm fromunda.

Justa Girl's picture
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Damn but isn't this site educational! I've never heard the term "fromunda cheese". I asked for it at the friendly neighbourhood deli counter but the middle aged woman who was working said they wouldn't get another shipment in until Monday. And she scratched her crotch then... no lie!

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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Perhaps you just have gas??

cheeze's picture
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get it right....Fromunda Cheese refers to.....fromunda my toes....i.e. toejam - the white stuff some hygienically challenged women have is called Klitty Litter...

Pooperscooper's picture
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No matter what your gender if you date, and especially have become somebody's lover, you should rise to the occasion by learning to wash your privates with soap and water once a day. Do this gently, but get into every crevice. If you've been at the gym or have been doing heavy labor all day, take a shower and do this again. It may seem like a pain, but you'll feel better and your bed partner/s will appreciate it too...

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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easy for you to give this kind of advice, Pooperscooper.

But in my younger days I went to bars, got pigs drunk, and took them home for sex. No washing of vaginas were done, it was wham bam thank you maam and I would go home with "fromunda cheese" on my face (and penis).

Poopinheimer Schmidt's picture
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What's wrong with smelling like poop? I wish I could smell like poop natually. God knows I love the smell of poop. Wake up my man! You are blessed not cursed!!

a friend's picture
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For the guy who says his ass stink: If you think your life is bad having a smelly ass just think how bad your toilet, toilet paper and underwear must feel. Belive me, you have the easy part.

A message to the cow 'Justagirl''s picture
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To Justagirl: Lady, did you offer to donate some fromunda cheese out of your cobwebby stink hole when you discovered your neighborhood deli was fresh out?

PoopZinga's picture
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Dude! For as long as I can remember my ass has had that nasty funk, especially during hot summer months. I finally picked up preparation H wipes (when the local Fred Meyer installed self-check stations, of course)... the active ingredient, witch hazel, is amazing in cleaning everything out of there, man! It stings for the few first times, but after the tenth wipe your ass should be whistling dixie. Good luck! (If rash or irritation develops, discontinue use, etc.)

Herc's picture
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Get a girlfriend who reeks , this way you'll never know the difference !

funnyshit's picture
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This has got to me one of the most entertaining message boards I have ever read.

Regarding smelly ass cracks, the diet thing is definitely a plausible explaination. I had a roomate that always reeked, regardless of how many showers he took. I am 80% vegetarian and I would not report that my ass crack reeks. Sure, there is a different odor than other places on my body, but reek is not the right word. Maybe "loaded with pheromones" is a better way to put it. I mean, it makes perfect sense for pheromones to be given off naturally from that area. IT seems that every girl that has had a face to face esperience with my "root" (yes, very good slang for cock, I learned that here) has been turned on rather than off, so aparently the smell couldn't have been charaterized as "reek." It's the same with camel toe. A clean camel toe is the tastiest thing I've experienced, but a lot of straight women think they stink, even though most men would think it heavenly.

class's picture
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wow..this is one classy ass board I must say. I agree with the above person as well as the initial person who said that "root" is a excellent word for cock..never heard it before here.If your ass stinks dude,I would recomend as that one girl said baby ass whipes,not eating very fatty foods,and also if all else fails...tighten your cheeks whe u walk by someone ;)

Mashley's picture
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Well, you could scrub it REALLY hard, or find a comfy buttplug, but that might cause farts to build up and shot it out and strike someone. Or, you could tell your picky girlfriend to put a clotherspin on her nose. Or tell her her armpits stink, even when she puts on D.O. Well, that's my suggestion.

Sewdiggity's picture
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When I eat V's brownies, it makes my shit stink like a mofo. I be like takin a big shit like Smokey, and p-nuts be flying out cuttin my ass like a knife. What up with dat shiznit? I have to find a sharp object and rub my ass on it to relieve the itchin. Take those brownies and turn the sonbitches sideways and stiem up walkers ass!!!!

franky stanky's picture
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i have never been so turned on by all this stinky but talk in all my life, you guys are the bomb. although big willy is much better slang than root !! unless of course you only have a little root. personaly i use an sos pad , just lightly or youll be sorry , oh ya and DO NOT USE YOUR WIFES NAIR HAIR REMOVER ON YOUR NADS AND BUT CRACK !!! OHWIE !!!!

John's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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The effect of Newt Gingrich's ingrowing botty hairs upon wolrd politics needs discussion

Chip's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Hey listen,

So, you've got a smelly ass, eh?

Well, here's a hot-tip.

If you reckon you're gunna get naked with your girl-friend why not refrain from taking a dump until after you've bathed until you've both had your pleasure?

Makes sense to me...

Chip

Stinky's picture
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Just go on smelling like shit. If your girlfriend doesn't like it, find another girlfriend, who also smells like shit. I've smelt like shit every day of my life and I'm proud of it. I don't even wipe, much less bathe.

Concerned wife's picture
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So I'm a wife that's really bothered about my husbands bad ass smell. Unless he has recently come out of the shower, he stinks terribly! Before marrying him, I was with other guys, and I've never been around anything like this before. You don't want to even begin to have sex with you good looking husband, because the stench turns your stomach! The furniture even harbors a foul stench minutes after he's gotten up! I don't know what to do. He's very self-conscious about this, and even gets mad when I bring it up. He says that it's the pants that he wears everyday to work in, that he sweats in the, and that's what makes him stink. But we all wear those pants. And like I said, I've never encountered anyone with this problem before. My husband was once 300 lbs. on a 5'8'' frame and now weighs 200. But his ass is big, and he still sweats a lot. I have looked at his diet, and he doesn't eat anything that I don't other than the protein shakes and protein bars that he thinks are making him loose weight (that if he stopped supplementing his meals with, he could probably weight 160). Oh, and he takes these ephedra feel diet or energy pills. So could someone who really knows something medically please give me a clue. This stuff is easy to smell, and though I hope not, I think other people could be smelling what I smell.

Ray's picture
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Dude, my ass used to stink, but no more. I know this sounds gay but I put underarm deodorant between my ass crack and it never stinks now. Go get some deodorant or anti-perspirant, the kind that is like a gel. Wipe some on your finger and between your ass crack, and your ass will never stink.

BRA's picture
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I have the same problem. I shit theni wipe really good and use a premoistened ass wipe and I still stink. The only way to get rid the stink is to take a mini bath and wash your asscrack and stuff. With soap and water. I rub the bar of soap in my ass crack and make lots of suds and rinse. That seems to work for me. I ahte wehn im sweating after a shit and my ass starts to burn and stink.

Hot Trash's picture
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Hey, suckadick-you're it!

Sasha Craig's picture
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i live in kent washington and I have a smelly ass. My mother washes it nightly, but when she scrubs,it just hurts my body, and it really makes me horny actually. I know, shes my mother, but I have been inside of her before, and I still want to, ok, bye

from the smelly ass de la mode.

emial me if you are gay or leisbean

Steven's picture
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i have a problem smelling like ass. when i take a shower i wash my ass. but i live in florida and i sweat alot, even when im in a a/c building. but i think it only when i have ass sweat. any ideas

Tc's picture
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This shit is not funny. Last year was the worst year of my life. I had gym fist period and I had a rash in my grone. Everyday I left gym I was smelling good but my ass was really sweaty. And when I had to sit on it all day and after about 2 week it reeks like shit and I can't get rid of it. I'm not fat or nasty. I take a bath and when I shit I wash my ass but once I start to sweat it flairs up. I don't know if it came from the rash or the sweat. Again this shit isn't funny I use to get pussy anytime I wanted now I can't even get a ugly girl. If you can help me contact me I feel like I'm going to die.

gfunkdawg's picture
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if anyone wants a smelly ass girlfriend i'm availible!!!!!1

(k, not really i wash my cunt thnx)

Assdroid!'s picture
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One time, my ass was so itchy that i had to pull my pants down in the snow and scratch it with an icicle! As for your smelly ass, have you ever tried OxyClean? It works for Billy Mays.

Paul's picture
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This is why cottonelle bathroom wipes were invented.

Erica's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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my asscrack always stunk until i joined the army and my drill seargeant taught me proper hygene..... army of one... less stinkin ass...

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Everyone stop smelling your ass! It's an ass! It stinks!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Otter's picture
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Tc, try "Gold-Bond"

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points
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My ass has smelled for years...fortunetly my wife really likes the smell.

stewpoo's picture
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Someone mentioned underarm deodorant. Is that what "intimate deodorant" is?
My ass stinks too, and i keep very clean. Lately I have been drying off my balls and "root" and applying baby power. This works, for a while, until i really start to sweat again. May underarm deodorant might work. Anyone else try it? will it burn?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I don't know what it does to boys but I have on occasion used it on my "thigh pits" when I am hiking. Otherwise they smell horrid on the ride home.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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But I didn't answer the question. No, it doesn't burn me. As I said, I don't know what it would do to boy parts.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

the shit pimp (collector)'s picture
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!! funny discussion... LOL @ Moshley's butt-plug idea!.. To concerned wife: if that stink creature can't take care of his "problem", ESPECIALLY if he gets mad at you for bringing it up!!.. he may be not worthy of your companionship (AND!!! this is coming from a male) so long stink patrol!

Cornholeio's picture
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A few comments:

Moist ass wipes are the way to go boyeeee! Once you go moist, you'll never go back. Wipe first with normal TP and try not to smear that fudge half way up your back while doing it. Then clean the entire area with several moist wipes. A final one just for the corn-hole will really do the trick. My ass is clean 95% of the time now unless after a runny beer & chili dump. That shit's so fucked up that even the moist wipes will cower in fear.

I'm definitely pro ass shaving. Tried it both ways and my ass is always cleaner without shit smeared hair around my asshole.

soldier's picture
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your really funny,i like your site,have you ever heard ov amish horese.com or something like that
,if you do could you tell me like ya's PS
|-YS-|soldier

another stinko's picture
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I think I have this problem too, but i'm not sure. Here's my question to the people with this problem: Can you smell it yourself, or only other people? I have suspected that i have an odor problem for a while but i cant smell it myself, i just know from other people's reactions around me. I dont know if the problem is my crack or cock-and-balls(and taint) or my pits or what. I'm guessing its not a pit-stank because i would think that people would have the balls to say something about it to me then. Also, a question about ass-washing: How much of the hole should be washed? I get the area obviously and the hole up maybe like 1/8 inch with soap, just to be sure. Is this normal?(I'm serious). Also, is it ok to use your bare hands to do this, or will this leave a residual ass-stank on your hands, even after soap? This problem has been bothering me for like 6 months and its hella embarassing. I think I'm gonna try the wipes thing. What section of Walgreen's would those preparation-h wipes be found in?

a. stinko again's picture
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oh yeah, one more thing, to the people with this problem: If you dont take a shit after showering and you get ass-sweat(aka swass), do you still get an odor thats like, not necessarily shitty but just gross?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Stinko, I know some people with this problem. (I sometimes have a smelly ass.) Seriously, try some apple cider vinegar and warm water on a washrag. Wipe it around on your balls and groin area. It should kill the stench if it's that serious. Also, when I hike I get problems with thigh-pit BO. I just use regular stick deodorant on it. (See previous posts.)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Steven's picture
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another stinko, man i have the same problem it a bitch, but to stop the sweating when u sit down split your ass cheeks it helps keep the smell away while u sit down help alot and yes to your question

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Okay, girls. Here's a question for you. I do not normally have a crotch that smells fishy as I do tend to bathe and practice good hygiene habits. However, every time I go to a seafood restaurant I end up with a fishy-smelling bum. It doesn't matter if I scrub it with wet wipes, shower, soak in a tub, change my pants, or wash my crabby hands before wiping. It still stinks for about a day afterward. Anyone else have this problem? If so, what do you do about it? I've tried all my usual techniques and nothing works. It's really nasty, man!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

poop e. fresh's picture
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Re: The Shit Volcano...

Don't stick shrimp up yer ass. Or shellfish in general, just to be safe....

timmy the turtle's picture
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ass sweat sucks.. how do i stop it from smelling bad, deodorant down there ? and i sweat when its not even hot.. its fucked up.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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To poop e. fresh. HA HA HA!!!! That's sick, man. Seriously, though. It's a pain in the ass. Sort of like ass sweat. Or asscrack hair dingleberries. (Never had that last problem but my brother-in-law apparently does.)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Big Bern's picture
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Of all the advice given here about diet, soap, and other measures, Ray had the magic solution. Just apply a high quality antiperspirant/deodorant to your rectum and surrounding area after every shower. I do it, it works wonders. No smell at all, ever again.

MaryAnne Swarovski's picture
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Big Bern is right. Deodorant is the magic bullet.
It contains an ingredient that neutralizes the sulfur, which is a metabolic byproduct of bacterial proliferation. Poop smells so bad because of compounds called mercaptans and sulfur.

freakazoid's picture
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Anyone hear about the recent studies linking Alzheimer's to the aluminum compounds found in deoderant? Or did you just forget? (he he he)

Rash's picture
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Hey guys! I thought one day that using the green rubbing alcohol might work. It's wintergreen. It also says on the bottle "don't use on irritated skin", and it AIN'T kidding. Seriously, I did that, and I got this crazy ass rash that turned into these huge, nasty boils full of green pus. I tried to have anal sex with my boy the night the rash appeared, before I knew the rash was there. I knew it wasn't feeling real good, but I thought it was from getting reamed the night before. Turns out, it was a serious infection. One of the boils popped wide open, gushing crazy green goo all over my boy's shaft. He dumped me immediately and told everyone I had the funk in my ass. I ended up having to have surgery to drain all the cysts. The doc said I could have died if the infection had gotten into my blood stream. I still can't walk right, and now my asshole is permanently deformed. I can't hold my shit in, and I just farted in an interview. I was sitting in the ceo's office, and I just kept lettin' 'em rip, but couldn't do anything about it. The prez looked like he was going to puke. I was on the subway on the way home from a date, and I had the runs. I was sitting beside a Catholic Priest. We were talking, and the next thing you know, I had gooey liquid yellowish shit all over my pants, in the seat, and some of it dripped down onto the priests clothes. Anyway, don't use the green alcohol, and be careful what you shine your rims with.

browneye's picture
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i have an ass smell problem too...i dont think its the old brown eye though, well, not entirely. it just seems that no matter how hard i wipe..which i do incredibly hard to get ever last shit particle out of my bum...even till it bleeds sometimes...that after a few hours at work, or skating or whatever..i get this stench...so my theory on the whole thing was that the ass hair was holding in the stink...i tried it, and it seemed to help a little..but unlike the others on here that have tried it, my problem isnt sweat running down my sack or any of that..its that the hair starts to grow back, and i have to itch around my asshole, then its like i have a permanent stink finger. right now, im gonna try to let my asshole heal up (i recently had to use 1 ply toilet paper for like a week) and try the tucks thing...i also dont see how baby poweder would be such a good idea, cause perfume and shit would just smell worse...but what about some arm and hammer baking soda ? they say to put that in your shoes...why wouldnt it work in you crack ?

fred's picture
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Great site! I've been trying to go to sleep for almost an hour now, but my ass has been so bloody (not literally) itchy. This is the first time its actually kept me awake.
Anyways, that's when I asked myself, "Do people wash their asses?"

And well I'll be damned...they do!

The only bad thing is that I just realised now. After all those years of sharing the bathroom soap. =\

Anyways, I won't be losing sleep anytime soon...hopefully.

PS oh yeah, I'd think twice about the "Deo-on-ass" trick. Most deodorants contain aluminium, a compound which has a tendency to collect in the body. Also, there's a correlation between the levels of aluminium in your body and the risk of getting Alzheimer's.
So if anyone of you will be trying that deo trick, its probably best to use a baking soda brand that's aluminium free.

jeff plokins's picture
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i have a butt fetish.....i love booty - my gf is hott - but when ever i go to eat out her ass hole - it smells - shes clean too????? - i love tossing her salad - erotic for me? whats the problem?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Interesting question, ass-lickee. I enjoy sniffing my ass and do it on a regular basis. I smell my farts too. Both can be done conveniently under your bedspread to trap in the scent. You know, like wafting chemicals in a lab?
Anyway, I don't know about the rest of these guys. Some of them might have REALLY stinky asses. And, of course, no matter who you are, if you stick your nose up your asscrack you're bound to smell something foul.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

funky's picture
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holly cow you guys are stinky, my ass never stinks and my old lady likes it that way

Buttcrack's picture
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Are there any ass fresheners? You know, kind of like the "New Car Scent"? I really like the ass smell and would like to buy a "Stinky Ass Scent" for my car.

whisper's picture
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" have you ever heard ov amish horese.com or something like that
,if you do could you tell me like ya's PS "

Soldier: There was one link I found a while back that had amish in it; http://amishrakefight.org/gfy/
Not sure if this is what you were looking for, but it might help.

As for everyone else, I don't have to deal with a stinky ass (neither mine, nor my girlfriends) so I have no clue what you're going through, all I can say is: Watch your diet, make sure your ass is clean (CLEAN, NOT BLEEDING, those of you scraping your ass until it's ripe; you're probably causing more harm then good. When you open your skin like that, you leave it wide open for infections, and infections can stink.)
Personally, i'd suggest talking to your doctor, the ideas given here are great, but they are worthless when put next to the knowledge that any one of these things can have serious, harmful, side effects if your body is not able to handle them. (ie. Creams and deoderants that you may be alergic to, etc.) Doctors go to school to learn a hell of a lot more than how to clean an ass, talk to them before getting your medical advice off a forum that refers to the male genetalia as a 'root' (although that is a kickass name for it ;P )

ass_lickee's picture
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a lot of comments here about people whose asses reek. i just wanna know how the hell you know your ass stinks (besides someone telling you). are you people constantly bending over and getting whiffs of yourselves, or are your faces surgically attached to your ass cracks?
just wondering; it's legit.

Kim's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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This is to the Concerned Wife- of 8-12-03- if you got any suggestions to help you out please let me know I have the exact same problem-

Grits1165@aol.com's picture
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OK, ass stink and crotch stink are down to to things. MEN, when you poopy you lift, (your contribution to future generations), and wipe, AND use butt wipes) and WIPE until all the poop is gone!!!! Shaving butt crack WORKS, because the bacteria does not get stuck in the hairs, which creates stink. This drippage you speak of comes from NOT WIPING BUTT GOOD ENOUGH. For MAXIMUM hygeine, wash butt and wee wee and sack several times a day, and change underwear. Keep crotch hair shaved off or trimmed to minimum. Trust me, NO butt stink, and less dental floss, I WILL PAY FOR THAT, thank you.

Rlee

mememememme's picture
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If your ass stinks i'm going to tell you how to get rid of it.
1. Have you ever wondered why girls take so many baths? Guys sweat more, and we stink more, yet we think we can get by with one shower a day. Try to take a shower when you get up, in the middle of your day and at the end.

2.Get some deoderent or anti soap to wash your ass with. Wash your ass crack when your in the shower. If you halfass wipe your crack (smh) this should get rid of all the crust or shit .

3. Get some moist wipes. They work for me. Or just take a shower after you shit. If your shit stinks that bad!!!

4.shave your ass and nuts all that

5. Use a little deoderent on your ass crack, and on the inside of your leg if it reeks. And put powders over that.

6. Go to the doc. It might be a fungi or something. Get it checked out.

My ass use to stink untill I started doing all this. Now it's fresh.

Mr. Hanky's picture
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use the wet wipes that are flushable-
Then maybe your shit won't stink? :)

caesar's picture
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why is it that ppl's farts in london metrop. train stink of garlic or deep fried bangers?

yo momma's dick's picture
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all i can say is i have this problem, but i just make sure i take a shower anytime i'm gonna be around the ladies!! there's nothin i can do about it- it's the smell of.....man.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Now you know why I've been considering lesbianism.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Agnus Bonerscrotum's picture
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Try wiping with sand paper.

Be carful of cheeses's picture
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Be carful of milk and cheeses, esp. parmesan cheese - you'll develop "SAS" - Sour Ass Syndrome - at the rate of 1 full day per 1 full day of consumption (shows up the next day)

Winston Buchloff III's picture
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Wow - this is unbelievable.

I tried using the baby powder method, but I used this talc powder from London and after a workout, your ass just has this HORRID stench.

The bathing thing definitely works but is completely impossible with a work or student schedule. It's not possible to "wash your ass" in the public restroom or anywhere public for that matter.

I think deodorant would be a good idea.

maddogg's picture
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try this i think this will solve everyones problem http://www.mintyass.com/

Jackasses's picture
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this thread is over a year old and you people still coment on it tards

Clark's picture
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Well, the ultimate remedy to curing a smelly ass... 1st.. guys I know how we enjoy it. Dont force out the big loud wet farts. 2nd dont break ur shits up into small pellets with ur ass muscles, try and slide out a huge shit, so ur ass wont have to work as hard. 3) Guys, please no anal sex... defienent no-no. 4)Wash everytime you think your ass may stink, even if its in a public restroom, just put some soap in one napkin, and some water on the other, enter a stall and wash that ass. Make sure you wash it well, cause sometimes if a quick wash is done properly, it will just make ur ass stink more, so be sure to scrub the cheeks too.

So there you have it...

Away with ass funk for good.

www.ass-funk-b-gone.org

Butt Sniffer's picture
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You guys are waisting good ass stink. I mean there's nothing like the sharp cheezy sweet and sour butthole oder filling my nostrils! I like to stick my finger up my dirty sweaty poophole, pull it out and smell the shit-stained finger as I beat my meat. I love the scent of a woman's asshole, especially after toiling all day. I crave her stinking rank funcky butthole butter smeared all over my eagerly sniffing nose as I shoot my white hot sticky sperm into her mouth. Ahhh, the smell of stinky ass! Can I smell your's?

Dan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Why all the complaints. Aint nothing better than a girls stinky ass. It turns me on. As far as your own stinky ass, here's a suggestion, wash it. Thats what they invented soap and water for.

PakiPoopie's picture
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we paki wash alaways! with our hands and water. some soap it too! and then wash hands with soap nicely.

no poopie, no smell, no infection, no deo!

yes, to keep you asses dry and ur missus asses too, put anti-bacterial powder after bath, fun to put on each other, feel smooth bum of spouse with hands! :)

this, i hope my yankee brothers and sisters solve the your problems of stinky asses.

and if you still can't solve it, get hip and outsource it, there be no law against that, yet!

we will wash and powder your asses and keep them stink-free, and show indians that we can BPO too!

The Brown Hornet's picture
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The French have long ago solved this problem. It's called a bidet, and basically it shoots a stream of warm water into your asshole for proper cleansing. Great to jerk off with as well.

NutzWet's picture
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Try green food / Superfood. It works and I swear by it! Some of the smelliest people I know have been cured (reluctantly) by it. Not to mention all of the other great benefits. One kind is at www.emeraldgreens.com (my favorite) one scoop a day in juice when you wake up. You will never go back.

Anonymous's picture
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I have a similar problem. I'm pretty sure it's not sweat-related for me. Like a previous poster, I cannot smell it myself, but it's blatantly obvious from other people's reactions. I seem to have trouble getting clean no matter how much I wipe. Can anyone who's had and fixed this problem give some advice?

PLEASE's picture
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USE THE NOSE HAIR ELECTRICAL CLIPPER. IT`S SMALL.AND WILL GET ALL THE HAIR AWAY FROM THE AHOLE. THEN EVERYTIME TO POOP USE BABY WIPES. TRUST ME IT WORKS AWESOME . IT`S THE POOP GETTINGCOUGHT IN THE HAIR THAT MAKES THE ASS STINK

BuBbA Lorin's picture
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I love the poop...smell, texture, the act of, etc... It gives me something to look forward to at work.. I like the smell on my fingers after scratching, i sniff the poop all night. Lovely. Makes me hungry for Brussel Sprout Quiche.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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That's disgusting!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Hemorroid Soupy Ass's picture
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This is one of the funniest shit I've ever read

Don't Have One's picture
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You could have crotch rot, which is related to athlete's foot. I have stopped eating after 3pm, and that seems to make me feel better and not smell quite as bad. Caffeine, sugar, fruits, they can all feed yeast infections, see your doctor so they can test to see if down there is infested. Also the white "fromunda cheese" is actually a white secretion released by your body when your area gets to hot. With the secretion mixed with poop sweat and ball sweat, you're sure to have a nasty odor. Good luck my friend. "Life's a bitch, then you die."

footlongshits's picture
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fortunately i usuaully shit at home. i refuse to shit in public toilets. through meditation i have learned to control my shit cycle. i also take very large shits. but any way, since i have the luxury of controlling my shit cycle, i shit in the comfort of my own home where once shitting and upon wiping with tp, i promply soap up a nice soft wash cloth and wash my asshole thoroughly. so 1 meditate for shit cycle control 2 always shit in the comfort of your own home 3 keep a stack of fresh wash cloths on the tank 4 throroughly wash with warm water and soap after wiping. if you have to shit elsewhere, the soap up the tp trick is a good stand in.

RECOMMENDATIONS!'s picture
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Hey for ALL you STINK men and women...the best way to rid yourself of STINK farts etc... is to change your diet you morons!!!

STUNK is from a TOXIC liver... the liver is FATTY and unhealthy!!!

In addition, STUNK body and asshole is a direct reflection of a TOXIC Spirit. Mean Spirited people usually have a STUNK mouth...oh man it STINKS!!!

Too Sexy To Be Stank!'s picture
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Listen up and listen good all you sexy stankers. If your overweight, lose it. It doesn't help if you sweat profusely, and it ferments in ur ass crack all day. Seriously. Being overweight will definitely add to the prob, and if it's not adding to it, it's causing it. You don't realize how much "weight" plays a part in sweating. Admit that excess body fat cannot help you out in the hygiene department.

Which brings me to the next thought you should ponder, "Hygiene". Taking showers should be like brushing your teeth. I'm gonna be even more blunt by saying if your overweight the minimum number of showers you take everyday, should be two a day. Some of you might object, but you are probably the one's who stink? Am I right? One in the morn, and definitely one before bed. Must I tell you how to wash your ass too? Use that bar like you'd use it to wax your car. Wax on, Wax off! Soap is cheaper than a pack of gum.

Point 3, just wipe your ass until your in the clear people! Carry baby wipes w/ya if need be,(scented ones)and wipe until that very last one you swipe through your crack comes out spotless. Obviously, if you leave anything behind it's going to spread like Jiffy, and create an odor throughout the span of your day. Shit stinks, and so will you. Get the point? Got it? Good. Insufficient wiping will bring you down.

Have I touched upon washing your clothes regularly? Well I shouldn't have to, but if you have a problem with a stanky ass, wash your shit every damn day. Yes, you wear it once, put it in that little thing called the washing machine and dump the funk. Do not, I repeat, do not re-wear clothes that you have already worn once during the week. That does not help the situation. Duh, now wonder that stench isn't better huh?

Lastly, you people are suggesting "cover ups" for the actual problem. A deoderant in your ass crack? Oh yea, try and disguise the smell by putting another one on top of it! I don't care if it's baby powder, or shower clean scented. The problem needs to be fixed, you can't live life putting deoderant in your ass crack folks. That means, nix any idea of putting something else on/in your ass to take care of the problem. It just makes it messier, and smellier! Point is, that your problem is still there and you want to be rid of it right?

Then there's always the last option of going to the doctor. Oh, I don't know, the proctologist I suppose? He might have taken "Ass Remedies 101" in college, it's worth a shot. Now if your still reading this, and your one of the few people left who does do all of the above mentioned, your fucking screwed. I wish ya the best ass luck a gal can offer.

smelly bowels's picture
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http://www.geocities.com/cdoslandfart/

a site dedicated to bowels

anal beard's picture
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i just shaved my beard. my anal beard. i decided to shave because i was constantly pulling clegnuts from my ass hair and it pissed me off. they stink and it fucking hurts too. so here i am with a stubbly butt hole. oh yeah heres some advice dont shave it. i have cuts all over my manhole. it hurts.

SheBear's picture
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Wow, thanks for the funny ass question that started all of this. I am crying from laughing so hard, it got a little dank and perverse at the end there. Whew, I needed that.

crapface's picture
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Why don't you just take a shower before you have sex everytime? Sure you why spend an extra 10 minutes on something like that every time but it's definately going to remove hygiene related obstacles when it comes to sex! Also wash your ass with water everytime with your hand preferred. Yes the HAND with water. Seems uncivlized and uggly, ooh I have pooh on my hand, it's all matter anyway that you wash off everytime. WATER is the best way to keep a hygienic ass, several African tribes do this and it's proven to be more hygienic. WATER dissolves all crap particles away from your skin and around the hole, inside out side and whatever. It's also a good way to remove all that sweat and under stuff your hair has been collecting all day. Ass showering a few times a day keeps the smell away!!!

Nick's picture
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I wash my ass very good in the shower, and I clean it with sope everytime I did a shit. So it never smells. I know that, cuz if I scrub oover the hole with my finger and then smell on it, nothing smells. But this situation wud be too nice! The ass of my girlfirend stinks! everytime I'm licking her pussy, I get a discusting smell-cloud from the ass. I hate it! I'm an ass-fetishist, but I have a girlfirned with a stinky ass! Great! How u think I shud tell her! I'm afraid that she will be insulted and shit like that. By the way: I shave my ass, and I never had problems with any dripping or itching or anything! I swear!

Cassie's picture
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I'm a prostitute, I admit it. Some of my regular clients like my ass to smell sweaty and "funky" and they actually buy the panties (and sometimes the slacks) I've been wearing on a summer's day. However, most don't go for the funk, so I use baby wipes regularly each time I go to the bathroom, to wipe my butt and "other" areas really good. You should start carrying them around and wipe yourself like every couple of hours or when you feel sweaty. Works for me!

Cassie's picture
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Oh, before I forget, I wanted to mention that maybe some girls actually get turned on from your butt funk? Not to be gross, but I know that the guys I mentioned before, (my customers that actually want to buy my underwear and pants), like my sweaty-butt smell), have admitted that I'm a turn-on when I have a "natural wedgie" (from wearing slacks or jeans or pantys or pantyhose on a hot day)and they say I've "got cheese"; I tend to wear slacks and pants so that the rear center seam is way up in my crack, due to the nature of my profession. Guys say I've "got cheese" or that I'm "cutting cheese" when I have a wedgie. I guess "cheese" is meant to mean the sweaty smell from between my butt cheeks--lots of guys seem to like it. Maybe if you find a girl that's turned on by guy-cheese you won't have to worry! Sorry if this is gross.--Cassie.

Sean's picture
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Wen i fart it smels realy bad so for me its just my farts.

Sam's picture
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Definitely, washing your ass before sex is a damned good idea. Especially a hairy ass. I've got a hariy ass, and I sweat a lot -- like a damned waterfall when I'm having good sex. If I'm on top, the sweat runs down my back, through the valley of my cheeks, over my asshole, and onto the bed, AND into my partner. If I've got shit on my ass, the sweat river washes it onto the bed, and, you got it, into my partner. Not a recommended way for keeping your partner.

So... my problem is, even if I wash before sex, sometimes the stinky brown stains still show up on the sheets. What's the deal? Is the sweat going up my ass and coming back out? Anybody else have this problem? Do I need to give myself an enema before sex? ...note I said before, you perverts! I've never had an enema, and don't particularly like the idea. Anyone with experience getting rid of shitty sweat?

Another solution I've come up with is a towel around my waist that catches the back sweat, and a towel draping down my crack to catch any other sweat. Not too sexy, but it works. Any other better solutions?

smelly rectum's picture
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If my fingers don't smell after wiping, there is no need to wash my hands....
http://www.geocities.com/cdoslandfart/

ddrake's picture
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smelly ack in the crack, to eliminate this broblem its better to remove the hair or shave it somewhat close, alcohol and a good dose of deodorant will kill the odor.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I agree with Sam on this one. Guys, wash your asses and dicks before coming to bed. Everyone seems to think that you can just jump into bed like the movies and everything is all well and good. Try it sometime. It's disgusting!

Please people, wash yourselves before doing the nasty! Then wash yourself again afterward, because it's just.... Ugh!

This message brought to you by the Obsessive-Compulsive Club of America.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Mic's picture
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Come on folks! Being clean is the key. Wash your your lower half using soap and a wash cloth. A nice or mild butt scent can be a real turn on! It's who the person is. Dirty under carriage can be a turn off. Not everyone has a scent...experience.

Lee's picture
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I really love the big ass woman whose ass is very very smelly !!

mapoo's picture
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this shit reallyis funny!

a young friend's picture
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Man your poor toilet paper must be real scared when you walk into the bathroom, knowing that your ass stinks that much (even before you dump). It knows it has to not only sniff your ass but it has to lick it out when you are done taking a dump. Now that is what I would say suffering is.

Heywall's picture
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I know a lot of people that when they shower they only use their hand or the soap itself. WHAT ABOUT THE WASH CLOTH that would cover so much more of the area or a soft sponge. You got to get all that booticheese out of there.

hotpot's picture
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I HAVE A QUESTION! i think i have a poo stain around my anus that will not go away! it looks weird. I have tried really hard to clean it off but nothing works! any suggestions out there, cummon, i need help! i also have freckles but only on my face and arms so i am not sure if it is a freckle or birth mark, its just annoying!

Ass expert's picture
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Try a wire brush. You know the kind used for cleaning Gas grills? That'll "Re-Pink" it!
Nothing wrong with a tinted asshole. Surely, Dont think your the ONLY one. Most girls have em.
They're kinda cute and poopy lookin.

Brett Farve's picture
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I dont see what the problem is. Heck, stick yer finger down in that clear grease sweat, and smell victory.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I have said it before and I will say it again. No one gives a shit about the color of someone's asshole. ALL assholes are brown. That's just part of life.

What are you afraid will happen if your asshole isn't pink? The butthole police are going to break down your door and arrest you for a code brown violation?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous's picture
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how can I get rid of my smelly arse? I wipe THOROUGHLY until theres nothing left on the paper, and I also use babywipes too. I also take showers/baths and wash thoroughly, and all smells well, but after a few hours the smell is back. It's really depressing me

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Dingleberries kill just about any chance of a man getting poo-tang. And, they smell.

Please, please, look when you wipe and then wipe some more. Don't make us follow you around the house with the bathroom spray, hitting the cushions from the couch every time you get up. Please.

Scrub harder.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

social axe hammer's picture
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Use baking soda, it works in the catbox.

bofleazey's picture
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I didn't read all these comments, BUT the guy who said it was MEAT and the lady who mentioned the PROTEIN are right in pinpointing the cause of the hardcore ass smellage. I just starting take a ton of protein to build muscle and it has been producing something vicious. Try eating some salads to counteract it. peace.

poopy butt's picture
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LOL..too funny and way toooooooooooo disgusting!!!

Clothespin on the nose's picture
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Wash before an encounter, if at all possible. Suggest showering together prior to hitting the sheets; lather each other up...very erotic. If not, carry a non-scented wet nap-style hygenic pad (similar to those from restaurants) in your car, wallet, or somewhere you can access it quickly when the passion starts, then find a reason to excuse yourself and wash up that bung. Smells last longer than tastes in our brain; don't potentially ruin an enjoyable experieince by having the smell / having to smell something reminescent of a a dogpile.

BoB's picture
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I like all of you wipe my butt till its perfectly clean. Nothing on the paper or anything. Yet sometimes people think i fat and such when i do no such thing. I am fine right after a shower, but this depresses me..

bob's picture
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fat=fart

Anonymous's picture
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same here Bob mate, depresses me to f*ck :(

Mr Poppinoffalot's picture
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How could anyone in their right mind shave their date? Dags on your freckle is the most natural thing ever.

bob's picture
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can anyone help, pls... It smells like a fart sometimes when i don't i think i might smell it once in a while, people never really tell me straight up i stink, but they ask if i farted and such. I don't kno wtf is wrong with me but im real depressed PLEASE help me. I shower so much, and think i practice good personal hygeine.

Pat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Well, I would like to thank everyone for a sometimes funny, sometimes serious and definately theraputic read. Like a number of the people on this list I used to think that I stunk like shit. This fear started up after a bad acid trip and turned into a pretty serious anxiety dissorder that lasted years. I tried many of the things on this list, but I will warn you.... for myself at least, when in an anxious state of mind over something like this it can easily turn into obsessive-compulsive disorder. I became a slave to my 'routines' which involved needing to shit before I left the house, so that I could have a shower and clean myself and be confident that I was fine. If I couldnt shit, I couldnt shower, and then I couldnt leave the house, sometimes for days at a time.
Things to be careful about - I would wipe my ass to the bleeding point many times. This is too far, if your bleeding your being to rough on yourself.
Also, just use plain soap and water in the shower, and clean yourself with a lathered up hand or two. There is no need for perfumes or anti-bacterials, etc. these could cause irritations and problems, which will only feed your worries.

Something else to be careful of - worrying to much about anything becomes a vicious cycle, when we are anxious about our bowels, or anything else for that matter, it can cause you to get the runs or to become constipated. When you get the runs or become constipated, that can cause you even more anxiety about shit and smell.

Another point is, Im not sure if I ever actually smelt like shit or not, I certainly feared it and believed that I did, but everyone I ever asked said I didn't, so it could be that some of you are playing evil tricks on yourselves and causing yourself a lot of depressioin and anxiety.

My advice to you, and especially bob at the end of the comments, is to face your fears and embarassment and ask your loved ones if you smell, talk about your fears and go see your doctor. It is of course possible that there is something really wrong, but it is possible that it is all in your head as well.

I spent several years on anti-depressants and faced my fears in my life and have now been been free of my debilitating fears for 2 years (after about 5 horrible years). If some of you think you might be experiencing obsessive-compulsive disorder with regards toyour bowel movements, please see a doctor/psychologist/pychiatrist/councilor etc. and be careful not to get too dependent on elaborite cleaning rituals.

Well, take care all, I hope you all can overcome your problems, both physical and psychological.

bob's picture
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thx pat.

Pat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Hey Bob, I dont know if your experiences are similar to mine, but if you want to talk about it give me an email, that way you dont have to air you embaressing stuff on an open forum if you'de like.

My email is patprimate@resist.ca

jo's picture
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you guys are hillarious...i didn't laugh like this for ages reading all your advice...;o))
deodorant after showering really works, but make sure it's the clear one, not white antiperspirant.

robert's picture
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I think it's all about routine. I get up in the mornings, take my shit and then shower. No problems. On the rare times that I have to take a shit and it's pass morning, I don't get into the puss until I've made it to a bath room and washed my ass well. Really, who wants a stinky ass around when you are trying to bang, whether it be yours or hers!

asset's picture
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one question, do any of your asses stink like a stinky arm pit and shit mix?

The Shittist's picture
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HAHA you guys are hilarious i nearly shit my own self while reading all of these posts
im glad to see fellow guys (and girls) posting about foul asses

i consider myself fairly experienced in the area of backdoor hygene, probably a 7 on a 1-10 scale
ive been performing trial and error for many years, i will now reveal my solution as well
ive had to deal with some serious shit, literally, because im lactose intolerant but i eat all dairy products anyway and i back out some serious logs but mostly i shit-spray shrapnel all over the inside of the toilet bowl and nearly blow out my O-ring

anyway, the following tools are required: antibacterial soap, shampoo, hand mirror, conair beard trimmer, a rag, clear gel deodorant

this is what i do:
1.) i take a shower, wash my ass with shampoo, i squirt out a pile in my hand the size of a quarter and scrub my piehole ... (Expert's Note: be careful not to get shampoo INSIDE your ass, most shampoos and shaving creams sting like a bitch if they get inside your rectal chambers) - also a wash cloth helps clean better

2.) i dry my ass with a towel i forgot to mention the towel in the items needed list but im assuming u use that when u take a shower.

3.) now here is a great tactic: i remain naked and climb up onto the sink where i perch myself like an owl. now use the hand mirror and hold it between your legs to view your brown rubber ring

4.) use the Conair beard trimmer to trim your hairy ass (if you have one - i do). IMPORTANT NOTE: make sure you use the smallest adapter when trimming! conair gives you a few different size adapters... if you use the trimmer without any adapters you are taking a huge risk of losing control of the razor and possibly tearing yourself a new balloon knot. trim the area and be sure not to nick yourself especially your ball bag cuz it hurts

5.) now wash your ass with antibacterial handsoap i dont know why again but i just had some near the sink and used it while remaining perched. i think its because i still had a lot of loose hairs hangin out around my chocolate starfish so use lots of water and soap to clean up the mess you made or hopefully didnt - EXPERT NOTE: going with medium temperature is a fairly pussbag thing to do, you should use either freezing cold or scorching hot water to splash on your butt when u wash the soap off - its hilarious

6.) now dry your ass again and apply deodorant, the clear kind like gillette or something and use a fair amount all around your cakehole, again dont get anything in there or you will be crying like a schoolgirl

this concludes the magic process
your ass should not stink now

if it does repeat all the steps you can also spray cologne after but thats an expensive cleansing method

i havent received comments from people telling me my ass stinks or doesnt stink because the type of females i am with do not tend to be interested in tongue punching my dirt star but i would assume i would pass the test with flying colors

if you need anything else please write back or email me -laters

- The Shittist

benn there done that's picture
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it s all in your head, sorry nose