While our Congress is debating meaningless topics like the PATRIOT Act or Supreme Court nominees, the government of Tanzania has stepped forward with legislation that really and truly affects the lives of its citizens: the country's chief regulatory body pledges to "take manufacturers or distributors of toilet tissue to court if their products do not meet national requirements for softness, size or alkalinity."

Imagine if that happened in the US. Suddenly the scourge of ass rash would be over. Goodbye, Marcal! So long, Scott! F off, Saversoft!

"The production of sub-standard things like toilet paper is not only bad for the manufacturer but could tarnish the country's image," said Charles Ekelege, a senior Tanzania Bureau of Standards official at the ongoing 29th Dar es Salaam International Trade Fair.

I think I'm moving to Tanzania.