Breaking and excreting: a new breed of turd terrorist?

Breaking and excreting: a new breed of turd terrorist?

Posted 07.11.2007 by Gasputin

When seventeen-year-old Vincent Medina was told by a Las Cruces, NM, Pic Quick convenience store clerk that he'd have to wait a few minutes to use the soon-to-be-opened store's restroom, the defiant teen responded by shattering the store's glass doors and forcing his way in. The clerk called the police and then hightailed it outside

while Medina released his inner torment into Pic Quick's shit pit.

In a celebratory mood after his presumed offering to Sterculinus, the Roman god of manure, Medina purloined a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 (euphemistically referred to as "wine" in the article, which is akin to calling a Slurpee cup a "Grecian urn") on his way out, thereby shifting his reverence to Bacchus, the Roman god of intoxication. Then our young atom-splitter instructed the clerk to call the police while he waited outside to enjoy the cold blood of the grape.

Medina was arrested shortly thereafter in a fitting homage to Delinqulus, the Roman god of juvenile detention facilities.

And so I ask you:

Is Vincent Medina a dangerous revolutionary ushering in a new age of pre-emptive turd terrorism? Does he represent an altogether new breed of turd terrorist: one whose assertive, single-minded pursuit of defecatory appeasement will let nothing -- be it locked doors, inflexible clerks, or posted convenience store hours -- come between him and his toilette?

Or is he merely a moronic crapscallion with an urgent need to ladle out piping-hot bowels full of cream of bathroom soup? To paraphrase Tone Loc: is he just a flunky called Medina?

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Mary Queen of Scats (387) -- 07.11.2007

Interesting topic.

It's almost like people in this country have forgotten the very basic premises of social morality.

Being told to wait to use the bathroom is the same (in my mind anyway) as actually having to wait. You don't break down the crapper door when you know someone's in there; you clamp your cheeks together, cross your legs, and hope to God the occupant is almost done.

I put this idea in the same category with people who talk on their cell phones in public, or those that think it's O.K. to ask a woman with triplets if the babies were conceived naturally.

I think a lot of the people in our country could use a lesson from Miss Manners. Or, at the very least, their parents - I know I sure as fuck didn't grow up being taught that I was more deserving than anyone else or that I could ignore the rules of common courtesy.

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Dave (11657) -- 07.11.2007

I'm still laughing at one of the best non-poop related puns this site has seen. "Flunky called Medina!"

Thunderbox (884) -- 07.11.2007

Vince is 17 and clearly is still learning about wine. He`s sensible; start at the bottom with something even more heinous than Mad Dog and work your way eventually to Chateaux Margaux, Petrus and other fine vintages.

The only thing he has going for him is that his folks taught him only to shit in a toilet -no matter what. He also showed a little class in snaffling a bottle of wine which was on the next rung up from turpentine. Conclusion: this boy will go far.

DungDaddy (1386) -- 07.11.2007

Medina had to GO! It's that simple.

MousePoo (150) -- 07.11.2007

Poos'n'Booze...I don't think this incident qualifies as turd terrorism.After all he did make use of the toilet.If he'd have gone on the floor,then you'd have TT.

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 07.11.2007

Kids...today(MSS sadly shaking her head) Some of them are a damn waste of their Daddy's man milk.
Producing waste since 1967

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 07.12.2007

Did you say "man milk"? Ew. Gawd.

Deja Poo (649) -- 07.12.2007

I wonder whether the clerk's name was "Apu"?
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 07.12.2007

GGG, It got your attention...hee hee My work here( on this post) is done. Thank you, Thank you very much.
Producing waste since 1967

Hamster (581) -- 07.12.2007

MSS - you may be interested to know that when describing the sort of person you allude to (and I love your expression) a dear old friend of mine says, 'the best part of him went down his mother's leg'.

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 07.12.2007

Hamster,I know this expression. I just wanted to the put my own spin on it.
Producing waste since 1967

The Thunderous ... (710) -- 07.12.2007

Wow a new more resilient Bowel Qaeda! Geeze Louise WHAT BALLS! Okay he did use the crapper but why resort to violence? What is this world coming to? This kid is a wasteoid.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Rot Bottom (26) -- 07.12.2007

I believe firmly that the CRIME perpetrated here is denying a fellow human being access to a toilet.

Those places that have signs "No Public Bathroom" should be firebombed. I understand the need for cleanliness, and yes most people are turd or piss terrorists but there's a basic human right to a pot when, where you need it.

Anything else is uncivilized.

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the Pirate Master Rot Bottom.

Sargent Pooper (7) -- 07.13.2007

I'd have just curled one off in front of the door, if the clerk didn't let me in. I mean, ca'mon... im not there to shop, im there to poop! One should not deny the use of a toilet when needed.

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 07.13.2007

BTW, I understand the sentiment, here. I've mentioned before that when I was 9 months pregnant with GoBoy, my husband and daughter took me to a scrapbook store to choose a baby book.

They had a sign up that the public restroom was out of order. I REALLY had to go, and I could clearly see the employee restroom through the office door.

I begged to use it, but they refused, and said I should go 5 doors down to the pizza place.

If my family had not been there to subdue me, there's no telling WHAT act of turd terrorism I might have committed!

Hamster (581) -- 07.13.2007

GGG - I really hope you never went back there!

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 07.14.2007

No, I haven't. I did write a letter to the home office: the sort of snarling letter that only a pissed-off pregnant woman can write.

I got no response officially, but a friend who frequented the store told me that they had not only fixed the bad bathroom, but had taken down the sign that said "Employees Only" on the other bathroom.

I still never shopped there, again, though.

Poo de Grace (74) -- 07.14.2007

MSS -- Man milk! Bahahahaha! I think his father must have peed in his mother.

Gasputin - You've don't it again! Crapscallion AND flunky called Medina?

Surely I'm going to suffer a perforated bowel from laughing. Gasputin you are my FAVORITE PoopReporter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hamster (581) -- 07.14.2007

GGG - 'the sort of snarling letter that only a pissed-off pregnant woman can write'!! I will bear this thought very seriously in mind in any future dealings I have with pregnant women. Thank you!