If you think toilets haven't changed, you must not have heard of all of the advanced features offered on the Toto toilet. They do everything but pull your pants up for you. I just wish like hell that I had one.

Also don't forget about the new low flow toilets. I was afraid they would not flush properly, but we got a new one in one of our bathrooms recently, and it flushes just as well as our older ones. (Maybe they will invent one that can reach up and massage your rectum and help promote a bowel movement. I could really use that once in a while)

The toilets I envision for the year 2019 will superficially resemble the ones of today, a throne made of porcelain upon which you plunk your rump, but with substantial differences. Once you are settled a sensing device will home in on the exact
location of your starfish and, like a shuttle docking with the space station, firmly push a soft, contour fitting, soft rubber or vinyl cup attached to a hose firmly against your neither vent.

Little robots, the end result of new advances in nanotechnology, will rush down the hose and begin preparing your anus for defecation. The first wave of robots will have little devices like hedge clippers with which they will insure that your perianal hair is short enough to preclude the formation of dingleberries.

An army of very tiny robots will then march up your asshole with sensing devices to determine the consistency of the impending turd. If it is determined that a hard log is on its way they will spread a layer of lubricant as they retreat, thus facilitating the emergence of the grogan.

As the turd starts emerging the hose will exert a gentle suction, just enough to get the bowel movement out of your body without causing a prolapse and removing your internal organs as well. The waste material will be taken to the sewer by way of the hose without offending any nostrils
thanks to the airtight seal.

Now comes the cleanup, the little robots attack your anus with little miniature fire trucks that spray a cleansing foam, then a little scrubbing with tiny little soft bristled brushes, a final rinse followed by a gentle blow drying and application of a nice soothing lotion. The hose then pulls away leaving you in a bathroom with no lingering
odor and a fresh, clean asshole.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Aw Chif, that was the best 2019 toilet I heard of. Prarie, can you top this. Why don't you boys get together for real and come up with a tiolet more comfortable for those who spend a long time on it? PD, you are listening? Chief, I LOL,LOL,LOL,LOL on that piece of the future toilet. You are brillient Chief.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

See the "Mystery of the 3 Sea Shells"
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Chief, my future toilet will do all of that plus turn into a pizza and a six pack when finished.

This is the Star Trek question....To boldy "GO" where no one has gone before. The new Star Fleet sytle toilet will eliminate Klingons.

Bilge......HOW did you manage to time travel back to 12.08.06 and post my idea on The Mystery of the Three Sea Shells? You left out the best part though...The tiny
robots driving fire trucks.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I have 3 rather modest requests for my toilet of the future.

1. Auto unclog. How difficult could this be? Every toilet should have a built in snake that, with a press of a button, drills through clogs. A high-tech version would 1) detect a clog (e.g., by monitoring the bowl's water level), 2) stop the flow of water into the bowl, 3) set the internal snake in motion, 4) resume the flow of water to complete the flush. The clog should be the toilet's problem, not mine.

2. Self Cleaning. Again, this should be easy -- easier, certainly, then finding a woman willing to do it as part of the marriage contract.

3. Grading. I'd like the toilet to read out the weight of my shit and tell me where it is on the Bristol Scale. Finally, I'd like it to learn who I am and then tell me how I'm doing relative to my history. Hearing from my toilet, "A+ for you today, Buster." would be a great way to start the morning.

Chief, I drink alot of coffee...I end up being really quick.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

LJ, I love your ideas, but I am just scared to death of a HAL situation...and my name isn't Dave. It would totally freak me out. I don't even know any Daves (outside of our Dave here) to countermand the CPU in the toilet.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Shit, I hadn't made that connection, and you're right. Think what Hal could do to my ass with a snake at his disposal?

On the other hand, CPUs could be no more dangerous than spouses.

Stop it, you're driving me mad!!!!
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Sorry, Bilge, I'm afraid I can't do that.

TEDDY!!!!
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

HAL!!!!!

"The clog should be the toilet's problem, not mine"! Hahahahaha! I think ideal situation is Chief's prototype with Logjam's scale / grading system. I'd love to hear, "Corny! Well done, you get an A+ Tommy Boy, now go sieze the day!"

_______
Piping hot! Ass-magma! DEMON SHIT!!

Who's always talking about the concept of a poop macerator in the toilet - like a garbage disposal? Yeah. I'd like that.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The toilet of the future is needed now! A waterless compositor, that captures and compresses methane, so I can connect it to my Toyota Pompous. (Made at a former GM plant) Poop is the countries major source of energy. Waste output is so important that all restaurants close. (except Taco Bell!) Constipation is outlawed, as is flatulence, without backing up to a collection port. Enemas are considered patriotic. As the largest producer, the cow becomes sacred. Millions embrace Hinduism. Instead of chanting OOOMMMMM.... It is reversed, and becomes MMMOOOOO!

Internally, I think toilets are fine. We could sure use some cosmetic upgrades though. But then again, I am quite easy to please.

Blend the toilet with the wall maybe? Make a hatch where you can access the tank if you had to. All that sticks out is a seat, molded with painted tin and Bondo to resemble your favorite classic ride. A fender toilet! mm, Plymouth Fury toilet..

Or a part of a nice bench going around the corner wall in your bathroom. Hide the thing completely.

A chrome version of our regular bowls? Not a sterile mass-produced public bathroom Mansfield but our porcelain bowl. But with a mirror finish.

I think I'll do one of these ideas when I build my house when I retire. Preferably in the pacific northwest.

These are kind of nice :)

http://www.plumbinguniverse.com/products/default.aspx?TID=548&af=906&keyw=commercial+toilet&s_kwcid=commercial%20toilet|2941854016

Poonanza, why not take your favorite hubcap, cut a hole in it and use it for a seat?

good lord Chief!! It's early in the evening and I'm only three bongs deep but the mental picture you've just created for me may mean I have to postpone those tabs of acid I had planned for later. Far out man!!!!

Squat......If methane production becomes as popular as you think it might I could become a religious icon.
Moooooooo!!

Poonnza....When I was in the stockade while in the service
I had a stainless steel commode that looked like chrome. It wasn't all that great and I stained it anyway.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Damn poonanza, you took my idea of a stainless steel toilet, but since I'm drunk and shitting I'll mention it anyways. I dunno that I'd change the toilet itself as much as the whole bathroom. For one, I'd do away with those crappy lo-flo toilets, they just don't handle the massive, country boy size craps real well. Also, they whole bathroom would be stainless steel and HUGE! We're talking stainless steel tub, sink, and toilet, plus a stainless steel encased big screen tv and grill right in the the bathroom that way you can cool your steaks and digest them all in one sitting without having to leave the game. And let's not forget the fridge full of poop producing beer. This must be the best bathroom ever.

LBK -- the only thing standing between you and your dream stainless steel bathroom all your very own is a felony conviction.

that is if you don't mind an audience whilst shitting and can tolerate the shower rapings.
Don't drop the soap!
_______
Oops I did it again, I shit when I fart, I crapped in my pants.

Nevermind.

The ultimate toilet of the future will be truly portable, private, luxurious and always instantly available. My cell phone has a camera, an mp3 player, gps, internet etc. In the future, it will also have a toilet. That's right, I want a toilet in my cell phone. Won't that be great? It will mean the end of Poop Report of course but won't that be great?

I was on the phone arguing with my girlfriend and I shit my pants literally. I thought it was a fart but was actually a hot mush shot right in my drawers. I had to put our fight on hold, throw out my undies w/out anyone finding out and call back. Has nothing to do with this story... oh well, happy new year bitches!
PDB

Oh my gosh! I was so amused by the imagination and creativity of some of posts on this topic, that I found the urge to comment on them, unbearable. :)

Great posts, poop peeps!

...some of THE posts ...

The perfect toilet will have a cushioned seat. A gel/foam combination like a wheelchair cushion for those long sessions. On the underside of the seat a rubber or synthetic seal so the only place the fug can escape is between yer legs.
The idea being you dont stink the place up quite so much. The pan will of course have a fume extractor.
I don't know about a computer measuring asessing & then mincing your turds. At least a silicon chip wouldn't SCREAM. "WHAT THE F*** DID YOU EAT!
YOU CAN DEAL WITH THAT YOURSELF. I'M CALLING THE UNION!
A 'turbo boost' to suck away that Patriot Missile you just launched? It would eliminate the need for the bucket o water flush in my house. A spray option for those post Taco Bell liquishits would cover all the needs.

Neat ! I've got a Kohler Low-flow toilet which is comfortable(just the right height)
and it almost never clogs. My wish would be for a car that runs on methane, I'd be rich then,oh, and a toilet coated with Teflon so nothing sticks to it.

toilet in the cell phone? lol dont forget to flush or youll be talkin shit.

Honestly i dont see toilets being any different 10 years from now. Im sure their will be more "green" toilets to appease the tree huggers using a tiny water tank thus lessening the flusing power, but youll end up using more water in the long run from repeated flushes trying to get the load down that old school 5 gallon could have done in one flush...heh, typical.

Personal note: Im gonna run to the patent office with that teflon bowl idea.

The toilet of 2019 won`t actually be a toilet. Everyone will carry, or have in the house, a "beaming device" which will automatically beam your turds, diarhhea and pee directly from your innards into a storage bin. No more need for TP or dirty bungs.

... into a storage bin in New Jersey.

Forget the storage bin, just beam them to another planet. "From your anus to Uranus" Kinda catchy.

LJ, haha

I think the newfangled toilet ought to analyze your health based on your poop. Parasites? Your toilet will tell you what kind, and how to get rid of them! Mal-absorbtion concerns? Talk to Mr. Toilet - he know it all! No more trips to the doctor's office to give a shit sample - you can do it right in your own home.

I like the analyzing toilet idea. I dunno how many of you guys have had to handle your own shit to get a sample, then save em for three days and hope no one finds them, them carry them back to the doc, but it's no fun...at all. But I'd be fine with a toilet that just flushes my shit away. That's all it need to do.

Maybe a toilet that analyzes what you ate and makes diet suggestions like "Taco Bell again you fucking moron".

Hey now, I can honestly say I eat the shit producing...shit that taco bell serves nearly every day. So my toilet would probably not be real happy with me. It'd probably cuss me out every day.

Mm, PD, good idea...might be cold though. I just thought of something! A dashboard in the bathroom. You can have a radio, and conditioned air vents to blow on you in the winter or summer.

LBK, a matching bathroom would be kickass. Think of it: Every time you had any issue down there, you could just bend over and use the intensely reflective walls to check yourself out. You could have a pseudo-doctorate's on your own ass you'd know it so well!

Bulldog: Won't the foamy seat come apart and poke you in the thigh? My parents had a cushy seat, and I wondered for weeks why my thigh itched every time I sat on it. Then I thought to look, and turns out the vinyl was poking me :(

lmao from your anus to Uranus. The beam idea would be so radical if it was actually invented! I'd shell out some dough for it. No more bowel issues. BUT, PR would be gone because no more cataclysms would happen for us to report on, and we'd probably be stimulated into eating more horrible foods that aren't good for us at ALL, because there would be no repercussions. We'd all die of heart attacks by thirty five.

Al Crapone, an analizer doesn't sound so far off from reality. I'm sure we could come up with one today even.

I was watching an old eposode of Home Improvement the other dau and forgot that Tim "the toolman" taylor had invented a cushioned recliner toilet in his mancave of a bathroom. That shit was amazing. PD, I I remember correctly, weren't you gonna build a reclining toilet? You may can get blue prints.

That bearded prick stole my idea. I'm gonna kick his sorry ass and that pussy Tim Allen too. (runs behind Mrs. MC)

Haha. You just wanna get behind mrs mc and experiance her perfume farts and rainbow shits. Tim allen and his trusty assistant al came up with some good bathroom ideas, admit it pd, you're a little envious.