Firecracker in the ass causes all sorts of damage.

Firecracker in the ass causes all sorts of damage.

Posted 09.08.2003 by Dave

From the "duh" department:

Tori Anus says -- "Here's a horrendous story. This is one man who will never take pooping for granted again."
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A firecracker accident which left a 26-year-old man incontinent and unable to have sex has prompted warnings from police and health authorities about imitating stunts from the cult prankster film Jackass.

The man suffered a fractured pelvis and severe burns to his genital area after a firecracker exploded between the cheeks of his buttocks.

The man suffered extensive injuries from the explosion and required emergency surgery. He now has a colostomy and a catheter, and is sexually dysfunctional. He will be assessed by a colorectal surgeon to determine whether his injuries can be corrected.

Dr McCurdie said he believed the man had stumbled while the firecracker was in his buttocks, and fell down on it.

"By virtue of the fact that the explosion was confined in an upward direction, it went up into his pelvis, blasted a great hole in the pelvis, ruptured the urethra, injured muscles in the floor of the pelvis which rendered him incontinent.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

DungDaddy (1386) -- 09.08.2007

Must've been a good firecracker.

Inspector Pu P.... (41) -- 09.08.2007

Obviously this guy blew his brains out!______
"You have to probe a lot of turds before you find gold in one......and it turns out the gold is corn!!

Hamster (581) -- 09.08.2007

It is truly a horrendous story. But why does a man have a firecracker stuck up his butt!!?? A lit firecracker, anyway!

The Thunderous ... (710) -- 09.08.2007

Niiiiiiice I guess there are people that adventurous to the point of being really STUPID! Hmmmmm guess he thought it would just burn his ass cheeks or singe his ass hairs. Guess he was WRONG WRONG WRONG! Here's a clue you can blow the tip of your finger off and your finger also by mishandling explosives. Now what do you think will happen if you put one between your butt? Guess he JUST HAAAAD to find out?
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.08.2007

Blew his brains out? LOL!

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 09.08.2007

What an ass-
Producing waste since 1967

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.08.2007

But he doesn't have an ass anymore, Miss Simone...

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Fudgepump (366) -- 09.09.2007

This is a story that deserves mention on Darwinawards.com, a site I've mentioned before that monitors the actions of the cretins of the world in their (unintentional) efforts to clean up the gene pool. Maybe this mutant had one of those "logjams" (excuse me, LJ) that wouldn't budge and he thought he'd help it along. He survived (in modified form), but on the bright side it sounds like he'll be unable to pass on his defective genetic material.

Fudgepump (366) -- 09.09.2007

RC - perhaps this fool could benefit from some of the ED-209's hardware?? Another recruit for the coming battle against the Porcelain Empire. Not too bright, though - maybe he can be some "front line meat".

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.09.2007

Use him as a zero range mortar launcher?
A brown torpedo boat? Bombardier?
The gases may launch him back at us!
"RunAway, RunAway!"

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.09.2007

One of my HS classmates would take the little bricks of firecrackers and anally torture cats with them. He'd have a good laugh when they struggled to push it out.
A group of us kidnapped him, taped his hands together in front of him, and treated him to the same action. We told him it was an M-100, but it was only a smoke bomb with a long handle.

He shit himself pushing it out, but he never touched another cat after that.

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Fudgepump (366) -- 09.09.2007

Bravo, RC and friends! Comment, Daphne??

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.10.2007

It involves cats, Fudge. Somebody get Bilgepump over here!

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

PoopinGirl (2) -- 09.10.2007

Anyone who does that to cats deserves to have mean things done to him.
Good for you RC!

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.10.2007

*** Prime Directives ***
1. Serve The Public Trust
2. Protect The Innocent
3. Uphold The Law
4. CL-ASS-IFIED

Just following my programming.

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

DungDaddy (1386) -- 09.08.2008

This could be added onto today's story: The FOUR most important things.

Number four, do not stick explosive devices in your bum.

ChiefThunderbutt (916) -- 09.08.2008

A 21 fart salute for RC and his pals. I have great disdain for those who mistreat animals and children. I think you should have rubbed his asshole raw with a turpentine saturated corncob while spraying his scrotum with pepper spray.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

prarie doggin (2283) -- 09.08.2008

You'll take that corncob over my furry dead body.

Trevor

ChiefThunderbutt (916) -- 09.08.2008

Trevor.....Can you ever forgive me? I have a whole sack of fresh cobs.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

prarie doggin (2283) -- 09.08.2008

Forgiven, and if you are out of turpentine, you can just use some of that generic gin.

daphne (3667) -- 09.08.2008

Robocrap, I love you. My cats love you, too.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

prarie doggin (2283) -- 09.08.2008

I have a friend who is a real West Virginia redneck. Tough as nails ex-marine, and a real dog lover. One morning he witnessed someone beating a dog that had been tied closely to a tree. He lost it. The 911 call that came into the police was that there was a heavily bleeding man spotted tied to a tree with a dog leash.

Postman (369) -- 09.08.2008

A firecracker did that much damage? Think if he had used an M 80. Or a roman candle.

RoboCrap13 (391) -- 09.09.2008

It would have been a closed casket funeral.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 09.09.2008

In cartoons a bright idea is heralded by the appearance of a light bulb over one's head. Perhaps in the future a dumb idea will be signified by the protagonist's ass blowing up.

ChiefThunderbutt (916) -- 09.09.2008

PD.......I had a brother-in-law from West Virginia back in the 1950s who sometime
drank more stump-blower than is good for you. Once, at a celebration that called for fireworks, he opined that the fire that came from a rocket was not hot since the bottle we were launching them from did not seem to get hot.

He fired off one that he hand held. His hand resembled a baseball mitt for several days.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

powersoak (not verified) -- 09.09.2008

I am not a "nice" person, nor do I suffer fools at all, so I will say that it is a blessing to the world that someone who is this stupid or who gets this stupidly drunk will not be able to reproduce, at least casually. I imagine that the methane inside his drunken ass amplified the explosion and the damage it caused.