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Smart Shit

Posted 06.03.2005 by Logjam
A critical aspect of integrating something into the societal mainstream -- of making it widely acceptable -- is to turn it over to PhDs. Academics make their careers by laying hold of something wild and taming it, creating a new way of "discoursing" about it that few can follow. In this way, they turn wild monsters that can keep us awake at night into neutered tomes that can put us quickly to sleep.

So it is that an increasing number of university professors are staking their professional claims in the toilet. And while this is a clear sign of progress for the cause of Shameless Shitting, it is also a turn that should give us pause, a reason for PR devotees to mourn.

In yesterday's Boston Globe, columnist Alex Beam describes the work of two academic books exploring ''the premise that public toilets, far from being banal or simply functional, are highly charged spaces, shaped by notions of propriety, hygiene and the binary gender division."

Here from the book proposal is a taste of the sort of analysis we can expect from Drs. Olga Gershenson and Barbara Penner, the authors of one of these books:
''Indeed, public toilets are among the very few openly segregated spaces in contemporary Western culture, and the physical differences between 'gentlemen' and 'ladies' remains central to (and is further naturalized by) their design. As such, they provide a fertile ground for critical work interrogating how conventional assumptions about the body, sexuality, privacy, and technology can be formed in public space and inscribed through design."
By the way, many social scientists talk these days about abstract ideas getting "inscribed" into physical objects (often called "artifacts"). So a guy shaping the handle of a hammer isn't just trying to make a thing you can hold; he's inscribing his idea of how the tool, er artifact, should be used and thus in the process is contraining your thoughts and actions. He's also making visible to the insightful social scientist his own view of the universe vis-à-vis that tool. Heady stuff, no?

The other academic Mr. Beam caught up with is Dr. Clara Greed, author of the book ''Public Toilets: Inclusive Urban Design." She seemed a little more down to earth in her approach, but perhaps only because Beam was quoting from their conversation:
"It's an Anglo-Saxon thing … that this research seems like a joke. But it's a very serious issue because everybody needs to go to the toilet...It's a global issue nowadays. A nation is judged by its toilets."
That sounds a little like Dave, doesn't it? And hey Dave, can you give us a representative line from your book? You're not going to turn silly on us just to sound smart, are you?

Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
Anonymous Coward -- 06.04.2005

Ask and ye shall receive. Hopefully my book will satisfy a PoopReporter's twin cravings for highbrow elucidation and lowbrow poop jokes. What follows is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, tentatively titled either One Nation, Under Log or Plop Culture. This is the introduction to Chapter II: The Shaming of the Poo.

=====
“…and stay out!”

The heavy iron gate crashed shut. A deadbolt turned, footsteps faded; and then silence. Eve looked at Adam, shrugged, and picked up her suitcase. Adam lingered a wistful moment, then followed.

The land beyond the Garden was rocky and painful on their bare feet, and their new loincloths chafed them. Exhausted after hours of wandering, they decided to stop -- they’d only eaten a few bites of fruit that morning, and the hunger they were now experiencing was unfamiliar and frightening. They gathered a meal of grass and weeds, set up their tent, and went to sleep.

Hours later, Eve woke with humanity’s first stomachache. Exiting the tent, she looked at the stars, now so much more distant than they had seemed in Eden. For the rest of time, humanity would be punished for the couple’s surrender to temptation. We would live in discomfort. We would experience pain. We would know hunger and thirst. And we would have shame in our bodies.

Eve’s stomach twisted. Still looking up, she squatted and gave agonizing birth to humanity’s first rancid ass baby. It stunk terrifically; and with all that roughage, it was tremendous. In the Garden, she hadn’t really paid much attention to her poop; it certainly had never been preceded by such pain nor pursued by such odor. This was embarrassing. In the Garden, it had never been embarrassing.

Eve listened to her breath, harsh and ragged in the back of her throat. A tardy fart squeaked out. Her mouth tasted like weeds. In the Garden, she hadn’t noticed how repulsive her body could be. Now… she crossed her arms self-consciously, wishing she’d sewn a few more leaves on her loincloth.

Eve slunk back into the tent. The smell followed. Adam, already jolted from sleep by those strange spluttering sounds, gagged. Eve was mortified.

The next morning, Adam suffered his own ordeal with a malevolent serpent. But, wanting to avoid creating in Eve the kind of revulsion she’d caused in him, he excused himself on the pretext of stretching his legs and conducted his business over a rise, behind a bush, hoping she wouldn’t see or hear or smell that his poop was as shocking as hers was. Twenty-four hours out of the Garden, Adam and Eve were humanity’s first shameful shitters.

(And from there it goes on to explore the fact the reasons why so many of us have so many psychological issues about something every single one of us does.)

Anonymous Coward -- 06.04.2005

Ask and ye shall receive. Hopefully my book will satisfy a PoopReporter's twin cravings for highbrow elucidation and lowbrow poop jokes. What follows is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, tentatively titled either One Nation, Under Log or Plop Culture. This is the introduction to Chapter II: The Shaming of the Poo.

=====
“…and stay out!”

The heavy iron gate crashed shut. A deadbolt turned, footsteps faded; and then silence. Eve looked at Adam, shrugged, and picked up her suitcase. Adam lingered a wistful moment, then followed.

The land beyond the Garden was rocky and painful on their bare feet, and their new loincloths chafed them. Exhausted after hours of wandering, they decided to stop -- they’d only eaten a few bites of fruit that morning, and the hunger they were now experiencing was unfamiliar and frightening. They gathered a meal of grass and weeds, set up their tent, and went to sleep.

Hours later, Eve woke with humanity’s first stomachache. Exiting the tent, she looked at the stars, now so much more distant than they had seemed in Eden. For the rest of time, humanity would be punished for the couple’s surrender to temptation. We would live in discomfort. We would experience pain. We would know hunger and thirst. And we would have shame in our bodies.

Eve’s stomach twisted. Still looking up, she squatted and gave agonizing birth to humanity’s first rancid ass baby. It stunk terrifically; and with all that roughage, it was tremendous. In the Garden, she hadn’t really paid much attention to her poop; it certainly had never been preceded by such pain nor pursued by such odor. This was embarrassing. In the Garden, it had never been embarrassing.

Eve listened to her breath, harsh and ragged in the back of her throat. A tardy fart squeaked out. Her mouth tasted like weeds. In the Garden, she hadn’t noticed how repulsive her body could be. Now… she crossed her arms self-consciously, wishing she’d sewn a few more leaves on her loincloth.

Eve slunk back into the tent. The smell followed. Adam, already jolted from sleep by those strange spluttering sounds, gagged. Eve was mortified.

The next morning, Adam suffered his own ordeal with a malevolent serpent. But, wanting to avoid creating in Eve the kind of revulsion she’d caused in him, he excused himself on the pretext of stretching his legs and conducted his business over a rise, behind a bush, hoping she wouldn’t see or hear or smell that his poop was as shocking as hers was. Twenty-four hours out of the Garden, Adam and Eve were humanity’s first shameful shitters.

(And from there it goes on to explore the fact the reasons why so many of us have so many psychological issues about something every single one of us does.)

Anonymous Coward -- 06.04.2005

Nice stuff, Dave. Now you've got me wanting more. Are you planning to pre-release some of your chapters on PR, or does your publisher own your soul by now?

Anonymous Coward -- 06.04.2005

Nice stuff, Dave. Now you've got me wanting more. Are you planning to pre-release some of your chapters on PR, or does your publisher own your soul by now?

Anonymous Coward -- 06.04.2005

My publisher is very hands-off at this point in the process. I don't know what he has planned... we haven't really discussed marketing or anything else. I'm sure that PR'rs will get something good out of the deal, though -- a pre-release, or a price break, I'm not sure. But I won't forget you guys, even when I'm rich and famous and on Oprah telling her what an idiot the poop doctor she had on a few weeks ago is.

Anonymous Coward -- 06.04.2005

My publisher is very hands-off at this point in the process. I don't know what he has planned... we haven't really discussed marketing or anything else. I'm sure that PR'rs will get something good out of the deal, though -- a pre-release, or a price break, I'm not sure. But I won't forget you guys, even when I'm rich and famous and on Oprah telling her what an idiot the poop doctor she had on a few weeks ago is.

Anonymous Coward -- 06.08.2005

It will be one of those "must haves" for the typical household's "reading room." My stack of magazines will get pushed aside to make space for your book!

Anonymous Coward -- 06.08.2005

It will be one of those "must haves" for the typical household's "reading room." My stack of magazines will get pushed aside to make space for your book!

Bilgepump (2903) -- 06.03.2009

hmmm...Dave double posting anonymously to himself, and, seemingly answering himself...Logjam? You have any clues to this strange behavior?

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

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