Ask PoopReport: Putting Poop On A Schedule

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m 1+ points - Newb
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My school, unlike other schools, only has something like a three minute break between classes. This will never do, so I usually poop before school. And this usually works, but sometimes I'm late or I can't go before school, which then becomes a nightmare. When this happens, I know I'll have to go during school, and that I won't be able to hold it until lunch. But that risks punishment, because our school doesn't give us enough time to go between classes.

I go at least once a day. Maybe twice. I need to be able to control *when* I go, or else I might shit my pants in class or something. Any ideas?

49 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Putting Poop On A Schedule"

Eoz's picture
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I dunno, I never had any problem holding it in in school. I don't think I used the crapper ONCE while I was in school. I would have had time to, but I sure as heck didn't want to.
Seriously, I almost enjoy holding in my turd. Not for a day or anything, but just a half hour or so. It's a nice feeling!

Anyhoo, can you not leave class to use the bathroom? I find it surprising that they won't let you. That's gotta be some violation of basic human rights. Go to the doc's and explain your problem. He'll probably write up a note telling your school to excuse you when you gotta go!

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Get a video link up installed in the crapper.

The voice of sanity

Michael Palaikis's picture
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I actually pooped my pants a few times in school. I always found that if you just let out a little bit, you could hold the rest in until after class. I always had trouble staying awake so the mushy feeling and clenching in the rest of the turd helped keep me alert.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i pooped my pants once at school. it wasnt to bad but it rally stank. get your parents to write you a note or just get up 10 mins early so you can have a crap.

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
l 100+ points
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Ask to go to the john during a class...or is that too obvious of a solution?

_______
Man who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points
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Seems right to me, Mary. Unless the "poop Nazis" are rearing their ugly heads again. Let me guess, newguy: they won't let you hit the can during class...

Doo-rango's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Once again, this is a case of man trying to resist the forces of nature. The best bet is to cultivate the art of being able to shit wherever and whenever you feel. Until then, you will never be truly liberated.

Doo-rango

Gaseous Glay's picture
l 100+ points
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I went through grades K through 12 without once taking a dump at school. Not because I was always on schedule but because I was too fearful of the humiliation that went with publicly shitting (no doors and everyone would come in and laugh at you). I should have just blasted away and let them "bask in my ambiance" but I was young and foolish and had a sphincter of steel. Also, I did my share of laughing so payback would have been hell. Sorry to hear nothing has changed.

Doo-rango's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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The bathroom stalls in my HS did not have doors - so shitting was something that was best done at home. God help you if someone caught you shitting! I am not aware of anyone having ever shit in HS. College was different - shitting was almost celebrated.

Doo-rango

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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I took a crap at school once in 5th Grade. ONCE...
4-5 shitheads walked in, figured out who I was, and decided that I was 'It" for their game.
One was beating on the door of the stall.
Two were pawing at my ankles and jeans under the stall walls.
One was standing on the toilet in the next stall and staring over the wall.
All of them were whooping and hollering at me.
I developed an adamantium ass after that.


_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Why, pray tell, do you need to change? Nobody can shit and move between classes in 3 minutes, or even 5 minutes. That's wholly unrealistic. It's the school system that needs to change.

I recommend that you do your due diligence: talk to the 'rents, talk to your counselor, send a note to the principal and to your local school board member (If you really want to mess with the principal's head, ask him/her/it for your school board member's information. Let them know that it takes longer than 3 minutes just to find a clean turder in the school, excluding the time to use it.

The next step is direct confrontation. During the middle of a lecture, approach the teacher and politely ask if you can go to the bathroom. If they let you go, great; if not, then reiterate that you really have to go. If the answer is still no, go back to your desk and set quietly but be antsy. Next, scrunch up your face, tighten all of your body's muscles while moaning and rocking back and forth. Then jump up and announce that you have just shit your pants. For some brownie points, fart loudly just before you make your announcement. Of course, everybody in the class will be grossed out, including the teacher. Nobody, however, will dispute your claim because sharted shorts do NOT require verification by the school administration at any level or at any time. If anyone, however, should attempt to call your bluff, ask them if they would like to see the evidence as you immediately reach for your zipper. They will back down.

(In order to keep from getting into trouble with your parents (who probably do your laundry), you might have to wear pre-skidded underwear. It's a big plus, though. Skidmarks in the underwear without school drama means pissing off mom; skidmarks in the underwear with school drama means kind words and a sympathetic bowl of ice cream.)

You will only need to do this a time or two before your teacher(s) and the school's administration seriously start to confront the scheduling issue. They will probably want to meet with you and your parents. Just stick to your guns: 5 minutes between classes is not enough. If they really press you during the meeting, just announce that you have to go to the bathroom really badly. At this point, nobody will doubt your claim, especially if you let out a pre-emptive stinker at the beginning of the meeting. And, again, farting in the Principal's private conference room with the 'rents, the principal, your counselor and, if you're lucky, the school psychiatrist, will earn you even more brownie points.

Before you know it, you are home-free: you will be able to take as much time as you need between classes and have special dispensation to go to the bathroom whenever you like. Heck, they might even give you a classroom with its own toilet. Can you imagine that? Your own no-waiting-required-lest-the-unthinkable-happen crapper, just like in kindergarten.

You'll be the envy, if not the hero, of the school.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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I am proud to say my ass is on a schedule. Yep, I get up in the morning and drink those four famous glasses of ice cold water Im always telling you guys about. That gets it moving and within 10 min I am cleaned out. Now at night sometimes the four glasses dont work as well but when the need is there it gets the job done as well.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Newguy, if your school doesn't allow you to go to the bathroom during class, I would ask the principal if he goes to the bathroom during classtimes!

But seriously, if you can't use the toilet during class, call the local paper and ask them if they'd like to do a very interesting interview about possible constitutional violations. From what I remember, kids are not protected by the constitution when concering bathroom breaks like employees are in the workplace, but considering that you guys are
1.) so close to adult age
2.) have bladders slightly smaller than adults
your high school would have a hard time defending themselves.

You might be surprised. Many other kids might have the same trouble, and many parents might surprise you with their support.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Shits Happily In The Shadows's picture
l 100+ points
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Newguy, I am happy to report that I have an 8:30 AM regular schedule. By then, I have usually had water, coffee, or something else to get things moving. You may want to kind of train yourself earlier in the morning. Go to the bathroom and sit on the pot, even if you don't have to go, at the same time every day, and I guarantee you will have a morning schedule, at least.
But...it sure would be easier to hit the john during class. Is there a rule? If so, that is hard to believe. I think that the law requires that you be able to take a bathroom break--check into it, if needed. I know a lot of people have sued their employers--successfully--for not allowing bathroom breaks. Tostitos was one such company.

Best of luck with setting a schedule and your ass hugging a shitter when the urge hits.

_______
Assaulting toilets since 1977!

Assaulting toilets since 1977!

ronnie's picture
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hey kid do you go to east high school? because i only have like 3 min or somethinglike that. teachers cant give bathroom passes either. lunch time im first one out the door in the primo 2nd floor hidden b-r

McKenzie's picture
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Getting adjusted to the high school schedule like Newguy writes about really sucked. My first month of high school last fall was really the worse. I actually found my teachers were meaner earlier in the year and that some let up on being so "rigid" (the word my mom used in an e-mail to my teachers)as the year went on.

Our school had only a four-minute passing period between classes. I would get the feeling that my crap was coming on first hour and at the end of the 50-minute class I would have the exact route plotted out to the bathroom. I had my best luck between 2nd and 3rd hours since the bathroom was just a few feet from my classroom. I remember even crying a couple of times because I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to hold my crap for another 50 minutes when I had just sat down, my log was starting to come out, and the one-minute warning bell would ring. Did I finish and then make a run to class, or pull up my pants and get to class and start thinking about my options for next break?

The first couple of times I was in that situation scared me because my 3rd hour teacher was really mean. He would stand in the doorway and as the bell was ringing he would close the door. You could be just on the other side of the door and have to duck in fast as it was closing because he would fake it like he didn't see you coming. And several times in the classroom I would feel unclean because I knew each time I moved in my seat I was making more of a mess in my pants because I had gotten only one, or perhaps no wipe in, before I was forced to vacate and run. Often I would go back in and clean myself during lunch but it was hard getting a stall then because several of my friends had the same need.

Within a week or two last fall I got the peeing down to less than two minutes so it wasn't a problem for me. As the day wore on, though, it was grosser to sit down for any reason because almost nobody took the time to flush. There wasn't any time! I especially remember World History because we had a lot of substitutes and they were more lenient. Several times I was able to go back and finish what I had started just before class.

This year my parents switched me from a public to a parochial school. How can I best describe it: it's still strict but more humane (well most of the time). And when my mom e-mails my teachers with a complaint or concern, she gets responses that are more literate and with less sarcasm.

Phipps's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Hey guys,

I'm an 11:30a.m. routine shitter. Luckily, I live only a mile from the office so the shitting can take place at home.

In high shool, I would sneak into the catacombs under our theater. There was a bathroom down there that was only used for sex and shitting. We caught a guy down there once trying to stick it to a mannequin, but that's a story for another day. I can't imagine not being able to go whenver I needed to. What can they do if you just get up and go to the restroom? Fuck em.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points
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Children should be able to go to the bathroom PRN!
One teacher denied me a toilet visit one time. She was never forgiven. Unexpectedly, years later, she came to my office for treatment...
By then she was a complete old HAG. (I can't take your case you hag..)

Point- teachers are sometimes control freaks, and need to be tought a lesson.

ladypendragon's picture
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Good morning all I am a newbie! I have a question about a very swollen lump that I located just outside my anus under my bum cheek. It is excruciating and is causing sleep loss. I cannot even sit. I have a small hemmoroid but this lump is gargantuan in comparison. It is oval and about 2.5" long and hurts to the slightest touch. Any ideas people?

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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0

Ladypendragon, get thee to a physic. Perhaps, a boil, methinks.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Deja Poo (370) -- 09.20.2007 wrote: "
Ladypendragon, get thee to a physic.
"

Hahahah! I read that as "psychic" at first; I had this picture of some woman bending over in front of a turban-clad individual, who was scutinizing the woman's... ah... mysterious protuberance.

Nice.

P. Doody's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Your torpedo launches will be directly impacted by your eating schedule. Most people want to float a loaf in the mornings, as that is when the body is eliminating wastes (thus the bad morning breath).

Can you get up in time to put down a decent meal, or even a bowl of oatmeal?

I'm a programmer, with horrendous eating habits and timing . I may go 1-2 days without dumping because I did not eat enough. But if I do have a good meal or two, the colonic conveyor belt starts to move again, and the fudge factory is in business.

Otherwise, train yourself in the art of fast-pooping. If you time it, you can push out your loaf and wipe and be out in < 2 minutes. Do your best to flush, even before the TP hits the water, in the event vandals and other jerks want to give you grief.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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newguy - what this should have demonstrated is that we are all different! I've never had a problem putting it off - and never went at school - but I suffer from constipation now. Just find a way of going when the urge strikes - that's what's important!!

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I don't know why, but the comment by "Michael Palaikis" above is insanely funny:

"I always had trouble staying awake so the mushy feeling and clenching in the rest of the turd helped keep me alert."

Crap-First Carly's picture
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Postings like those of McKenzie and Newguy trouble me. I understand very personally what they are saying and how they are fighting for a fundamental right and important bodily function.

I'm only 16 and my first year of high school, actually more like my first month, was just short of horrendous because the bathrooms suck because they are so dirty and unkempt, the students contribute to the problem with attitude and, because of a lack of time, only will look out for themselves, and the teachers and administration want to maintain that happy, public relations face so that the community continues to fund such such an amuzing aggregation of errors.

I might get away with a little more because I'm a 4.0 student involved in creative arts activities at my school but when I need to poop, I poop! If it means I'm a minute or two or three late to my next class I still poop. I take the time necessary to relieve myself completely, wipe, flush, and without some of the extremes described by McKenzie, I walk into my classroom. With one exception my teachers are cool. We have on-line grades and attendance and they just record the tardies without sarcasm or yelling and about every two weeks I get a page to visit the vice-principal's office. At that time I'm told that I have too many tardies and I'm assigned a Saturday morning school. It's four hours in the cafeteria that enables me to work ahead in my cources, draw for my two art classes, and basically do some of the same stuff I would be doing if I was at home. We get one 10-minute break halfway through that I use to take my usual morning crap. Since there's only about 70 or 80 of us competing for stalls in three sets of restrooms, it's much more laid back than on the weekdays and I don't have to wipe the seat off twice to get rid of someone else's urine.

My mom suggested this change in attitude and procedure. By not trying to fight something as fundamental as using the bathroom and the management of a 2,000 student high school, I find my life is a lot more stress free.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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You should always listen to your mother.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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GGG - well certainly on this one!! Poop when you need to, I say!

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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Defecato Ergo Sum... I shite, therefore I am

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Friday&#039;s Child's picture
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I'm 17 and a high school junior. Sure there's a lot to debate about adapting poop times to a schedule while schools are in session. Whether it's three, four, five minutes--and even longer and I feel a case can be made for that--I know that trying to accommodate the bodily needs of a couple thousand or more students is no easy task. Because I'm on the Student Council, and we visit regularly with our administration about numerous issues, I know multiple arguments can be made.

However, I feel a group being discriminated against are the afternoon shitters. Both my boyfriend and I fall into this group. Since my middle school days, my daily bowel movement usually comes about two hours after lunch. My boyfriend, who is one of the football team's student managers, usually has his about 3 p.m. when school lets out and before he goes out to the practice field.

We feel there needs to be more than a once-a-day cleaning of the bathrooms at our school. They are cleaned at night--usually after 8 p.m.--but few students,unless they are around for activities, know that. Those sitting down later in the day need to be more apprehensive for several reasons:
1) You can't be too fast in entering a stall because you can slip on water caused by overflowing bowls. Also, strips of toilet paper on the floor will stick to your shoes.
2) You need to carefully wipe the seat before sitting down because there is often pee and in some cases, small deposits of shit on it.
3) When you complete the seat wipe, you often will find there's not enough tiolet paper to wipe with when you're done.
4) Often there's a door with its lock partially hanging or a seat that's very loose and which will require you to sit at your own risk.
5) Four of five toilets will need to be flushed before you begin the "checks" described above because certain stalls reek considerably more than others.
6. If you believe in handwashing, you will likely be disillusioned because the liquid soap containers may be empty along with the paper towel dispensers.
7. Trying to find a custodian to help you is almost impossible because they are cleaning the cafeteria, picking up in the main hallways, and later in the afternoon, most are busy preparing the athletic fields and gyms for competitions.

I rarely have to pee during the school day, but I'm frustrated by the lack of respect there is for those of us who take our daily shits in the afternoons. I walk to school each day with my best friend Emily who talks about how nice it is to go in at 7:30 a.m., lower the seat because she is the first to use it, and pee or shit in a clean toilet with two full rolls of toilet paper, soap, hot water, and other amenities. Why can't those be available to us who take our craps later in the day?

My aunt, who is pretty cynical, several years ago told me something about groups of people she called Friday's Children whose pose a lot of questions and don't feel they fit into the mainstream.

Is that me?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Yes, and be proud of it. Tell you cynical aunt that mainstream must be comparable to shit creek these days considering what the normal teenager is like.

Heaven forbid you question things! We need more young adults like you.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Jade's picture
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Friday's Child is right on target with her posting. There's a lot of us in school that feel shitting or peeing in the afternoon sux because the bathrooms have been basically trashed for seven or eight hours. Just last week, I was sitting down, preparing to take my crap, and I was getting bored. I looked down on the drain cover located between the two stalls and I saw an inch-long turd. Then I looked up at the top of the door latch and found a small shit smear. Then I took out my laptop and went over the notes of the makeup test I was about to go in and take. A couple minutes later my crap came and as I reached for the toilet paper with which to wipe and stood up, I heard a sound and felt that my butt was being separated from adhesive. I got to thinking about how many girls had sat on that stool before me that day and what they might have left behind. For us afternoon users, it just doesn't seem fair.

Monday&#039;s Scholar's picture
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Friday's Child and Jade seem to be complaining that their school's restrooms are not as clean in the afternoon and evening as they were in the morning. Duh! For those of us who are adults and out in the world of work, the same is true. It doesn't matter whether it's a high-rise office building, shopping mall or airport, regular use of a toilet can cause (to use a business term) "calling cards" to be left behind. The options are squatting (my favorite), wiping the seat off before sitting down, putting toilet paper down or a seat cover over it, or waiting until you get home or you are in a cleaner place. The immaturity of some contributors is quite evident. Public bathrooms only become problematic because other people (and my husband says the men are as bad or worse)are in a hurry, careless and therefore leave problems for future users.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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MS - what you say above is undoubtedly true. And being rather irregular, I do have flushing problems, so admit to having blocked a few toilets in my time - so I understand that. What I can't understand is why people leave poop or pee on the seat!! Surely if there is an accident, basic human decency leads you to wipe it off so the next person doesn't have to??? I don't think it is our contributors who are necessarily immature, it is the people who don't leave the seat clean for others.

Shawna's picture
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I'm in 8th grade and my middle school bathrooms are pretty much the same as Friday's Child says. Hamster wonders why poop or pee is left on the seats. The answer is that some users straddle the stool, especially when the toilets get dirtier by the afternoon, but they don't lift the seat first, and they sometimes miss. They do it to both pee and crap. I remember waiting for a stall once last week. I peeked in on this girl who had her panties down to just above her knees and while holding her skirt up, she was crapping into the bowl. The extra loud splashing I thought I was hearing was coming from how far the crap was dropping and then hitting the toilet bowl. She quickly wiped herself and then opened the door and literally ran to class while I had to tear off several peices of toilet paper to wipe the splash off the seat and flush for her before I sat down. Then the extra time it took me to poop cost me an unexcused tardy to my 6th hour science class. Since the school called home, I explained the tardy to my mom. She said I should learn to straddle the stool, too. I've tried it a couple of times when we've been on vacation and it hurts me. Also, since I'm only 4'9" I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon.

Lucky Lucy's picture
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Friday's Child, don't listen to Monday's Scholar. My office's bathrooms are cleaned multiple times during the day and are pleasant and spotless 95% of the time (unless you are unfortunate to have just followed someone taking a big dump, in which case the smell will still be around).

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
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Luckily for me I shit every morning, like clockwork, at about 7 AM. Being a letter carrier, once I'm on my route, I'm out of luck if I need to shit. I don't know anybody on my route well enough to go knock on their door and ask if I can come in and drop a load.

newguy- once you get used to going at the same time everday, your problem should be solved. Just pick a time thats convinient for you and stick to it. Eventually you'll start shitting at that time.

Average Student's picture
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Friday's Child: you speak for a lot of us. It's not easy to have to shit at the end of the day when the bathrooms are really filthy and the toilet paper and soap are pretty much gone. That's a problem for those of us with "schedules" that come in the afternoon. Last week I went in to take my shit right after 8th hour. I had to hurry because I had only about 5 minutes before my bus was scheduled to leave. I had to eliminate 6 stalls before I found the one that looked the cleanest for me to put my butt down on. Even then, I had to flush some other girl's shit before contributing a large deposit of my own. I forgot to look for toilet paper first (when will I learn!)so I had to pull up my jeans and return to one of the dirtiest stalls I had visited just to get enough toilet paper to wipe. Two of the three sinks were clogged and there was no soap. One liquid dispenser was partially hanging on the wall. I just got pissed and left. That evening, just four hours later, I was back at school with Mom for parent/teacher conferences. She mentioned in the car that she had to pee bad, so I directed her to the same restroom as soon as we got there. What a great opportunity for her to see what so many of us have to endure each day. Wrong. The bathroom was sparkling clean. Two doors with busted latches had been fixed. Graffiti had been painted over. Soap dispensers had been filled and tightened to the wall. The seat was up on each of the toilets which had been completely cleaned. An additional trashcan had been placed in the bathroom and there were about six rolls of extra toilet paper placed on the bookrack. While my Mom was on the stool peeing, I told her I had never seen the bathrooms in this good of shape. She said the schools want to make a good impression on parents and will go out of their way to do that. By the next afternoon the bathrooms started looking bad again and they are getting worse for those of us with later day "schedules".

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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There is a greater poopreport mission here, in these complaints. It's the only time in my four years on this helpful, yet humorous site that I've questioned....how can we redress age, poop, content, and change.

My son is in high school. I hope to use his comments to help this thread someday. If not now, soon.

Dude, everyone poops.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Homeward-Bound Heather's picture
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Daphne, your son's right: dude, everyone poops. However, it's the immature in every student body that cause the problems. Since I started my junior year this past August, I've been putting toilet paper on the seat each time before I sit down. Why? Because there's often urine on the seat, sometimes crap and often the most disgusting combination of body waste imaginable in the bowl which, by the way, I don't dare flush, because it's likely to overflow on me. If (and that's asking for a miracle!) the combined waste of four or five shitters was to flush, what about the 20-ounce Pepsi bottle or torn biology bookcover. That's what I faced when taking a simple pee at the end of my lunch hour last Wednesday. Oh, my stream was so strong at first that some of my pee splashed back on me from the floating bookcover. Only after repositioning myself more over the front of the bowl was I able to complete my task without that filthy splashback. And there were three phone numbers scrawled on the inside door of guys interested in oral as well as a very detailed caricature of the male sex organ that someone labeled "my guy's". Therefore, it's no wonder that I drive home at 3:15 just to take my daily crap before I come back for play production practice. My mom says I'm over-reacting and that I wlll find many public bathrooms which are worse. I don't think so!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Whew! If you've got a cameraphone, SHOW mom what you have to put up with. As far as that goes, maybe you should show the PTA,too.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Alexis's picture
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I can have a great shit or pee at my school by sitting down and not having much worry about what I'm sitting in until about 3rd hour. That's when the heavy use of the toilets start and with the heavier use comes the abuse. Unlike Heather, there are underclassmen who don't drive and students like myself who are parent-pay bused from other sides of the city to a school with a wider selection of classes and more diverse student body. But with the "diversity" we get a few skanks that mess the bathrooms up for everyone. For example, last month my boyfriend walked all the way to the athletic complex and took his crap there because all three stalls in the bathroom he normally uses were messed up by students taking a crap, wiping themselves, and then deliberately wiping the crap all over the seat. I told him it's a good thing he looked before sitting down! I, too, have problems with the dirty bathrooms and will get a pass from a teacher that will give me the extra minutes to go upstairs and crap in a lesser-used bathroom. As far as peeing goes, and this is twice a day for me, my older sister has taught me to squat without sitting on the toilet seat. It hurt a little at first, but once I learned it, it makes sense. And I no longer have to place my warm butt on those cold toilet seats each morning. As for the skanks that deliberately cause the problems, I hope they grow up before they take what my father calls "juvenile antics" into the real world where myself and real people are expected to co-exist with them. As my mom has said about people that piss her off: "it will be interesting!"

David Laud aka Captain Buttplug's picture
0
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My butt hurts so much after the dynamic dump i just took. i sometimes name my poos, cause they resemble certain people that i know... sometimes even celebrities. but this one reminds me of the one man who always made my poo come out easy the next day, Becker.

Safe Sadie's picture
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The postings, especially the one from Friday's Child, pretty much mirror my feeling about using school bathrooms. I guess I know that the afternoon-using students have to pay the price for the earlier users who knowingly or even unknowingly will mess up the toilets. In complaining to my Mom, however, she has bought me this packet of like 24 toilet seat tissues that I tear off the pack in my purse and then place over the messy seat before I sit down. I wish I would have known about them several years ago because this messed up seat problem for us afternoon shitters started back in 6th grade.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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The school where I teach also has 3-minute breaks between classes. I think the expectation is that people will pee during that time, but if they have to poop, they will ask for a restroom pass. I always give them when asked. Occasionally someone will go and be back in a minute or two; that person likely has just peed. More often, the student will be gone for 5 or 6 minutes; my assumption is that he or she just pooped. Not a problem--rather there than in their pants. But getting a pass from class means that they have time to clean the seat if necessary, time to poop, time to wipe, time (I hope taken) to wash their hands. I never refuse a restroom pass.

Strong Legs's picture
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Like Alexis, I squat to both pee and crap at my school when I use the toilet after Homeroom which comes at 10 a.m. Before that, I sit right down. We have like 10 toilets in each of the like 13 or 14 bathrooms in our school and once or twice a week I need to crap after lunch. I take a couple of sections of toilet paper and lift the seat before squatting, but it doesn't really matter because the seat is usually wet. It just helps expose more of the stopped up bowl that multiple students have contributed to and, like at this point in the day, nobody dares to flush. My main goal is to like not lose my footing because the floor is often slick and wet from nearby toilets that have been flushed and which have overflowed. Two days ago I contributed one 2-foot log that didn't even touch the water because of how badly the toilet was jammed up. My boyfriend is like starting to show more sympathy. He asked if like an hour later the shit stack would be higher than the top of the bowl?

Crapper John McIntyre's picture
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When I was in high school, we had the same three minutes. That is where the similarities end, though.

There were paper towel strewn about occasionally, but that was about the extent of the dirtiness in the bathrooms. I didn't really ever have to poop at school, but I used to sit on the shitter for hours at a time reading instead of going to classes I didn't like. Nobody ever harrassed me. NObody else ever came in to poop, either. I also used to leave the classroom all the time without any trouble. They said there was a 3 pass limit per semester, but nobody ever enforced it.

I think society has gone down the toilet at an exponential rate the last 5 or 10 years, so maybe people were still a little more flexable when I was in school. They didn't have to worry about kids trying to smoke crack or have anal sex in the bathroom between classes or on hall passes.

And yes, College I think people left the filthiest shits in the toilet on purpose, to say "hey, look what a great time I had last night!" By college, I had evolved (or rathar, regressed) to drinking cheap scotch between classes on campus instead of reading. Oh, this brought back fond memories!

Sneered At Alicia's picture
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I don't know how long ago you were in high school, Crapper John, but we still have those inconsiderate "users" taking up stall space in the bathrooms and causing bladder infections and constipation issues for students too scared to wait and risk a detention for tardies. In 1983,during my first week of high school, I crapped my pants while waiting 10 minutes for the lone stall in a single-stall bathroom to open. The occupant had sandals on and was painting her toenails. I finally pounded on the door after my accident. And she sneered at me when I started crying and I pointed out to her that there was nothing in the bowl and how rude she was. Unfortunately, she was elected our class president and I've seen her at each of our class reunions.

Fan of Corn Poop's picture
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Sometimes i poop out little white worms. Is this ok? Is this why i'm skinny? Why is this happening to me? Are they Poop Worms? Are they ment to digeste my poop so less will come out? Are they used to safe water so you don't have to flush because they usually eat it all?..I actually have one in a jar and feed it a section of poop so it doesn't die. I wanna see how big it will get. I've named it Yugilleria. Because it sounded like a good name for a Poop Worm. Does anyone else have these problems. Please help. Thanks.
-------------------------Fan of Corn Poop

Anonymous's picture
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Just squeeze the shit out real fast and wipe as much as you can then run to class.