Maybe there should be separate stalls in ladies toilets for hoverers and non-hoverers. The hoverer`s stall would have no seats and they`d be able to splatter to their hearts content without annoying non-hoverers.

I think it's a generational thing. I bypass stalls with any water on the seat, be it urine or a splash from the flusher. However, my 14-year-old will sit right down and think nothing of it. My mother--who is 80--will never sit directly on a public toilet without putting paper between her and the seat. However, with the exception of a very heavily used facility such as a transit station, I do sit down and on occasion have wiped the seat after those fierce automatic flushers have gone off. I feel good about that, especially when I open the door and find a young child waiting.

You should use a urinal. Woman can actually pee standing up now, check out this video PeeMate
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Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

I don't care if I leave behind "just enough germs" or not. I wipe the seat before and I wipe the seat after. I hate it when people leave piss all over the seat for when me and my girls come in to use it. Then I have to hold their little hineys above the seat. And what the hell is with that nasty cutout missing piece on the front of the seat? My kids legs or worse hands always find their way into that space and it's always littered with pubes and piss. I'm dry heaving just thinking about it.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Mrs MC - that "cutout" was designed specifically for use by lazy dwarfs so that they can rest their peckers on the porcelain in that gap and piss with their hands in their pockets.

ew i hate yellow dots when i have to plop my fat ass down to poop

Thunderbox, please let Corporate America know about your idea! I absolutey love it! I bet we could patent a new commode and make millions! "The Hoverer."

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I wipe if it's wet, pee or water. I don't haver, I can't stand it. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Sit your ass down ladies.

That, which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

I say wipe the seat as best you can, then put your ass down.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Wipe down seat before hovering, put paper in the bowl to reduce splash, hovershit(like an angel), examine dispatched contents for size activity location units time and notation of equipment used, FLUSH, then wipe the seat again. Throw the used wipe into the now clean empty bowl to serve as a warning to the next poor public poo-er.

And all that is why I'd rather just wait till I get home or just shit outside.
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Don't move the truck I'm still on the bucket!

Why all the obsession with the seats?? It seems to me that if you're not gonna sit on the seat anyway, why not leave it in the "up" position which will also make a much larger target. My motto is, the seat stays up unless I'm planning to sit on it. Still miss the target with the larger opening, but some TP bundled and a kwik wipe of the porcelain edge(which is much simpler than wiping the seat area),all is good - the seat stays dry and ready to be lowered for quick duty, if needed.

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It's O.K., We just have to smell it; He's got to sit in it!

When you consider how many more germs are probably on the sink handles than on the toilet seat it doesn't really make sense to hover.....I'll just start shitting in the sink and cut out the middle man.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Yeah, or since everyone will eventually be showering in the water that contains the crap, we can give the earths hydrological cycle a hand by simply shitting on each other; oh yeah, I guess we already do that ...........

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It's O.K., We just have to smell it; He's got to sit in it!

hovering ? is this a public bathroom near Area 51? If it is, there must be aliens. If their are aliens then there might be kling-ons.

you all are forgetting one valuable piece of info: urine is sterile. unless the depositor has a bloodborne disease you cannot get sick from sitting in urine, even germ ridden urine wont do much unless you have an open sore on your ass cheeks. i still wipe it up before i sit, y'know "the ick factor"

Live long and dingle.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Both at my college and at my office I don't know how many times I've had young girls/women go in a stall, sit down too pee and it's a stall I rejected earlier because there was excessive urine on the seat. Anita's right. The concerns about seats and germs is largely a generational thing. The younger seem to have the healthiest attitude toward some splashes of urine on the seat: they'll sit right in it and without proper complaint.

Beam me a log, Scotty; I mean a board!

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It's O.K., We just have to smell it; He's got to sit in it!

I've seen the same thing Linda. Our generation is one of squatters and toilet paper lining pros. Sitting in someone's urine ... uuurrrggghh!

Does anyone really sit on someone else's pee droplets on purpose? Maybe they just wipe the seat first. I'll do that unless the seat is totally hosed and/or there's another stall available.
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Happiness is like peeing yourself. Everybody can see it but only you can feel its warmth.

I know how we can stop this hovering non hovering issue. Lets revert back to holes in the ground that you hang your ass over and then shit or piss. Complete with newly remodeled dirt floors for that new dirt smell and that rugged outdoorsness you just crave!
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Thanks to the first person to point out that URINE IS STERILE unless the urinator has an infection or disease or ruptured bladder / urinary tract. You can sit in piss all you want and it won't hurt you.

Wipe it up, because it's gross to sit in someone else's pee, but don't worry about it much more than that. It's just pee.

Also if your lover, in a fit of passion, heaps kisses upon your soiled buttocks he will probably make note of the salty flavor and refrain from future adorations of your globes.

br>_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If the seat is totally deluged with pee-pee, then move on to another cubicle.
If it's just a light sprinkle, a quick swipe with a bit of bog roll is the usually accepted etiquette.
If it's only a spot or two, whack your arse down and just get on with the thrutch.

Bollocks to all of these places that provide you with an alcohol-gel dispenser to sterilise the seat with. What the hell are they paying the cleaners for!?

I sit to pee so I don't have to worry about getting piss all over the pot. When I find piss all over the pot I either move to another stall or wipe it up if I have to.
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Russell the shitting queen

I'm with you, Mrs. Crapper. I've got my entrenching tool out on the back deck. Some people call the county park behind my house "the soccer field". I call it "2 acres of potential toilets."
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

"URINE IS STERILE"

That may be so, but I doubt highly that, even after cleaning, the seat is sterile. And urine, while high in uric acid, is still chocked full of organic elements, which would make it a great growth medium for even the lowliest of bacteria. So, it's still best to wipe up at least as much of the mess as possible before placing your ass on the seat.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

If I find urine on the seat, my first thought is to use another toilet; however, if another is not available, and this one is not too slathered in pee, I wipe it off with tp and then flush before sitting down. If it's really bad, I raise the seat and squat to poop.

Even though urine is sterile when it comes out, it doesn't stay that way, and ambient bacteria will find it. Your next line of defense is your butt-skin, and skin has an amazing ability to act as a filter and barrier. Still, you can get germies on your hands while wiping, so a clean seat is best, in ideal circumstances.

All that being said, when I have to go, I generally find a way to do it, and certainly don't let a wet potty-seat stop me.

what do i do if my stomach hurts because i have to poop but the poop wont come out

maddie.....My advice to you is to lay on the floor and look under the divider into the next stall and make some kind of rude comment about the occupant. They will then stomp the shit out of you and your problem will be solved.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Maddie, use a suppository or take fiber pills.
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Russell the shitting queen

I think you ladies need to get the latest thing for hoverers. They're called "Hover Handles". You carry them in your purse and apply them to the stall walls, grab on and hover away. When you're done, pull the patented quick release tab and be on your way. Only $19.95 plus shipping and processing. Maddie, I suggest you get two pairs, as these things won't hold you up forever.

Billy Mays

I work in a kiosk at one of the largest malls in our state so I have to use the public restrooms. Unlike Bonnie and Linda and some of the others who have posted, my issue is not with those who hover pee (a few sprinkles aren't going to melt my butt) but rather I'm insensed by the mothers who bring their 5 and 6 year old sons into the bathroom, let them go into a stall alone and then enable them to hose the whole seat down with not even a second thought. Last week I was having my evening crap in an adjacent stall when a boy came running in and sprayed so badly that I don't even think he touched his penis or tried to aim. I won't even comment on what the drenched seat probably looked like, I just know that if I hadn't moved my left leg and foot in, my shoes definitely would have been splashed from under the partition. To make matters worse, his mother took her shit in the stall to my right, left without flushing or washing her hands. Such a bad example for an impressional child!

Yes, I've been in a similar situation in my 21 years. Worse yet, the first time it happened to me I had sandals on and my foot got quite a spraying. The boy's mom should have lifted the seat for him or supervised him as he did it, make sure he aimed his pee and showed him how to wipe off any accidental droppings. Then and only then should she have sat down and crapped.

I have some advice for Mad Molly. Me and several of my middle school friends spend a lot of time at the mall, but we don't use those restrooms in the actual public places. Instead we use the bathrooms in the individual stores such as Penneys and Sears. Less people use them and the toilets are lots cleaner to sit on. And there's almost always soap and water available.

I agree with Thunderbox--have separate toilets clearly marked for hoverers and non-hoverers. Those of us in the latter category sure would appreciate dry and more sanitary seats. However, what about the person who pees and drops at the same time? Would they file a 14th amendment-based or ADA related lawsuit? Also, what are the illiterate or the sufficiently dense when they hold up or change lines during a period of indecision.

My bladder's health is too important for me to worry about the indecisive people.

Pee on the seat is HUGE with a lot of the women I've dated over the past four years. One, for example, would be the last hover pisser to apologize for the act and when we were out on dates she would want me to drop her off at her apartment or my house for just a couple of minutes so she could go in and shit. Then she would come back out and we'd resume our date. It was absolutely abhorrent to her to have to sit her butt on a public toilet seat.

No, I don't know what happened to her after we broke up a few months later.

Molly, I work at United Supermarket in Amarillo and this same problem happens sometimes when mothers bring there disrespectful mothers into the shitter and let them piss all over the seat. Like they've never been taught to aim right.
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Russell the shitting queen

Yeah, I hate it when mothers bring their disrespectful mothers anywhere without teaching those bitches how to aim...

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I'm 13 now. I remember about 7 or 8 years ago when I was out with my mom. I would have to pee. She would take me into the ladies room and try and find me a stall where the toilet seat wasn't peed on. I remember a couple of times when we were at the baseball stadium and every open stall she checked out sucked because it had pee on the seat. She would get angrier every time she checked out a stall for me and saw dirty seats.

A few times I would be crying and saying I couldn't hold it no more. She would then tell me to put my self up on the side of the seat and closer to the back since there was less pee there. I would hang onto the toilet paper holder as I got up on the stool and leaned back. Even then I would look down and see pee all over the front and close to my thigh.

We have the same problem now at my middle school. Only sometimes there are logs of crap on the seat. It's hard to see them sometimes because the seats are black and there's so little time between classes. I stand when I wipe but sometimes the toilet paper hits the seat and slides off. I always reach down and pick it up.

So many people are such slobs. They make public toilets really suck to use.

I wipe the seat if it is'nt too wet before i hover even because i am even repulsed by the back splash from the seat. Sometimes i wipe the seat behind myself and sometimes i dont. I will not knowing sit on a wet seat. Sterile urine is no longer sterile once it hits a seat or anything else. Frankly, i dont give a damn because i dont care whose urine it is, i dont want it touching me.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

SP, not to worry. I'm working on a new toilet that sends a huge blast of air upwards when in use that will make you hover effortlessly. You will literally float on a carpet of air. The only problem I have yet to work out is how to stop your pee from splattering all over the ceiling.

Prairie Doggin, The Patent Office called and left you a message. They are very interested in your new invention. They said to tell you that they giving it a patent-pending number:4bllsh8-O-PD.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Ya know what i was thinking PD. A pee vacuum. That would be so clean and drip free. It has to suck just strong enough but not too strong to hurt the precious organ.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Wow what a coincidence Bran, that's the exact same number they issued for my "Hover Handles".

I'm working on ass cheek windshield wipers for you gals concerned with splashback. I need a catchy name.

SP, I'll consult one of my staff, uh a Dr. Bilgenstein on the vacuum idea.

Ah yes, Dr. Bilgenstein is highly recommended by the board. Dont forget to patent a model for the petit population.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Squeegie Cheeks for the ass wipers and I like Piss Snake for the vacuum idea.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

My "Amazing Hover Toilet" has been designed to keep that cud chewing Rosie O'Donuts aloft for a full minute. I'm afraid, SP it may just launch you into lunar orbit. We're working on it.

Tethering cables, PD...no problem, I'm on it.

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Great name there MMC. I think the "Piss Snake" will be marketed as an attachment for the Shop Vac.

Ah, tethering cables. BRILLIANT. Maybe as part of a black leather brassiere and fishnet stockings attachment. I'll consult Dr. T. Butte on that one.

You keep forgetting to add a petit model. I know i would need a small one. One size fits all never fits small.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

SP, we could adapt it to use natural gas to hold the petite ladies aloft. It comes out at a much lower pressure and should be just fine for you.

You don't smoke do you?

Ok then, and the vacuum too. That would be so cool if the vacuum was like a straw and you didnt have to take clothes down.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

That's a great idea your mom had, Mandy: sit over the side of the seat behind most of the pee and hang on to the toilet paper holder. I'm gonna try that with my 4 1/2 year old who likes being independent so much that she'll just throw herself down onto a wet seat and has no second thoughts about it. Regularly sitting in someone else's pee just isn't hygiene that I can accept.

Sorry, I make a lot of typos. I'm too fast. I meant mothers bring there disrespectful kids and don't keep an eye on them.
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Russell the shitting queen

Hello. You've reached Bran Lover's Insurance Company. I'd love to sell all you ladies a double indemnity hazard insurance policy before you try any PD products.

These high quality items do come highly recommended by Dr. Bilgenstein and Dr. T Butte; however, Prairie Doggin Inc. accepts no responsibility for damaged or lost parts.

Please read your instruction safety manual before use. Not intended for use on cats. Use with caution while wearing high heels.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I'd like to take out a policy on that f*****g
Prarie Doggin. I hope he meets an unfortunate accident with an Awsome Auger. But wait there's more. I hope he falls neck first onto a Ginsu knife. He's putting me out of business.

Ron Popiel

Dear Ron Popiel,

While we do not condone the wishing of anyone any ill will, we do have the right policy for you. For the low price of $19.99 plus shipping and handling of $895.00, you too can own a BL Insurance policy! If you call within the next hour we will give you FREE at no cost to you, (just pay shipping and handling) a second policy on another victim, err competitor.

That's right! A B S O L U T E L Y free!
(just pay shipping and handling)

***Call BL-549 ~NOW~!***
That's BL-549! Pick up the phone and dial now!

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Dear Dr. Doggin:

We at Bran Lovers Insurance Agency wish to notify you that we now carry life insurance.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Prairie?
Do you feel like having Chinese food for dinner?

The fortune cookie reads: "Beware of chicken roaster toting men."

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Bran I will take out a policy on the vacuum and the hoverer please.Am i too late for the freeby?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Asbsolutely not! That will be $914.99 please. Will that be on your Visa or Masterpoop? You may also pay with Pay Poo.

Your policy package will arrive shortly in the mail via the Brown UPS delivery system.

Look inside for your free item. It's Ronco's latest invention: The toilet umbrella. (Now available at your local supermarket.)

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Oh boy.....You don't visit a thread for a few days and you fall hopelessly behind. I had been out of town for a few days doing research in womens bathrooms at interstate rest stops.I was unfortunately incarcerated for a few days until the validity of my credentials with the Doggin Toiletries Boutique were verified.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Yes Chief, in your absence I have been expanding our telemarketing empire. Since you are back, I will take a sabbatical to conduct my laundry detergent research at college co-ed dorms on the east coast.

Bran Lover has been retained as head of our legal council and insurance team. She said she slept at a Holiday Inn once, so I hired her.

Oh and Bran, I need a family plan for my cat. She is up in age so I was thinking PD could make a vacuum for my cat. For feline puu and poo.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

SP, have you checked out the PR Forums? If not, consider this an open invitation to do so...on the left hand side of the page, above the SEARCH box, is a sub menu called Report Poop, under that is the Poop Report Forums...hope you'll join us, we get all kinds of weird in there.

Postman, you ought to visit as well..neither of you are accepting e-mails, so this is the only way I can invite ya...

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Yeah, come on over. As Bilge said, there's all kinds of wierd there. Even normal guys like myself.

OK Bilge and PD. I am at work right now. I have my log on to forums stuff in my green book at home. When i am using the Palm Treo(no computer at home), i cant see what is going on on poopreport. I will try to get on forums when i get home. If i am unable because of the Palm treo, i will bring my green book to work on wednesday so i can log onto the forums then. I only work on Monday Wednesday and Fridays for 12 hours each day. i might have to break down and get a computer for home just for poopreporting. Thanks for the invitation Bilgepump.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

The Forums are the place to be sittingpretty and postman. We get even raunchier than we do on the front page.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Ok, I have always wanted to go to the forums to see how bad you boys(and girls) can get. Got to go take a pt. off dialysis. will be right back.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Well, now I'm not so sure about you sittingpretty. What's more important, Poopreport or someones dialysis treatment?

Yeah, wtf? Your priorities are seriously messed up. Maybe you aren't Forum material after all.

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Hey! Why all the bashing. The patient's treatment is completed. The reason i took him off is cuz he has a catheter. His treatment is over. My dialysis pts ARE before poopreport.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

(pssst...PD, lookit how cute she is when she gets all riled up!)

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Pssst. I'll have to take your word for it. Why couldn't she live on the ground floor? Next time I get to stand on your shoulders.

Lol, i see that y'all can't whisper very well. PD, i know i am sloww on jokes cuz i didnt get the ground floor shoulder joke. But i cant be too slow if I am a dialysis nurse. Dingy but not dumb.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Nurses are the salt of the earth, I almost feel guilty when I peek in their bathroom and boudoir windows.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I see you recovered from your caulking there, Chief. Cant peek into my bathroom cuz i have a stained glass window protecting me. ha ha ha.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Uh SP, Chief and I have stained glass vision. It's similiar to x-ray vision, but we don't have to wear tight body suits and capes to activate it.

Lol.PD, yeah, I'm sure there is nothing that can get in the way of you and the chief. nothing.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I tried the suggestion of Mermaid Mom and Mandy. The disadvantage I see is that it can have a child slide her/his pubic area over that dreaded and dirty toilet seat. I guess you just can't win!

I agree with Mad Molly. As a mall worker also, I'm using the bathrooms two or three times a shift. Parents who let their 4 or 5 year old sons use a stall alone must make sure they have been taught to 1) lift the seat, 2) aim with their hand on their organ, 3) be respectful of others using the facilities. Better yet, the boys should be required to seat themselves!

A couple of years ago I was in a stall taking a difficult crap and I had just pulled my handbag to the side of the stool because I had a cold and needed a tissue. The boy's aim was so poor that it not only hit my nylons, but was also on my make up when I took it out at the sink.

What was the mother thinking?

Bilgepump i went to the forums Monday night and could not figure out how to answer you back. I dont know what all the symbols in the little boxes mean. I need help!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

SP, just go to forums, click on a category, click on a thread, scroll to end of thread and click on "post reply". A blank box will come up. Write in your reply/comment/wiseass remark (in my case) and click on submit. Viola! Pay no attention to the symbols. They are there in case you want to get all fancy with your replies.

pd I DID THAT % TIMES AND I DONT THINK bILGEPUMP GOT ONE.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

The only thing I can think of is that maybe you have to register and/or login to the forums first. Bilge or Daphne should know more.

PD, i was logged in and registered. Bilgepump knew i was on because he sent me my very first mail. Everytime i replied to his message all i got was...like... i can't remember but it was like my mail had nowhere to go even though i was responding to Bilge.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

PD now the forums wont accept my new password which it took a few minutes ago. I don't know what i am doing wrong. I need to be adopted.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Sorry SP, I've used up a six month supply of helpful, courteous replies with those last two. I'm good till 2010. I'm sure Bilge or someone will get back to you. I'm confused about this one.

I'll adopt you. Then you can have bragging rights as PD's little sister. Is it ok ES?

PD is my big brother!( if its ok with ES). PD I didn't understand my handwriting. I'm going to try to get on the forums again and send a message to you and Bilgepump again. I think I even tried to send a message to the chief.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Message? Have you got the forums confused with the PR chat room?

Alrighty. I have absolutely screwd up my chance of getting back in the forums on the palm here. So I will see(you know what I mean) on the forums on Friday hopefully. It might take me another year but the turtle WILL get there.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bran, I want to write a poosernal check, if I may. It is as good as Pay poo even though it's out of state.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

No, big brother, I haven't gone into the chat room yet. I would have to have been there before before can get confused between the two. I am sure I meant the word I didn't say that you think I should have said instead. Reply comment or wisecrack. While on the palm, in order to see if any threads follow mine, I have to thread again to see. If I don't, I don't see what is threaded after my stitch of the thread until the next time I get on the pewter at work, in 2 days.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

That last sentence was a run-on. Pardon me for the laziness as I have been awake for 16 hrs and 46 minutes as of this second.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

PD has ES answered us. Do WE have to hire Bran Lover Esquire to defend our case? We need a lawyer for the adoption anyway.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Wait, I've got broker confused with attorney.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Yes, you may adopt Sittingpretty, PD. Congrats on your new family member!

Go to the forums, read the rules and abide accordingly.

Jolly good! :-)

Congrats Wonderpance, You're a mommy again.
Unless Sittingpretty is my daughter, in which case you're a granny.

SP, can you invite some of your hot friends over?

I know,I know, Im going to my room.

PD, Im a hot friend of SP. (Sweatin from a hot flash.) I will come over!

SP, I only take Certified Crap and Pay Poo. You now have Doggin/Thunderbutt Institute money at your diposal anyway. It shouldn't be a problem.

(Way to go gurl! Dig deep in them pockets and insure insure insure!)

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

OK, Bran I will pay poo. Did you hear! I have a big brother now and his name is Prarie Doggin. I am so lucky! I have not had a big brother before. Now, to just figure out the forums so I can find the terms to being a lil sis. I screwed up with my password so now i dont know how long it will take me to undo what i did. Story of my life.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17