poopreport : Ask PoopReport :

make it a brown christmas

Ask PoopReport: As The Swirls Churn

Posted 09.08.2008 by ChiefThunderbutt (946)
For years, I have been happily dumping out poops that would rate as fives or sixes on the Bristol Stool Scale. The poops exit my anus effortlessly and cause no distress at all. Ahhhhh... wait. Make that no distress to my anus, but major olfactory distress to those around me.

They have alternated between sinkers and floaters; although sometime I have integrated poop sessions that include both. I have an anus that does not discriminate and is equal in its treatment of turds of all types. These BMs have been on an extremely regular basis. In my adult life, the only constipation from which I have suffered has been caused by medications, Pepto Bismol, pain killers, and so on.

But: several weeks ago, I went to the bathroom for my morning constitutional and was unable to produce anything. Usually I relax and my morning offering slips into the commode with no muscular help at all. The only straining I am used to is straining to keep my sphincter closed until it is over the drop zone.

I eat a high fiber diet: fruit, veggies, 100% whole wheat bread, etc. In addition to my diet, I am now swigging Metamucil and taking fiber pills several times a day. My dooks are a four on the Bristol Scale now, and they're huge. It takes a lot of straining to get one of these babies out of the hangar. I pretty much do one every day, but a few times have been unable.

This morning's donation to the sewer system was a two-day log that dropped into the pot in three pieces. I estimate its diameter to have been about two inches, and if I had retrieved the chunks and lined them up they would have gone a good thirteen inches or more. It took quite a bit of straining to birth this behemoth, and several flushes to bid it adieu.

I had a colonoscopy last year, and everything up the old asshole looked good. The stools don't really look unhealthy -- they are just hard to extrude. No changes in my diet lately. I drink too many gin and tonics, but that is the same as always. No blood, no dark color that could indicate intestinal bleeding. I have been thinking about adding a stool softener to my daily schedule.

What else is a PoopReporter to do???

DungDaddy (1386) -- 09.08.2008

Is it possible that you're getting too much fiber?

I have a diet very similar to yours, and early last week, I heaved out an ass-buster that rated #2 on the Bristol Scale. I thought I would die. I upped my metamucil intake for two days.

My wife said, maybe I eat too much fiber.

MSG (754) -- 09.08.2008

Drink 64 oz. of water a day, as I try to do; that may help soften things up. I used to have nice hard #2 or #3 stools; now it is fairly reliable #4 or #5. Don't drink the water all at once; overloading can give you heart palpitations (or at least it has done that for me). Drink when thirsty, but drink a lot. Happy pooping!

Logjam (2460) -- 09.08.2008

Chief. Is there a mystery here? Did the appearance of these mega logs coincide with the introduction of the fiber supplements into your diet? If so, cut back on them.

On the other hand, your current condition (if the straining isn't hurting you) sounds rather enviable -- dare I say, orgasmic. Are you sure you want to slip back down the scale?

ChiefThunderbutt (946) -- 09.08.2008

The fiber supplements were introduced to combat the condition, they seem to be helping although I am still curious as to what caused the change in the first place.

The firmer movements are actually sort of nice but it takes a bit of straining to get them started out, that is the only thing I don't like. I am saving money on TP now so maybe I shouldn't complain. Maybe this comes on with age......anyone care to comment on that?

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

prarie doggin (2334) -- 09.08.2008

Chief, I did notice that Georgia Pacific stock is down about 20%.

wonderpance (602) -- 09.08.2008

Chief, perhaps you're just getting old. perhaps the gin and tonics are catching up with you!
_______
i love poop.

ChiefThunderbutt (946) -- 09.08.2008

PD.........Georgia Pacific will have to diversify to recoup their losses. Ms. Panz.....Gin and tonic is the elixir of life, everyone knows that things last longer when they are pickled.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

daphne (3696) -- 09.08.2008

Metamucil only works when you get enough water to move it. If you don't drink enough water, it takes water from your stool, which would make your stools harder. Up the water, decrease the fiber a bit, and hell, take a walk while you're at it. A little exercise is great for moving poop.

Eat some of that kimchi, too. Nothing says butt blowout like kimchi.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

pnuttycorn (269) -- 09.08.2008

yup, Daphne is right. More water. you are consuming alot of fiber and you need water to compensate.
Kimchi yes. And spam with hot sauce.

Boopoo (44) -- 09.08.2008

You could try adding something new to your diet. Maybe your system will wake up and get itself out of that rut.

There was a time when my wife was on a plum kick, buying them everytime she went to the grocery store. I had never eaten plums on a regular basis, but was having four or five a day. My turds had a perfect size and consistency during the plum period. Soft, but not too soft. Longer than usual and not too big around. They slid out smoothly, quickly, and easily, leaving nothing behind but a happy sensation in the lower body.

prarie doggin (2334) -- 09.08.2008

Boopoo, I would like to tell you about my
Cheetos period, but it's not real pleasant.

ChiefThunderbutt (946) -- 09.08.2008

PD.......Years ago I noticed that my penis was turning orange. I visited the doctor but he was stumped. He asked me about my daily routine so I told him that usually I ate cheetos while watching porn videos.

Daphne and all the gang, thanks for the tips. Less gin and tonic, more water and a morning walk are in my near future. Also
I have a gallon jar of homemade kimchi in the fridge and a bucket of Bavarian kraut fermenting.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Thunderbox (891) -- 09.09.2008

Forget the pills and potions, Chief - more beer and plenty kimchi is what you need.

I was in North Korea a couple of years ago and my turds changed dramatically while I was there. From regular brown logs (about 3 or 4 four inchers, one and a half inch diameter) they got lighter coloured and also turned into 2 or 3 feet of half inch diameter water mocassins. All due to kimchi 3 times a day washed down with plenty of beer.

Post new comment



Prove you're not a spambot: what bodily function is this site about? Four letters, begins with p...

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

*

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
20,000 character limit / Flood control: 60 seconds between comments and no more than 10 comments per hour

make it a brown christmas

 


About PoopReport | Advertise! | The PoopReport Press Room | Report Your Poop | Contact Dave | Copyright 2000-2008 PoopReport.com