This is probably not quite what you were envisiging, pd, but I`ve been vigourously rubbing my crystal balls and this is what they`ve shown me.

In 9009, a thousand years after the 43rd world nuclear war, we have been depleted to 1200 humans in the whole planet, living on a small Pacific island.

In-breeding has led to widespread idoicy and a profusion of hairy monobrows.

Unfortunately the effect on the bunghole has also been disastrous. They have become slack and widened and reverted to form a cloaca, producing continuous streams of combined sloppy turds mixed with urine.

A sorry future indeed.

Based on my scientific analysis and the fact that evolution is the second biggest hoax in history (the number of rubes deceived by the global warming hoax is higher), the asshole of the future will be a 1/2" diameter stainless steel pipe with a threaded cap. It will be surgically implanted after potty training and will produce rabbit pellets, suitable for composting. Water for flushing toilets will be long gone by 9009. In fact, the only recognizable things left will be roaches, Toyota Landcruisers and those Billy Mays commercials.

I would have thought that the concurrent existence of rubes and higher forms of life (CEP included) would go far to confirming evolution. As would the choice of 1/2" thread in BSPP BSPT or the metric equivalents.
That said, the fact that today there appears to be higher percentage of arseholes in the population, by 9009 just about everybody would be a total arsehole.

And if there's a choice of Metric or Classic sized fittings, restrooms won't be divided by gender. They will divided into Metric output and Standard output.
And relationships will be more complicated because sex between the 2 groups will be forbidden.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I have to agree that by the time 9009 occurs, nature would have stopped rewarding the smartest and reward the ones who reprouduce the most. Therefore thee'll be millions and billions of rednecks who can't even solve the problem of what to do with all the non biodegradable beer cans, much less know enough how to take care of their assholes. It'll probably be all worn out and scraped up from the use of corn cobs and they'll all be fucking each other up the butt.

Go on PD - y'know you want to

Y'know, I could elicit a wise-ass comment here about red-necks always repeating themselves right after being fucked in the butt, but the double post has happened to me a few times. I was not able to eliminate one on my own, so I would edit the second post down to one word, whether it made sense or not. Or just edit it to another post as sort of an afterthought.

Quote of the day:

"I can look stupid all by myself. I don't need help from anyone."......PD

In the year 9009, PD, I will be living in the new heavens and new earth in new Jerusalem. My anal hole will be holy and the new poop will be pure gold.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

7000 years on the evolutionary scale is nearly nothing. So if humans are still here, their assholes will smell and look much like ours, and there will still be a few Neanderthal holdovers like CEP who still believe they are god's gift.

My opinion is that the process of evolution, which I am stupid enough to believe in, will eventually make the asshole obsolete. Humans in the future will swallow their food whole and, like owls, regurgitate the indigestible parts later in the form of a pellet. There will remain a vestigial asshole through which we may at times speak, some of us more than others.

The mouth will be both for uptake of nourishment and expelling wastes in the streamlined human of the future. This will add new dimensions to French-kissing.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Hello, Chief; owls still poop, regurgitate or no. I think 7000 years hence, our descendants will do as we do; maybe into more mod toilets, maybe with better t.p. and other technology, but they will still do it. I foresee take-along toilets that plug into the anus on command (push-button, maybe), so that people can poop while attending a public meeting, while eating out, while hiking the Appy Trail, any number of things. The little take-along will have a water or soap supply for cleaning the butt, and will do so noiselessly and smelllessly. (Didn't know you could have 3 L's in a row, eh?) After the person arrives at a real toilet, the attachment reminds him that it must be emptied (perhaps a small fart noise in his ear), and he surreptitiously goes in, plugs the take-along into the regular toilet, and waits 30 seconds while it flushes, takes on new soap, swishes itself out, and shuts itself off. Biggest problem I see: it will be harder to see what you've done.

Maybe we'll have cyber implants that are activated by our poop. An electronic bowel that filters out all available nutrients perfectly from the food so that only pure waste remains which is burned somehow as fuel, like a self-charging battery, leaving our anuses redundant from a paricular ancient biological process in the form of passing solid waste, but as nature doesn't like to waste anything's potential, it would thrive again in it's remaining capabilities and develop more complex and useful abilities. The anus would, I think, become larger and without the need or ability to close tightly. It's potential as a sexual organ would be greatly enhanced, but generally the orifice would primarily be exhaust ventilation. This would of course involve a state of almost constant flatulence, as there would always be air moving out. The slack nature of the sphincter muscles would mean that instead of the satisfying bbbrrrruuummph! noise that we currently enjoy, there would instead be a kind of low whistle.

By this time, electronic networks will be the primary method of communication and speech would be a largely forgotten ability used largely for self-entertainment, coupled with the small matter that out bottoms made more interesting noises, then whistling through one's arse will make using the mouth for anything other than ingesting food, completely obselete. We'd just fart at each other and everyone else (or just one, if you wish) will know what we have to say. This would also mean that we'd use our anuses socially, as people having a private conversation would need to put their bums close together, so the arse will then of course replace the face as the primary method of human recognition. Your passport will have a hologram of your arse and your Myspace page will have awful pictures of you as a student, drunk. With your face out.

Not being able to shit like our forefathers, shall be our punishment.

Wow. That got deep. Well written scumbag. And pd, the double post was a blackberry fuck up, something that my redneck brethren aren't too familiar with. The reason I believe rednecks with rule the world is because I have seen it first hand. I would like to clarify by sayin I am in no shape, form, or fashion, a redneck but do hold on to my southern roots and my gun laws. The rednecks however, are a very strong group of people. They are not to be taken lightly. And given enough time, everyone in the world will be an authentic Larry the Cable Guy. Even more authentic than Larry the Cable Guy himself, that southern impersonating son of a bitch. So be prepared. It may not even take 7000 years at the rate the redneck population is exploding. They are unknown because they shoot the census takers, so be aware. This is your first warning.

I'll watch out for the tell-tale "baccy" drool on my front lawn.

Oozy Doody -- your comment was deleted because we always delete pointless and contextless political flamebait. Stick to poop!

Leaky, I fixed your double post.

I don't know if our butts will change. They've been the same since we were Homo erectus, so why would it change now?

The changes I see happening in our trunks might be more cartilage in our fronts, as becoming upright has made our backs weak and is the main problem with our anatomy. Childbirth is harder upright, and our lumbar vertebrae carry a great deal of stress. Maybe if we don't develop cartilage strips in our front between the hips and ribs, then our lumbar verebrae will continue to grow thicker or even have shoot-offs in the back. And if that happens, would our digestive tracts move or relocate? Hmm. Maybe!

A cloaca like in birds would be damned interesting but would make sex weird.

I hope our buttholes stay the same.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Every restroom will be stocked with three sliver-tone seashells.

(I can't believe nobody said this yet.)

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

PD & LBK - sorry, no offense intended. Like a lot of things it seemed funny at the time.
At least I know what an arsehole feels like in 2009.........ME!

Not to worry Spat. Armadillos are jealous of my skin.

I still don't even know what the fuck you're talking about spattacus. I went back and read the comments and I didn't see where any offense could be taken. It could just be due to the fact that I don't really care that much if there was something to be offended at. but thanks for the apology.

Brits often over-rate their nuisance value, except for El Windbag, who deserves an over-rated nuisance value, but I can't give it to him, because he's so fucking funny!
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Why thank you kind sir! *sound of tongues mutually performing analingus*
As for over-rating our nuisance value, we cannot help it I'm afraid (damn, see how easily we slip into it?). It's part of our cultural identity to do that. Just charging in without invitation is damned oafish and an English gentleman should not behave like an ill-mannered impatient lazy lout. It lets the side down, don't you know, and we leave that sort of beastliness to the French.
If we feel that we may have made a comment that might potentially be taken out of context, our inbuilt terror of farcical misunderstandings kicks in, so we apologise to Johnny Foreigner before the chap has an opportunity to get upset. If he has, we would have limited the damage by getting in with an apology first. If not, then it'll be ignored and it won't matter. An odd national quirk, because until the moment we realise we've made a gaffe, we try not to be noticed for any of our stereotypical Englishness, but somehow always draw attention to our fancy accents, accidentally hold everyone in well-meaning contempt, expect polite and modest subservience from 'foreigners' by virtue of some historical accidents, and then, damn our blasted eyes, we have the brass neck to stammer some bumbling Hugh Grant-esque nonsense like "Oh th-thanks awfully! Eerm... gosh! Oh...er...well...I'm so sorry to be...erm" as if putting on our most foppish airs and affectatious apologies is going to endear us to you. But we frequently do it, and I'm buggered if I understand why, but we do, so there.
American fast food outlets say "have a nice day". It doesn't mean that the fellow behind the grill really and sincerely wants you to have a nice day, of which this delicious patty of 100% beef in a toasted bun will be but one of a thousand highlights. It's just good manners. So it is with Englishmen and apologising for being English: an automatic reflex because to do otherwise would somehow be, well, not English.
Hey, I never said we had to make sense as well.

The pre-emptive apology works well when going out with a group, where there is a good chance you will get sloppy drunk.

Bilge, I will thank you to wash your tongue after that disgusting display above.

I just carved the fucking thing out, the taste was driving me insane.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Hmmm...
The butthole of the future...
I think the evolutionary process has already begun, where the human body is beginning to recycle the effluent before expelling it. I suspect that the anatomy of some people contains an intestinal loop that goes back up along the spine and up into the brain before coming back down and exiting in the usual way.
These individuals are commonly known as "rappers".

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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

1.) I only know the word effluent because I have a septic system. (ha - sewer humor)

2.) You can't spell crap without rap.

Werd to the Mullet.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com