Im not a doctor (and dear god not an ass doctor) but I'm not sure Anusol (I pronounce it ain-u-saul) is for fissures. I believe it is for hemi's, and I have seen it in my local supermarket. Please seek other advice (or just wait, I'm sure its coming).

If you want the most bang for your buck you could try BenGay. That'll get you up and running in no time.

Or, if money is tight, sandpaper and after shave.

Damn that was mean.

go to a doctor and make arrangements to get those fissures removed.

They will only get worse in time and if they become infected you could develop a staph infection that could kill you.

Damn those anal fissures, if they haven`t got their line tangled round a tree, they`ve got their hook stuck in your ass. No kind of ointment can cure those `tards.

Yeah, and always playing with their rods.

Remember that Anusol is just a brand name. Maybe if you write down the active ingredients and hit the local pharmacy or grocery store, you could find another medication with the same ingredients that is either generic or from another brand.

I use a generic hydrocortisone cream and "triple antibiotic" ointment for rashes, cuts and the what-not that cost less than 2 bucks each, but their brand names (Cort-Aid and Neosporin) cost around 5 bucks.

Good luck, and don't get discouraged if you can't find a replacement at first; maybe the pharmacist can help you.

And stay away from the Ben Gay.....:) I love our front page Peanut Gallery. Yous guyz. No one else would be telling MSG to put spicy spice on his buttz.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne, we can only do it because we have you covering our back door.....so to speak.

We're just pains in the azz, not as bad as BenGay, but we rate right up there.

We had this stuff called "tuff skin" back in high school gym. It was a spray that football players could spray on their hands to make them real sticky. One time a few of us grabbed this kid who was a real wise ass and sprayed it all over his privates front to back. We couldnt stop laughing as we watched him try to get through the rest of the school day.

According to WebMD
"Most acute fissures need some home treatment, including soaking in a shallow tub of warm water (sitz bath) several times a day, increasing fiber in the diet, and taking stool softeners or laxatives. Some people find relief within a day or two of home treatment. Although your pain may go away, it may take several weeks for the fissure to heal completely. Occasionally fissures heal without treatment.

Try to prevent constipation, which can keep a fissure from healing. The pain of a fissure may make you anxious about having bowel movements. However, trying not to have bowel movements will only increase constipation and create a cycle that keeps the fissure open and painful.

Drinking lots of water or other fluids also will make stools soft and easy to pass.

You may want to use a nonprescription ointment such as zinc oxide, Preparation H, Anusol, or 1% hydrocortisone to soothe anal tissues. However, some evidence suggests that anesthetic preparations such as Anusol may delay healing.1 Talk with your health professional about whether you should use these medications for a short period.

If a fissure lasts a long time (chronic), you probably will need a prescription medication such as nitroglycerin ointment or the high blood pressure medications nifedipine and diltiazem, which are taken as pills. Nifedipine is also available as an ointment, but diltiazem is not yet available as an ointment in the United States. These medications may decrease the resting pressure of the internal anal sphincter, which can allow the edges of the fissure to come together and heal.

Botulinum toxin (Botox) is gaining wider use as a treatment for chronic anal fissures. An injection of Botox temporarily paralyzes the internal anal sphincter, reducing resting pressure and allowing the fissure to heal.2

You may need to consider surgery if medications do not stop your symptoms. The most commonly used surgery is lateral internal sphincterotomy. In this procedure, a health professional cuts into part of the internal sphincter to relax the spasm that is causing the fissure."

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Happy Crappin'
www.homegrownmedia.com

Anusol is still being sold, it is just under a new name now - "Tucks". I know, because I have the pleasure of stocking the "poop aisle", among others. Hope that helps!

I will tell you how to cure an anal fissure. First off you need to use a small amount of tinactin atheletes foot cream on the fissure after each bm and whenever you notice it iching.

You need to go to the pharmacy and buy some stool softners. When I had my fissure i was taking 400mg + a day.

Drink TONS of water.

Get a small icecream bucket and fill it 1/3rd of the way up with water, and insted of shiting in the toilet. Squat over the icecream bucket and then dump that in the toilet.

If you squat when you shit insted of using a regular toilet you will notice that it dosnt feel like your passing glass and you can actualy poo without wanting to pass out.

And make sure you take warm baths after each BM .

Seriously I missed 2 weeks of work for my fissure, then I started these methods and it was fine in 3 days.

Good luck!

BOTOX for your sphinchter...brings a whole new meaning to "kissing ass"

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Happy Crappin'
www.homegrownmedia.com

So much for the wrinkled starfish.

I think on I'll pass on the full, pouty, ass lips.

Hell, maybe a big ol' truck inner tube back there might help things come out better.

My brother-in-law had surgery on his fissures. They took a dremel to his ass and polished his pucker to a high shine!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Enough cannabis and you won't give a shit if you have an anal fissue (or maybe even an asscrack).

Thanks to all who have written with serious suggestions and comments. Some of the descriptions made me wonder if I really have a fissure, or just occasional butt-itch. However, I just looked up "anal fissure" on a search engine, then clicked on "images" and looked at a couple of close-ups, and I am reassured. The images showed just what I have felt: a tiny open place just on the outside of the anus. In my case it always has the same location, and it always flares up if I have been unable to wipe and clean as well as I do at home. If I have to poop at work, I do take a little bit of skin lotion, dab it on the last square of toilet paper, and rub it in as best I can; but either the lotion is not as effective as the Noxzema I use at home, or the paper is not as absorbent, because sometimes I do itch and burn afterward. In that case I usually re-wipe after I get home; but by then the irritation might have re-opened the tiny crack in my crack. The Anusol has been fairly good at healing that spot; but if I have any kind of hard turd or if I irritate that spot in any other way, that same spot always is the one to re-open, so I think it is a fissure, though a tiny one. Thanks again for all your comments.

A drug for your ass....hmmmm....I've got it!
CRACK!!!

I swear to you man, put tinactin on it and you will be amazed!

BAM TUFF ACTIN TINACTIN

You guys alwways talk abouy fisces all the time and other "CRAP"... so I was just wondering about the word, "COCKY". When you do a "COCKY", when it comes out of your butt, do you stare at it and look to see how big the "COCKY" was, or do you just poop it out and flush and hope it doesnt clog your bowl? You know, if you did a "COCKY" in Jerry garcia's Bowl, it may clog and crack right in half like the one thats already half cracked and going on rbay. If its half cracked, your "COCKY" will break his bowl and you'll set yourself a new record for doing "COCKIES" in his bowl and in your head.

Crap on a Stick, you forgot your medication again, didn't you? I've warned you about that.

i've missed about a total of 3 weeks so far due to fissures and hemorrhoids, i finally had the courage to go see a doctor and it definetly helped, i felt great after my first visit but thinking that i was completely healed in only a few days, i was constipated and the cycle started all over. check out www.crhcenter.com to see if they are available in your area, the closest one for me was in S.F. but it was worth the drive..

good luck!

I have also heard that petroleum jelly helps minor anal fissures and hemis. I think it is because the petroleum jelly acts as a scab for an otherwise open wound and allows it to heal. Not to mention it provides a moisture and poop seal to keep out the funk. However, I would clean it out a little before sealing off all the air. Some bacteria love to grow without it.

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Born right the first time.

Tranquilizers are made for peace of mind. Perhaps they should be marketed in ointment form so that we may experience "peace of ass."

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!