Firecracker in the ass causes all sorts of damage.

// // 33 Comments
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From the "duh" department:



Tori Anus says -- "Here's a horrendous story. This is one man who will never take pooping for granted again."

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A firecracker accident which left a 26-year-old man incontinent and unable to have sex has prompted warnings from police and health authorities about imitating stunts from the cult prankster film Jackass.



The man suffered a fractured pelvis and severe burns to his genital area after a firecracker exploded between the cheeks of his buttocks.



The man suffered extensive injuries from the explosion and required emergency surgery. He now has a colostomy and a catheter, and is sexually dysfunctional. He will be assessed by a colorectal surgeon to determine whether his injuries can be corrected.



Dr McCurdie said he believed the man had stumbled while the firecracker was in his buttocks, and fell down on it.



"By virtue of the fact that the explosion was confined in an upward direction, it went up into his pelvis, blasted a great hole in the pelvis, ruptured the urethra, injured muscles in the floor of the pelvis which rendered him incontinent.

33 Comments on "Firecracker in the ass causes all sorts of damage."

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Must've been a good firecracker.

Inspector Pu P. Stayne's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Obviously this guy blew his brains out!______
"You have to probe a lot of turds before you find gold in one......and it turns out the gold is corn!!

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points
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It is truly a horrendous story. But why does a man have a firecracker stuck up his butt!!?? A lit firecracker, anyway!

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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Niiiiiiice I guess there are people that adventurous to the point of being really STUPID! Hmmmmm guess he thought it would just burn his ass cheeks or singe his ass hairs. Guess he was WRONG WRONG WRONG! Here's a clue you can blow the tip of your finger off and your finger also by mishandling explosives. Now what do you think will happen if you put one between your butt? Guess he JUST HAAAAD to find out?
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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Blew his brains out? LOL!

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points
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What an ass-
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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But he doesn't have an ass anymore, Miss Simone...

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points
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This is a story that deserves mention on Darwinawards.com, a site I've mentioned before that monitors the actions of the cretins of the world in their (unintentional) efforts to clean up the gene pool. Maybe this mutant had one of those "logjams" (excuse me, LJ) that wouldn't budge and he thought he'd help it along. He survived (in modified form), but on the bright side it sounds like he'll be unable to pass on his defective genetic material.

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points
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RC - perhaps this fool could benefit from some of the ED-209's hardware?? Another recruit for the coming battle against the Porcelain Empire. Not too bright, though - maybe he can be some "front line meat".

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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Use him as a zero range mortar launcher?
A brown torpedo boat? Bombardier?
The gases may launch him back at us!
"RunAway, RunAway!"


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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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One of my HS classmates would take the little bricks of firecrackers and anally torture cats with them. He'd have a good laugh when they struggled to push it out.
A group of us kidnapped him, taped his hands together in front of him, and treated him to the same action. We told him it was an M-100, but it was only a smoke bomb with a long handle.

He shit himself pushing it out, but he never touched another cat after that.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points
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Bravo, RC and friends! Comment, Daphne??

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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It involves cats, Fudge. Somebody get Bilgepump over here!

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

PoopinGirl's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Anyone who does that to cats deserves to have mean things done to him.
Good for you RC!

RoboCrap13's picture
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*** Prime Directives ***
1. Serve The Public Trust
2. Protect The Innocent
3. Uphold The Law
4. CL-ASS-IFIED

Just following my programming.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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This could be added onto today's story: The FOUR most important things.

Number four, do not stick explosive devices in your bum.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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A 21 fart salute for RC and his pals. I have great disdain for those who mistreat animals and children. I think you should have rubbed his asshole raw with a turpentine saturated corncob while spraying his scrotum with pepper spray.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
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You'll take that corncob over my furry dead body.

Trevor

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Trevor.....Can you ever forgive me? I have a whole sack of fresh cobs.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
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Forgiven, and if you are out of turpentine, you can just use some of that generic gin.

daphne's picture
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Robocrap, I love you. My cats love you, too.


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

prarie doggin's picture
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I have a friend who is a real West Virginia redneck. Tough as nails ex-marine, and a real dog lover. One morning he witnessed someone beating a dog that had been tied closely to a tree. He lost it. The 911 call that came into the police was that there was a heavily bleeding man spotted tied to a tree with a dog leash.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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A firecracker did that much damage? Think if he had used an M 80. Or a roman candle.

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points
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It would have been a closed casket funeral.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Anonymous Coward's picture
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In cartoons a bright idea is heralded by the appearance of a light bulb over one's head. Perhaps in the future a dumb idea will be signified by the protagonist's ass blowing up.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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PD.......I had a brother-in-law from West Virginia back in the 1950s who sometime
drank more stump-blower than is good for you. Once, at a celebration that called for fireworks, he opined that the fire that came from a rocket was not hot since the bottle we were launching them from did not seem to get hot.

He fired off one that he hand held. His hand resembled a baseball mitt for several days.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

powersoak's picture
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I am not a "nice" person, nor do I suffer fools at all, so I will say that it is a blessing to the world that someone who is this stupid or who gets this stupidly drunk will not be able to reproduce, at least casually. I imagine that the methane inside his drunken ass amplified the explosion and the damage it caused.

Anonymous MS's picture
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I'm not sure someone that is that stupid should procreate anyway. Probably good that he can't reproduce now, although I sure do feel sorry for him.

El Scumbag's picture
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Does this gentleman qualify for a Darwin Award now that he no longer able to contribute to the gene pool?

Incidentally, the British comedian Chris Lynam's act climaxes with him stripping naked, inserting a 'roman candle' firework into his anus and shooting a 7 foot flame while singing "There's no business like show business". It is truly an awe-inspiring sight to behold.

El Scumbag's picture
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Ah, sorry just noticed that somebody has already mentioned the Darwin Awards. I really should read the posts more often before I post myself...

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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A boy neighbor used to stick fire crackers in kitten butts and throw them up in the air after lighting it. That boy has since committed suicide. At least the stupid guy who blew up his butt and pelvis didn't experiment on a cat.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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ES, just so you know, Chris Lynam stole my act.

LeandraCullen's picture
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Who's Chris Lynam?
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The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper