I hope she washed her hands before putting them up to her face like that.

_______
The Late Great
SamDamnit!
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

It sounds like CMUD doesn't want to finish the job, typical half-assed bullshit. If a neighbor dumped grease down the drain it shouldn't, under any circumstances, cause an explosion in my toilet. I've lived in Southern communities where it isn't considered food unless you cook it in bacon fat and those morons were always pouring their grease down the drain. Never once did I end up with an exploding toilet or even a backed up sewer line.

CMUD is full of shit! (pun intended)

Now the story would have been much better if Ms.Colon was sitting on the crapper when it blew up. SHe would have had one hell of a poop report for us!! ....and the news coverage to prove it!

_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

The Colon family needs to contact a consumer reporter (you know, the kind that rake as much muck as they can about a company because they wronged a person). These guys will contact the company and try to get them to fix the problem. If the company refuses, they get trashed on tv. Not only do they get bad publicity in the news segment, but also in every commercial (both tv, and radio) that the news channel uses to advertise that segment.

Our local consumer reporter is awesome. If a company refuses to right the situation the first time around, they always do after the story airs, with full apologies to the person the screwed over.

Sorry, that should say "with full apologies to the person THEY screwed over."

P.S. Colons, fight that CMUD! Make it clean everything out.

I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but it is vital to our understanding of Mrs. Colon's situation. In a case called DeKALB COUNTY v. ORWIG, 196 Ga.App. 255, 395 S.E.2d 824 (1990), the Court of Appeals of Georgia issued the following opinion, which I have heavily abridged:

BIRDSONG, Judge.
At the trial of this case, the jury found appellant DeKalb County negligently failed to discover and remove an obstruction placed by a third party (Georgia Power) in its main sewer line after the obstruction caused 3,000 gallons of raw sewage, including excrement, to back up and flood cross-appellant Orwig's home. The evidence admitted at this trial authorized a finding that despite a county department supervisor's early opinion that the fault was in the county's main line; and despite the abnormal quantity of raw sewage present, so deep in places that a county supervisor declined to enter the house fully to investigate for fear of ruining his boots; and despite plaintiff's expert's insistence that the fault was not in plaintiff's own sewage line, the county insisted to plaintiff that the problem was in her own plumbing system.

Three weeks later the plaintiff's home was again flooded by large amounts of raw sewage. Thereafter, the county inserted a camera into the main sewage line and discovered a metal grounding rod from a nearby power pole had been driven (by Georgia Power) directly into the center of the main sewer line, on plaintiff's property a few feet downstream from the intersection of the main sewer line and her lateral line. The county then removed this obstruction.

The county defended its failure to discover and remove the rod after the first backup by saying that during its emergency crew's investigation of the first incident while the sewage was still backing up into plaintiff's home, the crew and supervisors diligently checked the manhole above plaintiff's property and the manhole below plaintiff's property and, with the use of dye, found the water sewage running freely. However, plaintiff's expert determined and testified that the reason the main sewer line was running freely at that time was that the enormous quantity of obstructed sewage had been sucked up into plaintiff's line, so that naturally there was no sewage blockage to observe on that occasion; and the jury by its verdict apparently determined that the county crew should have considered this fact or possibility and with ordinary care could have discovered the presence of the obstructing metal rod on the occasion of the first sewage backup.

There was evidence that plaintiff spent in excess of $40,000 for the repair and cleaning of her home and furnishings and had expended all her retirement savings and suffered much distress.

We conclude that a county may be liable in a civil action for the maintaining of a nuisance upon the requisite proof of failure to properly maintain public works, without regard to whether such act is incidental to a taking for public purpose or public improvements; that is without the necessity to prove "inverse condemnation."

Damages for mental distress may be recovered without proof of physical injury, where there is evidence of a reckless disregard for the rights of others or wanton disregard of consequences which may be equivalent to an intentional tort.

All of this is a matter of proof for the jury under appropriate instructions. The trial court did not err in submitting the case to the jury on the question of the county's maintenance of an abatable nuisance, but erred in refusing to allow the jury to consider the question of an award of damages for mental pain and suffering or emotional distress and attorney fees. This point of error alone subsumes the entire case; therefore, the general verdict must be reversed and new trial granted.

The trial court erred in failing to charge the jury properly on this fact: that the county, which did not put the metal rod obstruction in its main sewer line, could not be liable for failure to maintain its sewer system under a nuisance theory (or otherwise) unless and until it had notice of the problem, which apparently first announced itself here in the form of the backup of thousands of gallons of raw sewage in Mrs. Orwig's home on the first occasion.

Appellant county contends the trial court erred in disallowing evidence of the county's having sent notice to Mrs. Orwig, after the first sewage backup, that a county ordinance required her to install a backup valve in her sewer system, and that if she had done so, the second sewage backup would not have occurred. Appellant county concedes that the evidence of these facts was not included in its original pretrial pleadings, and concedes the trial court therefore has some discretion in deciding whether to admit such evidence, but neither the record nor appellant's explanation as to why the evidence was not admitted clearly shows what happened here, and why the evidence was excluded. In any case, a new trial will render these questions moot or else resolve them to a level fit for appellate review.

In her cross-appeal, Mrs. Orwig contends it was error for the trial court to instruct the jury to disregard testimony that Mrs. Orwig was compelled to use up her entire retirement savings to repair her house and was unable to restore the house for lack of funds. This evidence, properly presented, is relevant on the issue of mental emotional distress, for which we have held she can recover damages. However, Mrs. Orwig goes further and asserts that the county's subsequent refusal to remove the noxious filth and problems created by that first backup amounted to the maintenance of a nuisance by the county. We understand fully Mrs. Orwig's contentions on this point, and if she can show that DeKalb County had a duty to clear her home of the problem caused by the first sewage backup (which, apparently was caused by Georgia Power), then she may collect for its refusal to clean up. But the lingering problem caused by the first incident is not itself a "nuisance maintained by the county" unless the county had a duty to remove it. It is simply the result of the first sewage backup, and the fact that it was sewage that came from DeKalb's lines does not make it actionable as an abatable nuisance unless DeKalb had an obligation to remove it in the course of its duty to maintain sewer lines. We assume this will be a matter of proof.

Do you have any idea how much "3,000 gallons of raw sewage" is? According to no less an authority than WaterWatch of Oregon, the average bathtub holds 36 gallons of water.

DOO the math, folks: This is over EIGHTY BATHTUBS full of raw sewage in Mrs. Orwig's house. Thus, while my sympathies are certainly with Mrs. Colon, maybe she should count herself lucky that she lives in North Carolina and not in Georgia!

Dumpster, we need you posting your legal opinions on the BMNewswire. More often than not an issue will revere it's ugly turtle head and you are the only one qualified to actually provide an opinion, and possibly advice...please say yes!

Consider it Pro Brownow work and bill accordingly.

Yes, it's true! We could call the section "Law and Odor".

Or, "Law and Ordure"?

Dumpster, did the Georgia lady ever actually get her due justice?? ....or did I miss something in the long post. all them fancy lawyer terms confuse me.

_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

PS, I am sorry to inform you that, on a Writ of Certiorari (another one of those damn lawyer terms!), the Supreme Court of Georgia held that she was limited to her property damage. In other words, the State can fill your house with shit, but you needn't get upset about it!

Geez. I thought this was America!

I actually know what most of the lawyer terms mean unfortunately.

That sucks sewer lines. Poor woman... probably had nightmares of swimming in a pool of shit for years afterwards.

Hey, is there a way we can invite people to Poop Report?? We could have a section for councelling the people with seriously shitty problems such as Mrs. Orwig. Then, we could charge her health insurance company and get in on the health care fortunes and all get rich and live free and eat steak and drink and poop big poops and write silly stories about them and get fan mail and and and and.... sorry, I got carried away for a minute.. Damn Bombay Saphire!!

_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

I wish I could tell you that you will feel better in the morning, PS, but, unfortunately, experience teaches to the contrary.

Just take some aspirin and drink as much water as you can before you go to sleep.

Quality spirits generally negate adverse effects if taken in moderation. It's when low end ghetto hooch is guzzled in a gluttonus fashion the aspirin is needed by the pound!

_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Even worse when guzzled in "gluttonous" fashion. Bedtime, PS!!

Poop Shooter, I am glad that we are drinking buddies tonight. My drinking buddies are both sleeping on my couches right now. Freakin' guys passed out early.

Anyway, Dumpster, so from what I was reading, the judge found the state negligent in the matter but thet didn't have to pay anything? That's fucked up. Justice has not been served in that case. They need to appeal.

"Ask a Poop Lawyer." That has a nice ring to it. Dumpster, I bet you would have tons of fun being a poop lawyer. Your expertise in matters both legal and fecal could be most helpful. As for me, I only know about cell phones. Dave, can I write a column about what to do when you drop your phone in the toilet?

No, the State (actually the County) ultimately had to pay the lady for her property damage, but only after a new trial. I put this case in here, not just because it explains the legal obligations, but because the facts seem so much worse than even what happened to poor Mrs. Colon (what a name!).

And, AB, some people might think the term "Poop Lawyer" is redundant. I sort of liked the idea of calling it "Law and Ordure."

YOU should write a column on toilet etiquette. My dear, you could be the Miss Manners of Muck, the Emily Post of Poop, the Amy Vanderbilt of Silt!

She could also be the Dear Abby of Dook maybe even the Ann Landers of Anus.

the Laura Schlessinger of Shit!!

_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

OMG!! I don't believe I typed that name... someone please delete that idiotic post with that idiot's name.

_______
Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter,
Perhaps we could replace it with "the Martha Stewart of Butt Stew."

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

The Alton Brown of... eew. Nevermind.

Well, what we all agree on is that AB2K, with her unquestioned grace and style, coupled with abundant common sense, should write some kind of advice column for the Colonically Challenged. Let me start it off, and see if/how she responds:

Dear ANNus:

My girlfriend and I are still getting to know each other. Last week, I was at her house for supper, and I HAD to shit. No way around it. But it was only when I finished that I realized there was no toilet paper on the roll! Nor could I find any by leaning over and furtively peeping into her cabinets.

(Believe me, I needed the paper. This was a wet, sticky one.)

The evening was going well, so I didn't want to just pull up my poopie pants and leave, and I was afraid that using my hand would cause a smell. So I opened the door a crack, and called her name several times until she responded.

"Could you bring me some toilet paper, please?" I queried.

Silence, and then a few moments later a knock on the bathroom door. Again, I opened it a crack, and her hand stuck in a roll of paper.

Although we had a pleasant evening, we sort of pretended like it never happened. She hasn't asked me back over to her house. Did I DOO something wrong?

/s/Stranded

Dear Stranded:

Let me tell you a little story about my teenage years. When we were 14, my friend and I met two guys at school. We hung out for a while and then we went to the one guy's house. Once there, my friend took a shit. There was no TP. We were worried about impressing these guys and were too embarrassed to ask for TP. She called me to help. I had some paper in my backpack. My friend crinkled it up and wiped with it. The guys were none the wiser. Although I was not the one who shat, I find it worth mentioning that I married the guy whose house we visited that day.

The moral of the story: Think outside the box, dude. Almost anything can be used to wipe your ass if you try hard enough. Don't limit yourself to just TP in a crisis scenario. Surely you had receipts in your wallet or a tissue in your pocket. You could have improvised.

That said, do you really want a girl who thinks shit is disgusting? You are on Poopreport, after all. At some point in your relationship you might make a poop joke. Surely you would expect her to laugh rather than being disgusted. Give her a call and see how she feels. If she seems distant, you might cut your losses and look for a more Shameless type. You'll be better off anyway. It could also be that you left some skids for her to contend with and she saw this as a sign that she would be cleaning toilets up after you for the rest of her life. We women don't really like to clean toilets. Make sure you check for skids when you crap in the toilet of someone you're trying to impress. Even Shameless women don't like foreign skids in their bowls.

(It cracks me up to no end that Dumpster mentions my name in the same sentence as "style and grace." Those of you who have known me longer are probably laughing your asses off at that one.)

Dear ANNus:

How long do I have to date a girl before it is proper to fart in front of her? I've been seeing this girl regularly for about three months, and I'm getting kinda tired of holding my wind all night. I live about twenty minutes away from her, and it is so bad that I usually fart all the way home.

Also, what is the best time and place to cut the first one? During sex? After sex? Should I ask permission, or just let rip?

I really like this girl so I want to observe the proprieties.

/s/Spindletop

Dear Spindletop:

Farts and sex do not mix, at least not until you're married and you don't care anymore. Then they're a great source of amusement. If you would like to break her in to breaking wind, do it in public first to gauge her reaction. If she reacts with extreme prejudice, you might want to hold out a little longer. You then also have the convenience of blaming it on someone else if you pick a crowded enough situation. (I'd personally recommend the checkout line at Wal-Mart or similar store.) If she doesn't care or laughs, well then you're golden. Very likely if she reacts with one of the latter, you will be hearing from her butt trumpet soon enough. The two of you could grow to enjoy playing in the wind section of the ass orchestra together.

Dear ANNus:

I was once in love with the sexiest man on the planet. He even made a time for us to have a romantic getaway at the beach. Unfortunately, the first night we were there, I shit in the tub, with him in it. Things were never the same after that, and we broke up.

I have been miserable, longing for this man-god for almost thirty years. I hear he's back on the market. How can I win his heart again?

/s/Tush

Dear Tush:

It sounds like you and this man-god have a lot of making-up to do. I say you make contact with him again and be frank. Your honesty will be appreciated, and you two may end up laughing the whole thing off. Please, though, for the love of all that is right in the world, do not involve bathtubs in your reunion. He may still have post-traumatic stress disorder and freak out at the sight of you in a tub.

Take it slow, and please, woman, poop before you see him. Get it all out before you plan to get it on. Unfortunately, though both of you may be sexually frustrated, you may only be able to be "just friends" after that night. I mean, really, you were a grown woman who crapped in a tub.

This wonderful colonic advice column is being carried to the forums. See "Dear ANNus:", and submit your most pressing pootulary problems.