Bowing to pressure from various political figureheads, Guy Fournier has resigned as the Chairman of the Board for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. After completing less than one half of the four-year term to which he agreed, Fournier is stepping down because of remarks that he made in interviews during the last couple months:
one about bestiality, and one about pooping.
In an article he wrote for the magazine 7 Jours, Fournier derided what he claimed were Lebanese sexual habits of bestiality. "In Lebanon, the law makes it possible for men to have sexual intercourse with animals as long as they are females. To do the same thing with male animals could lead to the death penalty."
Well, that's pretty gross if it's true. (And discriminatory, if you ask me.)
The opined sentiment caused a serious racket in the Lebanese community and in other areas of the Canadian government. Fournier made a public retraction of the statements, contributing them a case of mistaken information. But then, in the same disgusted tone that they took on his remarks about bestiality, the Canadian press began talking about some statements Fournier made about poop.
His own poop, by the way. Not someone else's. While being interviewed by a Toronto community radio station last May, Fournier gave the audience a treat when he extolled the pleasures of defecating. ''The most extraordinary thing is that, in the end, as you grow older, you continue to go poop once a day if you are in good health, while it is not easy to make love every day. So finally, the pleasure is longer lasting and more frequent than the other.''
This statement is as bad as accusing another country of enacting legislation so its male citizens may fuck sheep or goats? C'mon, Canada! Fournier is human, and quite an old human at that! Of course he's going to enjoy taking a dump. At the age of seventy-five, taking a poop is something to be celebrated.
Why would the media perceive taking a good, healthy dump as a statement equal in offense as one insulting an entire country? What is it the connection between bestiality and pooping in the eyes of Canadian politicians? I can only surmise they must see both activities as repulsive and unnatural -- which is pretty sad. I have news for you, oh Canada: you should have heeded the Kids in the Hall's sage wisdom in their skit "Granpa's Poo" -- because it could some day very well be you who hasn't pooped for six years. It might be you who gets an ovation at dinner from your family for finally dropping one lonely kid off at the pool. I cannot and do not want to believe that the same country who gave us some of cable television's best ever sketch comedy will then act as if admitting one enjoys being able to move those creaky old pipes is wrong.
Oooo, blame Canada.