I don't think wiping directions would help. This person is probably in a hurry and doesn't even know he is doing it. You might try a sign along the lines of "Please check the floor before leaving", with an arrow pointing down.

Hmmm, I'd think about installing a bathroom camera, but I already made a speech about privacy in the bathroom. What about a TP alarm? Or some sort of dye pack? When the person leaves the bathroom while leaving TP on the floor he is sprayed with a luminescent pink dye, thus revealing the culprit.

Okay, so now I'm just being silly.

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Broccoli!

All you have to do is check the crapper after every user to find your culprit. Or post a sign that says "Next asshole to leave shit covered paper on the deck is fired".

I've always maintained that HR folks have the shittiest jobs. That said, The Shit Volcano was definitely on the right track:

1. Bag the existing TP evidence for matching purposes.
2. Dim the bathroom lights (removing a fluorescent tube or two if necessary).
3. Sprinkle super-fine body glitter on the stall-area floor.
4. Follow the glittery tread leading back to the culprit office/cubicle.

Signed--An Inspector Gadget Fan and Previous Poo-Crime Forensic Operative

Send a memo to every user of this restroom pointing out the problem and requesting that it be corrected immediately. I'm sure others have noticed and been offended by this, as well, and it will probably help you identify the culprit. At least he's on notice that further measures might be forthcoming.

TD, I don't know that the all-purpose memo is such a good idea. Casts Orwellian shadow over the office and sets-up the culprit up for unecessary ridicule in the form of butt-of-the-office jokes (hey, the messy wiper might not even be aware s/he is leaving behind shit confetti). I believe that taking the offender aside and plainly but empathetically pointing out the issue would prove a more effective solution.

Too, if the office is shared by more than one company housed in a multilevel building, there's always the probability that "bathroom hoppers" exists and the offender may never see that memo.

"Odor in the court! The judge is eating beans--his wife is in the bathtub counting submarines." Author Unknown

What kind of office or business do you work in, Office Joe? I'm wondering if you would have legal grounds to fire this dude solely on his poor wiping. I mean, there are so many rules against termination for race, gender, age, size, etc., etc. Would there be anything prohibiting you from firing someone on the grounds of hygiene?

I guess if you're in a field where strict hygiene is required (food processing, for instance), you could get away with it.

I think everyone has been inconsiderate at least once in their life, and left something unsavory in or around the toilet. But this repeated behavior is just inexplicable.

If you do come up with a wiping poster of sorts I would like one for my husband, I am sick of the skid marks in his shorts. I have tried to tell him to keep wiping his ass till there was no more crap on the tp but he won't listen.

Just got a case of the gigglefarts when I thought of EEO (equal employment opportunity) being replaced with EPO (equal poop opportunity).

Shatty makes an excellent point above. What are the chances that an "at will" clause in a standardized employment agreement would prove adequate defense in a hostile work environment/unlawful termination suit?

Bunghole, if I understood the story correctly, Office Joe doesn't know who the "messy wiper" is. Thus, this may be one of those occasions when an "Orwellian shadow" might be a good thing--think of all the dudes taking Joe aside and whispering, "hey, Joe; it ain't me, but you might want to keep an eye on old Bunga there in cubicle 17." What would REALLY be "Orwellian" would be to put a surveillance camera in the restroom, and I'm sure you would agree that the memo approach is preferable to THAT!

SC: Most states adhere to the "employment at will" doctrine, which means that, in the absence of a contract to the contrary, you can be fired for any reason, or even for no reason, as long as it is not for one of the legislatively-enumerated illegal reasons, such as race, etc. Thus, as a general matter, it would be perfectly permissible to fire someone on the grounds of poor hygiene, unless they could turn it into a "disability" under the Americans with Disabilities [translated, Lawyers' Full Employment] Act.

Having said that, if Office Joe were my client, I would advise him to "build a file" on the culprit, so there would be independent grounds for termination. Dumpster has been there and done that!

First you need to identify the culprit, there lies the problem, what to do once the culprit is identified is another matter. A strongly worded memo addressed to everyone indicating the health and safety issues is probably the best bet at letting the person know that a problem exists and will be dealt with as a disciplinary measure unless the practice is curtailed.

We had an instance where an employee who was diabetic was placing his used "sharps" in the waste bin in the shower area. He was not aware that our janitorial staff was aware that someone was disposing of his used syringes in a non approved manner. The janitorial people informed HR who suspected someone was using intravenous drugs. It was brought up at a meeting and I suggested a junkie would not be likely to have a large supply of disposable syringes and this was most likely someone suffering diabetes. A memo was circulated and an approved receptacle was affixed to the wall. The issue stopped as soon as the "sharps" receptacle was installed.

My experience is that the first thing to do in situations like this is to bring the problem out into the open. People who know something about the issue will be more likely to talk about it and then the problem can be dealt with. Skulking around and trying to "catch" a person is usually futile and quite often is an invasion of that persons right to privacy.

I can't imagine anyone doing this for kicks, it sounds like the person just is careless.

Bunga, were you in cubicle 17, or was it 18?

Ya'll got your knickers in a knot on this one. Humor in the office is often the best defense against poopatraitors. A witty limirick posted for a short time on the stall doors would probably do the trick.... unless ...the offender is seeing-impaired [that might explain the shit confetti]. In that case, refer to dumpster's ADA remark above.

"Odor in the court! The judge is eating beans--his wife is in the bathtub counting submarines." Author Unknown

Bunga, anyone who throws used needles in the trash, where they are almost guaranteed to poke the guy who empties it, is an asshole. I would have bought the sharps receptacle and bashed his skull in with it. Society needs to stop catering to every special interest group and start bashing skulls.

Well, I didn't think the day would come, but I agree with C.Everett on BOTH his points! I know, I know. I'll make the counselling appointment.

But I agree that all you have to do is post a strongly-worded sign on the back of the door, and go ahead and DO SOME HEAD BASHIN'!

An Ode to Behind the Scene Hygiene:

An artist ever cleans his brushes, careful not to splatter.
A gentleman fulfills his dooty, mindful of the scatter.

A dingleberry clumps and wrests, calling for a wet wipe.
A clingon-yet more stubborn still-requires a double swipe.

OR you could go the CEP and GGG route: 'Headbashings and firings will continue until this shit stops!'

I'm a diabetic, and in my office they won't allow me a sharps container, saying it would invite junkies to pilfer through it for a rig. I wrap mine in paper towel and toss 'em in the trash...
As for the offender with poo paper, we had an individual who actually found it amusing to pooh on the seat itself. Not an easy task, I'm sure, but it happened more than once. Our HR rep simply sat down with each male employee, one by one, and asked if they'd seen anyone leaving the stall in such a state, and if they would report anything that looked suspicious. This scared off the offender (who should have been forced to plant their cheeks on someone else's dookie as a punishment). Embarrassing the individual or reprimanding them would have been nice, but in the end it was good just to have a safe place to sit. To poop.

Bunghole: I am a sucker for POOetry. Please write some more!!

Bunghole - good ode my friend...!

TD, newest Pooem on the way from the fine hand of G Eliot B!

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A turd in the hand is worth two in the bush

If the problem occurs daily, you should ask a different co-worker to accompany you into the lav every day. The guilty party will recognize his / her own filth and give him/herself away with a guilty look, an apology, or obvious attempt to pretend there's nothing wrong.

Watch some Charlie Chan movies before attempting this.

I had a similar problem here at my plant. Somebody was going into my favorite stall two or three times a week and using so much toilet paper that it would plug the toilet. I put a sign on the back of the door, advising Mr. Clean-Ass to flush the thing after every wipe or two to avoid butt paper overload.

It worked. Either he started multi-flushing or holding it until he gets home. I'm amazed at how many people can grow to maturity and not learn how to use the facilities in an acceptable manner.

I agree with CEP on the sharps in the trash bit. There is no excuse for it. Someone who requires injectable medication and works in an office without a sharps container can bring a coffee can with a hole in it or something. Stop whining and think of a way to solve your problem!

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Broccoli!

Someone who works in a place without a sharps container and has to use sharps just has to bide their time until some poor janitor gets stuck with one and the company is faced with a ginormous lawsuit. Then the place will be full of fucking sharps containers.

Worried about legalities? Here's a multiple choice quizz

1) Consider AB2K's post a 'word up'..
2) Hire the Dumpster
3) Research two acronyms: 'OSHA' and 'ADA'
4) All of the above

I don't believe in cheating; however, in quantum-physics-geometric-mathemetic and numerology equation, the number four (4) is the universal sum.

"Hire the Dumpster." Hmm, maybe there is some money in this PR thing after all.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

I've actually had to stop telling lawyer jokes. The lawyers don't think that they're funny, and the rest of the people don't think that they're jokes.

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"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

"This has been going on for six years" says Office Joe. Get thee to HR and find out who was hired then. Given the turnover at most places, you should have your boy. If not, I do think having ALL the boys interrogated as to whether they suspect any confetti-makers is the only way to stop a grievously filthy habit. (prrrrmp!) Sorry. Got a bit exercised there.

I'm getting in late on this thread, but I doo need to voice my worthless opinion.

A) Every time ya see someone go into the shitter, go in afterwards and wait till they are done. If they ask why, tell them you trying to catch the moron leaving shit pastries on the floor.

B) Stand by the door with a baseball bat. Everyone that walks in tell them that they better leave it clean... or else!!

C) Do the sissy thing and put up little sissy flyers and sissy email posts in the office and sissy signs on the bathroom doors.

D) Do nothing and bitch about it to Poop Report!!

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

With the light bulb jokes:
how many techies does it take to change a lightbulb? None its a lamp! (I used to work in a theatre-lamp is the term for the bulb in stage lights)

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
100-1 to screw it in, 99 to surround house

Ok I k now Im gonna get lame commented to to hell, but i find them funny.

Easy!

Just sniff every office chair. The one that smells the most like shit will belong to the poor wiper.

There's no truth to the rumor that the FBI is training poop sniffing dogs.

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Broccoli!

With all the BS with the new Homeland Security Act, I would not doubt they have poop sniffing dogs. ...along with some stoopid law that allows the dogs to sniff your ass whenever they want.

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

The next time you see one, pick it up and place it into a zip-loc baggie with the poo side clearly displayed. Thumbtack the bag to the bathroom wall with a little sign that says: After six years, we know who you are. Turd paper terrorist consider yourself warned!!!

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"Those who write on shithouse walls, roll their shit into little balls. Those who read their words of wit, eat those little balls of shit." Author Unknown

Is it true that this subject is the next plotline of CSI? Heh.

Seriously, though, wipe your ass. Maybe it would help if we all had a bidet?

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

if you find out who the person is tell them to practice aiming or perhaps you could kind of show them.

Hiya I'm a bit embarassed to post really, but I'm spending so long on the toilet, and using too much paper, so I guess I need to ask, how do you know when you're clean enough. I usually wipe normally then push a bit to check, but its never clean apart from ages of cleaning. Is this overfussy or normal. Cheers, Mickey

When you don't see any brown on the toilet paper, your'e clean enough.

Six years of shitty toilet paper on the floor! I can't imagine how someone could pull that off. It is pretty easy to get the paper in the bowl. Sounds intentional to me.

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We aim to please, you aim too please.

Don't feel embarrassed, Mickey. I wipe a different number of times every time I go (unless I spray it clean). Just look--when there's nothing on the paper, stop.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

I stumbled here when I was...actually I don't remember how I got here but I NEED to know if the culprit was ever identified!

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Holy skid marks Batman!

Take a picture of the poopie paper on the floor and post it on the back of the door so when they are sitting down they will see it.

Actually, I'm HR - that might offend someone..hmm..how many people use that bathroom who have been there 6 years or more?

process of elimination (no pun) lol ;)