Poop on World Toilet Day!
Today is World Toilet Day. How damned lame is that?
Yeah, I know three-quarters of the world squats over a shallow trench outside their thatch-roofed huts or on the bare wet ground in a rice patty; and I know they wipe their asses with banana leaves, corn cobs, or a handful of dirt, if at all. And yeah, I realize all those high-minded eggheads at the World Toilet Summit over in Beijing are trying to elevate the developing world out of its Stone Age state of plumbing. But ask yourself: "What's so relevant about World Toilet Day anyway?"
Now, World Poop Day, on the other hand, is a day of real unification -- especially as envisioned by Dave Praeger, creator and editor of this august site.
While humanity teeters on the very brink of annihilation, divided by race, religion, and politics, with violence and horror threatening to overwhelm any progress toward universal peace and liberty, what single human feature unites us all? Poop! And even though Poop For Peace Day was April 16, 2004, do not despair -- for it is never too late to poop for peace.
The philosophy of this PoopReport is that the act of pooping acknowledges our shared humanity, and consummates our unity with all other living creatures. As humans, whether black, white, red, yellow, or brown, we all must relieve our bowels of their burden. Conservative, liberal, socialist, royalist, revolutionary, pacifist, or war hawk, we are all united in the struggle against the tyranny of the bowel. Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Pagan, Wiccan, or whatever, we all must offer our sacrifice at the altar of Grump.
So, to acknowledge World Toilet Day, PoopReport suggests that instead of contemplating the toilet as "a tool of social change," go take a good old-fashioned shit! Yeah, think of Bush, Blair, bin Laden, Sharon, Saddam, and the Pope. Think about the fact that twelve or so hours after they nosh, there