Wow. That would be hard to explain to your date, the blood that could be all over your shirt.
Coke is bad news.

Are you sure they didn't mean the top of the tank? That's where we used to do it in my younger clubbin' days!

Nope. I've seen someone do it off the toilet seat. In a public toilet! It's pretty gross what people can do to themselves.

Damn!
Well, what can one expect, when it is a drug that produces such difficult addictions.

Good thing I don't use that crap.

Yo, they oughta just snort it offa stripper's tits, like the Markster does.

Not the seat, silly - the lid of the tank. Even cokeheads aren't that stupid!

"Nope. I've seen someone do it off the toilet seat. In a public toilet! It's pretty gross what people can do to themselves."

WOW. First of all, your friend, and anyone else who would actually snort coke off a TOILET SEEAT is a dipshit. Lids are common, being a size and shape that's easy to pass around and not akward yet still allows room to work, plus smoother than most surfaces when a mirror or peice of glass is unavailable, but so are about a thousand other places. Does doing coke off a toilet lid make one somehow different than the guy in the next room doing it off of a mirror? Second of all... you people really ought to make sure you know what you're talking about before your voice your opinion. (Most of you)You have seem to have no understanding of what you're discussing, and are spouting misinformation and stereotypes - outdated ones at that. The people that are described in that article are by no means a representative of coke users; if anything, they're the minority which only gets more attention because they ARE loud and obnoxious, almost ALWAYS a character flaw that was part of their personality long before they snorted their first line. The fact that their coke use is the TOPIC of their beligerance does not indicate that it's the CAUSE of it. They're stupid kids who fuck with things they don't understand, and they do it wrong and fuck themselves up, but that's a result of their own ignorance and not something that a drug did to them. I'm willing to bet that most of you have never even SEEN coke, let alone been exposed to it and people who use it (not serious addicts mind you, there are MANY people who can use it casually and still maintain normal lives as productive, responsible members of society - don't beleive everything TV and movies tell you) enough to understand the drug and its affects. can be a benificial addition to a person't life if they know how to be responsible about it and not abuse it.

And if you'll pardon me, I'm off to bump up.

This is why I always use an ass gasket when I am in a public restroom.

Nobody knows what is on the toilet seat, or what was on the toilet seat. Better to be safe than sorry.

But that is disgusting, think of it. The drug is snorted through a $20.00 bill that every Tom, Dick, and Harry has touched. Then to make matters worse, it is snorted on a toilet seat that has seen more ass than a hooker on a Friday night.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

umm its not that bad tho!i put that purex hand cleaner on the seat let it dry and wipe it off with a towel then put my coke on it..i did that a couple times in high school..it wasnt that gross cuz the shitters were clean(never are)
but coke is bad..but only if you do it every day..i only do it oncei n a while..

Snorting drugs off a toilet seat: gives a whole new meaning to "this is good shit!"

A new Eric Clapton song: "Methane"

most ppl now days just snort it of their hands in front of anyone.

I wouldn't do coke off a toilet seat. People piss all over them and I usually find the smell in bathrooms to be unpleasant enough let alone putting my sniffer down into the root of the problem. Don't do the coke off the toilet, put the coke in your toilet. Put in rectum (in moderation) and resist the urge to fart. I agree with powderhead. Most of you have never even seen coca before and believe the hype. There are actually people out there who do use drugs and alcohol responsibly. I'm not saying it's OK either, though. People who can't exercise the self-control to use only in moderation are weak and may perhaps need some help. (Good fuckin' luck)

P.S. There are many people who don't use drugs or alcohol yet drive as if they do. These same people go to church and then go home and beat their wife and kids.
Judge not lest ye be judged yourselves.

"Pardon me, but have you any Grey Poupon?"
"Yeah, there's some gray stuff "poop'd on" my seat, as soon as I snort my nose candy I'll let you get it. It sort of smells like WD-40 though."
"Nevermind."

Coke is great/awesome to do every few months. It should be done with friends and on vacation. It also should be done AWAY from your everyday lifestyle to help ensure a control is put into place and make it harder to become a habbit. If coke is your friend every weekend, may I suggest you stop for a while since you build up a tolerance. it (coke) will lose it's unique qualities and spike if consumed at such a level where the erythroxylon metabolytes are ever-present in your system. For example: if your always buzzed on beer, you can never have "a beer" and feel affected... follow me? Snort it up brothers!!!

i fucking love coke

In a Reuter's article from last January, I read that the WD-40 causes the cocaine to congeal into an unsnortable goo.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

This is really interesting, I am not much of a drug expert either but I knew that England is facing a growing trend for drug abuse.

*ridiculous drug rehab program plug and website link removed*

You guys got me all fucked up now. I just put some cocaine on my squeaky car door hinge.

I've been using it as an anal bleaching product...I have a very happy asshole.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

WD-40? It's not bleaching your asshole. It's causing the shit to stop sticking. That means an easier wipe for Poopsie.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

im english, and yes coke in this country anyway is seen as a party drug something thats mainly done in pups clubs and bars on a weekly or monthly basis and its very true that everybody doing cocaine mainly snorts it in the toilets most people i know snort the lines off the toilet seat lid i myself have always done this and have only really used the tank at the back once or twice i understand its disgusting unhigenic and just not pleasent but come on........ very rarley do i take cocaine when im sober and if i did i highly doubt i would kneel on the cubicle floor for a couple of lines from the seat!! everyones inhibitions are lost when there out and its not like its legal to just do it on the table in a resteraunt. coke is amazing regarless and who cares how u take it just take it!!! :P

When on you back, in your death bed, in contemplation of your life, I seriously doubt if anybody has, or ever will say "I wish I'd done more coke"

Too clean toilet seat!

Nope they say I wish I'd smoked more refer.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I don't know much about snorting coke off the toilet seat, but the people where I'm from in the middle of the woods cook meth then hang it in bags in the toilet tank till they're ready to sell it or use it. Hell, and the truckers eat that same meth that was sittin in the tank. The only thing I ever thought coke was good for was rubbing it on a womans vagina to makeher come faster. Never thought of using it for anal bleaching. This is an interesting story.

"The only thing I ever thought coke was good for was rubbing it on a woman's vagina to make her come faster."

I was going to say, "What a waste." But then, you probably just wanted to get back to the ball game.

Sorry logjam, but I'm not much for using drugs. I stick to the natural opiates from shitting and fucking. Next time I get some coke to use on my woman, I'll mail you what's left.

You're "not much for using drugs"?? That sounds like "use" to me. By the way, I thought coke acted like a local anesthetic when rubbed on. Where, exactly, do you apply this, and do you, by any chance, make instructional movies?

This is poop report, lj, not drug crazed sex report. But for your info, you rub it on the clit and watch the fireworks. Add a lil extra and you can snort it off while your down there. I've never done it, that's just what I hear. Ask powder pack or one of the fifty anonymous cowards, they may have more experience. And no I don't make instructional videos. Sorry.

Would you like to?
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

No I think I'll pass on that one.

I do it up off toilet bowl seats all the time yo. You just have to carry a little disinfectant, but like if you totally don't have any you can just do it right off the seat who gives a fuck WHOOO COKE

I wish eugenics was legal.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

If it were... Would I be here?

I can confirm that yes indeed, many chaps (and ladies) who may be partial to the occasional noseful of jazz salt, do actually use the LID of the toilet seat mechanism as in inhalation platform. Perhaps they do this because it is less likely to have been urinated over or polished with substances that irritate the nasal passages, I really don't know.

Use of cocaine in Britain is ridiculously widespread and people are using and/or selling in virtually ever pub and club in the country, despite it being as illegal as it ever was. It's strange, but despite it's 'soft' status and the fact that a great deal is now hydroponically grown within our shores, marijuana has frequent 'dry' periods in supply and has remained at a fairly constant price for many years, but coke costs half what it used to cost, there is seldom a shortage of people selling and using, and yet it's imported.

Personally, I have never tried cocaine and don't intend to. I'd be too susceptible to frequent use if I enjoyed it, so I don't really want to tempt fate. I'm happy with a drinkie, tobacco and 'herbal cigarettes' occasionally. I've lived with a coke dealer, and his unpredictable moods, constant desire to talk bullshit, 'friends' whose only interest in him was as a supplier, well they all put me off somewhat.

There are many many people who use the substance without any problems whatsoever. I know groups of friends, even couples, who only take a line or so on each others' birthdays, or who like to finish a night on the dizzyade with a line or two. No problem. I'm sometimes jealous because they seem to enjoy it enormously, and I've frequently been told not to be such a narcotic prude, but no, I think I'll pass. The prospect of becoming like Johnson Sucker (above) makes me shudder.

To keep this on the rails of poopiness, I would like to mention that although it's not often done publicly in a club toilet, there is a growing trend among lovers and 'close friends' in this country for cocaine to be ingested anally, which I believe was a technique favoured by Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac in the seventies. Allegedly, there are more blood vessels in one's back door than the nose, and the process of osmosis into the bloodstream creates a magical buzz if taken from that area. Whereas the old 'kit' for coke users would be a rolled up banknote and a credit card (highly symbolic I always thought) all one needs now is the outer tube of a disposable ballpoint pen. One carefully pours a little into the tube before inserting the tip into the recipricant's anus and blowing gently. Absolutely amazing, so I'm told.

Whether this can ultimately result in farts and turds with a street value, I'm not sure, but it brings a new meaning to 'that's good shit...'

I'd never heard of this method so googled it. It has some good names suggested on a forum.
"Coke-holing"
"Hitting rock bottom"
"Taking a powder"
"Snowmobiling on the Hershey Highway"
"Brown Nosing"
"Blowing Bisquik up the Mocha Trail"

I have heard of this before but I wonder is if people who snort coke up their nose are always wiping their nose and sniffing, what in the hell would they do if they take it in the ass?

Well thinking about it LBK, cokeheads will wipe the residue from the mirror or whatever and rub it onto their gums, so perhaps ingesting one's devil's dandruff in this manner prompts the blower into a spot of rimming. If the two people concerned were lovers, it could be very interesting foreplay. Although I doubt there'll be much subsequent kissing involved.

Leaky, I join you in your pondering on this matter. Indeed, if coke was sucked in through the ass (sidenote: is that even possible? Could suction be achieved through the anus? I want to say no, but I am not 100% certain. You know somewhere out there some douchebag with a blown out nasal cavity and a straw at least TRIED this. But I digress.) so if coke was taken in the ass I imagine all sorts squeaker farts and probably a fine mist of the powder would come out with it. The real thing is though, someone who has done this may very well shit themselves and not even know it as their poophole would be numb.

Poopsy, there is no anal inhalation involved in this act. The cocaine is blown into the anal cavity by a second, presumably willing party.

And inhaling air into the rectal cavity is indeed very possible and many people can do this. To a minutely modest degree, even myself.

The French music hall (f)artist Josef Pujol could suck air in through his anus, keep it there and expell it at will, with such skill that he could impersonate musical instruments (ranging from string to brass), fart various tunes ("Au Claire De La Lune" was his most celebrated performance, and I believe wax cylinder recordings of him performing it still exist. There was talk of the surviving recordings being digitalised several years ago but nothing appears to have been done yet)) sound effects (ranging from gunfire to squeeking doors, marching troops, a dressmaker tearing two yards of calico and many more), smoke a cigar through a length of hose and many more besides. He is said to have farted the tune of "The Last Post" on his deathbed.

The Lancet medical journal referred to it as "An Extraordinary Case of Rectal Breathing and Musical Anus" and for a time, "Le Petomaine" as he was known, was the biggest grossing highest paid artist on the international music hall circuit.

A supurb short film of Pujol's life, called "Le Petomaine" and starring the British comedy genius, the late Leonard Rossiter, can be seen on Youtube or at leonardrossiter.com.

This ability has been seen with many other people. The most famous in recent years is Mr Methane, a club performer from Macclesfield, Cheshire, can do a similar thing and makes a living from it (although his skills lack Pujol's finesse or eclectic mimicry, he's still extraordinary) and you can watch his performances on Youtube too.

Although such impressive abilities are rare, The ability to draw in tiny amounts of air into the back passage is something we can all do with practice. If you can 'wink' your anus, you can do it. Anyone who can sing will tell you that the way to sing properly is to sing from the diaphragm. It'll take practice, but essentially the key to singing is diaphragm control. So it is with drawing air in through the other end. Once focused on the diaphragm, try and let the feeling slowly move down towards your bowel, 'wink' your arsehole open and you should be able to feel a tiny sensation of air going in ever-so-slightly. It's probably not even enough to create a one-bubble fart, but it goes in, and if you have a lit cigarette inserted into your anus as you 'wink', an observer will usually be able to see the tip modestly glow, and by immediately withdrawing the cigarette before you have unclenched your anal wink, when you relax your muscles you should be able to see a definate puff of smoke emerging from the lips you never kiss with.

Jesus el windbag, that was a lot of information about breathing and making music and what not thru your ass. And honestly, if I were to drugs and were to resort to doing coke up my blowhole, I think I'd switch to a crack rock, being that it's a ton easier to stick in and let it break down. A popular way of doing meth among truck drivers (PD correct me if I'm wrong) is eating it, so I imagine you could stick meth in your ass also.

LBK, I don't know what these boys are up to these days, as I haven't been behind the wheel in quite a while. I always stayed straight when working, as I didn't want to wind up killing the whole Cleaver family or something.

Well now, I have many a relatives who were truckers and who also did meth to stay awake. And I don't recall any of them killing the jones family, the cleavers, or any other family. Even tho one did trip out and lock himself in his truck thinking "they" were coming for him.

I was a city driver in NYC for 25 years. Road rage kept me awake.

Yea I would imagine that would do it. Damn, I hated ridin with my dad when we would make sure trips to nyc, or miami, or even atlanta. I couldn't imagine driving a big rig in nyc everyday.

Dear Scummy, where to begin? First, thanks for that muscial commentary and for explaining that it not only is possible to suck through one's anus, but how to do it.

Second, wow...your recent posts give us all some insight into the true you. If your not spreading your butt cheeks inches from another man's face or allowing cocaine laden pens to be inserted in your back passage, (I know, I know you "don't do drugs" or so we're led to believe by your ultra informative posts on the subject) then your tottering about in high heels and Prada belts (how many men can say Prada and know what they're talking about? Well done.) and expounding about how much you love ass fucking.

What a funny guy!

I was joking about the high heels. Sorry, Poopsy, that was me taking the piss following an assumption that in the deep south, my English accent would be an interpreted as an indication that I smoked the pink cigar. Besides, I'm 6ft 2 with size 13 (US 14) feet, so I really don't think I'll easily find a pair to fit me.

But thank you for your kind comments Poopsy! My buttocks DO feel jolly moist, I must say...

Oh Scuzzbucket, you are a good sport if nothing else. Glad to hear yor moist as a snack cake down there. Although maybe you would call a snack cake a crumpet?

Lookit, I'm personally not from the south and I possess none of that confederate flag flying fantic one often sees in those parts. I just wanted to make fun of you.

I encourage you to take the piss. It's fucking funny when you do.

As for finding a suitable pair of heels for those gunboats you call feet. Providing you're not over 30 stone, you could snag a pair special order from that drag queen shop where you bought your silk stockings.

If you can squeeze into a 12, you can borrow mine.

Poopsie, cakes are cakes, crumpets are crumpets. Crumpets are toasted doughy bread products with lots of little holes in and they help make Britain great. They are served after 3pm, freshly toasted, dripping with butter, washed down with copious amounts of sweet sugary milky tea, with one's feet up, whilst reading poems such as "Grantchester" and "The Soldier" by Rupert Brooke.

And sorry PD. Too small. Oh well... *sigh*

Hmmm, crumpets. That's interesting. I must say scumbag, there seems to be no difference between britains and mexicans. What they call a siesta, you call tea. And I thought we country boys were really generic by calling every type of soft drink coke, but I must say, to call a whole meal "tea" is impressive. I know a few rather sexy and slightly promiscuous girls in england, I'm thinking it's time to take a visit.

Plus, I need to go back and reclaim my castle that my ancestors squandered away on horses and whores.

Hmmm... not quite, LBK.

'Tea' means several things. There's the drink of course, which is taken in quantity from the moment we wake for the duration of the day.

Then there is "afternoon tea" which is not exactly a siesta, as one does not snooze for 2 hours and laze about like a disgusting foreign dog. It is merely the stopgap between lunch and dinner, when one may rest briefly, drink tea with some biscuits or perchance a crumpet or two, or if one is feeling particularly decadent, some cakes or scones.

Finally, there is "tea" served later in the day, anytime between 5 and 9pm, which is merely the peasant vernacular for dinner. Only ghastly common poor people refer to dinner as "tea". However, the term is widely used by the middle classes these days, but mainly for effect, in order to appear working class. The celebrity chef Jamie Oliver is a prime example.

Any meal taken after dinner/tea is 'supper'.

As for 'Coke' as a generic term, well that's a pet hate of mine. I adore Coca Cola because it's brown and fizzy and tastes gorgeous. It's the best cola. To me, the ONLY cola. Pepsi is too sweet and tastes like the carbonated piss of a diabetic. It's revolting, and the Pepsi challange, frankly, is laughable. Don't even get me started on other brands!

However, we don't refer to every fizzy drink generically as 'Coke', but we do refer to every cola as such. We ask for a 'Coke' in the pub, and we may receive any form of cola that the establishment serves. I tend to be a pedant and refuse to order or accept the foul liquid effluent that passes for Coke in some establishments simply because it's not Coke. If I order a Coke, I expect Coke, not Pepsi. Despite your worrying statement that 'Coke' is a generic term for anything fizzy, it's my experience that this is one area in which you yanks are quite distinguished. For example, Americans are used to ordering their booze by brand name, such as "Give me a Beefeater Martini" or "Absolut on the rocks" and you get what you ask for. How would you feel if you ordered an Absolut and received cheap supermarket vodka instead, because some educationally subnormal Johnny No-Stars didn't think it mattered as long as the drink roughly matched what was asked for? It's a shit state of affairs, and I despise it when bar staff treat me like I'm some sort of lunatic simply because when I ask for Coke, I expect Coke, not some pretender that's vaguely brown and fizzy, and I have the audacity to indulge in the wholly un-English habit of complaining.

*shakes with rage, drains tea in one, pushes bacon sandwich aside*

And LBK, if you do manage to visit the motherland, provided that are not obese or stereotypically loud and obnoxious, you will discover that your accent is sufficient to have you plunging up to your back wheels in British twatbatter before you can say "Hi".

It's a common assumption that the English accent has aphrodisiac qualities among American ladies (except in New York, where there are just too fucking many of us, and the women aren't fooled by our airs and graces) and whether this is the case or not, our own ladies DO love Americans. Although in London and the South East we have an abundance of tourists, so the women aren't so easily impressed, if you go to Nottingham (actually, particularly Nottingham. Women strangely outnumber men by 2 to 1) Newcastle, Leeds, anywhere in Essex, or visit smaller provincial towns, you'll barely need to do more than order a drink in a public place or walk into a disco, and you'll be beating them off with a shitty stick. Just ask any of your servicemen who were over here during WW2.

Yea, I am neither overweight nor loud so I guess I'd fit right in.

Windbag, you realize, of course, that my town owns your bridge, and you aren't getting it back. You can, however, have back the drunken louts who seemed to have followed it over here, they are worthless, loud, unintelligible inebriates that are a bane and leech to our fair city. They don't even play "footy" well. Utter wastes of human flesh.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Drunken Brits are falling down
Falling down
Falling down
Drunken Brits are falling down
In Havasau City

I am a true southern gentleman, I impress the ladies with my uncanny ability to match the right wine to the species of road-kill upon which we happen to be dining.
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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Ah... well I knew it was in Arizona but for some reason I thought it was Phoenix. Now I know! But rest assured, we don't want it back. We wouldn't have sold it otherwise.

I can only apologise for the lowlife chavs that we've inflicted upon your country. Sadly, some of the English when they go abroad are a constant humiliation for the rest of us, but count yourself lucky that you haven't got those vile excuses for contraception that you will find in Florida.

Although I'm guilty of the two-week foreign drinking binge myself, as I was actually young once, I do like to consider myself as having a little decorum and try to be an ambassador for my country when I visit another. Sadly, when the English go abroad, particularly groups of young men, the arsehole gene frequently kicks in. I think it must have something to do with not being able to get a decent cup of tea. They spend 50 weeks of the year stuck in some industrial shitpit of a town earning crap wages, save up all their money and then for two weeks, from the moment they get on the plane, any moment not spent drinking themselves into oblivion is a moment wasted. During this time, they convince themselves of their superiority to their host nation in virtually everything with no evidence to support it, fight with anyone who tells them not to be arseholes and become ridiculously nationalistic about a country that grinds them down for the remainder of the year. They also make the frequent mistake of citing military history in their arguments with the locals without being sure of the facts, and if someone points out their factual error, this is considered 'starting' and an excuse for a fight. Football (soccer), which personally I despise with a passion you wouldn't believe, usually comes into the equation too, as they seem to think that because their country invented the fucking game, any English tosspot with a ball and a football shirt is worth 5 foreigners any day, and seem to think that downing 20 pints of lager will somehow make them better than David Beckham.

Yes, LBK, we have poor white trash too, which is unfortunate for 5 reasons.

1. These people are allowed passports
2. These people vote and have children
3. These people support a stereotype
4. These people are an embarrassment
5. American white trash at least understand and accept what they are. English white trash do not realise it and are offended if someone accuses them of being so.

A real Englishman is someone you don't actually notice until you talk to him.

A waste of human flesh just about sums these wankers up. Sorry about them, old chap. But we don't want them back either, so feel free to use them for target practice.

Sorry, I meant Bilge, not LBK.

Well thanks la dirtbag, I'm glad when you thing of poor white trash you automatically think of me. Come down here so I can kick you feminine, british speaking ass. Lol. I'm just playing. I'm sure it was a simple mistake.

No, you silly ol' git, I meant that my post was in response to Bilge's comment about the arsehole Brits in Arizona. It's just in the post I called him LBK instead of Bilge! Probably because I was responding to you in the previous post.

Jeez...I seem to be really unintentionally upsetting the international community today. First Pance, then Leandra, now you...

I get days like that sometimes. Themed days. I pissed off the soon-to-be-ex-wife, the girlfriend and a good mate today too. Those weren't intentional either.

*proffers virtual hand of friendship across the internet from Sussex to Alabama*

Oh yeah, and I made my daughter cry too. OK, I was exercising my parental right and giving her a good ticking-off for telling tales, but it's still another example.

Themed days. They suck.

*attempts to kick own faggoty British arse. Falls over*

It's okay el scumbag. Apology accepted. You really are a classy man good sir. Now if you can make leandra happy I think everything will be forgiven.

Thanks Tony. And I do hope that Leandra is ok. I'm worried about her.

Right then... coke and poop... anyone?

Thought for the day:

We call cocaine 'Charlie' over here, so would a post 'coke-holing' shit be known as Charlie Brown?

Pssst ES, offer Leandra a nice piece of piping hot steak and kidney pie. She'll be yours.

Reckon she'll then offer me a slice of HER pie?

Tsk...tsk... I'm old enough to be her fatther you know!

*checks pockets for butterscotch candy*

Hey Leaky, whatever you do in England, don't go to Leeds. You can get plenty of skanks in the good ol US of A. You needn't travel abroad for it. Also, ALL the English are absolute whores for anything American. You can go anywhere over there and get a blow job for a wink and a smile. Throw in a box of Fruity Pebbles and it will grant you an all access pass.

What really strikes me about England are the class distinctions and the incredible amount of snobs that produces. Must go back to the days of titles and nobility. America has such a vast "middle class" that it's virtually impossible not to fit in.

As for Coke, I believe the correct word is soda. Not pop- as is generally accepted in points south and west of here.

And Christ, Scumbag, stop fucking acting like you're riding some moral high horse in regards to the age difference between you and Leandra. You know you'd bone a teenager, any teenager, if the oopportunity prsented itself. Even if it is a bit pervy. That's the point, isn't it?

Milk in tea is blasphemy. So is sugar. Shame on you El Scumfuck for polluting your tea and turning it into murky dishwater.

Jesus H Fuck Poopsy, what's got into you? I'm not going to go comment on your Anglican contempt because you are correct to an extent, but I've also got better things to do this morning. However, in all seriousness for a change, no, I wouldn't bone a teenager actually. I've had a number of chances to do so in recent years, and I've turned 'em all down. For a start, I'm in a happy relationship. Secondly, I'm a father. Don't know about you, but as a father, I can't help but have nightmarish visions of the future when my daughter is not my little girl anymore. Believe me Poopsy, that changes a man's tastes because he can't help but realise that the teenager he's drooling over could be his own daughter in a few years. Many guys have no problems with that, but personally, teens leave leave me cold these days. I've got no desire to pander to my ego and make myself feel like a stud for fucking a girl in their teens. They're too bloody easy for a start. I spend a great deal of my time around teenagers because I undertake work for a rock venue, and I can put my hand on my heart when I tell you that the main emotion that they evoke in me is parental. As for Leandra, she's a troubled girl who's deeply upset, and if you interpret concern for an unhappy kid as some sort of desire to get pervy with someone thousands of fucking miles away, than mate, I pity you. Don't fucking dare to tar ME with your own brush.

But mainly, it's a matter of taste. Tastes change as one ages. When I was a teenager I went for teens, in my twenties I preferred women in their twenties, and now I'm pushing 40 I prefer my women to be roughly the same age. Teenagers might look very nice, but sexually they simply can't compete in comparison to the generation above them who've been around long enough to know what they are doing. For the real thing, give me a MILF with wide open eyes, her own mind and a body with a quarter of a century of practice and technique behind it.

As for tea, well, that's the wonderful thing about it. It's so versatile so there's no right or wrong way to enjoy it.

Right, let's all be friends and start again shall we?

Coke and poop anyone?

Okay Scumlick, we're always friends. As for boning a teen...um...I'm with you. I have always preferred older people and even when I was a teen, I didn't like teens. Also, I have a daughter and I worry about these things too as I remember the shit I did when I was that age. Somehow I think you have the impression that I am male. I'm not.

I'm seriously just always playing with you when I type these comments. It matters not to me if you take milk with tea, shag teenyboppers, or look down your nose at people who call dessert "pudding". I do these things because your obviously witty and you can keep up and I like what you have to say as a reply.

And like a good American, I prefer coffee with lots of cream and sugar.

Wow poopsy, I must say, I thought you were male also. I haven't read your bio so I dunno. I'm amazed at both the amount of women on this site, and the amount of "older" people here. I guess I figured it'd be a bunch of males my age. And I must say, the only way I drink tea is sweet on ice. Maybe with a lil crown royal mixed in, but that's rare. As for sex with minors/milfs, I think as a 21 year old male, there is something sex about a 35 or 40 year old woman who keeps herself in shape and has the experiance. Younger girls are just too immature. The last girl I dated that was younger than me would shit with the door open while her sister was sitting on the tub talking to her, fart at the dinner table, and pop a squat wherever she got the urge and yet, I loved her anyways.

Gosh, really? I think it's glaringly obvious that I'm a girl. You will not learn anything from my bio as I'm fairly certain I don't have one.

Sweet tea. How perfectly southern.

Well, I hope I'm attractive when I hit 35 and 40 and I hope my sense of modesty is intact then too. I can't imagine pooping with the door open or farting in front of anyone, especially a boy.

Awww, Leaky...how sweet! You loved her anyways. I'm getting misty. I have to ask though...did your girlfriend at least say excuse me when she randomly dropped ass bombs? Or was she one of those chicks that giggles after they deliver a dose? Did she burp aloud too? I mean it is safe to assume that if you'll slap out of of the basement you'll float one out of the attic as well, right?

Aw, cheers Poops! ;-)

Gotta admit, I thought you were a guy too. It was only your comment to Leandra earlier (after I typed the above) where you offered sisterly advice that I realised you were in fact female. Not sure how you want to take this, but you write like a guy. There's a compliment hidden in that statement somewhere, but I'm fucked if I know where it is. Man, woman, whatever, you're a strong voice and I like it.

One of the problems with written communication is that when someone is writing, people can't see faces or establish tone, as one can with conversation, so it;s hard to tell sometimes whether someone is making a tongue-in-cheek statement or not. Most of my posts are written with my tongue firmly in cheek and I worry sometimes that that gets misinterpreted also.

But glad we're ok. Peace is good.

Although I must correct you slightly. For the classier English person, including royalty, it's always "pudding", never "desert" or God help us, "sweet". "Desert" is used in restaurants of course, and the middle classes frequently believe that "desert" is the correct term, but it is not. Most English people don't realise this either, even the ones with money, but if you ever want to see through an Englishman's accent and establish his origins it's one of those seemingly insignificant little idioms that seperate the neuveau riche from "The Quality". I'm a "desert" person though as "pudding" sounds childish.

Yea, sorry about the mix up poopsy. Like scumbag said, without ever really seeing any hints as to you being man or woman in any other post, I kind of assumed man I guess. But I apologize. And yes, just so you know, her and her sister, the same one that would sit on the tub, used to sit around the table after eating and have a burping competition. Now I will say, at the time she was 16 and I was 18 and I didn't really find it amusing then, nor do I find it that amusing now when my current girl friend does it, but I tolerate it in small amounts, providing it doesn't happen in public.

Well, thanks boys. I do take the fact that you both thought I was a man as a compliment. I guess it means I can hang.

At least no one has ever mistaken me for a guy in person. Well, not in my adult life. That would be a real travesty and would take me years to recover from.

Once, when I was a child, I was mistaken for a boy and I'm still nursing the ego crushing blow. You see, I had, and still have, what I would call 'baby hair'. My mother, hoping to spare herself my blood curdling screams when she attempted to brush the bird's nest on my head, cut all my hair off into what is commonly known as a pageboy. So there I was, at the supermarket with mom, looking hungrily at some juicy grapes. I was just about to pop one off and plop it in my greedy little mouth when a booming voice bellowed "Young MAN! Keep your hands off the produce!" Much to my horror, this voice was talking to me. Through my tears I managed to cry out "But I'm a GIRL!"

Hey, thanks Scumfuck, for setting me straight on the dessert vs. pudding thing. Spoken like a true snob. You're a plonker. I can just envision you watching Gordon Ramsey on the teley (and hoping you get to watch him change into his chef's shirt so you can get a glimpse of his hairy chest), stroking your nob, all the while saying "Hmmm. I agree, Gordon. Only a fucking donkey would call dessert sweets."

I can't believe I mis-spelled "dessert" 4 fucking times... *sigh*

Proud to be a plonker, mate. Just call me Rodney Trotter :-)

You also misspelled "nouveau" and "realiZe". There is no 's' is realiZe. The French misspell is can be overlooked. The English have been butchering the french language since the conquest.

But who am I to judge? I frequently use your for you're and then look back and feel ashamed.

That's how 'realise' is spelled in England mate. A lot of the word that you use 'ize' for, we use 'ise'. Don't even get me started on 'diarrhoea' 'faeces', 'faecal', 'aluminium' and 'paedophile' ...

But I'm not bothered about the French misspelling. Bloody frogs! They've stolen some of our words (T-shirt, weekend, etc) so we fuck up the use of theirs in return. England has gone downhill since we stopped having wars with the French, you know...

*raises Union flag, takes bite of roast beef*

See poopsy dearest, that comment about windbag stroking his pipe is exactly why I thought you were a guy. You can sling insults just as fast as I can make sexual jokes. I'm impressed! How old are you and hwere do you live? We may be soulmates. And you know the brits are backwards anyways. The don't like the letter Z, they drive on the wrong side of the road, and they don't talk right. As for the french, there is nothing worse than watching a french person attempt to speak english. It hurts my mouth trying to watch them form english words.

The English aren't bad. Most of their words are the same as ours, and we can overlook the others as long as we understand what they are. Now for those French. The dirty bastards have a different word for each one of ours. How fucking pompous is that?

Did I spell pompous right?

You`re right, Scummy - the enemy of our choice, those soap-dodging Frogs, are completely beneath contempt.

She spells 'nob' correctly too, LBK. If I were wearing a hat I'd take it off in deference to her ability to be more of a man than most blokes I know. Will a humble bow suffice?

Leaky - And that's Zed, not Zee!

I loved being made redundant and choosing to retire early. Being made redundant by a company led by French and Italians managers pissed me off greatly! WAR, NOW!

Hey T-box, I thought the frogs and the jocks were mates? I'd always assumed that there was some sinister anti English collusion going on!

That was a long time ago, l`eau sus le pont. We hate them as much as any sane man can.

Well, we're physically closer to them than you are mate. A chap can't even stroll along a beach on the south coast without catching the occasional whiff of garlic, burning sheep and unwashed armpits...

Leaky, we are indeed soulmates. Watching the French pucker up and spew spittle when pronouncing English words is too much for me. Like a good American, I sneer at them and refuse to appreciate the fact that they learned our language at all.

As for the use of the letter s for z, well it's almost as bad as inserting a u in color.

Ironically, I live in New England. And sorry, Leaky, I'm happily married. Today is my 10th wedding anniversary. Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday.

Le weekend. Le french fries. Le yorkshire pudding to go with your le roast beef. I dare say the English have had a simmering hatred for the French since Agincourt.

Well happy anniversary for today and many happy returns for tomorrow Poopsy.

And it goes way beyond Agincourt. We've never forgiven the snail-chewing scoundrels for invading us and changing things forever in 1066.

Agincourt is recent history. We've hated them since Asterix the Gaul (!)

I keep forgetting that....The Brits LOST to the FRENCH in 1066...sux to be you guys.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Getafix was the only decent Gaul.

*giggles*

You're right. Thinking about it, the cowardly bastards let the Romans in!

If you don`t give the Frogs an away win now and then they throw they`re weapons out the pram, go off in the huff, and won`t come out to fight again.

Bilge, Harry boy marched from Yorkshire to El S's backyard and was winning until Bill the Bastard pulled a sneaky one.

Fuck me, the though of the Frogs is making me so angry I can`t spell their.

Or thought - damn those snail-eating scum!

Isn't it wonderful that one of the few things that a can unite countries is a mutual dislike of the French?

"that a can"? Shit! See? They're making ME do it too! Let's invade the bastards!

I used to have a lot of dealings with French and Belgian work colleagues and when I asked (at a hotel after a meal and beers)if businesses kept price lists/menus in German, "just in case", they weren't too happy. Made the Brit contingent laugh though.

My opinion is that all Brits are essentially French. One could argue that maybe Brits are Normans, but isn't that semantics?

When the Bastard won the day he set in motion a plan to breed out the scabby English natives. If you look closely at the Bayeaux Tapestry, you can see the Normans buggering the English in an attempt to dilute the Angle and Saxon bloodlines.

And it worked! Queen Elizabeth 2 is in fact related to both William 1 and the last Saxon kind of England. Genius!

I would imagine that you could extend that logic to cover USA, Canada, Aus, NZ and much of Africa. If "McGee" in anyway reflects your ancestry, welcome to the frogs, along with Obama and Roots author Haley!

And people wonder why we hold resentment towards the frog-eating ruffians! Pah!

*puts Elgar on the stereo, brews tea*

ok ok back on subject here! I am intrigued by this whole method that Summy brought to my attention of blowing coke up the ass. I should think that, much like snorting something makes you want to sneeze, it would cause an immedient urge to fart. What a waste that would be as I'm sure it doesn't instantly soak right into your rectal tissue. What if you farted even before the person doing the blowing had had a chance to remove the tube? So many variables here.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Shut up Spattacus. My ancestry is pure mick. Nothing and no one has ever pissed in our gene pool. I'm from unadulterated line of men dressed in green with four leaf clovers in their caps, a pint in their hands and a song on their lips. How dare you?!

Thanks Mrs MC. This needed to get back on the rails.

At any given moment there is usually a few hundred people online reading about our poopiness. I daresay that many of them have taken coke, and at least one or two will no doubt have tried this method of getting high. Would an anonymous coward please be kind enough to elaborate upon this subject?

Dear Mrs. Mad Crapper, the endless variables of ass snorting coke...I know. Since that ultra informative post by the drug free Le Scumwad, I have been thinking of Keith Richards ass blowing a fine mist of what must look like baby talc all over Mick Jagger's ugly mug. Then Mick Jagger licks his smacker with delight and says "yum". So, it might not always be a waste to fart it out. Your loss may be another's gain.

A young Keith Richards
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Yeah, that's him. Or it's the anal crack baby he fathered with Jonny Depp. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

I swear, I'm gonna have to quit my job so that I can keep up with Poop Report. This is ridiculous. 25 posts in the time I got off of lunch till I got home. And it's amazing how the conversation turned! I'm proud to say I have a nice english last name and english ancestory, even if they did blow all their money and sell the castle to common folk. Shit happens. Speaking of shit, I think someone said it way earlier but if you did enuff coke up the ass, would your shit have a street value? I don't ever remember seein this question answered. Someone needs to try it and write a report. And poopsy, as far as you being 32 and married, I'm sorry to hear that. We can still have our shitty online relationship.

Wow!
A Pom calling a Frog a soap-dodger! Pots and kettles and nigrification?
I've learned more here today than in 6 years of high school history. And its a whole lot more entertaining.
As a mid-40s Aussie, millions of miles away from Pommyland and Europe in general, and knowing sod-all about these wars and such, it is fascinating to read about current dislikes, hatreds and loathings stemming from arguments and scuffles that occurred a squillion years ago.
But I agree that words like 'colour','diarrhoea' 'faeces', 'faecal', 'aluminium' and 'paedophile' are all mis-spelt by our Seppo cousins.
Bloody spell-check keeps offering alternatives. I know what I bloody well want to say, and how I bloody well want to spell it!

Wheres France, anyway?
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Back on topic, regarding coke heads getting loaded off toilet seats, I wonder if thats what Frank Zappa was suggesting all those years ago.
On the album "Joe's Garage", the Central Scrutinizer tells us "If ya gotta load, or if ya gotta unload, ya go to the white zone..."
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The torture never stops- FZ.

Considering that the bog seat probably has urine splashes on it, a more apt Frank Zappa song for this would be "Don`t eat the yellow snow."

I AM an anonymous coward (one might also say Anomalous as well) who HAS done Coke. And Pepsi. And Jolt, (but that crap makes me vibrate around in my restraint chair like a demented windup toy from France. Damn frog eaters!) I must say that I have never snorted coke from a toilet seat, tank lid, bowl, or flush handle. I did suck some off the coffee table once when it EXITED my nose while laughing, which was actually the fault of the French. I was watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where the French guy said he waved his private parts in my auntie's face, which caused the rapid egress of Coke from my schnoz.

That would be like getting savaged by a dead sheep, AC. Frenchies have pitifully small nads (so I`ve been told) more akin to a twig attached to two raisins than a proper set of manly organs.

I give up on this post it's apparently lost to fighting over ancestry and who is a fuckin French cheese sniffer.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

It is 4 years old, a derail can't hurt!

Wow, I didn't realize this post was that old. I thought it was something recent.

I saw a cokehead snorting coke in a subway car the other day. I'd prefer if he'd done it off a toilet.

Why, so you didn't have to see it?
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The Original Grasshopper

It's amazing how some people will do coke right out in the open like it's legal. That amazes me to no end. It's like watching amy winehouse pull a powder pack out of her beehive, put some on her hand and snort while she's singing in a big concert. Like no one saw her!

That would be interesting...maybe with a Twilight character?

Some asshole in the chatroom, under the name booger AGAIN (the troll) said hi, yay twilight, then logged out. I hate that dude. Speaking of the chatroom, would anone like to join me in there (in a completely platonic way?)
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The Original Grasshopper

And now a dude named Steuben just said feliciations, *whip*, and how disappointing. Maybe I need to get out of there, there seems to be a lot of creeps in there.
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The Original Grasshopper

(Cool, 700th post!!!)
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The Original Grasshopper

I think I'm kinda glad I can't get into the chatroom on my dingleberry. Sounds kinda shady in there. And I have enough shadiness going on already. Lol. What were you talking about a twilight character in that first of three post, leandra?

If a Twilight character randomly did coke in front of everyone.
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The Original Grasshopper

Oh, well seein as how vampires seem to always have pale skin and circles under their eyes, I'm sure no one would be surprised.

*le gasp!* That's because they're thirsty!!! For blood! So don't provoke them!
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The Original Grasshopper

I used to be a vampire. I know all about the bloodsucking urges and what not. But I took care of myself. I didn't let my addiction control me, controlled it.

Used to be a vampire??? You need to tell me how to do that, I need it for my fanfiction (I'm up to over 200 reviews total!!!)
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The Original Grasshopper

I used to be a werewolf, but I'm alright NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!

Sorry, couldn't resist that one.

Hey, moderators!
What happened to the "Lame comment -1 (or 2) points" stamp???
Ohmycaburetor, I think its LONG overdue.
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Wow, its my 340th post!
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Look at what a brainless attention-whore I am!
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Gollum rocks!
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

My precious!

Oh and I meant to say Le Scumsack, I totally picture you as a cutesy Michael J Fox type of teen wolf only your fur has braids in it and you're wearing a tee shirt with Cher on it.

I actually look and smell more like one of Teen Wolf's victims, about three weeks after death, with slightly more flies.

I don't think teen wolf had any victims. I think it would have taken away from Michael J Fox's marketability if he went around eating people. Teen Beat magazine would've seen a steep drop in sales and hundreds of Alex P Keaton posters would've been ripped off walls all across the world if teen wolf ever claimed a victim. Maybe the point of such fare as Teen Wolf was to showcase Michael J Fox's acting chops as an amiable chap who finds himself in a bit of a quandry?

Considering how often you are shittng on yourself or someone else, I'm inclined to believe you smell like Nick Nolte's armpits after a mile long jog to the liquor store for more Segrams Seven.

Well thanks for educating me on a mid-80s Michael J Fox film that wasn't back To The Future, Poopsie! If anything though, I look a bit like Biff Tannen. And I smell like one of his manure encounters.