Normally I really couldn’t be bothered with celebrity gossip. I have no idea who’s dating whom or who’s wearing what. It really has no bearing upon my life. Even I can’t miss the ever-present slightly derisive Tom Cruise stories, though, especially when they have to do with poop.
An art gallery in Brooklyn will be showcasing a bronze sculpture of Cruise’s daughter Suri’s first solid poop. The funny thing is that this eye-rolling, mildly nauseating media stunt was not even orchestrated by Tom.
The man who initially came up with the idea is Daniel Edwards, the very same incredibly tasteful individual who gave us the life-size statue of Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug. It is also said to be inspired by the children’s book “Everyone Poops.” Unlike that particular book, which does in fact impart a sense of nature and equality to poop, this sculpture teaches kids a different lesson. Everyone poops, but some people’s poop is so important that it has to be made into a statue.
This sculpture will be on display at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn, NY until late September. It will then be sold on eBay to the highest bidder. I really, really hope that’s Tom Cruise. If it’s anyone else, well, they’ve got problems. A limited number of plaster replicas will also be available to the common man, because plaster poop is just so much more tasteful than bronze poop.
It should be noted that this sculpture is not made of Suri’s actual poop. It will be a bronze cast of how Edwards imagines Suri’s first poop will look. Members of the celebrity-obsessed public have been imagining how the poor kid looks since her birth, but Edwards has taken it one step further, and in my opinion, one step too far. As if being the child of a celebrity weren’t humiliating enough, what with the ridiculous names they get, and the invasions into their privacy, now they’ve got people making sculptures of their feces. To me, this is a gross (no pun intended) overstepping of bounds.
Not to my surprise, some hoity-toity art people don’t agree with me. David Kesting, director of the art gallery where the sculpture will be on display, believes that "[a] bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family." Yes, I imagine that they will be discussing it over dinner. Yum. Pass the brown gravy, Dad!
The staff of the Capla Gallery defends the sculpture as a “statement on modern media” that people are more fascinated with celebrities and even their excrement than the real issues in the world. While I agree wholeheartedly with that assessment, I do think this statement is one that really didn’t need to be made. Celebrities are frequently hounded by the media. Pooping is one thing they generally get to do in private. One would think they would want to keep it that way.
Oh, right. We’re talking about Tom Cruise here. Never mind.
