No, a miracle corpse poop fairy holds your ass cheeks together after you've died to avoid such embarrassing things.

I think even if you have a regular crap on deck, a few hours off, your muscles all relax at some point, and it just comes out. So, if you're planning to die and want to make it classy, make sure you're all empty in the final hours.

Unless you called ahead and asked the Grim Reaper to meet up with you and ram a cork up your ass, be prepared to poo yourself, pee yourself, and do several other unflattering things at the moment of your demise.

What, you thought Death didn't have a sense of humor?

_______
"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

Way back in the days of yore, when rocks were soft, dirt was clean, and you could actually walk on the grass, Humans were not at the top of the food chain. The last ditch defense mechanism was to empty our bowels and bladder to make our meat a little less appetizing. If we were a little less appetizing, then maybe the predator won't pick on the population as a whole as much.

So the answer is in fact yes. When a person dies their sphincters completely relax and all waste is expelled.

_______

Always,
Craven Morhead

I had requested that I be buried with all my belongings. I guess I'll have to amend that.

Alas,what Craven said is true we all are doomed to a shitty death.Unless we get blown up or eaten by a monster.If that happens the monster will shit us out when he dies.But don't worry only the sole goes to heaven,your shitty body remains behind and your realatives have to dish something like 6 grand for your funeral.I hope I cheered everybody up.

Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes

I wonder if this has ever happen to anyone before?

Uh...okayyy...

_______
"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

If I die while on a full sprint to anything, I will consider that a dignified death regardless of the final state of my underwear.

I thought when you checked in at the nursing home or hospice, you were issued a butt plug. You should be OK unless you die unexpectedly.

Whether the shit is on my buttocks or still in my colon makes no difference to me since I plan on being cremated as soon as I am declared dead.....that way no one will get stuck with an embalming bill, which is ridiculously expensive.

I have stipulated in my will that before cremation I must be declared "extremely dead", A flippant, "looks dead to me", or
a nonchalant, " by God, I believe he's
dead", is just not good enough. I can not stress how lacking those two pronouncements sound to me.

Before cremation I want to be declared,
irrevocably, permanently, terminally dead.
If doubt exists as to the degree of deadness I have undergone, I would appreciate it if my naked corpse be laid out in the hot sun by the side of the interstate. If my already corpulent body increases in size to approximately the size of the Hindenburg that will speak well for the state of my deadness.

If my usually foul aroma becomes such that it elicits comments in passer-bys such as, "Jesus fucking Christ, what's that smell?" I will be dead enough for the cremation oven.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

You'll probably burn like the Hindenburg by then.

Elvis knew this. That's why the king died on the throne.

It doesn't always happen but if you've got a crap actively coming down the pike, dying does not stop it. I've picked up enough stiffs to know.

***must not comment on stiff***
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Prarie Doggin, your comment has me laughing. I was picturing a huge, gas-filled corpse put into the oven and when the flames ignite the accumulated gasses, the resulting explosion blows open the doors of the crematorium. Impossible, I know, but just another product of my very warped mind.

My poor dad had not pooped in over a week when he died. (07/03/08) He died in a hospice at 3 am and my mom (who is still kicking herself for not spending the night with him that night)went to see him and the nurses says they had not touched him and she said he did not smell, I know that was a weird thing for her to say, but I think that was a fear in her head that he would have pooped and smelled and it would be hard to say goodbye.
You have to know my Mom. She is a true southern belle, and freaks if anyone farts, or burps.

powersoak, I had the vision of the old newsreel, with the crematorium employees all running away with some of them on fire. Oh, the humanity!

An animal crapping itself out of fear isn't the same as it crapping when it dies. You crap when you die because you no longer are able to keep your sphincters clenched.

When Barney died this summer (our almost 18 year old cat), he messed his fleecy a bit after dying. It was his way of saying "Cheers, I finally have a Poopreport" I guess.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I would like to offer my sympathy to Pnuttycorn and Daphne for their losses.It hurts to lose a loved one.It does not matter if the loved one had two legs or four.Kay O.Pectate would have liked the ace pitcher on my old baseball team.He is the foremen at Saint Peter's Cemetary in Staten Island.He was always fond of saying,"I'm the last guy to to let you down."

pnutty, I know it's not the same, but the day your dad died is the same day we had to put my dog down. She had liver failure from diabetes. Even if it is just a pet, or a family memebr, you don't really ever get over something like that.
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Thank you for vandalizing our bathrooms with feces if we catch who ever is responsible for doing this we will prosecute them accordinaly. This website was found pasted in several places on campus. Any one with information on is encouraged to call. Reporting Crimes on Campus (503.399.5023)

Am I missing something here? CCC, what the HELL are you talking about?
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Thank WHO for vandalizing your bathroom? I cannot believe you made that statement. We are no more responsible for what people do with our stickers than a grocer would be responsible for someone throwing tomatoes purchased at their store through someone's window.

I am sympathetically grossed out that your campus was vandalized and hope that you catch this person or persons and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law. However, we have nothing to do with vandalism, especially considering our beliefs and mottos. It's posted all over our website that Turd Terrorism is neither endorsed nor condoned here at Poopreport.com. We are about the intellectual appreciation of Poop humor, not fetish material or vandalism.

It would serve you to do some research before you go accusing anyone on this site of crimes that relate to challenging ethical and/or hygienic boundaries.

I found the phone number to be from Chemeketa Community College. It seems to be a chemical instruction school, which is somewhat of a relief. I'd not know what to think if it was a journalism school.

I'm saying that you write like an angry sixth grader.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

He probably is at the maturity level of an angry 6Th grader. You make a very valid point, Daphne. If someone buys the stickers, once they get to the person, there's really nothing you can do to make sure nothing bad is going to result from their use. But to accuse randomly with NO research ( and I know you didn't search around this site, or you're an idiot, one of the two, both are fine by me) is unjustifiable. You didn't leave the name of the school, where it was, how far the "vandalism" was, or if stickers were even involved. It could have been someone with a Sharpie who saw this website and wrote it all over your bathrooms, for all we know. So next time you are thinking of making an uneducated accusation, don't.
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Sry, to all Poopreporters for the above rant, I've been up all night and having a really crappy time. :(
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

I also cannot fathom how a security associate for a college could think that making an insulting, poorly-written accusation would "encourage" anyone to call with information.

What a maroon.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Not very smart, agreed. I have half a mind to call this place over and over with BS stuff, but that would be sinking to this guy's level. I wonder if they'll post again, I'll be intersted to see what they say in response.
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

It would be kind of funny if the post was a joke...... once again I'd be pulling a fish hook out of the old mouf.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Ouch, didn't think of that...uh oh.
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

"That's why the king died on the throne."

. . . c'mon monitors, give Squat a great comment!

Vanilla Dolphin -- "Unless you called ahead and asked the Grim Reaper to meet up with you and ram a cork up your ass, be prepared to poo yourself, pee yourself, and do several other unflattering things at the moment of your demise.

What, you thought Death didn't have a sense of humor?"

Have you ever read "The Darwin Reports"?? Trust me, Death's grin isn't just because his head's a skull.

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

GG, I would live to great it, but for some reason there is no drop down box below that comment. Maybe Dave can help.

This is CC reporting.I hope nobody thought CCC was me.Area code 503 is in either Portland or Salem,Oregon.The Old Coach resides and poops in area code 718.

Upon further review CCC is the initials of the college. DUH!It appears they have no sports teams.They probably don't drink either.I wonder if all the students are virgins.There is a duties section on the web site.You don't think that means?Ah,never mind.

Thanks guys.

By the way, thanks CC for the nice comments about Barney. He was a crotchety old boy, but he was sweet too and is missed.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne........We get almost as attached to our pets as we do our children. Our old poodle died fifteen years ago and I still think about him often and miss him very much.

-----------------------------------
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated."

Mahatma Gandhi

Mark of stain, that episode came to mind immediately after reading the question of the post!!! That was awesome!

My father literally dropped dead. I was not there, but witnesses describe it. He has left me with one burning question that no one has been able to answer (and his bloody death certificate is in Russian, so I can't read it). Dad, did you poop when you died?

_______
I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

i am a fellow mortician, and i have dealt with such issues. and as a matter of fact the deceased do lose their bowels after death. But the difference is, rather than having the feces come out of their buttocks it comes out of their ears.

guys i am not even kidding, this is true!!

You're referring to shitheads, aren't you? Ha.

I have read of a green, bile-like substance leaking from the eyes and ears in freak cases, but never, ever feces. If feces could get from the digestive tract to the cranial cavity, we'd be fucked.

Patients who die of Cancer or terminal, long time illnesses will sometimes also bleed out from their eyes, ears, nose. If they are hardcore alcoholics, they might also bleed from the finger and toe nails.

While rare, death sounds like it can be messy when it wants to.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com