I don't much follow the hot celebrities these days. I don't know if Ryan Seacrest is the guy married to Jessica Simpson; for that matter, I don't know which one is Jessica Simpson and which one is the girl who was the redhead in
Clueless. Whatever. The point is that this Ryan Seacrest person is young, handsome, rich, and probably getting lots of girls, which is enough to make me hate him. So it's with much glee that I present the
Poop on Ryan Seacrest's Star Contest.
Apparently this dude was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame; and apparently that makes many people sick. So some blogger took it upon himself to offer $50 to the first person to break LA's laws against public defecation and
express some Taco Bell-fueled disdain on this grinning prettyboy. The only major rules:
1) Getting a homeless person to do his business on the star will not be accepted! Remember, this is cosmic justice, people. You must be so personally offended by Ryan Seacrest's star that you are going to defile it yourself.
2) Dog poo is also strictly prohibited. But if you take a picture of your dog pooping on the star, I promise I will do my best to publicize it. But you will not win the contest.
Now, my feelings about turd terrorism are well-known and clear; and I realize that my support of this contest makes me a hypocrite. But you know, celebrity culture in this country is really f'd up. To me (in all my bitterness and jealousy), the symbolic meaning behind this contest outweighs the damage to PoopReport's integrity.
Thanks to Arnold, Larfus, a few others for sending this in!
