Drink a couple of litres of water then wait till you need to piss before the weigh in. This should add 4 or 5lbs to your dump weight.

Take as much bulk psyllium husk as you can with every meal, drink plenty of water eat at Taco Bell. You will be shitting like a pack mule.

Let me guess, you work on Wall St.

If he worked on Wall St., prarie, he certainly would already know how to drop a massive pile of shit.

Dear competitive pooper,

Take your week-end dumps in sturdy
(very sturdy) zip-loc bags. When you go to work on Monday conceal the bags on your person, your back pockets would probably
not be a good place of concealment.

When you take your competitive poop
dump the hidden poops also. You can then swear on your mothers grave, the Bible, the Koran, or your religious book of choice, that all the lost weight was strictly from your own personal poop.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

A couple days before the weigh-in, bulk up on slowly-digested foods like nuts and cheese. The night before and morning of, consume several spoonfuls of psyllium husk fibre supplements. The morning of and during the day eat laxative foods like prunes, peaches and dates, coffee, apple juice and whatever oily, fibery foods give you the runs. Drink lots of water.

Enjoy!

This is more or less my diet and I can count on a large log every day.

Eat a lot of lead fishing weights. What ever doesn't get caught in the appendix will give a lot of heft to your dump.

Yes, I like Prarie's idea. Cheat! If all else fails, put fishing weights in your shoes or pockets. After you're weighed, pretend to get a cell phone call, saying it's on vibrate, and excuse yourself. Dump the weights in a garbage can or get rid of them. Then take your crap.

If that's too unethical for you, I apologize. But, if you use Eoz's method (which sounds like a lot of fun, actually) you might accidentally shit your pants before the allotted time. I'd only suggest that if you have a Bung of Steel.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I had a wrestling coach in high school who, if you were very close to making a lighter weight class, would make you go outside somewhere and spit until you shed enough weight. He was a nut case.

Brown rice lots of garlic and some lentils place in rice cooker and just cook it up. You will be taking dumps of biblical proportions! 4 glasses of ice cold water the next day you will shit like a champ.
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AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

I would guess that most of the weight of a turd is water. Anything that induces your shits to contain a higher percentage of H2O should work wonders for you.

To that end, I recommend bottled water from Lake Victoria in Africa, and imported under the label "Dysentery".
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My special needs kid crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

One question: how many people are involved in this contest and how did you get them to participate?

Well, I guess technically thats two questions.

Postman, thank you for correcting yourself before myself and many others here had to.

I would guess the whole office participated, and as in most office motivational competitions, there were e-mails sent, flyers posted and notices sent out in the employees checks.

But were any of the stockholders and upper management allowed to participate?

Maybe they had a contest to see if any of their shit actually stinks.

Coffee. Lots of coffee, and a bran muffin. A bagel and cream cheese in the morning really gives the ass a workout.
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Assaulting toilets since 1977!

where do you work and can i get hired? when i was a teen i used to weigh myself before and after a rather large dump. If i was you i'd go with what ever you can pack down the night before and in the morning, two bowls of shreded wheat and coffee.

I remember getting weighed in during an office visit while pregnant with my first child. I was weighed as soon as I got in, but then the nurse got called away for some emergency and she was gone for 30 minutes. During her absence I really needed to shit so I took off for the ladies room and dropped my load. Then I went back over to where I was supposed to wait for her. When she returned she told me to get on the scale again. So I did and we were both shocked to see I had lost 2 pounds!! That was one hefty crap!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

As a new member, I'm a bit shy about adding to the conversation, but I can't hold back. There are two things I do to reward myself with an every-other-day footlong, 2 1/2 - 3 inch diameter rump-splitter that probably tips the scales at between 3 and 4 pounds:
1. Plenty of rice (as mentioned above) and
2. Sphincter control.

The second one is, by far, the highest in terms of risk/reward. Until you've developed olympian-level external sphincter clenching ability you could find yourself either falling back into the failed policies of the past (the "I sorta gotta go" syndrome, where you squeeze out something about the size of a dill pickle each day) or the inadvertent sneeze/cough/reach for something that distends the sphincter and overwhelms its tenacity.

You simply must "train to retain." Until you can go two and three days after the first insistent urge without yielding to the soul-satisfying but non-bowl-clogging standard issue turd event, you will rarely - if ever - find the true nirvana that comes with delivering an epic loaf.

Once you learn to regularly deny the internal sphincter its silly but well-intended hints that it's got a present for you, you will find your innards working overtime to assemble something Amtrak would probably park on a siding and call for a second diesel to pull.

I predict a happy outcome for you amongst your enlightened co-workers who clearly have the right attitude about the nobility of giving birth to a regal two-flush doot. I envy few people, but when I hear that there are still workplaces where the priorities are so very progressive I find myself wondering if I'm at a career ...er.... logjam.

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Campaigning for change (or a courtesy flush).

Mudpack your response was both hilarious and inspiring! Hahaha

I find this topic very interesting as it shows the connection between pooping properly and losing weight.
I always thought losing 0.5 pounds would be the most weight I could lose with a good poop but after reading some of the previous posts I feel I am losing out (but not losing weight!)
I read somewhere that linseed would make for a great movement so I would advice eating lots of it before going to bed the night before weighin and then a few hours before your chance at the competition drink at least 4 litres of water.
Now this is where Mudpack's great advice "train to retain" would have to come into play as you must wait for the water and the linseed to work together and do their stuff.
God help anyone sitting near you when they are doing their stuff though!
When you get to the point of not being able to retain any more, get on those scales as quickly as possible and make a lightning dash for the loo .....Good Luck!

Welcome aboard Mudpack McStain, your comment was both entertaining and edifying. I wish you many years of happy posting......now let's hear a story!

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Thank you for being so kind, posters above me. I haven't had a welcome so warm since the day an apprentice plumber erroneously routed the hot water to the crapper in our office men's room...ah, the temporary guilt of feeling I was shitting in a jacuzzi...but I digress...

I'll try to assemble my thoughts and share recollections in the near future, but for now I want to wish Competitive Pooper much success as he strains to achieve a net weight loss in his workplace's entertaining and worthwhile daily comparisons.

I should mention that while I wholeheartedly endorse some of the tips and techniques offered by others, as one who has managed to retain his amateur status in the arena of ano-a-ano one upsmanship, I can proudly say that my occasional trophy drops have never been the result of peristalsis-enhancing artificial supplements. What I do with willpower, fierce determination, and a large intestine that must be made of recycled steel belted tires, others have achieved (and exceeded!) through other means. Nothing wrong with that. There are champions at every level. No matter how someone manages to divest themselves of a turd that seems large enough to have its own skeletal system, I can only stand back, tip my hat with one hand, hold my nose with the other, and gasp, "Well done. Well done, indeed!"

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Campaigning for change (or a courtesy flush).