Did you wash it in hot water?

Samdamnit's gets stretched every day. It's like a wind sock now.

MSG, it's called getting old. Your anus loses elasticity, your penis shrinks, your ears get bigger and start to grow hair like a Chia Pet, and your nut sack starts to drop like the ball at Times Square.

Other than that, old age is fun.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Up to a certain age, I believe the anus gets larger, then shrinks down in later years. In my extensive research into online porn, I have noticed a large difference in the anal character of the teen models versus the MILF models. The teens have what I would call a demure anus: small, no roids, smooth, looks like a tiny star (how cute!). The older gals sometimes have what I call a "blowout": large, everted anus, one or more roids (looks like it's been abused). I am sure that declining spincter muscle tone in old age decreases anal compliance (flexibility/openness) and the older person has smaller-caliber (narrower) stools that require more pushing to make an exit. Try Kegel exercises for better control and muscle tone, these can be done any time. You see, the Levator Ani muscle is the one that works in cooperation with the anal sphincter to literally pull the anus upward and thereby pinch the loaf. I hope this explanation piques your curiosity about lower GI anatomy and you feel compelled to do more research into how the body works to make a poop!
----Captain Craptastic!!!

Thanks, Capt. C; most illuminating, though I don't know what a MILF is. I like the term "smaller-caliber stool." That's just what I have now, most of the time.

MILF Mom I'd Like to well... Fornicate

And you really don't want to know what a GILF is.

Oh!!! I know! I know!! Its a goat...er...no, gerbil...uh....goose! Yeah..uh...no wait...um...garfish!!! Its a garfish I'd like to uh...you know...get busy with.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

GILF, Greatly Intrusive Lady Fart. GILF.

I'd like to thank the academy and all tha ladies out there who aren't ashamed to fart. Peace Out.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

A MILF is a Mom I'd Like to Fuck (squat-n-leavit is too polite).

Based on personal experience, I've noticed that it is somewhat harder to finger a younger woman in the ass due to the constricted anus vs.an older woman. Captain C. is also correct on the appearance of the young bunghole vs. the older one. There's nothing quite so sexy as a tight, puckered little anus on a 20-something chick. Plus, they usually shave any unwanted hair whereas the old ones just don't seem to care anymore.

When I coached softball and baseball there was what was known as the hot mom pick. That was a kid who wasn't all that good, but got picked because their mom was hot and likely to show up for the games scantily clad. I guess she would also be a MILF.

PD, I remember that from when I was coaching soccer. And it always seemed like the hot moms kid played more than any other kid, even if he sucked.

Come to think of it, that's why I still enjoy delivering the mail after all these years. It's not because I really like giving the public service, but because I really enjoy checking out the voluptuous asses on my route.

I think you need to find a way to get the words "voluptuous asses" into the Postal Creed.
Niether rain nor snow.....

Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds, unless a voluptuous ass comes into view, in which case the carrier may drive over the curb into somebodies front yard, and may cause disruption of the days deliveries.

I think it'll fly.