Ask Poopreport: Poop Smell In Car Upholstery

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m 1+ points - Newb
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Editor's note: Due to the time sensitivity of this kid's request, I posted this immediately.

Does anyone know how I can get poop and barf smell out of cloth upholstery in a good car? I have one week to figure out how to do this.

My parents left me in charge of the house while they went on vacation. I didn't have a party, but I did have two friends over to watch movies. One of my friends got sick halfway through the night, so I decided to take him home. When I did, he puked and crapped in the back seat of my parent's Range Rover. We weren't even drinking.

I don't have enough money to get the car detailed. I even thought about asking his parents to pay. But they would tell my parents, then, so I can't. I have twenty dollars I can use for food. I've already borrowed my neighbor's steam cleaner. Please, help! My mom and dad will kill me if they find out.

33 Comments on "Ask Poopreport: Poop Smell In Car Upholstery"

Chocolate Ice Cream's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I found this on Yahoo Answers: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071105105840AAE6Ptz

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Nope. Sorry. You're doomed.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Can I have your ipod after your parents kill you?


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

John "Bluto" Blutarsky's picture
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Start drinking heavily!

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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Manufacture Warranty Manual-Section 8: Part B: Your fucked!
Seriously, call them immediatly and tell them the truth. They might be angry at first, but will appreciate the truth. Trying to diffuse the smell will be difficult. Make the call. Forgiveness can come in unexpected forms when truth be told.
Good luck, and to bad Dr. Jack Kevorkian's services are no longer available as an alternative. Do you have a garden hose to affix to the exhaust pipe? ...and a closed garage with the engine turned on and you sitting in the drivers's seat cranking AC/DC's Highway To Hell....and a fifth of Jack Daniels. __
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Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points
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$20 can get you alot of those little car freshener trees.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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If I were you, I'd take it by the Dealership and ask the Service guys what they would use on it if it were their vehicle ... usually, they're cool and will have some great, "home" remedies that probably wouldn't cost too much ... Also, you need to ask your friend, if he is a true friend, to chip in and help you out with the cost ...

I've never owned a Range Rover that had cloth upholstery ... and, I've had several since the mid 90's ... you sure you're talking about a Range Rover? ... Anyway, doesn't matter ... just go to the Dealership Service Dept. ...

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points
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I suggest removing all the solid residue with a damp, soft cleaning brush or sponge. Then go to a pet smart or other pet store. They sell a liquid product for around 5 bucks that will neutralize the odors of piss, shit, and vomit. This you will put into a spray bottle if it's not already contained in one, and thoroughly mist the entire affected area, making sure you soak it into the foam of the upholstery. Whatever you do, don't leave it parked in the hot sun until you have done this procedure. If there are any lingering visible stains, make a paste from laundry powder by adding small amounts of water till it's the consistecy of gravy. Then use this mixture sparingly with a toothbrush to gently scrub out the stain.

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points
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By the way, the product is called "Nature's Miracle". It really works. I once used it when my brand new suitcase full of clean clothes was left open and the entire contents got sprayed by somone's vile cat. It completely eliminated the smell.

Otto von Skidmark's picture
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There's some good advice above, but I have to agree with the ones that say "talk to someone". Really, you friend should have spoken to HIS parents and arranged, one way or another to get it cleaned up. It's the adult thing to do. If he didn't, he's not much of a friend, and you might want to speak to his parents yourself.

Likewise, your parents can't possibly stay mad at you, although no doubt they'll freak initially. You did the right thing taking him home, the guy had an "accident" ... that's all. Shit happens, sometimes literally. If you spend your food money on cleaning products, you're going to be in even more trouble, no? Btw, I can't believe your parents only left you $20 for a week alone. Have you thought of calling social services?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Truthfulness is probably your best course of action. Remember the words of Mark Twain, "If you always tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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I concur with the Chief, Otto and TTBL young man. Come clean, as it were. Despite being sensible enough to not take the dreaded typical teenage advantage of your parents' absence, you have had the appalling misfortune to be left with the sort of mess you may have had to deal with if you had. That's jolly unlucky, but you haven't done anything wrong and have done all you can to mitigate matters, so don't feel bad. Shit happens, as my esteemed colleague has said. I feel for you and your situation because I've been there myself. Not quite the same story or circumstances, but the principle is the same.

Sure, they'll be pissed off and may initially take it out on you, but they'll appreciate the truth and it will ultimately engender trust with them. If they transfer their anger to your friend, then so be it. The prat deserves to take responsibility for the failings of his own digestive system. Just be thankful that the mess is nothing that an hour at a car valet won't put right. If you had done what every parent dreads will happen when they leave the young 'un unsupervised, that mess could have been on their carpets or in their bed, and you'd find it considerably more difficult to deflect responsibility and temper their tempers.

Man up, lad, it'll be OK. If they doubt your sincerity, show them this web page because no parent with a heart could fail to be charmed by your predicament. Tell 'em that Uncle Scummy in England said so, and if that doesn't work, PM me with their phone number and I'll give them a sound long-distance verbal thrashing for you!

coachb12's picture
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Give Harvey Kietel a call. He did a great job helping Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta in Pulp Fiction. Chief and Thin Brown Line should moonlight as grief counselors. Look at the bright side Mrs. Kennedy at least the weather was nice. When you are up to it Mrs. Lincoln come back and see the rest of the play.

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points
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What kinda advice y'all givin this poor kid? If he's man enough to get the house and car to himself for a week, he's man enough to do his own damage control. No need to snitch himself out. Just do like i told you, johnnypoop, and in the unlikely occurence it fails, alwats remember rule #1- DENY EVERYTHING!

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points
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Remember , his parents will respect his honest efforts to remedy his own problem, even if they aren't fully effective. Learn to do things yourself and you are a slave to no man.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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Denial: Proving disaster since its conceptualization. Call the folks young lad. Summer 1986, I puked all over my moms couch will she was in Hawaii. Called her with confession. She still makes her majestic red pasta sauce for me. See, truth has rewards.
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Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

ChrisM's picture
l 100+ points
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Tell the truth now. Otherwise it'll hurt a lot more later on.

_______
The ChrisM virus is incompatible with your current operating system. Your system will now be rebooted into DOS and return to the virus.

The ChrisM virus is incompatible with your current operating system. Your system will now be rebooted into DOS and return to the virus.

Otto von Skidmark's picture
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Frank, the point is that his friend is a little shit for walking away and leaving this guy in the shit. It is HE who needs to take responsibility, not Johnnypoop. Yeah, sure, as a last resort, you deal with it yourself. But before that, you call the guy and ask him WTF he intends to do about the disgusting mess he left in your car.

Think of it this way: if your friend (I assume you're older than the poster) soiled your car seats, you'd expect HIM to make it right, right? And if he told you to go deal with it yourself, you probably wouldn't be speaking for a very, very long time.

And, again, I find it disgraceful that this guy's parents went away without leaving him some emergency money. It sounds like THEY need more lessons in adult behaviour than Johnnypoop does, who seems like a pretty responsible guy. Had they left $100 or so in an emergency tin, and he used it poop-cleaning, he could always have offered to pay it back later. But they didn't. So he can't.

Otto von Skidmark's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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And incidentally, I thought El Scumbag's advice was very nicely put.

snatch's picture
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I find it interesting that the people with the biggest opinions have it in their heads that they understand what the parents in this situation are like. Scumbag thinks he'll receive what, credit for being honest? Otto thinks the same? I don't agree. I believe if this kid is desperate enough to write for help that his parents are probably jerks.

Who cares about what should have happened? Maybe the people who respond should answer what can happen in reality. On this note I suggest to the kid involved to put some of that enzyme eating stuff for pet pee into the steam cleaner, wash it out good, and to squeeze the friend for at least half of the money it took to buy the stuff.

If the kid doesn't cough up the dough, he's no friend. If he trashes you, let the other kid talk about what happened. By the time it gets back to your parents it will be too late, and your shitty friend will be known as a pants pooper.

It is hard being a teenager. You old assholes forgot this.

Otto von Skidmark's picture
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FWIW I agree with you snatch - his parents sounds like jerks (I thought I said that already). And I very much remember what it's like being a teenager (I ain't THAT ancient - not yet). At that age, you're not quite sure if you're supposed to do the kid thing or the adult thing. And if the adult thing, you're not entirely sure what that is.

In this case, I suggest the adult thing is to make a bit more noise, instead of gritting his teeth, cleaning up the mess, and keeping quiet about it. I don't think "standing on your own two feet" should involve wiping up other people's shit, unless you happen to be a 19th-century peasant.

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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Well Snatch, old we may be, but we have the advantage of not only remembering what it’s like to be a teenager, but knowing what it’s like to be a parent. Sure, all parents are different and we cannot be certain what Johnnypoop’s parents are like or how they would react, but that does not invalidate our opinions because we speak from both our own experiences and those that we have observed in others.

As well as having our own unique learning experiences, we have had the opportunity to scrutinize the parenting techniques of our friends, relatives, colleagues and associates for an awful lot longer. Sure, some parents are unreasonable imbeciles with twisted ideas of how to raise their kids, but the vast majority will love them unequivocally and will just want to raise well-adjusted children that they can trust and be proud of, who are not afraid to say “Mum, Dad, something has happened and I need your help or advice”. Hell, when they’re young we even have idle fantasies about such scenarios, imagining ourselves as wise and unflustered problem-solvers, so even if Johnnypoop’s parents ARE jerks, (which I doubt, as they trusted him with the house and car) most parents would prefer to be told what’s happened rather than find out later on and discover that Johnny has being trying to hide it.

But hey, what do I know? I’m just an old arsehole.

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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OK, upon reflection, how’s this?

Johnnypoop, call your friend now. Tell him that you have done all that can reasonably be expected as his friend to sort this out yourself. You have tried borrowing a steam cleaner, but whether he likes it or not, he is responsible for this situation and let him know in no uncertain terms that if he does not pay to have your parents car cleaned immediately, you will have no option but to tell his parents, and will then need to tell your own parents, so that they can sort the matter out between them because you sure aren’t going to carry the can for him. Therefore, tell him, if he does not pay up immediately and come with you to get it cleaned (because he should witness the hassle he’s caused), he’s going to have a lot of explaining to do.

If he feels the need for recompense but can’t afford it, well then his parents will have to know so that they can pay for it, but speak to them directly first. Explaining that you don’t wish to involve your parents, as it would be unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone concerned. They’ll punish him appropriately, I’m sure, but your folks won’t need to know. Everyone’s happy, except your friend, but it could be a lot worse.

If he feels no remorse or need to make amends, then the cad deserves whatever comes to him, so tell his parents anyway, and your own, letting them sort it out between them. Oh, and delete him from your social circle because frankly you don’t need friends like that, and your other chums will understand once they know why.

If his parents show no interest either, then it’s up to you whether you wish to call your parents or wait until they get back. The important thing is that you remain calm and explain the facts exactly as they happened: how you were not drinking or partying but your friend nevertheless had this unfortunate accident, how you had tried cleaning it yourself but it needed professional attention which you could not afford, so you have asked your friend to take responsibility for his actions, which he will not do and neither will his parents.

You can do no more, and if they remain angry with you for long, then perhaps our friends Snatch and Frank are right and your parents are jerks after al. But I doubt it, I really do.

Let us know what happens Johnnypoop.

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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I suggest you talk to your friend's parents and explain to them that their son got sick in your parents' car. Emphasize that he WAS NOT drinking and tell them that you don't have the cash to get the car detailed. Ask them if they would pay for the car detailing and if they're pissed about it, they can make the kid who got sick pay for part of it or something. You shouldn't have to suffer for something your friend did--and this is one job that is best left to the pros!

_______
An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Tell your folks a drunken hobo moved into the car for a few days? I can't speak re: crap odor, but I am aware of one vehicle that was totalled by puke (well not really totalled, but it had to be sold because the smell never came out). Hopefully your friend had not consumed red wine and rocquefort cheese before the little GI tract explosion.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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We`re talking here about a person who has more than enough cash to deal with the situation, should he want to.

99% of people who drive Range Rovers are fuckwits who never do anything more adventurous with their vehicles than park on pavements.

JohnnyPoop, if you have any gumption, you`d ask your parents why the fuck they had a Range Rover in the first place.

Were they going on an expedition down to Mexico and Central America....or maybe a trip up through the Rockies in Canada in mid winter?

At worst you could always call in a cheap, local, Eastern European valet company (or man) to sort the job out.

The voice of sanity

spattacus's picture
l 100+ points
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Sue your friend; it'd make a great episode of Judge Judy!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Wait until after midnight...drive the damn car down to skid row, toss the keys to the scurviest looking bum, get your own ass back home in bed, and call the cops in the morning reporting the car stolen. And don't ask me to do your thinking for you anymore, you little shit...or I will hunt you down and rip your nards out through your throat.

_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Jeff Spicoli's picture
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I can fix it.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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So,JohnnyPoop, what's the scoop buckaroo? I believe a proper Poopreport is due.

_
Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points
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El Scumbag, I love your stuff, but Jeezus, you've been running at the mouth of late. Are you taking sulphate or something? It looks like you've been staying up for days, naked and sweating in front of your laptop with no lights on and the windows blacked out with tinfoil!

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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If I wasn't sure that I hadn't been spotted, I'd swear that you were spying on me Frank...

You're right though, I did get rather carried away for some reason. Might have had something to do with what I was smoking at the time.

But the meat of the matter remains. Johnnypoop, please be kind enough to tell us what happened. It would be splendid if this story had a happy ending, or at least an entertaining one.

MitchManning's picture
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I loved this product and thought you may find it helpful. It’s called Auto Shocker; you can read about it at
http://www.biocidesystems.com/autoshocker1.html