In parts of India, courtship begins with a toilet

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In the northern India state of Haryana, men outnumber women -- which gives brides-to-be a lot of leverage in the husband-finding game. The guys are finding it tough to bag a wife as it is, but now there's a phrase being bandied about by future mothers-in-law that makes things even harder: "No toilet, no bride."

665 million people in India still have to dump out in open due to a chronic lack of crappers of any type. This works out to be around 200,000 tons of turds contaminating the land and waterways each day! And this leads to outbreaks of diarrhea, cholera, and many other sanitation-related diseases.

At the recent Third South Asian Conference on Sanitation in Delhi, India announced that it hoped to meet its target of 100% sanitation for the population by 2012. Meaning that 40,000 toilets a day would have to be built --nearly eighty per minute in an eight-hour working day for the next three years.

So courting a girl is no longer just about the already-difficult tasks of satisfying a girl's financial and sexual needs -- now the potential groom has to satisfy her sanitation desires as well. No old, battered portadunny or long drop will do. And forget diamonds: an expensive, state-of-the-art commode is the way to a beautiful girl's heart these days.

35 Comments on "In parts of India, courtship begins with a toilet"

Deja Poo's picture
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Why not just hire a Dalit? Seems like a cheaper alternative to me and it creates a long-term job too.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Nine Inch Log's picture
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665 million toilets flushing at the same time. That would implode the earth.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

sittingpretty's picture
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So the working toilet is not part of the dawelry.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bran Lover's picture
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I wanna move there. I get to pick which crappy guy I want.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

sittingpretty's picture
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Now, now, Brannie. Mabe, that's just the vodka redbull talking. Or mabe I should drink a glass of wine with you.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

DungDaddy's picture
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If I could have bought a toilet from Ace Hardware instead of forking over $1500 for a diamond ring (she was just going to loose a few years later) I would have been delighted.

sittingpretty's picture
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You could give the toilet gift on one of your anniversaries, DungDaddy.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

phatmanxxl's picture
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40,000 by 2012? Im sure Obama can snap his fingers and make it happen on taxpayer money.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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The only way any government gets anything done is with taxpayers money. Not just Obama.


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

turd wrangler's picture
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considering the number of people without toilets of their own; how does one get a "gift toilet" past the envious masses and present it to the in-laws? i envision local gangs, devoted to watching over bride wannabees; upon spotting a heavily laden pre-groom, intercept him, and johnny-jack his stool!

...a proud fart trumpets the pending arrival of my Daily Duece...readers digest, oct '89

phatmanxxl's picture
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Do porto-pottys count? Id love to bag a hot indian babe and send her family a nice new green John-Spot to show my appreciation, and she can have her pic of the two thrones in my house.

sittingpretty's picture
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No,phatmanxxl, porta potty won't do, but it's a good thought.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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If a man would court me and give me a bidet for an engagement, I would accept.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
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I have an old, leaky squirt gun, SP, you're welcome to it. Oh...uh...wait...somehow that just sounds wrong...


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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
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Ha ha Bilgepump, a squirt gun is not equivelent to an engagement ring. Neither is a bidet, but I would accept a bidet.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
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I have noone to court me so I have nothing to worry about.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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I have a shipment of brand spanking new Kohler toilets arriving next week for us to deliver to several supply houses. There should be about 600 or so toilets. I think I might divert that shipment so I can bag me a whole harem of lovely Indian ladies. Phats, I'll throw you a couple, just
'cause I'm a nice guy. SP, would you like one? You can join my harem.

sittingpretty's picture
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As long as I am the first hare.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bran Lover's picture
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I have an old leaky squirt gun. I would like to trade up. Anyone giving out any fire hoses?
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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

sittingpretty's picture
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How can a squirt gun squeak as its made of plastic.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Souper Pooper's picture
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im creating my very first brown note today! unfortunately i don't have an opinion on this subject, but i am dropping a double right now!

prarie doggin's picture
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Your first brown note!! Were you born yesterday or today? Either way, I think you might be our youngest poster ever.

ChiliKahKah's picture
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Think of the bride you could have with a fancy Japanese toilet with all the bells and whistles !

turdistheword's picture
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This one's enough to piss the Pope off. This little backwater town I live in lost about 350 jobs a few years ago when some outfit from Chile bought Briggs (shitters) out and then closed it when they found out people here won't work like slaves for 85 cents a day. Same thing for other plants in the co. also located in small towns. They never wanted to operate the plants here, they just wanted the patents and brand name. That was years ago, and with the cheap labor they have available in Chile and the rest of South America, Indians should be getting a complimentary shitter issued to them at birth by now. I feel for these shitterless masses but at the same time I can't help but wonder if one of the topics that came up at their symposium might have been 'maybe we should slow down on the number of new shitting people we bring into the world, our kids are being born into a shithole.' No way will they meet their stated goal of 2012 because most of these areas I would guess don't have running water. We could bomb them with shitters and they couldn't plumb 'em in anyway. If they spent more time and effort on the sanitation needs of their own country and less time trying to convince me their name is Kevin and how can they help me, oh well just fuck it, this is turning into a rant.
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And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

turdistheword's picture
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Okay, tirade control sequence initiated. After watching the Vikes flush the hated cheeseheads away,I went looking for some further education on this. I ended up at CIA World Factbook. Not going to bore the hell out of everybody with the stats, but anybody inclined to do so, google it up and check Indias population, infant mortality, birth rate, life expectancy, % of population at or below poverty level, and you'll start getting the idea. It's scary,and to me sad that their government has seen fit to develop nukes before sanitation.By all rights the world as viewed from space should already be brown. The way our government pisses money away, maybe we should have invested more in helping the Indians with this instead of some of the dumb shit we've done. We could stand to have 1.16 billion friends in that neighborhood. For all our differences, we can only expect to live about 8 yrs. longer than an Indian citizen. The sheer enormity of building waste treatment, sewer lines, water supply, to meet the need boggles the mind. Maybe they should dump it in one big hole and nuke it every so often. But at the least, I would say all these Indian mothers had just as well get their heads outta their asses, 'cause your avg. suitor is not gonna have a shitter, and when you're dealing with a population of 1.16 billion, that's a whole lot of avg. people.
_______________________________________________
And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

daphne's picture
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Everyone deserves sanitation, and I completely understand that a woman would want to have a toilet.


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

turdistheword's picture
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You bet they do, SP, even if it's rudimentary, I can't find a reason why the Indian government apparently never made any plans to deal with this. For them, it's a national emergency whether they realize it or not. SP,at the Briggs plant we also made bidets, and the running joke was 'dirty it b'night and wash it bidet.' Inspired by Chuck (the ideas guy) I had me a thunk on the Indian sanitation crisis. They don't have a lot of natural resources, the materials they'll need, they don't have. Fibermonkey and I watch Animal Planet a lot, and saw a segment on termites. They make a slurry of dirt,water, and their own dung which sets like concrete. So I'm thinking imitate nature and build the sewer lines, waste treatment tanks, everything you can from such a slurry, and use shit to solve the shit crisis. That way you start alleviating the problem as soon as you begin building. I know it sounds insane, but hey it's early. Feedback, anyone ? What better way to win hearts and minds than to help the 665 million folks shitting in the open and you are also clearly doing the other 500 or so million a big favor at the same time. Remember, these guys are parked right next to China and are the only country whose population is a match for that of China. Good place to make friends. Also, SP, the old plant still stands, I bet the inventory is long gone but I'll check around and if there's a bidet still lying around somewhere maybe I can get it shipped to you if you really want one. It won't mean we're engaged or anything, (hee)
_______________________________________________
And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

sittingpretty's picture
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turd, I want a bidet, but I have no place to put it. Thank you for thinking of me though.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

turdistheword's picture
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I mistakenly addressed my first comment in last post to SP. Sorry daphne. I just think it would feel really good to know you had helped solve a problem of this magnitude for that many people. That's Nobel material to me. Maybe I'll start trying to build things from my poo. Or not.

The Indian poor live in sorrow
No shitters to beg, steal or borrow
They push 200k tons
From between their massed buns
Yet they screw like there's no damned tomorrow
:)
_______________________________________________
And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

sittingpretty's picture
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So you weren't thinking of me, turd. You must be subliminally thinking of me while you were thinking of Daphne.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

turdistheword's picture
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Ooops. It was daphne that said everyone deserved sanitation,but I addressed my response to you. Like Rodney Carrington, if you cracked my head open, a bunch of little furry triangles would go flying everywhere, and I get confused from the clutter. :)
_______________________________________________

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

daphne's picture
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"Sorry daphne. I just think it would feel really good to know you had helped solve a problem of this magnitude for that many people."

Well, it wasn't a magnitude, but we've done our share.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

turdistheword's picture
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Thank You for the link, Daphne. So this was spring of last year, but contributions can be made direct to the school ?
_______________________________________________
And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

turdistheword's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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0


_______
And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

turdistheword's picture
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My bad, the tiny terror got up and I got distracted. She's 2 and had to poo. Go figure.
_______________________________________________
And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE

And in the end, the shit you take is equal to the shit you make
GIVE POOS A CHANCE