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Poop on World Toilet Day!

Posted 11.19.2004 by Turd Hugegrunt
Today is World Toilet Day. How damned lame is that?

Yeah, I know three-quarters of the world squats over a shallow trench outside their thatch-roofed huts or on the bare wet ground in a rice patty; and I know they wipe their asses with banana leaves, corn cobs, or a handful of dirt, if at all. And yeah, I realize all those high-minded eggheads at the World Toilet Summit over in Beijing are trying to elevate the developing world out of its Stone Age state of plumbing. But ask yourself: "What's so relevant about World Toilet Day anyway?"

Absolutely nothing!

Now, World Poop Day, on the other hand, is a day of real unification -- especially as envisioned by Dave Praeger, creator and editor of this august site.

While humanity teeters on the very brink of annihilation, divided by race, religion, and politics, with violence and horror threatening to overwhelm any progress toward universal peace and liberty, what single human feature unites us all? Poop! And even though Poop For Peace Day was April 16, 2004, do not despair -- for it is never too late to poop for peace.

The philosophy of this PoopReport is that the act of pooping acknowledges our shared humanity, and consummates our unity with all other living creatures. As humans, whether black, white, red, yellow, or brown, we all must relieve our bowels of their burden. Conservative, liberal, socialist, royalist, revolutionary, pacifist, or war hawk, we are all united in the struggle against the tyranny of the bowel. Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Pagan, Wiccan, or whatever, we all must offer our sacrifice at the altar of Grump.

So, to acknowledge World Toilet Day, PoopReport suggests that instead of contemplating the toilet as "a tool of social change," go take a good old-fashioned shit! Yeah, think of Bush, Blair, bin Laden, Sharon, Saddam, and the Pope. Think about the fact that twelve or so hours after they nosh, there’s some toilet or bedpan somewhere in this world into which a pile of poop is going to resoundingly plop.

Ponder our differences, but realize one thing: we are all human beings, and our poop proves it. Brothers bonded by the movement of our bowels; sisters united by shit.

Encourage your family to join in. Call your friends. Email your congressman. And then go grunt out a grumper for your fellow man.

Have a really shitty day,

Turd

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
healthy 1 (1426) -- 11.19.2006

Ok, nobody has posted any thing in two years. I will be a good sport and make the first contribution.

I made my contribution this morning. Ironically, it was the first turd that my new toilet had trouble getting down, and it wasn't all that big. I guess I better keep my poop chopper just in case.

Somebody should design a toilet with some sort of a mechanical poo chopper. But then, some of us would probably miss clogging up toilets.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

Double Flush (605) -- 11.19.2006

This is very well written for two years ago. Nice one!

H1, don't get rid of your turd chopper just yet. No toilet can flush everything. I would definitely keep mine handy. What's weird, though, is that mine clogs when there is a big pile of butt paste that can't decide which part is going down first. No chopper can help me there.

_______
[Insert witty banter here]

healthy 1 (1426) -- 11.19.2006

Yeah DF. My toilet is supposed to have a "guaranteed one time flush".

I should know better, I jammed up a turbo flush toilet one time, and to jam up one of those toilets is a real achievement.

It is amazing how not only different cultures have different opinions about poop, but also how different the toilets are. You have the Dutch shelf toilet, then there is the traditional Western toilet, The "squatters" in Asia, Italy has its own version of the toilet, some cultures use jars, then there is the Ramans, Egyptians, ..... on down the line.

There are toilets that use foam to flush, some Swiss toilets encase the poop (I don't know how).
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

PooperGal (527) -- 11.19.2006

What if you want to join in the fun on World Toilet Day, but a stubborn bowel has other plants?

Turn it into an opportunity to make some bucks!

Just found this ad on Craig's List for the Boston area:

----------------------------------------
Chronic constipation ruining your life?

Reply to: terry@bostontrials.com
Date: 2006-11-17, 4:26PM EST

If you’ve tried dietary changes, laxatives or other remedies for constipation
without relief, it may be time to consider an alternative option. We are currently
studying an investigational medication to treat this common condition.

If you regularly experience symptoms of constipation including infrequent bowel
movements, bloating, straining, and /or abdominal discomfort, you may qualify for
this research study.

Participants must
• Be 18-64 years of age
• Have fewer than 3 bowel movements per week for at least 3 of the past 6 months.

All study-related care will be provided (at no cost) if you take part

To learn more, please contact: (617) 202-6322.

The first Step is your call.

Location: Boston

Compensation: up to $200

Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.

Please, no phone calls about this job!

Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

236337655
---------------------------------

Sounds like a good way to turn an ass problem into an ass a$$et.


_______
PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 11.20.2006
In honor of World Toilet Day, GottaMan and I have slated the destruction of what must be one of the ugliest toilets in Orange County. Why would someone make a BROWN toilet?!?

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