This headline caught my eye right away, and after reading the article, I'm left with a slightly empty feeling. Then, while ruminating over it's content, I realized that it's not a bad story after all. And so, I give you:
"Eateries Warned not to use Toilet Papers"

Apparently, some restaurants in East Malaysia have been going cheap on their choice of mouth-wiping material. We've all been to restaurants and sports-bars here in the 'states that have a roll of paper towels on the table, right? Well, if you can find it, I suggest you go to Sandakan, East Malasyia. There, you can get your authentic ethnic cuisine served with a roll. A roll of Charmin (well, I bet it's something cheaper like Scott or generic).

While the locals don't seem to mind the custom, the Sandakan Municipal Council sees it as an afront to the foreigners' perception of the country. I have to admit, if I were given TP to wipe my mouth on, I'd be a little taken aback. Obviously a place as well known as Sandakan is surely replete with luxurious town-homes and breath taking vistas. Why would the local restauranteurs want to sully the city's reputation so wantonly?

The answer? Sand-what? Who's ever heard of this place? I'm sure it's beautiful in it's own right, but it's not exactly a hot-spot for tourists. I think the Chamber of Commerce sold itself a little too hard to the local government, when they insisted on the creation of the Sandakan Municipal Council.

"But Sir! I assure you, the reason we see no travelers is because our food service industry insists on cheaping out on the one-ply!"

I think they need to take the money they're saving on napkins and apply it towards a kick-ass Public Relations bit...I'll even give them a freebie to start the ball rolling:

music swells
Announcer: Come visit the new Sandakan; enjoy our beautiful vistas and luxurious townhomes. Dine on our exquisite meals richly prepared with spices you've never imagined. Wipe your lips on a fine linen cloth, and when you're finished eating, enjoy our facilities; rest assured, we've put the toilet paper back where it belongs...not on your lips, but between your cheeks.
fade to black