Butts steals toilet paper; media goes batshit

Butts steals toilet paper; media goes batshit

Posted 06.12.2007 by Dave

In the lectures I've given about the news media's relationship with poop (or toilets, or outhouses, or toilet paper), I describe how the media regularly give stories involving the subject far more weight than they objectively merit. To make my point, I typically project a screenshot of this article and ask, "Two maids got in a fight in South Carolina -- and that's news in San Francisco???"

I may have to update my presentation. Because today the media has been handed what may be the perfect storm of trivial poop-related news: a completely unimportant story involving toilet paper with the added twist of the most unfortunate last name in the world. And as I type this, Google News lists 167 different news outlets around the world covering this story.

And so I ask: A woman was arrested for stealing toilet paper -- and that's news on MSNBC, Fox News, the Boston Herald, and in Australia and South Africa???

It is when the woman's last name is Butts.

(The article from South Africa is forced to add: "The word 'butt' is American slang for buttocks").

If this event is news for any reason at all, it's only because it's the perfect illustration of the Symbolic Meaning of Poop #2: poop underscores the lowness of the low. There's nothing lower than getting arrested -- unless you're arrested for stealing toilet paper. And there's nothing lower than getting arrested for stealing toilet paper -- unless your last name is Butts.

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Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.

Deja Poo (649) -- 06.12.2007

One word: infotainment.
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

DungDaddy (1386) -- 06.12.2007

She's got a pretty big grin for somebody who is about to be famous for swiping ass-wipe.

Sitting Wiper (not verified) -- 06.12.2007

There are some surnames which the owners would be well advised to change by 'deed poll'. Butts is one of them - as is the name of a minister close to the UK prime minister about to take over - Ed Balls. 'Butt' is used in the UK. My children had a few silly sessions when they picked up that synonym for 'bottom' - up till then they associated it with water butts in the garden. eg 'if water is coming out of your butt you ought to see a doctor'. (Mum and Dad were in hysterics.)

Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 06.13.2007

_Dave, When I saw this I just new it would end up here on the PR. Too funny.______
Producing waste since 1967

Anal About Poop (240) -- 06.13.2007

MSS, I too saw it on one of the news web sites and just KNEW it was going to end up here. While everyone is still talking about the "interesting" ending to The Sopranos and the Paris Hilton drama we move on to more important matters like TP and the people who swipe it.

In fact my husband, a big Sopranos fan, asked me if anything was mentioned on PR about the show. I said unless Tony took a huge crap in his New Jersey jogging suite it's not worthy of our attention. NEXT!

Sitting Wiper (not verified) -- 06.13.2007

I'm sure there's an article to be written somewhere with the title 'Swipe and Wipe'

SamDamnit (1192) -- 06.15.2007

She should have just taken some extra napkins from the 7-11 coffee stand. They don't mind.

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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Deja Poo (649) -- 06.15.2007

She stole the TP because she needed appropriate paper product to wipe that shit-eating grin from her face.
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 06.15.2007

Don't ask me why, but the first thing that came into my mind after reading this was, "Swiper, no swiping! Swiper no swiping!"

Great comment! +1 point

Mary Queen of Scats (387) -- 06.18.2007

I have to ask...is she married to a man named Seymour??

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 06.21.2007

What a shit eatin grin!