Here`s an easy solution. Find a dog and let it sniff your crotch and ass region. If it gets a boner and humps your leg, you`re OK. But if it cocks its leg and pisses on you then it has recognised that you smell like a dirty toilet and should be used as one.

confine yourself in a hot car with one of your close friends and put the window locks on and child locks on the doors. If in 20 minutes they kick the window out and run away screaming you know you need to wash your ass better.

Excellent poll question there Logjam. I would suggest going to an infirmary for the blind. Their sense of smell is usually more acute. You can get your ass within inches of their noses without them knowing. If they pass out or scream for the janitor, you might have a problem

Hey prarie, I had a similar idea, based on my experience as a grandfather. My grand kids tell it to me like it is. "Hey, you've got hair growing in your ear; "What's happening here?" [while poking my flabby chest]. Kids before about 7 will tell you exactly what they think. So, you could either wait till you're a grandfather, or lock yourself in a small room of 6-year-olds. If you smell like shit, they'll let you know.

If you look like Vana White I will make the ultimate sacrifice and give your butt a few sniffs. If you look like Pat Sajak you're on your own.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Chief, how 'bout Barry White?

LJ, that's what I love about kids that age. They're clean pallettes. I'm not a grampa yet, but my kids know that I will do far more damage to my grandkids than they can ever do to me.

Ask a kid. Always ask a kid, especially a young one, like maybe five or six. If you've got nephews or nieces or little kid neighbors, they're the way to go.

And shame on the mom who wouldn't tell her kid the truth, who would rather pretend something's not going on instead of actually dealing with it. That's no way to be there for your child.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

There are two scientific ways to do this. The first involves a canary. The second involves a buzzard and a shit wagen.

PD........The sniffableness of Barry White would be down in the Pat Sajak category.

I just pull the covers over my wife's head at night. I figure that I'm acceptable if I don't get a knee to the gonads as she gasps for air.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

I agree fully with Logjam on the kid bit. Find some little kid in the family and sit beside them. You will find out within minutes whether you smell of roses, or if they hold noses. Just don't eat any dried fruit before doing so, you wanna check your odor de toilette, not scare them away.

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beans beans the magical fruit....

This is my chance to shamelessly plug my new invention: The STINK-O-MATIC 5000. Guaranteed to pick up stench within a 5000 yard radius with its patented high-powered radar. Great for spotting bombed public restrooms. This baby is yours with six easy payments of $199.99. Call 1-888-SPOT-SHIT now!
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MMMMM, if your ass was a Chinese restaurant, I'd have the Poo-Poo Platter.

You should be ashamed of your actions. Rubbing human waste on our bathroom walls than posting this website is nothing more than vandalism. If I or the General Manager find out who you are we will have you arrested. As you know in the state of oregon it is considered a sex crime when you rub human waste on people or property. If you are not the one who did this than someone who visited this website did because the link was written on the bathroom walls in human waste 4 times. This person caused more than 500 dollars in dammage & time spent on cleaning it up.

Dear Taco Bell Rep. Just wanted to inform you that your message addressed repeatedly to "you" is in fact being read by hundreds of members of and visitors to this site. It is undoubtedly the case that one of these probably committed the crime in your store, which regulars to this site deplore. We therefore hope you catch and lock up the sicko who did this.

I do want to point out, however, that if I found the phone number to your store written in shit on a wall outside my office, it would never occur to me that you, your General Manager, or a staff member at your store wrote it. I would assume that it was someone wanting to harm both me AND you. Think about that before writing another silly, off-the-mark post.

It wasn't me who did this terrible thing. I live on the east coast. Maybe one of those sleaze bags at Del Taco or Jack-in-the-Box did it?

The signature line says it all.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

to the taco bell guy: shouldn't make your tacos so damn spicy!

Dear Salem Taco:

I have a few thoughts.

The first pertains to the menu at Taco Bell, perhaps you should have a disclaimer indicating that the "food" may cause gas and indigestion.

The second idea is a notice in the bathroom explaining that the user must flush the toilet hard because it is a long way to the kitchen.

Lately we've been getting a few 'I blame Poopreport for Oregon-related turd terrorism' comments, all similar in the tired "I blame Poopreport, we'll call the police, blah blah blah." I find it hard to believe that every one of these separate and unconnected businesses/institutions would have the exact same posting style and message. They're most likely fake.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I will be boarding a plane and departing for Salem in a few hours for a well earned vacation. I have two heads of moldy cabbage in my carry-on luggage for an in-flight snack, I shall wash them down with a bottle of red food dye #40. I think I will dine at Taco Bell upon my arrival and probably avail myself of their facilities.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Dear Chief:

May I suggest ordering 4 Chaco Tacos at Taco Bell. Proper poop protocol is to always purchase something from a business before using the bathroom.

Sincerely,

Mark Moran