poopreport : Ask PoopReport :

poop culture

Ask PoopReport: Help! My Roomate Wipes With My Magazine!

Posted 12.13.2001 by Anonymous Pooper (11)
Dear PoopReport,

It seems as though a certain roomate of mine never buys toilet paper. The rest of us always end up caving in and purchasing it to prevent to certain threat of dingleberries.

But lately, we got so fed up, we actually started keeping secret personal stashes of T.P. in our rooms that we would bring to the bathroom with us on each pooping excursion, and then hide it in our bedrooms again once we were done.

Well, recently, the bathroom toilet paper supply ran dry. The aforementioned roomate made a trip to the bathroom, un-aware there was no T.P. left in there. He pooped, and then came out after about 20 minutes. I didn't think much of it at the time, except that he was a pig for not wiping his ass after he took a dump.

Later that night, I myself had to relieve my bowels. While sitting on the toilet, I was reading the newest issue of GQ Magazine (which resides on the magazine rack beside the toilet). Flipping through the glossy pages looking for a specific article, I noticed that one of the pages was missing. Actually, page 36-37.

I think that my evil roomate ripped the page from my magazine to wipe his ass with because he's too lazy to buy toilet paper. All the pieces fit! He's been using my GQ as TP!

I need some advice, or maybe some of your other readers have been involved in similar situation and could give me some guidance. Do I tell him I know about the magazine? Do I ignore it and continue to use my own personal TP stash? Why won't the damn kid just buy some freaking toilet paper!?!?! Please Help!!!!

Sincerely,
A Concerned Roomate

doniker (1535) -- 12.13.2001

I think you have a bigger problem to worry about. Like a clogged up toilet, once all that magazine paper (or whatever else he uses) gets stuck in the sewer pipe.

The Gerb (not verified) -- 12.13.2001

You have even bigger problems if you read "GQ" while on the crapper.

Dave (11578) -- 12.13.2001

My advice: tear pages 37-78 out of your GQ magazine. Fold it nicely and leave it in the empty toilet paper dispensor. Your roommate will come into the bathroom and realize that his secret is out.

matt gibson (not verified) -- 12.13.2001

i also use magazine paper. I feel its gets the job done faster and cleaner

Jaybowel (73) -- 12.17.2001

Dave: I think that would work. Or better (this might take some time) cut tp-width strips out of a magazine, tape them end-to-end and roll them around an empty tp cardboard tube and put it in the holder.

Dr Pooper (not verified) -- 01.12.2002

Or you could keep your magazine with your toilet paper so your room mate cant rip more pages out.

Ashley (not verified) -- 02.01.2002

i just use my hands

Rob Death (not verified) -- 06.04.2002

magazine paper often forms sharp points when bent or folded, thus leaving him with a sore ass sphincter

The Shit Volcano (3737) -- 12.06.2003

Try putting poison oak oils on the magazine.

ThePlumber (not verified) -- 12.13.2003

I would rip all the pages out of the magazine leaving the original covers. Bind a new magazine with 80 grit sandpaper pages inside. Else do like the days of old and leave an old telephone book for him. Remind him that the index pages are the only way to go - beings he is using modern plumbing fixtures like a damn privy in the year 2004. I can't believe anyone is stupid enough to use the slick glossy pages if they are gonna use a book for bung foder. *shaking head* The direct approach would be good too. Tell him you will shove the magazine up his kazoo if he don't buy some TP.

freakazoid (not verified) -- 02.12.2004

Wipe with his hair. He'll get the picture.

chad (not verified) -- 08.22.2004

one time on a boyscout trip my friend wiped with poison oak leaves, he didnt think anything of the buen, you all know what scout food is like goes in hot comes out napalm!

The Shit Volcano (3737) -- 11.03.2004

I used to wipe with leaves all the time as a kid. Usually because I was out in the wild and there were no toilets, much less toilet paper. But I always made sure to use leaves from distinct trees, just to avoid the poison oak problem.

fled (not verified) -- 02.14.2005

i know of a similar story, only this person had no magazine in the bathroom at the time. better with GQ then no GQ at all.

Post new comment



Prove you're not a spambot: what bodily function is this site about? Four letters, begins with p...

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

*

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
20,000 character limit / Flood control: 60 seconds between comments and no more than 10 comments per hour

poop culture

 


About PoopReport | Advertise! | The PoopReport Press Room | Report Your Poop | Contact Dave | Copyright 2000-2008 PoopReport.com