If you accept:

Why do you have to do it on command? Why not call him mid poop and surprise him?

If you don't accept:

Say "Hey, I’m not the kind of girl who will poop for prisoners on the first date. Serve your time, get out, go back to prison, and then we’ll see, Mister."

He's in PRISON, Logjam. Not like he's sitting with his cell phone in his pocket. LOL

Oops. I guess everyone will know now that I've never been in prison. Can't you bake a cell phone into a cake, or something?

I know this is something of a personal question (and you don't have to answer, obviously), but why are you in a relationship with a prisoner anyway? What was he sentenced for? (I'm not being judgmental or anything, and I apologise if I come over that way.)

Having said that, I completely understand why he would be attracted to the sound of a woman taking a noisy shit (I personally find the idea very attractive, as I've mentioned elsewhere). I suggest you record yourself on the toilet (complete with farts, grunts and plops) using a tape recorder, dictaphone, computer or something like that, and play it back to him over the phone. You could even record all your shits over several days and pick the best recording to play for him.

First off, your main problem is that you are dating a prisoner.

Now I won't judge you because I don't know the situation but odds are you are a big loser with a small brain.

Please go out and try to improve yourself and contribute something positive to society instead of sitting around worrying about this idiotic problem.

If you are really that dedicated to pleasing this jailbird's fetish, just fake it. When he calls just go into the bathroom, grunt a lot and then drop something into the toilet that sounds like a turd, he will never know the difference and everyone will be happy.

I AM being judgemental: don't involve yourself with a criminal. Unless he's like Conrad Black or Martha Stewart and will get out in a few weeks and still be a bajillionnaire.
Otherwise, though, you'll end up 40, fat, downtrodden, and popping babies out of you every few months.
And getting a jolly out of shitting sounds? No thanks. Your convict sounds like a real winner, though.
If you really want to oblige, you can either load up on laxatives (to the detriment of your stomach) and poop all the time (or take alli weight loss and crap your pants!), or call him in when you start to take a dump.

doniker, first of all, the following comment cracked me up: "Now I won't judge you because I don't know the situation but odds are you are a big loser with a small brain."

second, you reminded me of when i was in high school, and some of my friends and i would get bored and prank call people (sometimes our friends, sometimes random people in the phone book) and do pretty much what you suggested. we'd make grunting sounds, drop something in the toilet, then flush, laugh, and hang up. the funniest is when we'd get the order mixed up, and instead of "grunt, plop, flush" they'd hear "flush, plop, grunt" or something. i'm sure it sounds stupid, but it really was funny.

man, i forgot all about that. ahhh...memories.

but back to the question. first of all, the thought of this guy standing at the pay phone in prison, with a line of cons behind him, having phone sex and asking her to poop for him is a pretty funny image. but that's beside the point.

if it doesn't bother you to do it for him, i think your only option is to make him wait until he gets out of prison. you can't poop on demand, and don't have a reliable poop schedule (and he probably can't just call you whenever he wants anyway), so there's really not much you can do, i'm afraid. just tell him you don't mind doing it if it gets him off, but that you can't do it on demand. maybe he'll get lucky every now and then and happen to call you when you have to poop, but until he gets out of prison, that's probably best you're gonna be able to do for him.
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i love poop.

__I feel, that judgment , of your relationship is unfair, however, and contratictually, the very fact that the sound of your poop, plopping, reminds him of home. surely reflects the love, and caring he has for your poop, and therefore yourself, given that poop is a very personal thing, that a lot of people, don't share. In a nutshell.... SHARE THE POOP_____
i just cant work this one out????

are you drunk?
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i love poop.

Faking a poop over the phone is easy. Start by grunting REALLY loud and then drop a fresh bananna or two in the toilet. To complete the effect, make sure you hit the TP roll a couple of times while you talk about how bad it smells. This should get him really hot and bothered, 'cause I know I'm about to bust.

Well since it is Valentimes, you should send him:
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
If you'd call me right now
I'd have pooped for you

This is a mess. You have a boyfriend in prison that gets off on hearing someone take a dump. Let’s dissect this. He’s in prison. He likes the sound of someone taking a dump.

What makes you think he is still your boyfriend? Don’t you think some fellow jailbird hasn’t caught his attention yet? I am sure they haven’t installed private restrooms.

_______
Happy Crappin'
HomegrownMedia Network

All righty now that we have completely passed judgement on this poor young lady lets try and look at this with some logic here. Physically I do NOT think its possible to poop on command. Now maybe there are the few ONE TENTH of ONE PERCENT that can but most likely you are not in that percentile. The other problem is I dont think YOU can CALL prison to talk to HIM I think the PRISONER must call collect. There are time constraints there I am sure. Now does he have an MP3 player? I think some inmates are allowed to carry them I saw one on that show LOCKUP and he had one. So how about either loading up on fiber or laxatives when its convenient for you and really let loose into a recording device. Then you could send it to him if they allow that sort of thing. Of course dont label the CD sounds of ME taking a dump. Disguise it put Mary J. Blige on the front or some other pop singer. My point is you are going to have to get inventive in order to fulfill this request. If you arent on a schedule you need to keep that recording device handy thats all. Then you can do multiple BOMBS AWAY and he will be happy and you will be happy.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

When did this become a scat freak site? There is nothing funny about this jailbird loser fetish stuff.

Would he be interested in hearing me puke?

I can do some goofy noises through a toilet paper core...it entertains the shit out of my dog.

Maybe he wants to hear a turd coming out because all he's been hearing is the sound of his being pushed back in.

Hire Michael Winslow.He's the actor from Police Academy who imitates every sound known to man.He's in a Geico Ad now.I'm sure he does shit sounds.

I look forward to our next episode. Youre a sick MF.

Dr. Phil

I am being judgemental, and I think that your first concern should be finding a new boyfriend, not wondering whether you should lower yourself to satisfy the bizarre fetishistic urges of a convicted felon.

Just tape record your morning dump and play back the tape when he calls. Moan and grunt a little bit for some real excitement and no one's the wiser.

Lmfao, Bilgepump, I can just see you with a toilet paper tube and trumpeting away to your dog. Ever tried a paper towel tube?

So, Mary, let me get this straight. Your boyfriend likes to phone you up to ask you to take a dump that he can listen to while he`s rear-ending a fellow con in jail. Bizarre.

If you really want to do it, I stand by my earlier suggestion; record it. It isn't difficult to get a tape recorder or a dictaphone, or failing that, you can record it using a computer (most have an inbuilt digital microphone). Then just play it back to him over the phone.

I have to agree with Doniker's and Eoz's comments above, though. Dating a convicted criminal is only likely to end in tears, and if I were you, I'd find someone else and move on with your life. (although obviously it depends what he was convicted of)

CEP, I have to agree with you. This is a bit too close to scat fetishing.

Mary, if he had never requested this of you before he went to prison, maybe you should ask him what's changed. Good luck, girl.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I wouldn't mind getting a good laugh while I'm in the pen hearing my lady take a monster shit over the phone.

Being a sexual thing that's just kinda creepy. I can picture some perv beatin off in the middle of the common room while he's on the phone listening to you takin a shit. Ew.

One word of advice, dump the chump.

nice try, phatty. you optimist, you!
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i love poop.

And I bet you're stupid enough to shit into the phone when he calls you COLLECT. You probably aren't the only fool he has wrapped around his hairy ass either. Once he's out, he will dump you like the idiot you are. He'll find another fool.

Ajfred, sounds like words spoken from first hand (ass?) experience.

Yes. He sounds like one of the angry, South Pole elves. Maybe his www.prisonletters.com ad was something like this....

"I'm a 3 foot 3 inch hunk of fun-loving looking for a tall lass to connect with. I don't ask for much - big breasts and a trust fund. However, it might help if you've got a larger than normal resistance to arsenic. My mother's particular about who I date.

If you're looking for a man who's the right height to meet your needs (wink wink) and don't mind the words 'registered sex offender' permanently imprinted on the front side of our house, I'm the one(half) for you!"

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

"must be able to MULTI-TASK while on the phone"

If you really want to do this for him find out if he would be turned on by hearing you take an enema. Fleets work fast and give you a splattery poop. You can work it into your sex talk by describing what you are doing and how it feels. Hint, if you do this put more vaseline or KY on the nozzle. Their idea of pre-lubed doesnt cut it. Kinky, yea, but whatever floats your boat.

PR attracts enough scat freaks as it is. This question must have brought out a few hundred more. I don't like it. Can we go back to good clean poop?

"Scat freaks"? Isn't that a little harsh and judgmental?

I understand your reasons for not wanting PR to turn into a fetish site, since that isn't what it's intended for. But there's no need to act like this. Just because some of us happen to be attracted to women (or men) pooping does not mean that we're here to cause trouble or disrupt this site. I have no intention of posting anything graphic or inappropriate.

Yes, some good 'ol phone pooping that doesn't involve a filthy prisoner.

ha! a conservative posting that he's turned on by a woman taking a shit! is your last name craig? no wonder he's anonymous! i bet the church groups love you, poop boy. you need jesus!

I was talking on the phone last night with an old friend and the URGE hit me. I unleashed the logs of war into the bowl while keeping right up with the conversation. Ofcourse, I didn't announce what I was dooing....

It was not a turn-on. Just an act of necessity.

My point is this: even if you could shit on command, you'd have to stick the phone right up to your butt or tape it to the side of the toilet while you go about your business. He might not hear it if you're moaning and panting too loud. Just something to ponder.

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Shitwit, I am constantly on the phone with my business, and with my IBS, on more than one occasion found myself multi-tasking. I always wondered if that fart I freed could be heard by the person on the other end.

_wonderpance--of course i was- I always am! its the only way to get a good pebble dashing the following day. (the sound of a flock of pigeons taking off)

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i just cant work this one out????

(Same person as Anonymous Conservative, but have decided to change my name, to avoid being too politics-focused.)

To Anonymous Coward. So what? I happen to have conservative political views, and I happen to be physically attracted to women defecating. The two things are completely separate and have nothing whatsoever to do with each other. I could be a liberal and have exactly the same desires (and I'm sure there are plenty who do).

And as to your Jesus comment, I'm not *that* sort of conservative. (We don't really have the religious right here in the UK.)

Chuck UK, how about William F. Buckley in drag taking a grunt? Niiiice.

Er, no. I said women.

How about Margaret Thatcher, she was about as Conservative as a UK politco gets?

That's sexay. She could be the next Spice Girl. Helmut Spice.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

At a lecture I attended a few years ago, the speaker, in trying to illustrate the difference between an "image" and a "picture," pointed out that "almost all of us have an image of Margaret Thatcher, but very few of us have her picture."

Mary, since you find it difficult to "perform" on request, I would suggest you make fart noises with your armpit and claim it's the real thing.

OH MY GOD! Margaret Thatcher is a chick? DAMN!
_______
Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

_Mary, here's an idea- rent the movie "Dumb and Dumber" and take a tape recorder to the scene with Jeff Daniels and play that for him so he thinks it's in real time.______
Sam Walton has recently requested patrons not shit at Wal-Mart, they are over-stocked!

_Wow! Margaret Thatcher, she wasn't called the iron lady for nothing you know, all that high brow rich foodstuff, apparently cracked more than a few porcelain bowls. Solid Stuff was good old maggie.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Margaret Thatcher was one of the greatest leaders my country ever had, and is a personal role model for me. Please don't put such unpleasant images of her in my head.

A more pleasant image for you Chuck, Maggie, starkers, with three huge sumo wrestlers, also starkers, engaged in a wild butt sex orgy, covered in luke warm chicken gravy, wherein the grease and fat has already started to congeal.

Bilge, throw in Rosie O'donnell.

...and a Ronnie Reagan blow-up doll.

and a six-pack of jalapeno Cheez Whiz.

How 'bout some crackers for dat wiz?

Rosie,

Its Maggie, PD...I'm afraid we're stuck with crumpets.

Well, ok Bilge, but Rosie has a very delicate digestive system. I hope they don't give her gas. But then again it'll save LJ from blowing up the Ronnie doll.

Mr. Logjam, blow up this doll!

This is not amusing in the slightest.

He's right. With all these interruptions of people laughing and enjoying themselves, how can anyone find this amusing?

I am fed up with being mocked. I won't be posting on this site again.

Chuck, I'll bet you wouldn't be complaining if we were making fun of the Scots.

Wow, I just found out William F. Buckley died today. I hope my comment up there didn't send him over the edge. Do you think he reads PR?

Chuck UK said: "Margaret Thatcher was one of the greatest leaders my country ever had, and is a personal role model for me. Please don't put such unpleasant images of her in my head." And earlier on the thread he said "I happen to be physically attracted to women defecating."

Please don't leave Chuck. If you'll stay, we promise to only fill your head with images of Margaret taking a dump. And we promise to be very descriptive.

wow thats a tough 1...hmm maybe u could have an extra cup of coffee that day u no u'll be talking too him? works for me! ;)

Jeez, everyone is being really rough on this woman's boyfriend. Okay, him being in prison is probably a legitimate reason to rag on him. But because he enjoys hearing girls poop? What's wrong with that?

I don't know if this relationship is still going on, but I'll throw in my 2 cents. The obvious solution is to make him a tape. Send it to him, and he can listen to it whenever he wants.