Dude, you are going to die.

Go to the doctor now!

When you are desperate, you'll try anything - so what about Feyjan tea? A friend, who has been constipated all her life till she started using it two years ago, tells me it has made her a 'daily girl'.

Look, some women get the heebee jeebees about breast cancer and have a pre-emptive double mastectomy. Maybe you should consider a pre-emptive colostomy.

In any case, you need to find a new gastro-enterologist.

And lay off the white rice and cheese casseroles.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

I think you should get a colonoscopy if have not done so.You could have a blockage in there.

Here's the problem with laxatives (and enemas, I suppose): you can get addicted.

The muscles that push poop through your stomach are called peristaltic muscles. Like every other muscle in your body, they need to be exercised, or else they grow week. When you take a laxative, you are taking the job away from your muscles. The more laxatives you take, the less of a workout your muscles get, and the weaker they become -- which, of course, makes you turn to even more laxatives.

It's a vicious circle. And it sounds like you've gone around the circle a few too many times -- your muscles are so atrophied that not even enemas work.

What can you do? For one, you need to get a doctor to recognize the problem for what it really is. Beyond that, I don't know if there are any techniques for peristaltic muscle rehab. My friend, I'm sorry to say, but you may have a colostomy bag in your future.

Ahhhh I would consider perhaps taking a lonnnnnng look at your diet and consider adding a LOT more fiber to it. I would try everything before giving into the dreaded "bag" apparatus. Good luck and godspeed!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I agree with Dave, you're fucked my friend.

Drugs are bad. Oatmeal is good.

I am in no way saying that drugs are good, but I did cocaine a few times, and the first thing I did after I got hight was take the best shit of my life. I had been so constipated, but then BAM! Id rather be adicted to coke than havin a bag of shit attached to your waist.

It sounds like you heavily abused laxatives, and now have what is called "Lazy Bowel Syndrome".

You DO NOT want to use any more laxatives, discontinue them at once.

Now, you have to retrain your bowel to work on its own. I had a mild case of lazy bowel syndrome.

I overcame this with a Dr, Natura colon cleanse. The key here is to go lightly on the "Clari Tea", because it contains senna.

You need to re-balance your GI enzymes. I used Alkalive Purple, with positive results. Lastly, you might want to use Digestrol.

Do NOT use all of these products at once. They have to be used in steps, over a period of months. It is a long process, but it works.

Here are some links:
www.techmedica.com
www.coloncleansingforum.com
www.ph-ion.com

I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
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"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Quickly stop your laxative/enema use.

Slowly increase your fiber intake (oatmeal, rice, whole grain breads, apples).

Boost your friendly GI bacteria (yogurt - buy it plain and add your own fresh fruit)

See a Doctor!

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Healthy 1, you are full of shit. He's gotta kick the habit, not exchange it for another addiction. Sure he might kick his heroin addiction, but he'll end up a methadone addict. Save that snake oil for the Chinese.

DUDE, Healthy 1 is NOT full of shit. He knows what hes talkin about man. Look the shit up!!

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(insert ziggy boogy doog here)

What your doctor said to you was rude and thoughtless, unless he/she said it in a totally joking way and you have a good relationship with him/her.

Please get a second opinion, and quickly. Hopefully, you'll be able to jump start your bowel activity and find a health professional who can help you.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

JCG, if you're starting to get weak and your mouth tastes salty, you need to go to the emergency room, not sit around waiting for answers on a poop humor site.

You may be suffering from a severe medical condition other than simple constipation, especially if you've taken laxatives so long. You could have liver and kidney failure, not to mention some metabolic disorders.

Whether these were caused by your laxative abuse or the condition was there before and led to your laxative abuse, you need to follow the advice of some above posters and get a second opinion.

I know this! I read pathology for fun... God I'm such a dork!

_______
Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

So am I, but my co-workers know they can ask me strange questions and usually I will know the answer.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

It has been a while since I have used a fleet so I dont remember the exact wording but there is a warning on the box to get medical attention if you retain one over a certain amount of time. I am not a health care professional but my common sense tells me you need to get to the ER. After your immeadiate problem is treated I believe you need to find another doctor. I know it is hard to find competent medical care but you need to find a doctor who cares enough to find out why you are having this problem. If you have a primary care physician discuss the problem with him/her for advice on how to treat this untill you can see someone else. Again after your immeadiate problem has been treated you may want to research Zelnorm and see if this is a common problem when stopping the drug and if it is how it is treated.

Get to another doctor. Quick.

Hi all,
Thank you all 4 your concern and advice. I am up shit's creek and, some have advised, "Go to the ER". I've been to the ER at least 4 times in the past 5 months and I'm so weak at this point...can't make that 12 hour wait.
In addition, I had my main MD...put me in the hospital and he was supposed to set me up for a "complete GI series"! Well, in the end, they only did X-Ray (verifying, that I was "full of shit...head to toe". Then did MRI...but then stopped there. And threw me into a diet of get this, "Miralax 2X a day instead of once, Lactulose 30g X 2daily, Senokot 2pills X 2 a day, and Amitiza. And all the the above, I've been on or was on already. And I told them this and they just wanted me out. Had a real attitude towards me.
Back in last May, I went in for Colonscopy and I was so backed up even then, that after a PEG Solution (1 Gallon) of that disgusting tasting stuff), and I barely made some diahrea...and then, I was put in hospital and they had me do "Magnesium Citrate" several bottles, to help clean me for the colonscopy. Sure enough, I awoke and the surgeon said, "sorry guy...but, we were only able to see just barely 1/2 your colon."
So this is going on for a long time...and I've been rotating...I've been through heavy fiber/fluids...increasing gas, distension but no bmovements.
I'm so weak...I can barely get out of bed (just to check the internet).
Now, here's one thing I left out...(cause I know "how it sounds"...but, here goes. In the last 6 weeks, I've been finding what I can only describe as "worms" in the few and far between BM's I get...often when I do enema and expel some liquod, I get a few of the tan/very light brown, always about 8-12" things with always 2 rounded parts at either side.
Now I don't know if it's some form of mucous or in fact, worms. I finally, got a new GI md and he gave me a "Para-pak" kit. So, I have to bring it back (for me that's a rough...cause so weak). However, if it turns out negative...gotta find a really GOOD GI specialist either in the New York, borough of Queens area or Nassau County/Manhasset area (where my main MD's hospital is...but don't want to go back to that GI dept).
I'll tell you all...reading your comments scared the shit out of me (if only it "literally" scared the shit out of me, then I'm be on the road back to life. But, I truly appreciate all your writings.
Unfortunately, my wife cut out on me when all the hospitalizations occured. "In sickness or in health" didn't mean to her what it meant to me...and moved outta state. And since I have a primary illness (which took out all of the friends I had, growing up, and my family all left NYC years ago...Suddenly, I find myself in a very bad situation.
I know I should be in the hospital...the pain is killing me, I can barely eat anymore...and I went into my stash of some "saved bottles of Zelnorm" and sure enough, after 2 days of taking it..."no BMovement". So maybe, I've already destroyed (w/the enemas) my ability to have a BM w/out, as some suggest about "a bag in my future" (or sooner). That's really scary.

Well, thanks again...life has gotten so small for me, and I appreciate the feedback.
Thanks, Jay

Healthy1,
I read the ingredients on the Enzymes (Alkalive Violet) and they had all the important ones (I ran outta enzymes a few months ago). So that looks really good.
I'm a little unsure of the Dr Natura and Digestrol because they have like hundreds of Testimonials and the price doesn't help either...get weird vibes. But if you used one of them and definately got good results...let me know.
Then again, if I'm already screwed as some suggested (and surely could be correct), that it's too late for me...and a colostomy is upcoming. Oh shit. Well, the thing is ...by the time I place the orders and receive products...I might already be either in the hospital or "under the knife"...Damn....Jay(NY)

Robo - good advice and good jokes!!! I hope your co-workers appreciate you!!!

You poor poor man. I think you're the worst I've ever read here. Healthy1 knows what he is talking about. Read some of his constipation horror stories. I tried Dr. Natura even before I found PR.com. I WORKS! However, it takes time and my constipation was nowhere near as bad as your. Good luck.

Good god man! It is very very possible to have a "human worm infestation" you must seek medical attention in the most blatient and urgent means possible.

The "bag" is going to be the least of your worries if have an infestion. They are parasites, that meand they are feeding off of you!!

Just think of dozens of pencil thick foot-plus long worms in your gut.

You are going to die either from starvation, organ failure, toxic shock or heart attack when you final shit and you look in your toliet and see what looks like 2lbs of wet cooked spagetti moving about in the water.

God bless you!

Dear god...I revisit the site to find a humorous poop story and instead hear some poor guy's shitless life. Dude, the fact that your "mouth is salty" should give you a hint: you are very very dehydrated. Dear god, DRINK WATER. I HATE people who say "Why should i drink if I'm not thirsty?" or "I don't need to drink water i don't exersize that much.". Drink water. I don't care if it's Gatorade, and if you choke it down, DRINK IT. Use things like metamucil, and eat nothing but salads. But before that happens, DON'T go to a hospital if they're that bad to you. Go to a private clinic, book for soon, and the doctor WILL treat you.

If you DO NOT start doin those things you will die.

Stop eating.

All better!

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Man who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.

JCG, perhaps your problem in the bowels is just a symptom of a more systematic disease.You have told me you are extremely constipated (obviously), have a salty taste in your mouth, and are very weak.

How's your urine output? Perhaps there is something going on in your kidneys that is causing you to be extremely dehydrated, thus causing the constipation. This would also account for some of your other symptoms.

Another cause of serious constipation (though I've never heard of it to your extent) is hypothyroidism. This would make you weak and tired.

There are other problems, such as pancreatitis, heart failure, and various serious issues that should be investigated. My father, for example, was severely constipated just before he was hospitalized for congestive heart failure.

I am surprised your doctor hasn't thought of any of this. After all, I'm just a weirdo who reads about bizarre medical conditions and I thought of this. It sounds like your doctor is a complete moron.

_______
Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

Drink the water in Mexico...maybe that will work, I mean you've tried everything else..right? Couldn't hurt. Have you tried excerise? I know when i'm done excerising, the first thing I want to do is drop a deuce.

Best of luck to you.

Purposely give yourself a food or water born illness. You know, it would work, but ack! We at Poopreport.com neither condone nor endorse giving yourself a food or water born illness.

This, if completely valid, is the scariest thread on PR ever. This guys could be at death's door and he's posting on the internet.

I have conflicting feelings about this.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Damn. Don't know what to say except i hope your not dead yet. As has been said -- THIS IS SERIOUS. If you are not wanting to die sooner than later, then seek medical attention immediately!!!

Ass Man expert here. All health and good things begin in poop holder, is that way gays have so much fun. I have been studing asses sinse for over 20 years and still learn new joys. Yes, Martha, humans get worms and lots of ways to kill them; Pin X is a start, raw pumpkin seeds will get some pin worms; black walnut tinture from health food store will kill some. But best way for all these poop tales & tails is to just fast; any kind, hell it could be a lollypop fast, well not really; the key, liquids only, some fruit and veggies after a few days and or oatmeal etc in am's and do this off and on for weeks. Think concentration camps, you will not die from not eating but you can die from eating and pooping;
was Elvis singing, he should have just sang and not when bowling. Senna teas, detox teas,
and lots of colon blows, as my old girl friend said; yes, we when for his and hers colon blows
as a couple but the experience was somewhat marred by woman in YOUR condition who was screaming like someone having a baby, as she exclamed, oh my god I have not gone in weeks.

JCAT GUY; please read my pior post; In a nutshell; start fasting and detoxing; look them up in google; a juice machine is the easiest and best way to get all your nutrition
and you do a poop roto roter or your ass and bod; No food, or almost nude and soak in tub like new born baby in the womb and see yourself
as a large baby that needs the healing powers of water and relaxing, an old playboy might help too; may I recommend old editions, say 20 years old or more; just in case you should not recover from poop blockage you can at least see an extinct species, the nobel beaver as it used to be and room free all over America. bottoms up lol

Dear J.C. -

Wow. I too, like all of the others, am very, VERY concerned. Not just a little bit. I came to this site looking for something completely different and here I am worried that you're about to die. I am NOT JOKING HERE.

You need to listen to what a lot of people are saying - GET PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL HELP. By PROFEESIONAL I mean, ACTUAL REAL DR'S - that damned ER you went to and that DR you have is CRAP, which from having a sister who lived in Brooklyn is norm in NYcity areas - and your DR is awful. I'm glad you're seeing a new one.

Also, PLEASE DISREGARD what a lot of people are saying on this site as well. JC, I know you are desperate for anything to help, but PLEASE, *PLEASE* *DO* *NOT* ATTEMPT ANY OF THE SUGGESTIONS ANYONE'S GIVEN YOU - In ALL Seriousness, you are FAR too ill for any of them. Perhaps if you had simple bowel issues they would work, but you DO NOT. Trying any one of them could easily kill you.

It appears to me (and I do not claim to have any sort of medical expertiese whatsoever, only an associate's degree in medical science) that you have a severe case of human roundworm infection and/or a severe intestinal blockage. The overuse of Fleet's has caused a serious electrolyte imbalance and you are seriously dehyrated. Yes, water will help, but Gatorade or Pedialyte would be better - if you can get neither mix a little fruit juice with water and slowly drink that. Don't gorge yourself on fluids either. The salty taste in your mouth is a serious symptom that you shouldn't ignore.

You need to go to your new Dr's office and sit in the office and refuse to leave until they see you and take you seriously. Tell them every single thing - write everything down as it happens so you don't need to worry about remembering it all - You need to be admitted to a hospital - You need an upper and lower G.I. and barium studies done - You need a lot of I.V. fluids and bloodwork done - They can do a "bowel cleanse procedure" under general anesthesia, which I'm sure you'll need - And for the roundworms they can give you antiparasitic drugs - You need medical assistance and observation, Please get it where ever you can!!

J.C., I hope that you are okay and hanging in there. Please go and get the medical assistance you need to survive this - and don't take NO for an answer from ANYONE!! Unfortunatly, with no one to be an advocate for you, you have to be the advocate for yourself. It's OK to be PUSHY and RUDE and to SAY NO when it's your LIFE at stake. Say NO! I won't leave here! Treat me!!! The squeaky wheel gets the grease, you know??

Sincerely,
Chandra

Anyone got an update on this? I'd be interested to know the outcome.... I hope you're all right, JC!!
~LunarPoo

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"...oh Momma, it's just poop..."

I too go for weeks, sometimes months, without dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool...i also was on prescription poo pills, took otc's, you named it i tried it...i stopped taking my prescribed pain med's (morphin 100 a day) and now i can go again...and i feel better that i kicked that secretly terrible addiction i had...or try butter fish...or ascolar fish...google it...type in hawiian butter fish and anal leakage...it's gross but true...good luck...i feel your pain