Ask PoopReport: Is There Food That Ends The Burn?

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m 1+ points - Newb
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Dear PoopReport,

When I eat spicy food, which I love, I suffer -- I mean, I really, really suffer -- from ring sting the next day. Is there anything that could be ingested that might stop the problem? Either with the food or the next day. Perhaps drinking Pepto instead of lager with my curry? OK, yes, the burning is probably is made worse by my bum grapes; but if I wanted rid of them, I'd have to stop smoking and drinking black coffee whist sitting on radiators. Never going to happen.

126 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Is There Food That Ends The Burn?"

Anonymous's picture

Huggies Natural Care baby wipes with aloe work miracles

Anonymous's picture

Sounds like you should see a doc, blood is never a good sign in that ZONE , also straining will cause the roid fairy to start frequent visits.

Anonymous's picture

Oh Man I just felt like reading what I went through. Except the source of Pain was Nando's Extra Extra Hot Peri Peri sauce.

Anonymous's picture

This was a good read, I'm about to complete round 3 of me vs last nights poor drunken judgement to eat a family size bag of spicy chips. It's mostly too late to do anything about it now but reading helped to take my mind off the fiery carnage that's going on underneath me.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Chill the banana in your fridge, lubricate it, then stick it up your ass. You will experience instant relief!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

Man, I ate a banana and I'm still suffering.

Anonymous's picture

I realize this is an old thread but modern medicine has made several advances in the area of self-induced capsaicinic spinster burn and can provide relief to those affected by this now curable condition.

Use fecal anesthetic (lidocaine is one well-known but there are many others), you probably want it in a topical formula like cream. Unless you like needles similarly when sutures are done. But that would be overkill on most cases of "the burn" as we in the medical profession call it. Some case studies have been published on extreme cases of "the burn" where intramuscular local anesthetic was required for sufficient relief (see pubmed if you have subscription)!!

Spray formulas exist as well. But be very careful because some of these are meant for oral use e.g. throat pain and may contain menthol and other ingredients in alcohol.
Spraying these on meat that has already been grilled is not so good idea. Take my professional word. After the anesthetic effect wears off the meat is still tender but now you have all sorts of essential oils burning in there and the situation is much orse than it was when the eruption started. If you make this mistake it is better to rinse or wipe all that c*** out before the effect wears off. One time my doctor mistakenly prescribed this and I was stuck with it for a whole month some of it during our yearly "scoville party".

Lying on a bed in a fecal position with a fan blowing from a strategic direction helps too.

Anonymous's picture

I think different chillies react differently..

At least that seems to be the case for me.

I've no problems with spicy curry, sambal, etc but I always, always get the burn with McSpicy.

Tried the vinegar approach last night with apple cider vinegar. Really, really hate ass burns so I also took some Eno fruit salts. Seems to be working...I still get that knotty stomach feeling but most importantly I'm only getting a minor singe in the ass which lasts for a few minutes.

Anonymous's picture

I think you just have to be mexican, my girlfriend says that helps.

Anonymous's picture

Time: 4am! Woke up to strange sweating sensation (it's only 38F outside!). Noticed stomach was making some very loud noises and uhhh plenty of gas bubbles.
4:15! Condition red! From bed to loo in a matter of milliseconds.
4:20 PAIN...wave 1 - cleared...PAIN! Wave 2 - cleared. PAINNN Wave 3 - made it on last life.
4:30 Game Over..but it's not! Ass feels like freddy k's stress ball!
4:45 Found these forums lolling while my ass is burning!
5:15 Finished comments., bum is almost back to normality -amen.

Source of pain - triple chilli burners with garlic peri peri in a bun (x3!). Never again!

Anonymous's picture

The way it works with me is I have no problems eating it. No stomach upset after eating, nada. It's the next morning that it hits. Quick onset of lower abdominal cramps and a huge urge to evacuate my bowels. This usually only lasts one or two cycles and I'm all good. The burning is super intense but eventually fades. It must have a lot to do with diet because I'll eat a whole bag of flaming hot cheetos and die on the toilet the next day; yet, when I eat some of my garlic habanero salsa (way more spicy) no issues arise.
My dilemma is that I love spicy foods but the intense cramps the next morning make me late to things like work or school and even social functions. It's hard to build tolerance when I have to be mindful of a "spicey food hangover"

Anonymous's picture

MadAnus: I think the enema didn't help any. Your pooper was already pissed off and an enema, as healthy as they can be in most cases, is still and invasion. All that pooping and wiping will lead to hemorrhoids; in fact, you may already have a problem with those. The pain is from the nerves and receptors in your anus. Just chill out and eventually the pain will subside as your body breaks the spicy stuff down. Of course, wipe after pooping or rinse the area but just give it time and things will calm down on their own.

Anonymous's picture

I usualy eat a lot of spicy foods which in the end of it all I end up on the shitter but these past weeks I found out that drinking a lot of water just after eating the spicy foods calms it down and I don't end up on the toilet.

Anonymous's picture

I watch alot of man vs. Food and the host will always say eat banana the next morning and you will be good.

Anonymous's picture

This morning was the worst morning of my life. I deserved it. Last night I ate about half a jar of hot banana peppers. I seriously thought my intestines were going to end up in the bowl like out of an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." I'm going to be buying a whole lot of yogurt today. Thanks for the tips.

MadAnusButtholeofDoom's picture

Now that I'm older, this happens to me EVERY fricken time I eat spicey food! Sometimes It doesn't happen for 48 hrs. I actually cannot eat spicey food at all anymore. This last time the burn was so intense I did a saline enema to remove all remnants of spiciness inside/out. My butthole was all rubbed raw from wiping for the last half hour so when I did poop out the enema it burned like the 7th layer of hell. I would rather have been vomiting stomache bile and had it shoot out of my nose then experience this. For the calm down and the healing I use A & E which is usually used to treat and prevent diaper rash. Another soothing solution for the afterburn is max strength Gold Bond powder with menthol :)

Concerned Citizen's picture

I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for 45 cent wings. Mango habanero is my favorite so al always I ordered them. I think the cook forgot the Mango. I was dying and usually for me Mango Habanero is a nice sweet taste in my mouth with a little burning sphincter in the morning. After last night though, I am certainly scared to poop and i'm currently delaying as long as possible.

They are coming...

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hey, LOTS, I still think your trouble is that the hot stuff goes through too fast and comes out before it is digested. Try the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) to firm up your poop, and see what happens.

lord of the shits's picture

good lord why must you torture me with a painful rectum? I love spicy foods but I think the wasabi I ate with some sushi the other day has left me shitting flaming hot cheetos for the past few days. I think I'm going to send in a stool sample to see if there are any traces of molten hot lava. Anger caused by the pain has me ready to massacre a small village.

High schooler's picture

Okay so i wasnt eating any hot food for like more than half a year , this morning i decide to go to taco bell ( my favorite eating place ) since i dont have school cause it holiday anyway . So i ate a total of of 2 volcano burritos and a volcano nachos (you can tell it spicy just by the name) and i also ate more than 15 packs of spicy sauce. Ate it around 1p.m, then 30mins later i went to pooping it was a normal and easy process, nothing happen i guess because it was yesterday food. Then all hell break loose when night come, around 11p.m my stomach doesnt feel so good, i can taste the mexican food i had earlier day in my mouth as the burp when up my throat, sitting on the pot grinned my teeth because of the fire burning sensation i ever had in my life, it was literaly a fire in a-hole in my anus. Enduring the burn by laying on one side on my couch using my iphone to research wat the cause of this, i came upon this oddly yet humorous blog, it somehow make me forget about the conflict going inside my ass, i can breath a little easy knowing that im not the only one. After 1 hour the pain had gone down to 10% left .It's now 1am, the pain had gone and i gotta sleep well good night now my un-known brothers yet share the same pain.
PS: im only 16 and hope this doesnt sound like an essay to u guys, just wanna share my experiemce.

Squirt 's picture

use baby whips to dilute or remove some of the acid. you want get it all but it will reduce the burn a lot faster than regular toilet paper.
my steps are toilet paper to clean, then baby wipe then one more application of TP to dry off.
ps. keep the baby wipes in a zip lock bag to last longer.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Try drinking a tablespoon of olive oil before the spicy food. :]

SURVIVOR's picture

The other day I went to my favorite place to eat burritos. I had a taste for hot sauce that day so I decided to shower my burrito with super hot Mexican red sauce. Everything tasted so good I ate the whole burrito even though it was still hot as fuck. I had no clue about what was coming the next morning as I walked to my toilet to take my morning shit. I let loose suddenly and felt like my asshole was gonna burst into flames on the spot. My ass felt like it was the rear end of a space shuttle going to the moon. After I was done I felt like a bomb went off in my rear. Trying to find a solution for the problem the only thing I knew helped was eating a lot of oatmeal. It always calms things down.

kcCuntryboy's picture

do you know how much efford it took to read just one of those comments bellow man this shit it too funny. ROFL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

sitting on tha toilet, If you eat enough chilies over an extended period of time eventually all the pain sensors in your asshole will be destroyed. No remaining nerve endings equal no more pain!


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sitting on tha toilet's picture

I recently tried the buffalo wild wings blazing sauce, nice and hot, but before I tried it I drank about 2 pints of milk, like in chemistry you have to add acid, milk is a base and most hot sauces are on the acidic side. Through an initial test on the throne this seems to have prevented the burn.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Incomplete digestion is one of the many side effects of eating carbs with animal proteins. I bet the same people who typically feel the burn would not feel anything if they ate peppers with either carbs or animal protein, just not both at the same time.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

As I understand it, capsaicin is supposed to be digested just like other food. I think that for those experiencing the burn, digestion has been incomplete, perhaps too quick. Rice can sometimes slow down the process, and it can combine with the capsaicin, sort of binding to it, so that the digestive system and all its enzymes can work. Once that happens--no burn. If the meal shoots right through, though, and comes out as soft or even diarrhea, the capsaicin won't be completely digested--hence the burn.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Sage advice poopdeville, I have been eating chilies of all types for years and they seldom bother me. The Jalapeño can sometimes be deceptive though. Most are relatively mild but I occasionally get hold of jalapeños that are almost as fiery as habeñeros. I eat them anyway but in moderation.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

poopdeville's picture

In my experience as a very spicy food eater, there is only one way to make the burn go away. Eat spicier foods!

It sounds weird, but your mouth and digestive system get used to dealing with capsaicin and other pungent ingredients. For example, my curries are very spicy. I ate a bowl of jalapeño chili the other day, and remarked on how mild it tasted. On the other hand, a little bit got on my mustache, and my lip burned for like an hour. I guess it wasn't really all that mild.

I just took a poop, passing bowl of spicy green curry. I felt something "spicy-like" in the anal region. But it was more like passing a bunch of wintergreen gum than "burning".

Anonymous Coward #2's picture

So, I'm not a person who loves spicy food... But it always confused me as to why ppl always complain that their butt is on fire when they poop after eating spicy food. Quite honestly, i have NEVER had that problem.

One time I even ate just as much spicy food as my boyfriend. The next morning he said he had the burn. When I pooped later that night and the next day, I still didn't feel any burn.... Am I blessed? I know I'm certainly confused and kinda happy I don't get the burn.

WV turd terrorist's picture

Habanero pickled eggs... sorta calm, medium hot going down; tremendous fire coming out! Haven't found anything that helps, but carbs will make it worse...

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

AC ... I thought my asshole was inured to the burn of chilies until I ate a super hot dish cooked by a Laotian acquaintance, I had eaten hot foods from around the world for half a century with no problem. The Laotian food was delicious but caused my o-ring to sizzle for most of the night.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wait... burning for hours??? I seek out the spiciest chilies and sauces I can find and have never experienced the burn for more than 5 or 10 minutes, agonizing as they may be. How long do most people feel this?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Actually the word I was looking for was salami, it's almost lunchtime, if I were horny I would be looking for Salame, without the seven veils please!

I have always wondered what went on in the ancient city of Gemorrah, we know what they did in its sister city of Sodom.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

chile libre's picture

I think the word y'all are looking for is *sodomy.

chile libre's picture

The best way to avoid the burn is to indulge in the spiciest foods available at every meal. The body develops a tolerance so to speak. Also remember, capsaicin(the source of a pepper's burn) is a well known pain reliever. If you're feeling the burn you haven't been eating enough spicy foods. If you need to ease your way in, combine some fatty/starchy foods with the spicy goodness. Potatoes, beans, and rice all work exceptionally well. The fats in these foods help to break up the oils from the peppers. After a week of your all-pepper diet you won't feel the slightest tingle anymore.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Solomy (n): back-door action, sloppy-seconds style.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear ouchmybumhurts ... I may be mistaken but I think that Solomy was the Biblical chick that did the dance of the seven veils, or is it an Italian cold cut?


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear Atomic: That (rubbing alcohol) sounds just too painful. I still say use Noxzema or some other medicated salve product. Gold Bond Medicated Cream is good, too; gives a nice cool feeling.

Atomic Bunghole's picture

Try 70% or 90% rubbing alcohol on the old back passage. It hurts but will neutralizes the burn. Maybe the H+ and OH- ions neutralize the acid.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

"solomy", huh? Wow...people are really going to take THAT seriously.

_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ouchmybumhurts's picture

seriously, i just spent the last 3 minutes sitting in a bathtub with about 2inches of ice cold water in it because it felt like some one maced my arse hole.....i here by solomy swear never to eat anything, ANYTHING!!!! remotely spicy again!!!!! This is torture!!!!!!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I have been eating spicy food for over 50 years and my asshole has become inured to heat just through repetition. I would imagine that if I ever went to prison and was the victim of an attempted gang rape the assault would not go beyond one short lived penetration.

Doing time in jail?
Protect yo tail.
Eat lots of heat,
to discourage that meat.
When they pulls it out smokin,
that'll stop that pokin.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

spice master's picture

I too enjoy spicy food, habeneros, Thai chilies, bhut jolokia I can handle it all going in but coming out different story. But I have crafted a solution! It cuts the pain down 75% and the duration down 75%. I am thinking about marketing it at @ under 12dollars a bottle. Maybe 100 serving what do you all think

Thai House Made My Brown Eye Red's picture

I knew that goddamned Thai food was too good to be true. So I guess no more extra spicy duck panang and tom kha soup. I'm being punished for laughing at my boyfriend after he started coughing after having some of my food. Sigh. Not as tough as I think. Definitely not as tough as the "hot shits". World class pain.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

AC ... KFC Hot N' Spicy would be pureed and fed to infants in most countries of Southeast Asia. If something that mild upset you so badly you should certainly avoid spicy Thai, Lao, or Vietnamese food.

If you decide to try it again you will eventually adjust to the heat and benefit greatly from the health benefits of the noble hot pepper.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I had some Hot N' Spicy KFC the other night and woke up the next morning with an urgent need to take a toilet trip. All was good until about half way thru when all of a sudden hot, runny liquid poo started and omg it was like the temp of hot coffee. I was moving from left to right in a hope that the pain would piss off but farkn absolute torture.

Never again...

Squid's picture

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. my ass has been burning now for hours, but i think it is finally starting to die down. all of your tips and ideas have helped me through this difficult time. i couldent have done it without you.

Thanks!

Anonymous Coward's picture

pour cold water on it. I have one of those toilets that shoot water. It shoots cool water so it makes the burn go away and cleans the bum.

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