There's nothing that makes a president more unelectable than the sight of pigeon poop in the background of a photo. Those chalky white streaks might make voters associate the subject of the photo with shit, instead of with the glory and strength of America as a good photo is supposed to do.
But the president has a photo-op in Manhattan, and pigeons live in Manhattan. What to do? What to do?
I know:
electrocute the pigeons so they don't land where the president's going to be! If they experience tremendous pain every time they land on a particular building, they'll stop landing; and if they don't land on it, they can't poop on it. And if there's no poop in the background, then people are sure to vote for another four years.
Even though she's thousands of miles away, I can hear Daphne gnashing her teeth from here.