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It's not your Grandpa's Beijing bathroom

Posted 06.24.2008 by Dave
Back in the eighties, my grandparents went to China -- "To the Orient," as they always said. They walked the Great Wall, visited Tiananmen Square, and saw how the people both struggled and thrived under the hardcore Communist regime. But when you ask Grandpops for details about his trip, the conversation almost invariably ends up on one subject: "Oy, the bathrooms!"

Bathrooms are what people remember when they travel. And bathrooms are what everyone at home wants to know about. "What are the bathrooms like in Italy?" "In Egypt?" "In India?" "In China?" "Were they gross? They were gross, weren't they?" "Eww… were they squatters?"

They WERE squatters, in Grandpa's time. And they WERE gross. But not any more. The Chinese government has recognized that, in accordance with Symbolic Meaning of Poop #1 ("poop exposes the lowness of the high"), the memory of a disgusting toilet will always overshadow even the most serene tourist experience. So to ensure purity of memory for the half-million Westerners soon to descend on the country for beauty, serenity, and the love of sport, China has been frantically modernizing their bathroom infrastructure, spending over US$57 million to build or renovate 5,333 public toilets in Beijing alone.

And now that they've built all the toilets, they're focusing on maintaining them. Just yesterday Beijing announced that they've dispatched an army of 8,000 men and women specially trained in the fine art of bathroom maintenance. These brave soldiers will ensure impeccable standards dung shui during the Games and, hopefully, in perpetuity.

In 1994, a survey of foreign tourists found that more than sixty percent were dissatisfied with Beijing's toilets -- "a revolting experience." Even the locals were unhappy. "Zhou Jiang, 76, lived in a siheyuan, or courtyard home, with no modern amenities for decades. He used his nose to locate a public toilet when he was a child. ‘I would squat over a huge pit, and would feel dizzy if I looked down because I could be hovering over a two-meter pit with no water to flush to it,' he recalls."

That was the Beijing that Grandpops experienced, and never forgot. If the Chinese government has succeeded -- and if the bathroom army accomplishes their mission -- that Beijing will no longer exist.

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Thunderbox (813) -- 06.24.2008

I`ve been visiting China since 1982, and to be honest the state of their toilets have never really got better. Last time I visited was last year. I went to the very far northwest around the Taklamakan desert (above Tibet), but spent a few days in Beijing as that`s where you fly into.

As you say they have been building all these new western toilets, but purely for the Olympics, and they are really only concentrated in the places where the tourists will be going. Outside these areas, in Beijing itself and all over the rest of the country, the toilets are generally still squatters apart from westernised hotels.

The redevelopment for the Olympics is not only a supply of new western toilets. Part of this redevelopment also involved demolishing a great deal of the old part of town (the hutongs) which used to be all old low level buildings in quiet streets. These parts of the city were a great insight into Chinese life. Also, the Chinese far prefer to live in the hutongs than cheaply built tower blocks. The hutongs have been, for the most part now, turned into the usual awful high rise buildings.

If the Chinese are offered a choice they`d far rather use a squatter than a western toilet. And the 60% of tourists that complained about the state of the toilets do so because they naturally compare them to their own toilets back home.

phatmanxxl (156) -- 06.25.2008

I can see having to sqat over a third world hole in the ground toilet can make a vcation unplesent. Plus bringing home some funky ass rash would make it even worse. Thumbs up to the chi-coms for the upgrades.

Hum bunger (107) -- 06.25.2008

An old Seabee told me about a shithouse experience in China from the late 40's. He said there was a long elevated open air bench with holes to shit through like an outhouse, but next to where you sat was a small slot for coins. If you dropped a couple of coins down the slot your ass would be washed by a soapy brush.

Powersoak (not verified) -- 07.02.2008

Does anyone know the meaning of the characters that form the English word "urinal?" Maybe something like: standing man holding penis returning gold to earth in rain?

Artful Dodger (345) -- 07.02.2008

Someone has a pee fetish.

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