I've often wondered how many traffic accidents are caused by speeding motorists cannonballing it back home to avoid the runs. While the government doesn't keep statistics, I bet many first responders their stories about attending to dazed accident victims with gashes on their forehead and splashes on their upholstery. When I was in high school, I was told that I'd get cheaper car insurance if I kept my grades up (the logic being that good kids are less likely to get in accidents); I'm surprised that Allstate's actuaries aren't counting Taco Bell frequency as another risk factor.
One reason this will always remain the auto industry's dirty little secret is because no one wants to admit they were endangering themselves and others just because a McDonalds crapper wasn't up to their standards. But in Inverness, Scotland, one driver recently 'fessed up to the truth -- and was rewarded for it.
On March 24, William MacKenzie was caught driving 102 MPH in a 70 MPH zone. In court, though, he pleaded that there were mitigating factors -- namely that he was a cancer patient whose radiation treatment left him with a desperate need to drive the Hershey highway.
And last week in court, Inverness Sheriff Colin Scott-Mackenzie took pity on the cancer survivor's blown gasket. Although the sheriff noted that MacKenzie could have "found himself a bush to relieve himself if he had been that desperate," the sheriff nevertheless imposed a lesser sentence below what would have normally been a three-month driving ban and a £100 fine.
The BBC didn't report the testimony of the ticketing officer. Presumably, though, he or she provided the court with eyewitness testimony that convinced them of the truth of poor Mr. MacKenzie's story. What did the officer encounter when MacKenzie rolled down his window? Did stench billow out of the car like a green fog? Did the glare of the flashlight reflect off a black pool in the driver's lap? Or perhaps the cop knew immediately from the look on Mr. MacKenzie's face. After all, a veteran officer will instantly recognize the confused look of the DUI or the defiant look of the armed robber; perhaps the guilty look of a self-shitter is admissible in court.
"License and registr-- oh my God!"
