A shit-faced Canadian accused of drunk driving failed in an attempt to foil a police breathalyzer by stuffing his mouth full of his own feces.

The drunken motorist was arrested after police pulled over his Ford pickup on a highway just outside Barrie, Ont., and transported the 59-year-old dung-eating driver to a police station for testing. En route, the dookie-loving drunk vomited, urinated, and then dropped a load of hot carl in the rear seat of the squad car.

Upon arriving at the police station, the man grabbed a handful of crappola and "placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyzer machine," said Sgt. James Buchanan, who added, "It didn't work."

The machine registered two readings of intoxication from the poop-tainted samples the shit-eating suspect provided. Both were more than twice the legal limit of alcohol, not to mention grossly exceeding the legal limit for oral fecal matter.

"I don't think alcohol alone would make you do something as disgusting as that," observed a grossed-out South Simcoe Police Inspector, Tom McDonald. "I've never heard of anything like this before," said the 28-year police veteran.

Well, PoopReport hasn't heard of anything so disgusting either, Inspector McDonald; but then again, who knows what evil lurks in the minds of cabin-weary Canadian coprophiliacs.

Precautious officers reportedly called in paramedics to "check the man" for what PoopReport can only assume was sanity or worms.

Inspector McDonald said, "This fellow was in dire need of help." He added that the cruiser is "back on the road" after officers spent two hours scrubbing with industrial cleansers.

Mr. Pottymouth (South Simcoe Police do not identify people they charge) is scheduled to appear in a Bradford, Ont., court on May 12. PoopReport suggests the perpetrator's sentence include a good, soapy mouth-washing.

-- reported by Turd Hugegrunt