Ask Poopreport: I Have A Stinky, Dirty, Gross Ass ... Even After Wiping.

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"Hooty" wrote in with a concern:

OK, Ive had this problem for years. It started only in public places; when I pooped, the dry, cheap toilet paper wasn't enough to get me clean, and my ass cheeks would be stuck together for the rest of the day. Eventually I had to shit at home, and I had to use wet wipes. But now, even after wet wipes, in a few hours my butt will smell and have a small amount of feces around it.

I usually poop before my shower then get my butt nice and clean. I bought new wet wipes that have a different chemical on them. I woke up a few nights ago after pooping that evening and realized my butt was dirty with poop. I tried to go back to sleep, but instead I decided to get up and wipe it with wet wipes. When I got back in bed my butt hurt because I must have wiped too hard. So I got up again and wiped a little more and then fell asleep. When I fell asleep my butt was clean, but when I woke up, a little more poop was around butt. I feel like the only way to clean it is with a shower.

What's wrong with me?

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9 Comments on "Ask Poopreport: I Have A Stinky, Dirty, Gross Ass ... Even After Wiping."

Anonymous's picture
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It sounds like anal leakage due to a gastrointestinal disorder or a problem with your sphincter. Go see a doctor!

Anonymous's picture
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The anal leakage part certainly seems to fit but the cause could be a number of things. Try cutting junk and greasy foods out of your diet for awhile and see if this helps. Some chemicals in processed food literally encourage anal leakage.

Also, do you have a lot of ass hair around your hole? This area is notoriously difficult to clean, so maybe look into getting it shaved/bleached.

Of course, if the problem persists, contact a Dr.

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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How long has it been happening? If it's a fairly new thing, it could be that you are constipated and liquid feces is leaking out around the solid stool because your rectum is full. Have you seen a doctor about this? It may also be a problem with your sphincter or any number of things. Go and see a gastroenterologist...trust me, they have seen weirder things than a leaky butt.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Anonymous's picture
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You're very dehydrated. Down two or three full glasses of water right after you wake up.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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When you wipe, try putting some lubricant or ointment or something like Noxzema on the last pad of toilet paper, rub it in thoroughly, and push it (with one finger) up into the anal canal. If you can clean the residue off the anal canal, that might relieve the problem.

Anonymous's picture
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I had a similar problem & my sister said it was a hemorrhoid, it wasn't in my case but was for her. I cut sweet potatoes out of my diet and that helped. I'm not sure if it was the marshmallow on then or the yam itself. The dehydration theory sounds right too, I was also not drinking an adequate amount water at that time.

connessueroffinepoops's picture
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Don't worry, this is actually a blessing in disguise, see I'm a disabled vet with a broken back and nerve damage down my asshole, wiener, and legs, so I have a lot of experience with smelly butthole syndrome, You're on the right track, just take a shower every day,use some good wet wipes and not toilet paper. What you don't realize yet is that you have to imagine that you're the king of shit. A superhero, so be proud of shitting your pants I am.

connessueroffinepoops's picture
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Just think to yourself, "I'm the best pooper in the land" and be proud of your smelly asshole, I am.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Good news, Hooty. If you ever ride the subway, you'll be guaranteed a seat.

And all by yourself as well.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.