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oxypowder

Bush to shock pigeons so they don't poop

Posted 05.10.2004 by Dave
There's nothing that makes a president more unelectable than the sight of pigeon poop in the background of a photo. Those chalky white streaks might make voters associate the subject of the photo with shit, instead of with the glory and strength of America as a good photo is supposed to do.

But the president has a photo-op in Manhattan, and pigeons live in Manhattan. What to do? What to do?

I know: electrocute the pigeons so they don't land where the president's going to be! If they experience tremendous pain every time they land on a particular building, they'll stop landing; and if they don't land on it, they can't poop on it. And if there's no poop in the background, then people are sure to vote for another four years.

Even though she's thousands of miles away, I can hear Daphne gnashing her teeth from here.
Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Anonymous Coward -- 05.10.2004

If the Bushies thik it's OK to torture Iraqi prisoners, then I guess torturing pigeons is, um, a drop in the bucket for them. Sickening.

Anonymous Coward -- 05.10.2004

If the Bushies thik it's OK to torture Iraqi prisoners, then I guess torturing pigeons is, um, a drop in the bucket for them. Sickening.

Anonymous Coward -- 05.10.2004

What can we expect from the man who executed every single person on death row when he was governor of Texas except for Henry Lee Lucas?

Our president disgusts me. And, you can be I'm getting in on the petition for it as soon as I find it.

Anonymous Coward -- 05.10.2004

What can we expect from the man who executed every single person on death row when he was governor of Texas except for Henry Lee Lucas?

Our president disgusts me. And, you can be I'm getting in on the petition for it as soon as I find it.

Anonymous Coward -- 05.10.2004

Yes, dammit, I wrote.
Here's what I submitted to the NY Post.
In 2000, there was a situation in Louisville, Kentucky, where Starlings were to be poisoned because some vain and horrible judge was upset that he was pooped on outside of the courthouse. They were only saved when it was proven Peregrin Falcons hit, killed, and ate these Starlings, so they would also be poisoned. These birds were saved from a needless death only by their federal protection of endangered species qualifications.While pidgeons are not endangered, I see a correlation between this case and the petty actions that are going to ensue because George Bush is the same type of person as this judge. I don't think it would make any difference, though, what type of bird was in the area of his visit, seeing how Bush regards wildlife in general, like the Grey Wolf or the seemingly-dispensible Alaskan ecology.The fact that George Bush would allows animals to be shocked and left in pain for his vanity terrifies me. The fact that no one has the guts to tell him so also terrifies me.What a load of droppings.

Anonymous Coward -- 05.10.2004

Yes, dammit, I wrote.
Here's what I submitted to the NY Post.
In 2000, there was a situation in Louisville, Kentucky, where Starlings were to be poisoned because some vain and horrible judge was upset that he was pooped on outside of the courthouse. They were only saved when it was proven Peregrin Falcons hit, killed, and ate these Starlings, so they would also be poisoned. These birds were saved from a needless death only by their federal protection of endangered species qualifications.While pidgeons are not endangered, I see a correlation between this case and the petty actions that are going to ensue because George Bush is the same type of person as this judge. I don't think it would make any difference, though, what type of bird was in the area of his visit, seeing how Bush regards wildlife in general, like the Grey Wolf or the seemingly-dispensible Alaskan ecology.The fact that George Bush would allows animals to be shocked and left in pain for his vanity terrifies me. The fact that no one has the guts to tell him so also terrifies me.What a load of droppings.

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