Like bowel movements, the news is transient. (At least, we hope our BMs keep moving and don't stop!) You're all surely aware of the recent furor over a comment made by singer Sheryl Crow for the world to
use only one square of toilet paper, per person, per pee-pee parturition.
When the story broke, this was my initial reaction, as written for the BM Newswire:
I have good news! Singer Sheryl Crow is changing the world, one ass at a time. Crow has suggested using (in her words): "...only one square (of toilet paper) per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."
My question is, how is that enforceable? Is that not an infringement on our basic rights? Our right to have a clean, uh, whistle?
Well, I say, "Thank God!" Thank God there are people out there like Sheryl Crow who are willing to sacrifice their time, talent, and treasure to make the world a safer, more piss-dribbled place. I for one am humbled and shamed by Ms. Crow's inestimable contribution to society by trying to limit our toilet paper use. It's about time!
Aw, who am I kidding? I'm going to Costco and buying as much Kirkland Signature toilet paper as will fit into my trunk. Then I'm going to ceremoniously THROW AWAY an EXTRA square, each and every day, in honor of Sheryl Crow.
But just as quickly as the snow melted, though, the story changed. Crow
stated that the comment on her blog was meant as a joke, but was glad that it garnered attention for environmentalism. But not before the public
registered it's outrage at the affront on our basic bathroom rights.
I think we've learned a valuable lesson: environmental issue or not, people do not like being told how much toilet paper to use.
We like when celebrities get behind our beliefs. Where we don't want them is behind our commodes.
