Boeing Co. engineers have filed for a patent on the design of a new concept in airline restrooms.

Here's the scoop. During takeoff, the lavatories are the claustrophobic things you're currently accustomed to. But after takeoff, they "expand by rotating into the emergency doorways via giant turntables, their sinks connected to the aircraft's innards via flexible plumbing lines."

Scared that the giant Lazy Susan might accidentally swing shut and trap you inside? They think they've handled that problem by providing "suitable locking mechanisms."

That's comforting, but here's my issue. If there's extra space on the plane, how about letting us expand into it? Most of the time, you can't even get to the lavatory because as soon as we get into the air, they move those fucking peanut carts into the aisles. How about carts that can levitate off the ground so that we could crawl under them when the need gets overwhelming?

(Sorry about the rant. I've had some recent encounters with the airline industry that have left me itching for a fight.