Ask Poopreport: Why can I feel Poop In My butt When I Finger Myself?

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When I finger myself, I can feel a log of poop. It's just the end, and it's out of the way, but it is still there. Because of this, I have never let anyone else be on top or finger me. When I have sex, I don't feel any poop in my partner's butts, and when I finger other people, I don't feel any, either. This even happens when I don't need to poop at all. I think once I didn't feel any poop, but most of the time, I feel poop. If it helps, I poop very irregularly, like once every two or three days, despite having a very balanced and healthy diet and exercising regularly. Sometimes I don't poop for an entire week. What should I do?

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52 Comments on "Ask Poopreport: Why can I feel Poop In My butt When I Finger Myself?"

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

how many fingered butts are we writing about here? the still birth could be a lump of hemorrhoid, which are difficult to extract with one's finger. does the word "doctor" ring a bell?

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

My guess is that your "healthy diet" may still contain insufficient fiber or bulk. If you poop infrequently, there's a good chance you're not getting everything out that should go out at a particular movement. Some things to try:

For your infrequent bowel movements, sit longer and wait for more poop to come before wiping and leaving, since it is possible to poop in separate waves or impulses. If you don't wait for a second wave, you are leaving poop inside. Of course, you may not be one of the people that do this.

Eat more specifically high-fiber foods from time to time: bran cereals, brown rice, spinach, lettuce, corn, etc. Drink lots of water.

Ask your friends while feeling up their anuses: "Why don't you have any poop up there? I sure do!" That should get some results. (Note: It is also possible your finger is not getting as far into other people's rectums as it is in your own.)

ChrisM's picture
l 100+ points

You could quit taking it up the pooper. Then everything would probably work as it should. :p

The ChrisM virus is incompatible with your current operating system. Your system will now be rebooted into DOS and return to the virus.

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points

Easy. You're constipated. Have more fibre-rich foods and water. You don't necessarily have to poop everyday but if you aren't evacuating your bowels completely when you do go, it's likely constipation.

RabbitTurd's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

There are a number of things you must do (yes, you must do all of them), to get your digestive tract working again.

1. Remove gluten from your diet.
2. Remove cow's milk and cow's milk products from your diet. It has opioid peptides that slow down transit time in the colon. It also causes mucous overabundance, which destroys vitamin/mineral absorption.
3. CHEW YOUR FOOD WELL!! This is the most important of all these steps. No matter what its consistency (even smoothies!), chew it until it becomes liquid in your mouth. The chewing process releases the first batch of digestive enzymes into the food. This step will also improve your vitamin/mineral absorption, and help you lose weight if that's a problem.
4. Eat only a moderate amount of fiber (no more than 20 grams per day). Too much fiber will slow down your digestion, causing your feces to remain in your intestines for too long, where it will become dry and hard to pass. Fiber overconsumption is a typical of example of taking something that's good in moderation to the extreme and making it harmful.
5. Do NOT eat anything starchy (potatoes, rice, noodles, etc.) in combination with meat/fish/eggs.
6. Cook your fibrous veggies well.
7. Peel and seed all your fruits.

If you're chronically constipated, you probably need something to get you cleaned out while you're making the above changes in your diet. Go to http://gutsense.org, and buy a couple bottles of Hydro-C (you probably don't need the other supplements or the book that are sold on the site). Hydro-C is vitamin C, calcium, magnesium, and a small amount of potassium. It's completely safe and if you take 1 teaspoon at night before bed and another teaspoon in the morning before you eat or drink anything, your poop will soften up and you'll be able to pass it much easier. Take the Hydro-C as long as necessary until the steps above start to work (which, based on my own experience, work within a couple weeks). If you take these steps, you won't need the Hydro-C for very long.

Anonymous's picture

This post was lame.

Anonymous's picture

My partner has this problem too. Before anal play she uses a fleet enema a couple hours prior. That will do the trick of clearing out the stuff that is in your lower rectum.

Anonymous's picture

Omg. I have the same problem. I can go for about a week without pooping. Then when my finger is up my ass I'm like what the hell? It happens all the time, even if I just pooped 5 minutes ago. And while fingering other people I go far up and look around with my finger and keep going just looking for poo. Never any though.

Anonymous's picture

Man or woman? Fingering your butt or your cooch? If it's your butt, that's totally nasty and you need to shit more. IF it's your cooch, you are probably feeling something else. WTF.

Anonymous's picture

why is your finger up your ass?

Anonymous's picture

I like to put small zucchinis up my ass and it doesn't stop my regular pooping habits at all.

Anonymous's picture

zucchinis,,,, i heard it was a large squash

Anonymous's picture

your all a bunch of ass whores

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I don't know who you are but if we should ever meet, please don't offer to shake my hand.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous's picture

I'm actually having this problem as well. I'm a gay male that likes to bottom, so I definitely need a quick solution to this. It seems to me like we just need to eat more fiber.

Anonymous's picture

i get the same problem i think u should put something else up there so you dont get gross shit all over your hands like i do or just spit om your fingers first

Anonymous's picture

I have the very same problem. If I poop at 1:10 I will finger myself at 1:15 and there will be a big turd. I try to push it out but nothing comes!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I may be abnormal! At least I am different from most of the posters on this thread in that I normally don't stick my finger up my ass after I pinch a loaf.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

I think this happens to me too. I felt like "hey let me just see how this feels." and bam, there was poop up there. I check sometimes when I feel like I have to go but can't, and there is some up in there too! Is it just because I keep trying to strain for it to come out?

Anonymous's picture

Sometimes when I shit it is very painful, it feels like I'm shitting pine cones. My boyfriend and I love to do it up the butt, and usually yes his penis smells like shit after, but there have never been traces of shit on his dick. However, last night after we did it, we turned on the lights and there was shit EVERYWHERE!!! What is wrong with me???

Anonymous's picture

I got problems like that too!

Anonymous's picture

Put a firecracker up your ass and light it.

Anonymous's picture

I had a similar encounter when my lover was giving me a rim job,very embarrassing.

Anonymous's picture

Did he give you a "mushroom stamp"?

Anonymous's picture

So mutha fckn funny. Best reply of all. Thank you.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

You are doing it wrong.

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Anonymous's picture

white[sic] people problems, i[sic] bet 99.9% of you asseholes[sic] are white. most probably been fucked up the ass to why you fuckers like fucking yourselves. boy[sic] would i[sic] love to rip your assholes open with a machete you sick dumb white cunts and faggots.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Wow Anonymous, You are not only a bigot but you are also an obviously poorly educated bigot at that. Normally I correct spelling and grammar errors before approving a post but in your case I decided to post it just like you wrote it. If your education did not include a definition of what "[sic]" means here it is straight from the dictionary;

"The Latin adverb sic ("thus"; in full: sic erat scriptum, "thus was it written")[1] inserted immediately after a quoted word or passage, indicates that the quoted matter has been transcribed exactly as found in the source text, complete with any erroneous or archaic spelling, surprising assertion, faulty reasoning, or other matter that might otherwise be taken as an error of transcription."

In addition to atrocious spelling your syntax is an abomination. Go to school for a few more years then come back and insult us with hopefully improved language abilities.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

Wow what a racist fucker you are.You would like to get a machete and rip their assholes open, why don't you get the machete and do the world a favour and cut your stupid head off. There will be one less racist twat in the world.
#growthefuckupracistbastard

Anonymous's picture

You have to poop, whether you feel like it or not. Just do your duty and it'll be out of there.

Anonymous's picture

You need to start putting hot sauce on your food. Not the sissy stuff they sell at the store, like Frank's or Sriracha. Go on Amazon and order a bottle of Ass Reaper. Put 2 or 3 drops on your meal, and you will be extra regular. Promise

Anonymous's picture

ALLIANCE OHIO POLICE FINGER EACH OTHERS ASSHOLES!!!

Anonymous's picture

alliance po po fuck each other in the ass.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous, With such closeness and comradery among the members of their police department I feel sure that the good people of Alliance sleep well at night knowing they are well protected.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

lol, absolutely amazing. since this asshole brought race into this. While African Americans/Blacks make up 12 percent of the population they account for almost 50 percent of new AIDS cases per year out of all races.
For 2010 alone, Black men accounted for 70% (14,700) of the estimated 20,900 new HIV infections among all adult and adolescent blacks. The estimated rate of new HIV infection for Black men (103.6/100,000 population) was seven times as high as that of white men, twice as high as that of Latino men, and nearly three times as high as among Black women.
Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me. I'll let the statistics speak for themselves. Of course they'll never understand any of this because they can barely read much less count.

__________________________________

MODERATORS COMMENT

Comments are not being placed in the correct place by Drupal but I assume that the comment above was in reply to this very poorly written one that was made previously.
ChiefThunderbutt

__________________________________

Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 06/07/2015 - 11:51

white[sic] people problems, i[sic] bet 99.9% of you asseholes[sic] are white. most probably been fucked up the ass to why you fuckers like fucking yourselves. boy[sic] would i[sic] love to rip your assholes open with a machete you sick dumb white cunts and faggots.

Anonymous's picture

Moderator, why don't you just ban or delete those racist comments instead of leaving them here?

Everyone poops, no matter whether you are black or white.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

"Moderator, why don't you just ban or delete those racist comments instead of leaving them here?

Everyone poops, no matter whether you are black or white."

That's a fair question Anonymous, The answer is that we try to exercise as little censorship as possibly on PoopReport. I published the racist comment with no spelling, punctuation, or syntax corrections in hopes that the miserably written comment would convey the idea that the writer was, in the words of Bugs Bunny, a complete maroon. It's hard to take such poor writing seriously.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

+1 Respect to ChiefThunderbutt.

We all poop, and are here to share the joy and stories that, much like sex, the enjoyment were once a taboo to talk about.

Spread poop (stories), not hate.

Anonymous's picture

Why are you on here if you're against anal dumb-ass!

Anonymous's picture

I fxcking love this website

Anonymous's picture

Well, there is always some poop in the rectum I guess. Sometimes when I use some toys there is some poop on it, even when I don't have to go to the bathroom. It's pretty normal I think. When I have a big urge I feel a big log inside when I finger myself, and it's hard when I didn't poo for a while.

Anonymous's picture

SIMPLE POPEYE TRICK FOR A PAINLESS RELIEF.

YOU WILL NEED HELP OR TRY TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN

LIE DOWNN ON YOUR BACK. RAISE YOUR LEG AND SPREAD THEM SO THAT YOUR ANUS IS CLEATLY VISIBLE TO YOUR FRIEND. ASK HIM TO POUR OLIVE OR ANY OIL INTO YOUR ANUS SLOWLY. THE OIL WILL START SEEPING IN BETWEEN THE POOP AND YOUR INTESTINAL WALL. TAKE YOUR TIME AND LET IT SOAK FOR A FEW MINUTES. USE AT LEAST A CUP OF OIL.

NOW GO BACK TO YOUR THRONE AND EVEN BEFORE YOU KNOW YOUR POOP IS IN THE BOWL. ENJOY YOUR POOPING EXPERIENCE

PASS IT TO ALL

Anonymous's picture

If I take a laxative I am a bowel accident waiting to happen. I enjoy a good enema. Every bowel movement I ever had was wonderful, even the ones that soiled my panties.

Anonymous's picture

When we're camping in the woods, my friend likes to drop his panties and show a bowel movie.

Moderator's comment.

"His panties"(?) "He" is free to wear the undies of his choice but most of us who are described with the personal pronoun "he" prefer either jockey shorts or boxers.

What are you anyway, a seven year old perhaps?

Anonymous's picture

A healthy bowel movement is one of life's greatest pleasures. I like mine early and regular. Prunes and oatmeal make it soft and easy. When nature calls, all I have to do is get quickly on the toilet and let it go. I don't have to push it out, the total bowel evacuation nearly fills the potty and it feels so good. I'm not very good at holding back a hot bowel movement. If I wait too long to go poop, I'll be on the road to constipation, probably soil my panties and lose my appetite. One time I vomited because I was four or five days full of hard stool. Laxatives make me have sudden bowel accidents in my panties so I gave myself two nice warm water enemas then a warm coffee enema to stimulate the liver.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous,

The water enemas might not be such a bad occasional idea but most doctors would caution you that coffee is best taken orally rather than up the butt as an enema. Copy and paste the URL below and learn all about it.

http://www.thepaleomom.com/coffee-enemas-what-the-science-says-versus-what-youve-heard/

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

Near the town of Egypt KY there is an old outhouse behind a country church. No one was in sight so I decided to go in and have a much needed bowel movement. On the door a sign warned to watch for spiders and do not sit on toilet. The first thing I saw on opening the door was a man standing bare butt over one of two wooden toilets, trying to have a movement. My guts were growling with urgency, I couldn't wait, quickly offed my shorts and underpants and joined by new friend at the other potty. He stood back and watched as I leaned forward, spread my buns, showed him my rectum and a bowel movie. No one said anything. In a moment my friend was over his potty, laughing, pushing hard, a fat brownie sticking out his ass. As I put my pants on, I felt a strange sense of accomplishment. Someone had a perfect view of all my private parts as well as one of my largest and finest bowel movements.

Anonymous's picture

If I fist my partner in the ass with half my hand still my hand comes out not covered with poop but if I just finger myself my finger comes out covered with shit

Anonymous's picture

i like fiongering in my shit and eat that

Moderators Comment;

That is obvious, the portion of your brain that controls spelling and punctuation has seemingly been destroyed.

Chief Thunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

what a totally useless bunch of answers people more concerned in making stupid comments because a person has a more adventurous sex life than them.

Don't knock it until you have tried it and if your to scared to try it don't knock those who do just ask God next time your in church

____________________________________

MODERATORS COMMENT

I left this comment unedited to expose the little known dangers of asshole fingering. The poor sap that typed the above comment has destroyed the portion of their brain that controls spelling. Who would have thought that a finger up the butthole could have caused such damage?

Dear butthole fingerer, here are some tips on words to use next time you comment;

There = over there

Their = belongs to them

They're = contraction of they are

Also God told me to remind you to wash your hands before you go to church.

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