Ask PoopReport: Is There Food That Ends The Burn?

// // 128 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Dear PoopReport,

When I eat spicy food, which I love, I suffer -- I mean, I really, really suffer -- from ring sting the next day. Is there anything that could be ingested that might stop the problem? Either with the food or the next day. Perhaps drinking Pepto instead of lager with my curry? OK, yes, the burning is probably is made worse by my bum grapes; but if I wanted rid of them, I'd have to stop smoking and drinking black coffee whist sitting on radiators. Never going to happen.

128 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Is There Food That Ends The Burn?"

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

"Is There Food That Ends The Burn?"

no, but a washcloth with ice cubes always helps me.

I believe the cure to recover from the hot shits is similar to the cure for a hangover...time. It has to run it's course no matter how painful it is.

Eating spicy food in moderation is the way to keep a starfish smiling.

Shitty Lawyer's picture

I also eat a lot of spicy food. In fact, I put hot sauce on or in everything. I don't know about anything you can ingest to ease the pain, but when I feel the urge after eating a lot of spicy food I pre-lube the pucker with petroleum jelly. This really helps a lot, although it does not completely eliminate the problem. (I got the idea from the Simpsons episode in which Homer coats his mouth with candle wax so he can swallow super hot peppers without burning his mouth.)

PooperGal's picture
k 500+ points

Have you considered a suppository of something that will coat your rectum and starfish, thus cushioning their tender tissue from the fiery onslaught?

That would be a good entrepreneurial project --an Aloe vera (a succulent herb which produces a soothing gel) suppository.

If that's too complicated, maybe painting your butthole and sphincter region with petroleum jelly would be a good alternative. Dip a tampon in it and poke it into the hole, smear good, then enjoy a dish of masaman rice and potatoes.

_______
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I have always lauded the effects that peppermint and ginger have on the digestive tract; now I wonder if they help in this area. Other than them, I have no idea.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Yogurt actually may help. It restores helpful bacterial cultures in the colon and calms things down.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

Doniker, do the other members of the family know you use the washcloths on your asshole? Remind me not to wash my face when I come to your place..............

Hot Buns's picture

^ Ha Ha That was funny, I dont care who you are!!!!!!!!

PINWORM's picture
l 100+ points

YES!

The answer is MILK. You see, milk is highly alkaline and will counter-act the acids in the spicy foods if you chase them with the milk. Milk will also reduce the burn in your mouth while you eat if you find the food too hot. It's more effective than water. You have to have the milk just after the foods, to neutralize the acids BEFORE they get to the intestines, otherwise it won't work.

If you are lactose intolerant or something, try vinegar if you can stomach it.

If you are already suffering a ring of fire, get a popsicle and stick it up there. I have found myself reduced to this at least twice. Also helps with hemmorroids.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

"OK, yes, the burning is probably is made worse by my bum grapes; but if I wanted rid of them, I'd have to stop smoking and drinking black coffee whist sitting on radiators."

This statement makes absolutely no sense.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

"OK, yes, the burning is probably is made worse by my bum grapes; but if I wanted rid of them, I'd have to stop smoking and drinking black coffee whist sitting on radiators."

I was sort of wondering what this meant as well.

To C Everett....I wash the washcloths in the washing machine after I remove them from my asscrack.

Chad's picture

perhaps this is a tad bit off topic, but in response to the milk comment, i find that with the spices' acidity and the milks alkaline properties, milk can cause problems, tomato products and milk give me the mud, but each of these on their own will back me up ironically, cheese and yougurt do not have this effect,

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

Bum grapes = hemmorhoids, I think.

GroganMeister - Meister Grogan's picture

Actually milk is not alkaline (and for that matter neither is vinegar). Milk has a pH between 5 and 7 making it slightly acidic. Plus the capsaicin which makes hot food hot is an oil, not an acid, so you can't counteract the heat with an alkaline. Milk helps because it coats like Pepto does, not because it actually neutralizes the oil. Alcohol will cut the oil, but since the area is already inflamed, the alcohol will increase the irritation (on your tounge of course, not your anus). I think the vaseline trick would work the best, preventing the oils from coming into contact with your butt in the first place.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

That helps, Dave, but I still don't get the "sitting on radiators" part.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

When I had an ulcer in college, milk was the DEBIL. That's right, the debil. If I drank milk, I experienced severe stomache pain. Things like gravy, chocolate, and milk were worse than coffee. Maybe it's because as humans, we eat things that we aren't supposed to eat, and dairy products is one of them.

I couldn't drop my Swiss Cheese addiction if you tried to make me, so I'm as guilty as the rest of us (word to the ganja fairy) of adoring quite a few dairy products, but milk is still something I have to watch. The doctor told me that it's so hard to digest that it can cause your stomach to produce more digestive acid, thus making any trouble that you're having worse.

Maybe that's if you drink too much, but I don't know.

Anyway, now that there is soy yogurt with active yogurt cultures, I'm a very happy person. Yogurt is wonderful.

And about this vinegar thing. I've not only read on the internet (and who knows what that's good for, anyone can post something) that there's alot of old peoples who drink a small glass of it everyday, but my own great-aunt did this for years. She looked incredible up until the day she died. No arthritis, no liver spots, no nuthin'. She was trim and fit. I wonder what vinegar really does for you. Personally, I put it in alot of foods that people wouldn't notice, and I get compliments for them. And, it's a wonderful cleaning agent. Mixed with water, it's the only thing that I used in the Pigopolis that is the Hamptons Home for Wayward Piggies.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

My favorite TV chef advises the use of sugar to counteract an overdose of capsaicin. "A spoonful of sugar helps the capsaicin go down..."

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Oops! I forgot to add that what milk IS good for is transporting a knocked-out tooth or even a severed digit. I know this, but I don't know why this is. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Chad's picture

GGG Calcium is the answer, calcium protects the tooth or the bone of a finger

SteveJ's picture

So i was reading this as it was happening to me (i sometimes like to read the poop report when im pooping) and i thought id try something to help it. i took a bath with epsom salts in it and my butthole is completely releved! Try it!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I thought for a second you'd typed that your butthole was completely *revealed*, and said, "Ewww.". But you must mean *relieved*, as I now am, certainly.

Scat of the Antarctic's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Thank you all for your advice. Certainly I'm looking forward to getting my vaseline covered digit in amongst it.
It was a myth at my school that hemorrhoids are caused by sitting on hot radiators and it is accepted fact that caffeine and smoking don't help. I just tagged that on to my question as a bit of a joke. It was meant to say "whilst" not "whist".
I think the thing with the milk is to do with it not being entirely water based but also having fat in it. The oils containing the spicey goodness are soluble in the fat. So rather than it being the alkalinity countering the acid it's that the milk is dissolving and dissipating the oils. Go Milk! Butter would work as well so I might try and get some of that up my arse too :)

Ohhh, here it comes...

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

Chocolate milk fixes the burn in my mouth, but it's still spicy when I'm done with it. And I just finished a plate of buffalo wings. I may regret that later, even with my three glasses of chocolate milk.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Anonymous Coward's picture

Try Tridocaine or some similar local ANALgesic anaesthetic gel/cream available at drug stores...
it'll numb the pain for awhile..
I'm waiting for my dinner to pass as we speak

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I usually poop a few minutes after I eat, so my waiting isn't all that long. Lately I haven't had spicy foods, but I might give something like that a try next time. Also, as I've mentioned before, I'd like to have some sort of makeshift bidet that swivels into place. Maybe I can convince Sloan to invent one that fits their flusher valves...

_______
If your stinker likes to linger, please be nice and flush it twice.

[Insert witty banter here]

Poo- Central's picture

so, i poo atleast 1-2 times a day, if i dont poo at all, the next day or 2 days i'll make up for it. But some days, my poo has blood, but others it dont. But I have to say, my butt hurts after some poo comes out, cause I have to strain so hard to get it out, its so hard and all. This doesnt happen all the time, but still, lots of pain at times.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

To kill the burn, try yougurt. Bread will also do the trick.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Charles's picture

Capsaicin is the cause of the burn, it has nothing to do with pH or anything like that. The only problem is that the body does not break down capsaicin thus it reaches the rectum and burns the same as it does in the mouth. See there are ways to neutralize capsaician like a dilution of ammonia, though the best thing that helps to ease pain would be diaper rash cream. Used on babies to help with the skin, most contain a soothing-agent that will help with sphincter pain.

Odette's picture

I have Behcet's and a 5 month old,RECTAL TEAR;agony as I cannot tolerate decent pain control,only Paracetamol and Rectogesic to relax rectal muscles a bit.All these comments are helpful,thanks but nothing (yet)I haven't tried. I am optimistic that I will recover but there is no improvement yet even though a Botox injection was tried.

Crunchy Frog's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Wouldn't coating the arsehole with petroleum jelly make the turds speed out of their anal confines at an alarming rate?????

College Student's picture

oh my gosh, so I really cannot stand really spicy foods. I can handle mild-moderate but I never have hot wings or anything. But today I did not wake up in time for breakfast so I didn't eat and for lunch my dorm's cafeteria was serving hot wings and I had some and found myself somewhat capable of dealing with the spiciness. What I was not capable of dealing with was the feeling I had when I tried to go to the bathroom half an hour ago. I had never felt anything like that and I was so confused as to why my bum hole was burning so badly. So I looked up the causes and that's where I found this site ^-^ Just thought I'd share that.

Anal Chazzer's picture

When I go to an Indian restaurant and order spicy stuff, I also order Mango Lasse, which is a yogurt based drink that is on most Indian restaurant menus, It seems to coat the offending bits, so to speak. Tastes good too!

Abigailsmom's picture

I have never eatin spicy foods, i guess im just chicken. But my butthole burns also, and i think it might be the toilet paper? This only started happening a few days ago..so now i dread pooping cus i know the burn will come next ive tried buying other brands of TP and still there is the burn am i wiping to hard or what? lol

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

For abigail's mom, (sigh) the matches are there in the room to burn off the fart smell, please do not think you are being any more sanitary by lighting your TP on fire before you wipe, it just doesn't work that way, and could, in fact, lead to a rather nasty infection.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Not to mention singed hair.

Porcelain bbedit's picture

I have 2 agree with the bath cure. If it gets 2 bad 4 me, I'll jus jump n the shower. I agree with the milk helping the burn in your mouth, but i dont know how well it works for "The ring of fire". I've also seen some reliefe by using the wipes for hemroids. I had some left over from the hopsiptal. It helps relieve the pain after childbirth. There is also a spray....

LRSN's picture

I'm about ta take the 911 chicken challenge ona bet...they're supposed 2 be the hottest wings in the world because theyre cooked in pepper spray... any idea's on how ta minimize the burn?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

On the way in, eat some cheese. It coats your mouth. On the way out? No idea. Put OraJel on your bumbum?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

assesofire's picture

what about the burn while youre still poopin? i can get the burn to go away afterward, thats no prob. the problem is the burn during, i havent tried the food and drink remedies for before the action, as well as the coating my ass with petroleum jelly, which i dont want to deal with the clean up after that. i only ask bc no one has asked the question i have posted

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

The question asked, "Is there _food_ that ends the burn?" The best that I have found is rice (though bread may also help). Rice will absorb a good deal of the capsaicin. Normally we have our curry with rice; the same is true for many other dishes with hot peppers (including habaneros, which we grow) in them. I like lots of the sauce, while my wife likes a higher proportion of rice. I find that the rice tends to neutralize the heat of the spice, and I rarely get the burning sensation any more. I would suggest having the hot stuff with a higher proportion of rice.

That said, the remedies applied to the anus itself should help some, especially if applied before moving your bowels. I also like to use a medicated salve that has a soothing agent (Noxzema is good); it partially deadens the nerves while simultaneously coating the anal canal. The only drawback would be if you don't like seeing white stuff on the beginning of your poop.

Starfish O' Flames's picture

OH HOLY HELL...I thought I was allergic to peanuts...or nuts but i think its do to those tasty things called wings...I've read every post...but man this hurts....i'll try yogurt...not a big fan of sticking anything in...exit only as they say. LOL thanks for the advice my fellow poopers!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I think the sugar thing mentioned above has some merit. In Martinique, my wife accidently ate a scotch bonnet that was supposedly just a garnish. The waitress brought over some brown sugar, and it provided relief immediately. As far as the grape cluster, unless you are going into the winery business, I have two words. WITCH HAZEL. Soak some paper towels (or borrow one of Doniker's wash cloths) and jam into the crack as far as your hand will allow. Keep there for at least 2 minutes and you will be in heaven.

Taco Magic's picture

Interestingly enough, as a "Super Spicy" connoisseur, I'm very familiar with second burn. There are really 3 ways I've found to deal with the anal fire breather, most of these found through years of experimentation.

1. Dairy. Specifically milks with higher amounts of fat tend to work more effectively. Skim milk is pretty useless for this, but chugging a glass of 2% or (uhg) whole milk before and after a spicy dish does seem to mollify things. Yogurt, sour cream, buttermilk, and ice cream also seem to be very effective.

2. Consistency. This one might not work for everyone, but I find that if I eat food at relatively the same spiciness 3-4 times a week (even if it's incredibly spicy), eventually anal burn stops occurring. I've chocked this up to the body adjusting and "hardening" against the capsaicin, perhaps even developing a method for breaking it down (I have no idea what's actually occurring). This probably explains why regions featuring spicy food rarely have people suffering from the second pass burns.

3. Eat “poop hardening” foods. Grains and dairy are of use here, as well as some of the leaner meats. I tend to eat extremely spicy foods with lots of bread, rice, and/or potatoes (preferably potatoes that have not been deep fried or boiled). I find pan fried potatoes with mild seasoning tend to work the best for me, although baked potatoes have worked too. Medium sized sourdough rolls are probably my second favorite for this method, as they are fairly large, and contain white flour, a known agent of constipation. The thought behind “poop hardening” is simple: with less splatter, there are less free oils to coat the rectal and anal surfaces, reducing the irritation and discomfort. Don’t go crazy here though, you want a nice firm poop, not rock solid constipation.

Anal Fissure's picture

Best blog ever. Anyone know why the poop shute tends to burn after eating spicy foods? Not like we have tastebuds lining the starfish... do we? And if it is due to acidity, why does it not affect other parts of the intestines?

Anonymous Cannabinoid's picture

I'm 15 and i have not had very much time to experiment... but i liked the chocolate milk idea the best and am drinking some as we speak. don't no if I'll take this as far as the Vaseline or petroleum jelly (because that's kinda strange... especially if something goes wrong and you need to explain yourself to someone) but i will be sure to absorb the burn as its coming in me rather then let my poop shoot absorb it as its coming out. Thanks to this ridiculous forum my sphincter is returning to it's happy not burning state of being.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Healthy 1..........I am a couple of years late on this response but on 10. 19. 2006 you posted......"To kill the burn try yougurt. Bread will also do the trick."

I tried in vain to stick bread up my ass but it always crumbled. How would you suggest the yogurt be inserted? Would a pastry bag work?

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hey, CT, the question was about FOOD that would end the burn. You shouldn't stick food up your butt; rather, you should eat it. In your tummy and lesser intestine the crackers, rice, etc., will combine with the capsaicin and reduce its effect. I hope you didn't try sticking some really hard bread up your butt; it could be more painful than with the capsaicin.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

MSG........Sorry for the misunderstanding. Do you know anyone who might like a good price on a slightly used baguette? I also have a six inch nozzle for a pastry bag for sell....."cheap".

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Actually, I don't know anyone right offhand, but a nice ad on E-bay (slightly disguising the use to which these tools have been put by flowery language) might get you a surprising bid. ("Tenderly and intimately used by a sensitive . . ." you get the idea)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Chief, contact my curator. While we might not be able to open a new wing, these additions might well be displayed in the grand foyer.

Grumpy Starfish's picture

Problem being is that I've pooped 4 times since I woke up an its only 4:30 pm. I have not eaten anything spicy in a good couple weeks I'm sure, and there is no reason for the burn yet I suffer.

wtf mates.

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